Contented Little Baby book

[Sonja]

We have a three week old and were very keen before her arrival to use the Contended Little Baby book by Gina Ford to get her into a routine from day one. Unfortunately it didn't happen as I was too sick to enforce a routine (and also had to be readmitted to hospital - can only now pick her up and not at every feed). However, once I recover I would be interested in trying the routines recommended by this book.

I have read a number of responses to other forums where people have said they have used this book but not everything in it. I must admit the feeding / expressing routine seems so structured it is almost intimidating. I would be very interested to hear from any parents who have used the methods recommended by this book and adopted them to their more specific needs. what worked, what didn't. The people who follow this book sing its praises, but I find it a bit overwhelming.

[bobtob]

HI,
Congratulations on your new baby, i hope you feel better soon.
I have used the contented baby for both my boys now 4 and 2 and swear by it!! although as you have noticed the feeding/expressing routines are a bit much, i did not express unless i needed to and then never on her shedule! I stuck to her routines pretty much by the book time wise and find that even now my 4yr old sleeps from 7 til 7 every night. I think she is a good guide in certain areas especially sleep but as with all books on parenting they are guides and you should not put excess pressure on yourself as a new Mum, the first few months are so precious and so short that it is important not to stress if you are running late or things go in a different direction, just try to relax and enjoy your baby and that if you have a guide that can help then go with it if it suits you!!
Good Luck and enjoy your beautiful baby
Tamsin
Mum to Bob 10/01
and Toby 10/03

[jembelina]

Hi,
To be completely honest, I have never read the book , or any other book about baby settling so I'm not about to pass judgement on those who have and are happy with using their techniques. I noticed you mentioned your little one is 3 weeks old (cherish every second!! :) ) As I'm sure you are already experiencing, imposing a 'routine' on such a young baby is near on impossible. They are still finding their place in this big wide world and all need varying amounts of food and sleep... and always lots and lots of cuddles. If you feel you need some control over whats happening, I suggest trying the simple and flexible, feed-play-sleep routine which doesn't enforce times, etc but gives you a flexible rythym to your day (and night :p ). I guess what I'm trying to say is that with such a young bub it's generally best to let them set the pace and just go with the flow.

Sorry, I know I havn't really answered your question, just had to throw my 2 cents worth in!!

[alicesmum]

i saw this thread and just had to respond even though part of me is saying "Rachel don't!!". A friend bought me this book at end of my pregnancy and i feel compelled to share my opinion about it (though it's only an opinion of course).

Personally, i think it is incredibly rigid, anti-natural parenting and quite archaic! I will admit she gives some good advice. But, remember, Gina Ford has seen the worst of the worst, and if your baby is reasonably reasonable, then following all her suggestions would turn you into an obsessive-compulsive nazi mother and you would go out of your mind!

She says you have to buy backing for your curtains to completely black out the room to make baby sleep. What a heap of crap!!! Young babies sleep anywhere, light or dark, if they are fed, clean and feeling fine. As you said yourself, her schedules are ridiculous in their rigidity and made me conclude that you would only be following these if you were really having a bad time and as a last resort.

Having said all this, I'm very much a go-with-the-flow, follow your instincts and listen to your baby, kind of person and don't like being dictated to by Gina Stalin Ford.

Just my 2 cents!! :)

[littlepickle]

I was reading the book 9-1 by Jules Oliver (Jamie Oliver's wife)
It was quite interesting, not a medical book or anything but more of a diary of her experiences with ttc etc. Anyway, she said that she was given a copy of the contented baby book and thought that a lot of it was strict at first but later decided to give it a go, she said that she never looked back, so theres one celebrity recommendation. She did add though, that she didnt use everything in the book, just some of it.
I guess its one of those things, if you are comfortable with it and it works for you, go with it, if not, then dont. There are no textbook babies or parents for that matter so whatever feels right is probably the way to go.

[Sonja]

Thanks for the replies. I must admit when I first read the book (before baby arrived) I thought it sounded brilliant. Once we brought the baby home I reread it and thought it was cruel. I agree that imposing routines on new borns seems harsh, and I tend to agree with a number of the sentiments expressed by others. However, so many people do get great results from it. I might leave it for a few months and then revisit some of the ideas.

[Nickster]

I don't like the book, it is far too rigid. There are much better parenting books out there eg. "The No-Cry Sleep Solution", "The Baby Whisperer". Even so, you must take what you find reasonable out of them and leave the rest.
My best advice to you would be to treat your little baby as you would wish to be treated yourself if you were a brand new little person just arrived in the world - with love, compassion, empathy and tenderness. :)

[jembelina]

My best advice to you would be to treat your little baby as you would wish to be treated yourself if you were a brand new little person just arrived in the world - with love, compassion, empathy and tenderness. :)

Well said :)

[j&k'smum]

Hi, first congrats to you for the arrival of baby girl..
I personally don't think you could go by "the book" with a bub so new to the world. It is a HUGE thing for you and for her...It took me a good 6 weeks before I started to settle down and get used to the whole scenario. I don't think you need to be putting yourself under more pressure than what you already would be under.
I havn't read the book you are talking of but from the sounds of it , it doesn't sound too flash. If its making you feel "overwhelmed" put it away! You will be fine without it for now.Take the time now to get to know her and what ever you do, don't expect things to go a certain way because it doesn't work like that. If you stay strong with that now, it will be easier. Just do what feels comfortable..
Wishing you all the best with your new baby girl...I bet she is just adorable.. :)

[lottiesmum]

Hi

I used the routines in the CLB book for my DD (now 16 mths) and found it really helpful but I picked and chose what worked for us. When we brought her home from hospital at birth, all she wanted to do was sleep. So it gave me an idea of when to wake and feed her - DD is our first and I had no idea what a baby was 'supposed' to do! CLB was also good for re-establishing her routine after a month's holiday in europe which muddled her body clock. Imagine a baby's temperament plays a major role in whether it will work or not? i also thought the 10pm feed idea was great (naturally DD would have fed at 7pm then slept through to 2-3am) and so that helped us get through the night. By the time she was 8 months we had things sorted and I've never referred to it since. give yourself time - you will work out what is best for you and your baby :)

[pickles]

I have read the contented baby book several times - before i had my first , between them and after my second. \the only information that i found useful was 3 hour feeding during the day. the hospital where my friend had her baby actually advise against the book , they basically say that it sets up 95% of women to 'fail' and the rest probably would have had babies that settled into a good routine anyway. If its your first baby you have the time to put all that effiort in , when it gets to number 2 how do you go out with the toddler even for a couple of hours if you are feeding / expressing and having to watch the clock every 5 mins ?
The best people for advise regarding sleeping are places like Ngala in Perth - at least you can get hold of a live person to ask questions etc.
Good luck
Pickles
DD 02/03
DS 03/05

[sasholi]

I would personally recommend AGAINST a book that sets up strict routines. Take it from my personal experience. I didn't use that particular book but when I first had bubs I went through a very similar, VERY strict book. I believe the fact that my bubs did NOT fit the narrow mould made me feel like a total failure as a mother at the time and contributed in part to my PND (well on the way to recovery now :) ).

When I have baby #2, I plan on throwing away the books and listening to what bubs needs. There is NO BOOK on this earth that can tell you what your baby needs and knows more about your baby than you.. Those strict books have the potential to undermine the mother/child relationship by preventing you from really listening to baby.

I am not saying that all who use this book have undermined their relationship with their child. I know that I just have a tendency to take things to extreme!! So that is why it didn't work for me!

Good luck. Read everythig, and do what sounds natural and worthwhile for you and your baby

And really, enjoy each moment. In those first few weeks enjoy the cuddles and the rocking and enjoy bubs falling asleep in your arms. Don't let a sleep training book rob you of time spent cuddling and rocking your LO. Trust me!

[sasholi]

Just read my post.

Sounded very aggressive. Apologies.

If a book like that works for you, then do it. But if it causes you more stress because you feel that if you don't do it exactly as it says you are doing something wrong, then I would not question your ability as mother, but the book as guide.

Always be gentle to yourself. Mothering is the best job and the most difficult one!

[Liesle]

A wonderful book. It turned my very unhappy 3 month old little girl around in days and now I can't tell you how many people tell me how lucky I am because she is just so contented. And luck has nothing to do with it.

[ikis84]

Can I just ask why it says to express?

[alexsmom]

when I read the title of the post I knew there would be very mixed opinions :laughing:

Personally i like the book. we're not following it exactly, but it is a good reference as this is our first baby!

Do what works for you! good luck:D
Karen

[ikis84]

I am really curious - why on earth would you need to express?

[kitty1kat]

to encourage milk supply and allow DH/DP to have a hand in feeding - ie, by them giving the 10pm feed by bottle.

[ikis84]

Thanks for anwering my question kittykat :D

Well, I haven't read the book, but any 'routine' that needs you to express in order to maintain supply is not very breastfeeding friendly, and therefore not mother or baby friendly IMO. Gosh, who could be bothered doing that?! Crazyness, and a recipe for early weaning and breastfeeding failure.

[kitty1kat]

sorry, but I actually totally disagree with that - millions of people around the world have total success with breastfeeding while using expressing as a method...

but agreeing to disagree is what BubHub is all about I guess!

[draught]

I am always amused when I hear of people expressing so that Dh can give the 10pm feed - my response is "what 10pm feed?" - babies don't work to a timetable. If it works for you great, but I have seen a lot of people get incredibly stressed because the routine doesn't work for them and then they feel like they are failing. I also believe that it encourages you to wake the baby if they sleep more than a certain amount during the day - poor little things - I am a believer in not waking a sleeping baby - they need their sleep to grow!

As I said - if it works for you that is great but I have seen it 'not work' for more than it has worked.

[MummyCharmzy]

I have the book, I havent read much of it I think it had some useful tips in there though but I also think if you want a routine you should set it up yourself so it works for you and your baby.. every one is different so imo you really cant go just by what a book says. What works for one, wont work for others just as this thread has shown.

If you take it light hearted then I think this book is worthwhile.

[JoJoMart]

I have this book and have loosely followed the routines from when Liam was 3 months old. It did work really well for us........for a while, but once Liam hit 5 months he started changing his routine on his own so I just go with the flow now. We do the 10:30pm feed like the book suggests so if you don't take it too seriously it may work.........but babies can change their sleep routines and no book can help that!

[elissas]

IMO babies are happy and content whe they have security and a sense of certainty and trust. They feed off us as their parents, they look to us for this.

I'm not a fan of strict routines, as I think it undermines parental instinct and doesn't teach us to work with these instincts. This is the issue I have with routine-based books.

It is possible to achieve this certainty and security with our children without needing regimented routines, but instead flowing with the rhythms of the day, and trusting our own abilities as parents. If we are secure and trust ourselves, then our children will pick up on that.

That said, many parents don't feel that inner trust and aren't encouraged to be in touch with their instincts enough to promote this type of flow in their day.

So, this is where routines come in. And it is why they do work. Not because babies respond well to the clock, but that they respond well to parents feeling certain about what they are doing. The routines help to remove chaos and create clarity where it may not have previously existed.

DS is my clock, and his nap and meal times, though usually consistent, are not rigid.

I think parenting should be flexible and consistent and the same time. A family is a team. DS and I work together during the day. I've never felt like I can't go out because he's going to have a nap at a particular time. He sleeps wherever we go whenever he needs to. He eats wherever we are when he's hungry.

Unfortunately, many people don't realise or believe that you can remove chaos and have a sense of this clarity and certainty without having to be ruled by a clock. And these books don't encourage parents to even look at themselves and their options. They remove choice and flexibility.

[greengables]

IMO babies are happy and content whe they have security and a sense of certainty and trust. They feed off us as their parents, they look to us for this.

I'm not a fan of strict routines, as I think it undermines parental instinct and doesn't teach us to work with these instincts. This is the issue I have with routine-based books.

It is possible to achieve this certainty and security with our children without needing regimented routines, but instead flowing with the rhythms of the day, and trusting our own abilities as parents. If we are secure and trust ourselves, then our children will pick up on that.

That said, many parents don't feel that inner trust and aren't encouraged to be in touch with their instincts enough to promote this type of flow in their day.

So, this is where routines come in. And it is why they do work. Not because babies respond well to the clock, but that they respond well to parents feeling certain about what they are doing. The routines help to remove chaos and create clarity where it may not have previously existed.

DS is my clock, and his nap and meal times, though usually consistent, are not rigid.

I think parenting should be flexible and consistent and the same time. A family is a team. DS and I work together during the day. I've never felt like I can't go out because he's going to have a nap at a particular time. He sleeps wherever we go whenever he needs to. He eats wherever we are when he's hungry.

Unfortunately, many people don't realise or believe that you can remove chaos and have a sense of this clarity and certainty without having to be ruled by a clock. And these books don't encourage parents to even look at themselves and their options. They remove choice and flexibility.

I am so glad you wrote this - I have been thinking of using the Contented little baby routines but they actually freak me out and make me feel insecure about my parenting...my baby is 4 weeks old now and we've got on fine without the book up until now.... mind you he does like being cuddled to sleep so I am feeling a bit anxious about this as I do want him to be able 2 sleep on his own...

[fire~fly]

I havent actually read this book, but im guessing this is a lot like the Tizzie Hall saga where some ppl love her routines, and some HATE them.

All you can do is try it and if it works for you, then thats great. If not, then try something else.

I was very cautious about trying out Tizzie Halls routines on my DS, but i was absolultey desperate as he was 8 months old and waking every 30 mins during the night and only having 40min naps during the day. He was very cranky and I was very cranky so we decided to give it a go.
After only a few days of her settling approach i had DS settling himself and having longer sleeps during the day. Within 2 weeks he was sleeping thru the night. :D
Now he is just perfect and we dont stick to her routines anymore (havent since about 13months). I think i just needed her routines for a few months there to teach DS how to sleep better.

Good luck to you and i hope whatever you decided works out for you! :p

[Tea Lady]

I love your post Elissas - it's so true :yes: :)

[Nicpolsta]

I bought the book before bub was born and she went into the routine from day one. I did not know what I was doing so why not have a bit of advice!!.
Bub slept from 10.30-7am at six week, then at eight week she dropped her 10.30 feed and went from 7 to 7.
The book was great but its different for everyone, there is no way a newborn can stay awake for two hours, Sophia only ever made it till about 8.30am before her morning nap, and still at 10.5 months she has a big 45 min morning sleep.
As one other person said its about adopting the book to the way you and bub are.
At the moment I have a screaming teething baby who refuses to sleep, and its something i have had never had to combat before, unfortunately the book doesnt tell me what to do about teething and suddenly having a cling on baby!.
Cheers
Nic

[ktkub]

Hello, I'm a new mum of a 2 week old, and I read the book while pregnant, making notes in all the corners, planning out the first few days, excited to have this brillant routine for when i got home. I could plan when to go out, when baby would sleep, when I could do some house work. It stressed me out so much once I got home!! I was trying to go by her routines, but my son had his own. He would hoot and howler if I tried to keep him awake till the times she said. And if I tried to wake him up for a feed, he would just fall asleep on the breast, no matter how much I undressed him, put cold air on! I became so stressed and paranoid, that I had to stop. I started listening to Ben and what he wanted, and he is actually finding his own routine already. There are rough moments, which the book doesn't really take into account for, but for the most part, he is a contented little baby. I think the guide lines she gives look good, but personally, I will maybe use them later, once he is past these cruicl first weeks where I think he has mediate what he needs and when. I think the book is good, as stated before giving the guideline of every 3 hours, and a baby not staying awake for more than 2, but the rest is up to him! That is just my view!

[kitty1kat]

I've also got a 2 week old and have been trying to follow the routines since the day I got back from hospital. So far, all seems to be going well, although well aware it might all go 'wrong' soon. I also have a bit of trouble with him not being able to stay awake for the time she recommends, but that's ok, have allowed felxibility in what she says - ie, letting him sleep longer and a later waking hour in the night as he wasn't hungry enough when she recommends waking him.

Re not waking a sleeping baby - sometimes it is completely necessary. My very sleepy baby would sleep all the way through the night already, and probably most of the day if I let him. At this stage, I think food is more important than sleep, so I wake him at least every three hours during the day and every four at night, to make sure he is getting enough nutrition.

I have found the routine very practical - allows a time to get things going in the morning, allows Dad a go at feeding an expressed bottle at night (which he is loving), and lets me go to sleep earlier, so I can get five hours straight sleep and only get up once in the night. Allows a good rest time in the middle of the day, and DH and I get time together at night to have our dinner and chat. Most importantly though, my little one is putting on lots of nice weight and seems very happy and contented - maybe he just takes after his mother with love of routine!

Books like these and the reactions to them, positive and negative, just serve to demonstrate the oldest cliche in the book I guess - each to their own and whatever works for you!

K