cant handle my mother and her emotional abuse, manipulation

[Sugarplum2809]

My mother has made the first year of my daughters life a complete hell. It was suppose to be the happiest, I am so sick of her comments, acid tongue and her putting me down. Before we had my DD we had told them that we do not want anyone waiting at the hospital while we are in labour.

Our wishes where not respected, I was in hospital for 4 days been induced and ended with a c-section. Didn't even get to settle in my room and my selfish sister barged in and didn't respect our wishes again, we had told them to go and wait for a while and come back later. I didn't even have a private breastfeed, had them all in there. I had also called my mum and told her to tell my aunt not to come as I am not up to having guest. She did nothing. My aunt comes and and unwraps my DD while she was sleeping. No one out of my family asked me HOW ARE YOU? What happened? Are you OK? They treated me like dirt and ignored my feelings.

My so called mother called the next day and told me that my GRANDPA was upset that he didn't get to see the baby, I didn't know that it was a crime to breastfeed my newborn for the first time. She also said that my aunt and her daughters where upset that they didn't get to hold the baby. It was only hours after she was born and I was completely out of it after a long labour. I was apologizing on the phone to my mum and saying sorry I will call them and say sorry. I broke down that day after I got off the phone. The next time we had told her to come during visiting hours, wanted time to bond with DD and hubby and get out of bed. She said that she was on the way. She could have easily waited in the cafe then came in the room. But instead she told me off and yelled that she had to drive all the way back home.

Every time I went up with DD she would snatch DD out of my arms during her breastfeed and take her away. My DD was never allowed to eat of sleep when they where around. I stopped going by myself. I use to cry the whole way home after their actions. Always felt undermined as a mum and dis-empowered. Went one night for dinner while my DH wasn't home for a few days. Came home that night at mid-night, she had taken DD out of my arms again. I had to stop a few times on the way back home to feed her.

They use to whack DD on the bum and made out as if it was out of love and affection. All I asked for was for them to be gentle with my DD. But they made my life a living hell, telling me to get checked out and called me over sensitive and over protective. I AM A MOTHER! Got sick and tired of them rough handling my child.

Rather than my mum hugging me and been empathetic when I told her what happened with my birth, when she visited at home. She broke down and cried about what she went through that her birth was worse. So sick and tired of her breaking down and saying what she experienced was worse.

I m/c on the Thursday morning at 4am, i wet and covered the sheets in blood, was in limbo the whole day and wasn't sure what happened. Had a blood test later that day. She offered to come and help clean up again. I told her about the sheets and said that we have to change them again. She inspected them with a magnifying glass and said that she bled more when she m/c and then broke down about how I always tell her dont do this, dont do that to my DD. I said do you not think that it is hard having the first grandchild in the family and walked out ANGRY. At the hardest point of my life I had to deal with her and her emotional abuse.

She called yesterday and she was asking about the most stupid things that do not matter, I got so angry :freakingout: lost it after I was on the phone with her. Had a breakdown. Can't take it anymore. Every time I tried to tell her something about what she has done wrong and HER F Family she puts me down and it is as if they can do no wrong.

Sick of getting angry and breaking down. Do not know how to deal with the situation anymore. What can I DO?

[Bubs'n'Roses]

:hugs::hugs:

Wow. I'm speechless. I don't know have any constructive advice other than what we did. We have a very strict zero tolerance rule when it comes to our children. It's our way or the high way. It sounds harsh, and it is, but you only get one first year with your child, one first day of school, one first birthday, one second birthday, you get the gist. And rather than spend those days worried and stressed out about what cr@p people were going to cause, how they'd make the day all about them and not respect us as parents or even as HUMAN BEINGS we decided to have this zero tolerance. It's now been in place for 5 years. We have nothing to do with 99% of DH's family as they ALL were the same, similiar to your mum unfortunately.

Your situation with your mum obviously causes you far too much stress and I'd suggest you let her know flat out, maybe in a letter if you're worried she'll too turn that on you, that you and your DH are parenting your daughter, no one else. Lay it all out. That way they can never claim they didn't know.

I sound harsh but I was dealing with the same stuff, being told how to parent my daughter, how to do this, do that, how I had it so easy and in their day they walked a million miles in the snow for diapers that caused a rash and then they had to go out again for cream... *sigh* the only thing you can do is remove yourself and your DD until they get the picture.

:hugs:

[Sugarplum2809]

I tried so hard. Stayed away for a while, stopped calling her then the comments kept on coming.

Ok she did help clean my house the other day as I was un-able due to miscarrying. But what comes out of her mouth kills me. My BIL said that you can not confront my parents as when he did the knives came out. Just do not know what to do.

She blamed me for many things in the past, such as my sister meeting her husband. It was my fault that the got together (they separated for a while). Sick of having breakdowns. She calls to see how my DD is. I do not want my DD to miss out on grandparents, but my mother is unbearable.

[Sugarplum2809]

I have posted a few post about my family.

http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=375315
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=363907

[Guest1234]

I cut my dad, and subsequently my mum out of my life for similar reasons. It's the only way.

There's a book 'toxic parents' that I was suggested, its brilliant, but even if you do a Google search on toxic parents you will get a lot of great articles that will really help you.

[Teley]

Hey mia,

You grew up under this woman and she has influenced your thought processes. There is absolutely nothing you can do by yourself except repeat old patterns which you can't see at the moment.

I would be booking myself in to see a counsellor quick smart, to give you support and have an ear and someone who doesn't undermine your feelings. My mother is acidic and it took me a long time to learn to stand up to her. At the moment, she is not talking to me and hasn't for quite a while because I kicked her out of my house for causing a scene (as she is always the victim of my behaviour).

Considering she is family, and it's hard to cut her off, a counsellor would help you to develop more assertiveness and better thinking patterns, so that you could deal with your mother more effectively.

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Sugarplum2809]

more post
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=355859
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=345263
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=340844
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=340387
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=340387
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=339657

do I sound crazy or have I just had enough?

[NonnyMouse]

Stop all contact.

If she truly brings you no joy, no peace, and no love, then cut her free and enjoy being your own person again.

I did this with my mother after years of her manipulation and vitriole and I've never felt better.

[Etienne]

I've read over your other posts and I think that you need to disengage from your mother for a while. You will continue to feel let down and degraded over every little thing you let go of your expectations of what a "mother" should be. This may not be true for you but I have been in a similiar situation with my mum and it gets to a point when you have to look at yourself and ask why is this hurting so much. For me it was because I spent a long time expecting my mum to start being a mother, to wake up one day and become supportive and loving and respectful of me as an adult. Your mum obviously has issues, and those issues are making a significant impact on your new family. I think you should find a therapist or counsellor to help you greive over your lost hopes and expectations and come to a point where you can either accept her for how she is and not let it affect you or to stay away until your able to do that.

[lulululu]

Not crazy. Methinks you've had enough, and who wouldn't? I agree with pp. See a therapist. Get some training in assertiveness because this woman is controlling you and you are gonna need help to learn to stand up to her. Good luck.

[Pinkzy]

:hugs::hugs:

For your sake (and your family's) please stop contact with her. She sounds toxic and she doesn't deserve your time.

[Chocolate All Gone Now]

:hugs::hugs:

For your sake (and your family's) please stop contact with her. She sounds toxic and she doesn't deserve your time.

:iagree:

OP :hugs: I think you have been threw a lot and just need to stop contact with her. may not be permanent but just for a while.

:hugs:

[danni k]

Oh my heart goes out to you. I too have a very controlling mother and although my children and I love her dearly she drives me insane, especially dh who really can't tolerate her which just adds to the situation being so damn difficult!

I really sympathise with you being made to feel so terrible for doing what you and dh want, thats extremely unfair. I went through the exact situation with both children. When dd was born we explained that we wanted to go through labour on our own and wanted OUR time with our new baby when born. Well this caused a HUGE drama and mum was in tears that I didn't appreciate her and she only wished she had her mother (she passed away at age 40) and made me feel to be the worst daughter in the world for not involving her. I stuck to my guns though, although upon receiving the call of when dd was born she and dad jumped in the car at 9pm to drive to the hospital which was over an hour away, grrr...

When in labour with ds we had to drop dd at their house on the way to hospital , he was born 3am. DH went to pick up dd at around 10am so she could spend some special time with her new brother and he stipulated no vistors until after lunch (very unlike dh to be so assertive but he has learnt!). My parents were so distraught and called me begging to come and for my brother to come as he had to go to town for uni that morning. I once again stuck to my guns but it caused so much heartache as apparently I'm "selfish" and "difficult" and so instead of enjoying my wonderful new son I was worried about how others felt. My brother had the poops up and didnt see ds until 3 months later. I also found it hard as when dh family visited my mum would hold ds or snatch him away so no-one else got a cuddle and was in 'show-off mode'. Really not fair, and don't understand why they don't just get it. :no:

Sorry for rambling here but I really feel for you and apart from giving you big hugs :hugs:I don't know what to do other than be strong, tell them how you feel and make it clear that this is YOUR family now and they need to respect your and your dh wishes. I have been going to fortnightly counselling sessions discussing my feelings towards my family (long history there!!) and feel that really helps and one of the major factors that is so difficult to get my head around is the feeling of guilt as you do love them, repect them and appreciate their help and how much the children love them but they are just not healthy to be around.

My mother had another mini breakdown the other night in regards to some family issues we are having and guess what she brought up? You guessed it - how hurt she, dad and my brother are for not letting them visit when our son was born ( he's 3 next month) and when restating to her that that was our time and our dd's first time with her new brother that can be never experienced again, her response was "well she wouldn't have known any different if we saw him first". Yep, great, but we knew, really understanding. Aarrrgghhhh.... :freakingout:

Think that our mums may even feel insecure in themselves hence their need to 'control' certain situations so they make themselves feel important. That's the way I see it anyway. Best of luck:fingerscrossed:, my thoughts are with you, message me if you ever need a chat!

[Hokey Pokey]

I have learnt the past 18 months to remove all negative people from my life, and I did just that with my "father".

Best move I ever made. Was hard at first but it was a move that had to be done for me to move on.

[Sugarplum2809]

Think that our mums may even feel insecure in themselves hence their need to 'control' certain situations so they make themselves feel important.

I partly felt this also. My mother is bit of a control freak, has OCD and needs a lot of LOVE. Spoke to my spiritual father on the weekend and he said to call my mum once a week and if she is getting too much, just make some excuse and hang up. He said that my mother needs love. Probably not getting much and thing will get harder when my little sister gets married and leaves home.

I cant handle the breakdowns though. It has been such a tough year for myself, feel that they all ruined my DD first year. You can not relive the day, the year. Missed out on those special moments of her birth.

[Sugarplum2809]

You will continue to feel let down and degraded over every little thing you let go of your expectations of what a "mother" should be. This may not be true for you but I have been in a similiar situation with my mum and it gets to a point when you have to look at yourself and ask why is this hurting so much. For me it was because I spent a long time expecting my mum to start being a mother, to wake up one day and become supportive and loving and respectful of me as an adult.

Maybe the issue is since becoming a mother myself, I would have thought that my mother would act a certain way, say certain things, be empathetic instead of breaking down.

Maybe the problem is that I always did what ever I was told to do when living under her roof. Always felt sorry for her. Would come home at 11pm, after a long day at work and college at night and then help her clean up. Things started to change when I was getting married. I changed since I met DH, he taught me about what really mattered and made me a stronger person. I started to rebel and changed when I had my DD.

[The C Team]

Maybe the issue is since becoming a mother myself, I would have thought that my mother would act a certain way, say certain things, be empathetic instead of breaking down.

Maybe the problem is that I always did what ever I was told to do when living under her roof. Always felt sorry for her. Would come home at 11pm, after a long day at work and college at night and then help her clean up. Things started to change when I was getting married. I changed since I met DH, he taught me about what really mattered and made me a stronger person. I started to rebel and changed when I had my DD.

I could have written this :no:
It's so hard when parents don't understand or respect the fact that you are a grown woman and are creating a life for yourself and your family.
I really like the idea of councilling. At least this way you have a chance to process your emotions and hopefully find the courage and strength to start standing up to her without the guilt that follows when you don't.
Goodluck.

[Isabella55]

Could it possibly be that you are doing the same thing? Trying to fill that so called "hole or void" and seeking attention through this site and others by constantly talking about your family in such a way. No offense but i have gone through some of your posts and they all seem to refer to the same thing or same situation. You are constantly seeking some sort of sympathy and acknowledgement as a mother and a victim of this so called crazy family. Perhaps you have some insecurities of your own? It definitely seems that way to the logical mind. It all just sounds so over exaggerated!

I honestly don't think it is just your mother, (or your mother at all) that needs to "Grow Up". Maybe you are going through that change, and that process that everything is now changing for you - married and now with a baby. I personally felt that a quick change in life and lifestyle for me was enough to make me feel as though life was moving too fast, so much more differently than what i was like or felt under the roof of my parents (secure, nothing to worry about in the world). I now have much more responsibility, and that may be the case with you. You find that you have so much more responsibility now than what you may have had prior, and are frustrated with everything that is going on around you. Everything is still new despite your daughter being a year old now, you are still a new mum. Don't expect to know everything straight off the bat! Help from your own mother could go a long way.

I really think character is not only built by what happens to you but how you handle those situations. It really seems that you can not handle certain situations well, and get upset over the most trivial things. If we all went through life getting upset about everything and anything I can hardly think we would enjoy life at all. Life would just be full of anger and hatred, and this seems to be the case with you. Enjoy the finer things in life, it is too short! Let things go, and be kind!

You say that your spiritual father told you to hang up on her? How is that teaching you the right from wrong? How is that showing kindness and good? What ever happened to the words "Don't Do unto others as you wouldn't have others do unto you." It is the ultimate norm of high morality. Sure there are other morals by which we live, but this one phrase embodies our most cherished value: that we should treat people as we would like to be treated. My point here is, if you don't treat your mother or family how you would like to be treated, how do you expect them to treat you? You say you want support and love and respect etc. But it seems to me that you are showing nothing of the sort to them! If anything, you are being quite self centered and childish. This is what Happens in Primary and Highschool playgrounds, not with family! Dobbing, back stabbing, criticism etc.

It seems to me that you sound religious based on you speaking to your Spiritual Father (not many would take that step). So i say, do what is taught and be kind, not evil. Be grateful, not selfish. And believe that good things come to those who do good themselves. So be the bigger person and take that step. I personally don't believe in disowning your family (as many have stated) That is simply THE EASY WAY OUT! You may need them one day and it'll be too late. You will look back and think, how silly was i, i could have helped the situation rather than fueled the fire. Take it from someone that has been there, and been through it all! You will realise that one day, you may need your mother, if not now but some time in your future. Family is important, despite what every other person is saying on here. I am sure many will agree. Just think, you have a daughter now, of course you would want her to be close to you too in every way possible, so start thinking like a mother! Not a teenager with issues on how to deal with your overbearing family! It's like they have taken the dummy from your mouth and you're having a tantrum! Act like an adult! What surprises me is, that you have over 700 posts. Do you not have a child to look after? A husband to care for etc? My point is, time is ticking, and you are sitting on here critisizing family, when instead you could be helping the situation!

Do you have any siblings? Do they have any problems with your mum or do they go through the same?

I suggest counseling, or perhaps a psychologist? Someone you could talk to and have positive feedback and help. They will not be biased and take sides. They are there to listen and help. You are not the only one in this world to feel how you do, so don't act like you are the only victim. This site is for advice with childhood, and pregnancies, not with sorting out your problems about your family! We are not professional psychologists to give you medical advice (the advice that you probably need), so seek someone that can actually help your situation.

Look, i am not trying to make you feel any worse than you already do. But i am giving you the best advice that i could give. Especially from someone that has gone through a similar situation. I am trying to say it how it is, because one day you will wake up and wonder what went wrong and when?

Good Luck!

[GirlsRock]

Gotta say Isabella, what a rude, horrible and unhelpful post. :(

But dont have time to post any further because I've got to rush off and look after my husband and children....:laughing:.

[Atlantic Puffin]

Isabella............... There comes a point in life where no matter how kind and loving you are to people and family.. They will never treat you how you treat them.
I think your post was very rude and uncalled for, the op is clearly going through a very rough time with her family and needs support, not criticism of her character.

I have stopped living by "treat others how you would like to be treated"... And now fully and happily live by "treat others how they treat you"... If someone is rude/blatant/challenging... I treatthrm just the same until they change their attitude.

Sorry you are having such a hard time OP.. It sounds like maybe you should see a counsellor .. Perhaps by talking to someone you could let off some built up anger and they might have some suggestions how to deal with your family.

:hugs:

[poppyseed]

Oh my heart goes out to you. I too have a very controlling mother and although my children and I love her dearly she drives me insane, especially dh who really can't tolerate her which just adds to the situation being so damn difficult!

I really sympathise with you being made to feel so terrible for doing what you and dh want, thats extremely unfair. I went through the exact situation with both children. When dd was born we explained that we wanted to go through labour on our own and wanted OUR time with our new baby when born. Well this caused a HUGE drama and mum was in tears that I didn't appreciate her and she only wished she had her mother (she passed away at age 40) and made me feel to be the worst daughter in the world for not involving her. I stuck to my guns though, although upon receiving the call of when dd was born she and dad jumped in the car at 9pm to drive to the hospital which was over an hour away, grrr...

When in labour with ds we had to drop dd at their house on the way to hospital , he was born 3am. DH went to pick up dd at around 10am so she could spend some special time with her new brother and he stipulated no vistors until after lunch (very unlike dh to be so assertive but he has learnt!). My parents were so distraught and called me begging to come and for my brother to come as he had to go to town for uni that morning. I once again stuck to my guns but it caused so much heartache as apparently I'm "selfish" and "difficult" and so instead of enjoying my wonderful new son I was worried about how others felt. My brother had the poops up and didnt see ds until 3 months later. I also found it hard as when dh family visited my mum would hold ds or snatch him away so no-one else got a cuddle and was in 'show-off mode'. Really not fair, and don't understand why they don't just get it. :no:

My mother had another mini breakdown the other night in regards to some family issues we are having and guess what she brought up? You guessed it - how hurt she, dad and my brother are for not letting them visit when our son was born ( he's 3 next month) and when restating to her that that was our time and our dd's first time with her new brother that can be never experienced again, her response was "well she wouldn't have known any different if we saw him first". Yep, great, but we knew, really understanding. Aarrrgghhhh.... :freakingout:

I so cld have written this myself OR will b writing this myself!!!!
I'm expecting my first child in a wk or so and DH and I have decided not to tell anyone (especially my parents) that I am in labour and leaving it a while before they can come up for a visit. THIS is exactly how we suspect my mother is going to react (hope u don't mind but I was sooooo gobsmacked that I even showed my DH ur post and we both were just shocked by the resemblance). I'm not telling her we're doing this because I really don't want the arguments beforehand, I'll just deal with it afterwards :)
To OP, sweetie, I agree with that most people recommend u go to a counsellor. It will help u know that this is not u it's ur mothers issues! I deal with the same bull**** from my family and the verbal, emotional and sometimes physical (when alot younger) abuse is just stuff we DO NOT need. Don't get me wrong I love my mum and I know in her mind she thinks she's doing nothing wrong, unfortunately we can't change them....oh how that wld b great :)
I completely understand what u r going thru and I know what is ahead of me when I have this baby. Sometimes, I dread so much how difficult things r going to b that it takes away the excitement I feel about having Bub :(
To Isabelle - why so mean? If u r speaking from experience than I dont understand why ur post wld b so cruel? Let the girl have a vent, obviously she can't do it anywhere else and this is meant to b a safe environment but when people like u make her feel bad for doing so then it changes how we all write stuff on here!!!!!! Unbelievable.

[Trinie]

Isabella - I think your post was unwarranted. Who are you to make such a harsh judgement on Mia?

She has been a member of this forum for almost 2 years, and made 700 posts... and you are almost accusing her of neglecting her child whilst doing so? 1 post per day for 2 years would make 700 posts. There are loads of members who post a lot more than Mia!

I think your comments were unhelpful. Mia is looking for constructive advice on how to deal with a family that does not respect her wishes. It doesn't matter how trivial those wishes are, she is not being listened to.

Mia - I hope you can find the solution to your problems. There are so many helpful Hubbers on here who I'm sure will be able to offer constructive advice. Please do not be offended by unhelpful posts.

[davally]

Isabelle 55 I was horrified then very angry at your post. The decision to cut a parent out if your life is a very difficult one made after many other avenues have been explored and tried. It is also a decision that is constantly being reviewed and evaluated. It is NOT the easy way out!

My mother is toxic and the eternal victim, everything is someone else's fault meaning the only role you can play in her life is that of perpetrator. I made the decision to cut her out of my life nearly 5 years ago and have tried to find a way to have her in my life but her constant disrespect for my life and my choices and her jealously at my life (my marriage works, I have a job in my chosen field, live in my own (mortgaged) home etc) makes it hard. Since becoming a mother I have uncovered a lot of anger at my experience and disbelief that you could do some of the things she has done.

I get a weekly call from a counsellor via parentlink in the ACT. It is free and it has really helped me sort through a lot of the junk that has come from my past so I can be the parent I want to be for my precious DS. I would have found going to counseling too hard with DS but the weekly phone call (generally while DS was asleep) has really helped me.

To the OP good luck with whatever you choose. Cutting a parent out of your life is hard, maybe you need to try putting some distance between you and them first and get some counseling to work through some options for moving forward. Also get caller id on your phone. Don't answer when they call let the machine get it and then call back on your terms. Also if she starts up at you, say the baby needs a nappy/feed/sleep and you have to go. Your mum's insecurity is her issue not yours.

[Isabella55]

Cutting a parent out of your life is hard, maybe you need to try putting some distance between you and them first and get some counseling to work through some options for moving forward.

Sure people come here for support but if the truthful answer of some is too confronting or upsetting perhaps the question needn't be asked. I believe when you go onto an open public forum and you ask for advice you open yourself up to criticism. You have your opinion and I have mine!

How is telling her to cut out her family helpful? I agree with the above, that it is hard, and some distance is probably the better option, rather than cutting them out completely.

[scarymarygoldfish]

Sugarplum I am just so, so sorry. I really hope you get the support you need -- if not from your mother, then from someone around you who truly loves and understands you.

I don't understand people who don't respect other's wishes. Let alone a family member, let alone your own mother. I was terrified of the same thing happening when I gave birth to my DD . Thank God it didn't happen (we were left alone for 24 hours) but I understand how violated and helpless you must have felt.

I have no advice, only big hugs. I really hope things work out for the best no matter what.

[sweetpea82]

I had to stop reading halfway through your post! It reminded me of what happened (not as bad though) after I had my baby. My parents in law said they'd visit at 6 but they burst into the room an hour and a half earlier. I often get upset that my wishes weren't respected and sometimes I wish that I had that time back - just me, my husband and the baby.

I can't offer any words of wisdom, sorry! Hope you find some inner peace

[Alithia]

I too had some really weird experiences with family members emotionally hurting me and trying to destroy me, violating my boundaries and total disregard for my wishes. I went to a few counsellors and most didn’t really ‘get’ what I was going through. After searching the Internet, I came across a website called, www.beyourbrilliantbest.com (http://www.beyourbrilliantbest.com/), & http://www.youtube.com/user/beyourbrilliantbest there is a lot of information on there, plus videos that describe EXACTLY what I went through, and most of it sounded like what I’ve been experiencing with my family, and my ex., husband who was an abuser and narcissist. So I made an appointment with the therapist, Enza, and I swear I feel like I see with new eyes, I have learnt a lot , I am stronger, and can keep my self safe, not to mention have someone sane to talk to who really understands the abuse I’ve experienced. Wishing you guys here on this site, all the best, Alithia :wave:

[HOMS]

OP - my mum too is a narcissistic, manipulative person and I have spent almost a year without her in my life and I have to say it has been wonderful. No judgements, no stress over what she may think/feel/say/do, and I have found myself again.

I am sorry but I don't understand why people want to expose their children to people who are like your mum is and I certainly won't be telling my parents that I am pg (when it happens). I don't want people in their lives that can't demonstrate respect for me or my wishes or with whom I don't have a good relationship.

Grandparents are supposed to be role models as much as parents are and trust me when I say the children can pick up on when the relationship between their parents and grandparents isn't what it should be. I know this from experiencing my own parents and their parents with all their issues.

Get some counselling if you want but ultimately it is just better to not have toxic people in your life and I guarantee you will find that even if counselling makes you more assertive your mum will stop talking to you anyway because she won't be able to deal with a world where she isn't the centre of attention or doing things her way. That's what mine did. Best of luck.