Not sure what to do...need advice

[jennibear]

So heres the thing...DH's sister is getting married in Fiji in september this year. She of course wants us and the kids to go (DD will be 2.5 and DS will be 8 months by then). The thing is, im not sure i want to go! Heres why, first of all- an 8 hous plane trip with a toddler and a baby...not looking forward to it. Secondly, routines will be crazy messed up by the time we get there and im sure we'll have a couple of very cranky kids to deal with. Thirdy, yes there will be lots of family to look after the kids while we're there, but WE (or I) am going to be the one getting up to them in the middle of the night cos they're out of sorts. And Forthy, once we get back, routines are going to be COMPLETLY SCREWED and im gona be left at home by myself (cos DH will have to go back to work) with 2 kids who dont know whats goign on!!

DH says...oh it will be fine...we're going to a tropical island for a week, we get to laze on the beach. Some how i dont think its gona be a relaxing week away on a tropical island!!!

An another thing, its gona cost us around $5000 for the trip...also known as our whole baby bonus!!!

What would you do???

[becster05]

So heres the thing...DH's sister is getting married in Fiji in september this year. She of course wants us and the kids to go (DD will be 2.5 and DS will be 8 months by then). The thing is, im not sure i want to go! Heres why, first of all- an 8 hous plane trip with a toddler and a baby...not looking forward to it. Secondly, routines will be crazy messed up by the time we get there and im sure we'll have a couple of very cranky kids to deal with. Thirdy, yes there will be lots of family to look after the kids while we're there, but WE (or I) am going to be the one getting up to them in the middle of the night cos they're out of sorts. And Forthy, once we get back, routines are going to be COMPLETLY SCREWED and im gona be left at home by myself (cos DH will have to go back to work) with 2 kids who dont know whats goign on!!

DH says...oh it will be fine...we're going to a tropical island for a week, we get to laze on the beach. Some how i dont think its gona be a relaxing week away on a tropical island!!!

An another thing, its gona cost us around $5000 for the trip...also known as our whole baby bonus!!!

What would you do???

would have to say I wouldnt go... Way too hectic for me for sure! People always say they will help but it always comes back to mummy because well, you are mummy! Plus expensive trip to not necessarily be doing what you choose to do. If people choose to get married a distance from where most family/friends live, they have to expect that people may not, or wont be able to come!

[Jakois]

I would go. I think it would be fantastic!!

[MothersMilk]

I wouldn't go either.
As much as i love fiji and would love to be lazing on the beach there - i just imagine (if it was my kids who are the 2.5 and 9 months) i would probably be very stressed and wouldn't enjoy it. People say 'oh we will help' but the thing is people can leave when they are tired and then you are left to deal with the cranky children. If the children were different ages, if it was only one child, if i had a nanny going too then i'd be there in a heartbeat but at these ages i would rather just skip it.
I'm in a bad mood today though so maybe i'm just being cynical.

[gizmoduckus]

We went to Fiji for a wedding when my sons were 3 and 10 months old and we had an awesome time. We enjoyed it so much, we went back a year later with the kids. I think it's an opportunity of a lifetime.

If you really don't want to go with the kids then I would send your husband on his own. It is kind of unfair if he misses out on seeing his sister getting married if he really wants to go.

[bundmum]

I wouldn't go. Way too expensive and you will be the one stuck looking after cranky kids when everyone else decides to go have fun. ( I am a cynic though)

[zombiekitty]

No way in hell I'd go. No way.

[jennibear]

If you really don't want to go with the kids then I would send your husband on his own. It is kind of unfair if he misses out on seeing his sister getting married if he really wants to go.

He very much wants to go and i would never ask him to not go...it is his sister after all. I actually think he'd have a great time if he went on his own. And it would be a much needed break for him or course. Would also save us HEAPS if he went alone!!

Also, if me and the kids do decide not to go, how do we tell the bride without making her feel bad...And all the other family who will of course say 'oh we'll all pitch in and help dont worry'!
i feel bad just thinking about it!


People always say they will help but it always comes back to mummy because well, you are mummy!

:iagree:
Exactly!!!

[MamaKoala]

If I had the money I would go. If you do decide to only send your dh don't feel bad. But it us a great opportunity to have a family holiday. If you just relax and don't try and do too much, I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard.

Sent from my HTC Desire using Bubhub

[Fuchsia!]

Throw the routine out the window and go and enjoy a tropical holiday away! If you get there and all the work gets thrown your way, just walk out and leave hubby to deal with it!

[Uh-Oh]

If it was something we could afford then yes I would go (I would make sure though that where it is being held is family friendly, some of the resorts that you can go to over there arent really, I have friends getting married in August who arent taking there DS!)... but then we're taking DS overseas on a 22hour flight to Scotland at 12months old so we're just crazy! lol!

I agree with a PP poster though about having destination weddings, whilst it would be lovely if everyone could make it I think the bride has to accept that sometimes logistically and financially it just isnt possible. If you explain it to SIL i hope she would be ok with it...

[gizmoduckus]

But what would you be having to do extra there, that you wouldn't be doing at home? Kids getting cranky at home too but when you are on holidays you don't have to worry about any cooking or cleaning at all. You get to spend an amazing lot of time with them without worrying about errands and the usual day to day things. I also used to love when DS2 used to go for a nap because I could sit on the sun chair and read a book while DH took DS1 to the pool. The bliss of doing nothing but relaxing was a huge break for me.

You can also hire nannies there for like $5 an hour. Most of them come with you wherever you go around the resort and they are the ones that watch the kids while you can sit down and relax or eat. The great thing is, is that you are not leaving the kids alone with a stranger but you don't have to do the hard work of entertaining them.

If you really don't want to go, then don't go because you would definitely not have a good time if you already have negative expectations. I am one who loves going on holidays with the kids because I know that we can handle it if things don't go entirely to plan.

[mum2bubba]

So heres the thing...DH's sister is getting married in Fiji in september this year. She of course wants us and the kids to go (DD will be 2.5 and DS will be 8 months by then). The thing is, im not sure i want to go! Heres why, first of all- an 8 hous plane trip with a toddler and a baby...not looking forward to it. Secondly, routines will be crazy messed up by the time we get there and im sure we'll have a couple of very cranky kids to deal with. Thirdy, yes there will be lots of family to look after the kids while we're there, but WE (or I) am going to be the one getting up to them in the middle of the night cos they're out of sorts. And Forthy, once we get back, routines are going to be COMPLETLY SCREWED and im gona be left at home by myself (cos DH will have to go back to work) with 2 kids who dont know whats goign on!!

DH says...oh it will be fine...we're going to a tropical island for a week, we get to laze on the beach. Some how i dont think its gona be a relaxing week away on a tropical island!!!

An another thing, its gona cost us around $5000 for the trip...also known as our whole baby bonus!!!

What would you do???

5 grand to go to someone else's wedding!? Wow! I wouldn't be going just on that alone.

[cindye]

I understand your concerns- we went interstate for a week to spend Christmas with our families and my girls (2.5 and 1 at the time) were so irritable and cranky with the change of scenery. They took a whole month to settle back into their normal routine.
Having said that, Fiji is such a beautiful place that I would disregard all the negatives and just go. As a PP said, you can easily get a nanny which will give you the opportunity to relax and enjoy yourself.
If your baby will be only 8 months old then, you must have a newborn, and the thought of traveling internationally must be ridiculous, but he reality is that you could have a wonderful time.
Whatever you decide, I'm sure your SIL will understand.

[Sheer Bliss]

Have a BIG think about it, as we had the most fantastic time when we went to Fiji last year for a friends wedding. A whole group of our friends went and we asked my mum and dad to come along to help us. From Sydney is was only a 5ish hour flight, so bearable, but we had 1 x 12month olds, a 3yo and a 5yo, so assigned one adult per child for the travel, so we each had the job of keeping one kiddie happy.

It was seriously the BEST holiday we have had. The kids were exhausted at the end of the day after playing by the pool all day (DD1 can swim, DS2 had a swim vest on, and bubs were crawling but not walking...well, DD learnt to walk in Fiji - took her first step the day we arrived and was walking around the air port on the way home). They all slept pretty well after such big days. We put the older 2 into kids club for 2hrs a day, they loved having 'friends' to play with and one girl and DD1 became chummy and spent a heap of time by the pool together out of kids club. Our friends helped keep an eye on the kids and one of us did a few laps of the resort grounds with them in the pram to get them to sleep and then parked them under a tree next to the pool while we relaxed at nap time.

The Fiji people LOVE kids. They do not have a 'seen and not heard' mentaility. Kids being noisy and excited is welcomed, and at the resort we stayed at - they had nannies and a little crech off to the side where you could leave the kids while you ate your breakfast. We would usually have breakfast as a family, then the kids would play in the creche doing origami or colouring while DH and I finished our perfect eggs (made to order, however you want) or pastries and coffee!

We didn't leave the resort, as car seats are hard to come by (i'd suggest taking your own for baby) and getting about with all the kids was just too daunting. So while the travel there wasn't the most fun, it was WELL worth it, and we plan on taking all 4 kids and going again, when they are all 3 and old enough for kids club! There was a restaurant that was for adults only (or 13+ kids) that I went to with my friends while DH stayed with the kids and it was LOVELY, I want to go again with DH!!!

Oh, we also had to get a nanny on our last night (DS1 was TOTALLY out to it, we couldn't wake him he was so tired) and it was before we had dinner. He was supposed to go to the kids club disco (they have a session from 7-9pm) but even talking of that wouldn't wake him! The nanny was lovely, we paid her cash, as she was made available by the resort but didn't work for them directly. Very cheap (we gave her a tip as I felt bad about the price!) and she was lovely!

[LilliansMum]

He very much wants to go and i would never ask him to not go...it is his sister after all. I actually think he'd have a great time if he went on his own. And it would be a much needed break for him or course. Would also save us HEAPS if he went alone!!

Also, if me and the kids do decide not to go, how do we tell the bride without making her feel bad...And all the other family who will of course say 'oh we'll all pitch in and help dont worry'!
i feel bad just thinking about it!



:iagree:
Exactly!!!


I think in relation to not going you need to just tell the truth. As much as your family are saying they will pitch in if you just point out that your the mummy and young kids want the mummy I'm sure they will know what your talking about.

[Mmm Dessert]

I would totally go.

We were married there in 2009, when DS1 was 3 and DD was 15 months. We had such a fantastic time and TBH, it didn't upset any routines at all when we got back.

DS1 loved the kids club, and DD spent some time with the resort nannies - only for an hour here and there, usually at sleep time - when DH and I wanted to do something for ourselves.

We obviously had family there with us, which was a great help. But really, nothing was a problem. As PP have said, I had no meals to cook, no cleaning, no washing to worry about. DD still had all of her day sleeps - because I didn't have to worry about any housework I would just go and lie down in the room with her and either read a book or nap myself. Bliss!

As someone who was married in Fiji and had hardly anyone there, I would have to say that it is a big ask for people to attend. DH and I were happy to have a very small wedding and I certainly wasn't offended that none of our friends came.

ETA: We had such a great time that we're going back in September. This time we'll have DS1 (who will be five) DD (who will be three) and DS2 (who will be 18 months). Apart from the flights, I can't wait!

[Roopee]

What would you do???
I'd pack up my troubles and GO!


Throw the routine out the window and go and enjoy a tropical holiday away! If you get there and all the work gets thrown your way, just walk out and leave hubby to deal with it!
THIS^^^^

PLUS, nannies are incredibly cheap over there, less than $5 an hour- you need not be left 'holding the baby' so to speak. Go and enjoy yourself.

[River Song]

you'd be amazed how easy it is to stay on routine when away...kids are used to sleeping when told and they usually just click straight in

$5000 for a week in Fiji..with the bonus of being surrounded by family and friends and going to a wedding...seriously, i think the memories and love shared are priceless.

you won't have to cook or clean...you will be somewhere normal daily duties can be forgotten...you will have a wonderful time if you let yourself.

I would go in a heart beat...we are planning on going to Fiji or Bali in September with my sister and her family...can not wait!!! We'll be flying with 2, 7 years olds and a 1 year old...possibly being joined by another family with 3 kids under 6. It will be wonderful. We've agreed that each couple gets a "date night" so we have have dinner and drinks under the moonlight in Fiji.

be specific with the family that is going...say ok, we want to come... would you commit to doing XYZ while we are there...maybe 1 person to give you a night off for dinner...maybe 1 person to come with you to the beach for a day and commit to watching your 2 year old.

the flight will be no problem if you are prepared...

i would start looking at the reasons to go and get excited....this is once in a lifetime stuff and you will regret not going

[MagicalLeopluradon]

If it were me, no way....could not justify $5000.00, it would take us ages to save that sort of money!!! If it were in another state of Australia, sure overseas nope, plus would be way to hectic with two little ones.

[Me&MrMagoo]

Ditto to everyone that said 'go'!!

But if you and the kids aren't going to cope with it then don't ...

But I think you'd have a ball if you did and kick yourself for even contemplating not going ...

[MyPossum]

I'd go! As long as you can afford it and it's a child friendly resort. We're in the middle of planning a trip to Thailand with DD when she will be 14 months.

ALso, we recently took her to Perth which is a 3 hour time difference from home and it took her just one day either side to adjust to the time..

[lizzymcfizzy]

how long do you have to rsvp? the thought of something like that when I had a newborn was out of the question but now that DS2 is 9 months old it is a possibility. We are going on hols when he is 10 months old and its only 2 hours away and I am worried about routines LOL But we have to enjoy life and not live around our kids, let them fit in with us for a holiday. At that ages your baby may have two or three naps a day and awake for much longer so it will be easier to work around and not be feeding all the time too :)

[lealea79]

I say go and don't expect anyone to help then you won't be disappointed if you get no help.. After all its about the bride and groom as to why you are there..
As for routine you need to be a little flexible at times otherwise you must miss out on lots of things.. I love routine but have figured flexibility is a must.
If you can afford you should go, $5000 is a lot of money but I wouldn't be blaming having the kids as a reason not to go..

[sweetums89]

I def wouldnt go. I know how badly and easily routines can be screwed around. Sounds like the pleasure part of this trip will be non existant and it will just cause more trouble (kid wise) then its worth. I would politely discuss the situation with your SIL. And maybe your partner should be put in your shoes with a situation like that (kids out of routine etc) and see how he feels, then he might understand where your coming from.

[rynosmum]

Change is often daunting but please don't talk yourself out of it based on something that 'may' be an issue when you may be missing a fantastic opportunity.

What a great chance to have a holiday whilst you still have some family around to help out for the odd hour here or there. What a great occasion to be celebrating too!

If you pass up opportunities like this, you'll be missing out and as a PP said, will probably still find that the kids are a handful at home - but you won't have your room being cleaned every day, palm trees swaying in the breeze and a pina colada in your hand. Make sure that you're making the decision because that's what you want rather than just making it 'in case' things go wrong.

[nothanksbye]

I have the same issue.

My sister is gettign married in thailand.

I am not taking my kids. I have taken them to bali and fiji before...but not to someones destination wedding.

I am also matron of honour.
The reception is on a cliff..the wedding on a beach and the pool isnt fenced.

I will go insane.

So me and DH are going and we have a DH's brother coming to sydney and they are going to mind our kids!

BTW...the nanny thing..its all well and good if you are happy to leave your kids with them. Its a different story if you are not.

[FutureMa]

My DH and I got married in Fiji last year and had everyone come over from Australia - most of our guests had kids age ranging from babies to tweens.

Basically, I haven't heard negative feedback from any of them! Seriously, once you check into that resort, everything is taken care of for you so you can completely relax. They even have nanny's at most of the resorts who absolutely love looking after children (and are extremely good at it) and allow the parents to have a well deserved break! Also, most of the resorts have a Kids Club during the day...