I hate this!

[Jesska]

Well my husband doesn't want me to get rid of the baby.
He said that I would be a murderer if I get rid of the baby.
I still really don't want it, but he wants it and said if I terminate then he is going to leave me.
I know I wont cope with another baby, I just know that I wont.
I have hardly any support by our family, and my hubby works long hours.
I hate this, I wish I never fell pregnant I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!! :( :( :( :(:(

[Hokey Pokey]

:hugs::hugs:

[lovemybabies!]

So sorry that you and your husband still can't come to a decision that you are both happy with. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:x a million

[Boobycino]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

I'm so sorry I wish I had more I could say.

:hugs:

Take care. I hope you find a solution that you can be okay with. :hugs:

[Phyllis Stein]

It's not his decision to make, which is what he's effectively blackmailing you into believing. :no: I can't think of a more cruel and uncaring thing to do to someone you claim to love than to blackmail them into pregnancy against their wishes. It's *exactly* the same as if he were demanding you abort when you wanted to keep the baby.

You sound absolutely certain that you don't want another child - it sounds as though *he* needs some professional help to process his feelings on that fact, as well as to realise that he doesn't have ownership over your body.

[DaughteroftheForest]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

What an awful situation to be in honey. I wish there was some way to help. I believe your husband is being very unreasonable. It is your body and he should not be forcing you to use it against your wishes. Nine months is a long time, not to mention the 18+ years that you will be caring for the child. Perhaps some counseling for both of you?

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[RipperRita]

Awwwww you poor thing. Couldn't read and not offer a :hugs:

[Myztiks#1Fan]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[OJandMe]

Oh hun.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I just want to cry for you.

Is there anyway you could reverse the situation so that he can be the stay home parent? You can work and he can have the children at home?

or both of you work part-time? (i'm just throwing things out there so that you're not stuck at home all day, so the workload is split) :(

I'm so sorry you can't reach an agreement you're both happy with.

Is he serious? Or just angry, now?

Stay strong, the situation might change yet. :hugs:

[mummyof9kids]

Big:hugs:
Maybe you need to kick him out if he cant surport your choice .

[MamaC]

Oh Jesska I'm so sorry :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I wish there was something I could do to help you :(

How far along are you now? Is there time to have some professional counselling together before it becomes too late? I think about you every day and hope you can find a way through this challenge :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[BabelFish]

Wowwwww. I get that he feels strongly about it but that's just awful.

Perhaps you should call his bluff? Because either way, if you don't keep the baby it sounds like it will ruin your marriage, and if you do keep it, it sounds like it will ruin your marriage.

So in that case, far better to do what you know YOU will be able to cope with.

Perhaps he just wants this baby so badly he is resorting to silly threats because it means so much to him. But he is really not treating you the way a decent man would and threatening you is not on :hugs:

[GirlsRock]

Oh sweets what an awful situation to be in. I'm guessing there's no real chance that he'll step up to the plate and actually help you around the home.

No wise words, just big hugs.:hugs:

[trishalishous]

Wowwwww. I get that he feels strongly about it but that's just awful.

Perhaps you should call his bluff? Because either way, if you don't keep the baby it sounds like it will ruin your marriage, and if you do keep it, it sounds like it will ruin your marriage.

So in that case, far better to do what you know YOU will be able to cope with.

Perhaps he just wants this baby so badly he is resorting to silly threats because it means so much to him. But he is really not treating you the way a decent man would and threatening you is not on :hugs:

i agree with babel.

[trishalishous]

ps regardless of what happens id be insisting on a vasectomy asap (having it within the next few weeks)

[Lemonhead]

Wowwwww. I get that he feels strongly about it but that's just awful.

Perhaps you should call his bluff? Because either way, if you don't keep the baby it sounds like it will ruin your marriage, and if you do keep it, it sounds like it will ruin your marriage.

So in that case, far better to do what you know YOU will be able to cope with.

Perhaps he just wants this baby so badly he is resorting to silly threats because it means so much to him. But he is really not treating you the way a decent man would and threatening you is not on :hugs:

AGREE!

What an awful thing for him to say to you.

[delirium]

At the end of the day it's your body and your choice. You say he works long hours so it will be YOU raising this child. While I somewhat understand where he's coming from (although the murderer comment is very cruel and I never use that word), you have to make this decision.

I agree with Babel, it would appear either way your marriage is in trouble. If you terminate he may leave, if you keep the baby you may end up resenting him.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Shanaynay]

:hugs:

I have been EXACTLY where you are - 3 years ago.

I'm glad that nobody has yet said 'You never regret the baby you have, only the one you don't' blah blah blah.... because it's simply not true for everyone.

I am going to PM you.

[SassyMummy]

Okay so let's just pretend we're fortune tellers for a second...

OPTION 1 - You get rid of the baby against his wishes.

So you do that. He's p*ssed. Even if he doesn't leave, he'll perhaps be angry with you for a very very long time, and even once he "gets over it," he'll still store it in the back of his mind. He won't forget it, and you'll know this.

You'll feel guilty that you took away a baby he wanted, he'll resent you for doing it.

Happy marriage in this sitaution, IMO, is unlikely, even if it doesn't end.

OPTION 2 - You keep the baby for his sake, even though you don't want it.

Even if you love it to bits, you'll still likely hate that he forced you into it. That he decided he was teh boss of your body. That you let him be.

Chance of a happy marriage? Again, unlikely.

...

Obviously there's a small chance he'll change his tune before time is up, but that's a small chance IMO, however cynical that sounds.

So what do you do? To me, I think the relationship will suffer either way, and one of you will end up resenting the other, if not both of you resenting each other. So if the marriage is going to end/be miserable regardless (and I'm really sorry to say that I truly do think this is how it'll end up), then I think you should at least have the final say in what happens to your body.

If the relationship ends, who'll be left taking care of the kids? Do you want to be a single mother of 3... or a single mother of 4?

In all honesty, screw him and do whatever you damn well please. Not everyone is going to come out of this happy (well, none of you will, but you know what I mean), so you might as well please yourself first and do what YOU think is right and best.

[Hooves]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

He definitely needs to go with you to some counselling appointments.

Either way, neither one of you is in a position to win this argument, and the damage it is going to cause your relationship, long term, may be irreparable.

I am so sorry you are going through this awful time.

I know when our 4th pregnancy came along, I was feeling very torn and confused, and upset. Unfortunately, you don't really have time on your side.

Go drag him, kicking and screaming to see a counsellor, and try and work this out, so you can both come to an agreement. He needs to realise, YOU will be the one caring for this baby, while he escapes to his job. :hugs:

[bumMum]

Sorry for your worries. I really think you should try some kind of couples therapy if at all possible. That's my only suggestion. And I hope you are able to make a decision soon which is best for you

[DanceInTheRain]

I dont know...if someone had the power to take away my unborn baby and I had no say in the matter because it's 'their body, their choice' I might lash out and say hurtful things too. I would be beyond devastated. You cannot discount his feelings, just the same as he shouldn't discount yours.

I agree with pp you really need to see a counsellor together before you make this life changing decision.

I do wonder how some pp would react if ur was the partner who posted on here, saying things from his perspective. I think a lot of you would be on his 'side'.

Anyway, I hope you can work things out and you both get the support you need.

ETA: I do realise this post is in the support for unplanned pregnancies area and I hope I have not upset you op. I just think this is something you need to work out together. Both of you feel strongly. Both of you need to feel comfortable with the decision you make.

xoxo

[delirium]

I actually agree with you Dance. He must be feeling very powerless right now and it is his child too. I feel for for both of them. But it is her body ultimately.

I don't envy her decision.

[sweetseven]

I do agree, his threat to leave might not be malicious; It could be because he cannot fathom being with someone who could do something so against his beliefs. But even if she doesn't terminate, she still wanted to choose the option that opposed his beliefs and that would still cause problems.

I really believe OP needs to make the decision that is right for her, and her husband just has to deal with it. If that means he leaves, then so be it. He needs to do what is right for him also, and that might be leaving.

Considering he doesn't help, there is a good chance she would find things easier (dealing with the other children) if he leaves.

[Phyllis Stein]

Of course his feelings are valid, but he really needs to take ownership of them, rather than the OP's body. If he's grieving, then he needs to process that, with professional help if necessary. If he's angry, he needs to direct it appropriately, not at the OP, who is as much the 'victim' of nature's design as he is in this.

[~Temet Nosce~]

What a horrible, torn situation to be in. :hugs:
I wish I knew the answer for you.

[Boobycino]

I think councilling would be best :yes:

If your husband has been a kind reasonable person to this point and now he's said this to you, then I think you both definitely need councilling, together, to work through your feelings. I do think his feelings are valid, as are yours and that at the end of the day it's entirely up to you :hugs:

Hopefully with some councilling and mediation the two of you can come to a decision your both happy with.

Though if this is just another example of controlling behavior on his behalf, then I'm very sorry :hugs:

Best wishes.

I agree with phyllis in theory, I agree with your point of view - but I do think for myself, if I were in a position like him, i'd probably lash out and say things out of hurt and frustration. I don't know that everyone has the presence of mind in what must be such an emotionally volitile situation to take the reins with their emotions.

I'm so sorry again.

I do think this situation is bigger than both of you, theirs two irreversible choices where there is no compromise - I think you both need professional guidance - sooner rather than later.

:hugs: x a million! I do not envy your situation. I'm so so very sorry.

[sweetseven]

Is it just raising the child that is too much for you, or the pregnancy as well. Would adoption be a possible compromise, or not something that you could live with? However if you do take that route, I suggest you get writtenagreement from DH first so that he cant pull out at the last minute and leave you holding the baby.