Please help

[StressedMummy]

Hi everyone.

I'm an old member but have created a new account for this reason.

Yesterday I did a home pregnancy test which came back positive. A second test this morning was positive too. I can't have this baby.

My DP & I have 2 kids (10 & 5) and they are such a handful. My DP had a serious spinal injury at work 2 years ago and every day is a fight with the insurance company and doctors. Financially we can't afford another child, but my main concern is that I simply will not be able to cope! There is already so much drama in our lives and our 2 kids have had to put up with so much since DP's injury.

Both DP and I believe it is in the best interest of our family to terminate the pregnancy, but I just don't know what to do? Will I regret it later? Will I hate DP for it?

I don't even know how I will get the money for a termination together! Right now I am just so confused. I don't know what to do. I can't get in to see my GP until mid next week (and honestly, I'm too ashamed to even tell him).

If someone could help me with the first step, it would be great.

BTW, my last period was 20 Nov 2010.

[lovemybabies!]

Hugs. If you have doubts about terminating, don't do it, I honestly believe you will regret it if you do

[ComeBackKid]

If you don't want to terminate - then don't. I know it seems simplistic but the grief and regret from an unwanted termination can be unbearable.

If you want to, everything can be worked out.

Do you have much support around you?

Can you seek out some impartial counselling?

(((((((HUGS)))))))

Feel free to PM if you want to chat xo

[Señor Chang]

Have you thought about speaking to a counsellor? Might help you to talk to someone about how you're feeling.

[krystallxx]

If you know that it is best for baby, your other children and urself to terminate, you won't regret it.. You need to be comfortable with you decision though.

[InGi]

I agree with Krystall, its a hard and terrible decision to have to make but you really need to try and push everything aside and focus on what you really want deep down. Sending you a massive amount of :hugs: I know how hard the decision is to make.
Is there a counsellor or someone you can talk to openly about it with ? It might help see a clearer picture :)

[Hollywood]

3 days ago I found out I am pregnant, and it was totally unplanned, it was the result of a fling with a close family friend (you may have seen the threads perhaps). In the initial shock I googled and found the phone number of a counselling service for unplanned pregnancies:

1300 737 732

website: http://www.pregnancycounselling.com.au/

I have decided to keep this baby and never called this number, but in your case perhaps it could help to talk to an impartial 3rd party about it.

I hope everything works out ok :hugs:

[3boysNAprincess]

I have heard you can get some financial assistance through female clinics if you can prove financial hardship.

Based on the reasons you have said as long as you remember them i dont think you will regret it.

GOOD LUCK!

Oh and you said you dont want to tell your DR you dont have to to go.... So if it makes you uncomfy dont go to the gp

[waterlily]

Have you considered adoption?

Most people regret their abortions at some point in time. It is a very traumatizing thing to go through mentally and physically.

Do you have a woman's health clinic in your area?

[StressedMummy]

Thanks everyone for your replies. Now that I'm over the initial shock of the results, and had a bit of time to consider my options, I believe that termination is the right thing for me.

Last night I was sitting down watching my kids play, and I just broke down. These kids are amazing, but they are dealing with a lot at the moment. I don't want to bring any more stress into this family, and I honestly don't know how I will cope with the added pressure of pregnancy & then having a newborn. Right now, my goal is to help DP regain his mobility and support him through a difficult situation and to give my 2 kids the life and the happiness they deserve.

I briefly considered adoption, but I KNOW I wouldn't be able to go through with it.

I have an appointment with my GP on Monday. Thanks again for your help.

[Hollywood]

Good luck, I hope everything goes well :hugs:

[Hokey Pokey]

Hi SM
Firstly want to send you hugs :hugs:

I would never judge another woman for making a decision like this, so please don't take this the wrong way.. but..

Something you wrote stuck out to me

"Will I hate DP for it?"

This makes me think that you are doing this because of your partner? Have you guys spoken about keeping the baby at all and how has he reacted?

Have a good chat with your GP before making a final decision.:hugs:

[StressedMummy]

Thanks LG.

DP and I have discussed it at length. When I told him the test was positive, he was the the one to bring up termination, but he also said that in the end the decision is mine and he'll support me no matter what decision I come to. I guess I was kind of angry that he brought up termination before anything else.

[Hokey Pokey]

Oh that's good :hugs:

[Buttoneska]

Hi Stressed - it sounds like you are working through things on your own but just thought I would add my 2 cents worth.

I really think YOU are the only one who can make this decision - you can only do what you think is best for youreslf, your hubby and your other two children. You are going to have to live with your decision either way - so all you can do it what you think is best. Niether option is easy or ideal , but I suppose you need to make the best choice you can. But it has to be for you - you don't want regrets. For some ppl the pain and grief of termination haunts them for ever, for others not terminating has turned out to be the mistake.

I would speak to a councellor for sure - normally each state has a family planning cetnre and they have ppl you can talk to.

I was pregnant when I was younger and they were wonderful to me. I didn't go to my GP but went to speak to ppl there. I decided a termination was thebest thing for me and have no regrets. Sometimes it is hard because me NOW wouldn't do it - but I remind myself that ME then would and did and it was the right thing THEN. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's how I feel.

TBH I have no idea how much it cost - but I was pretty sure if was cheap or even on medicare?

[StressedMummy]

Hi everyone

I saw my GP yesterday and he was great. I was honestly expecting to tell him my decision & have him tell me it's not the right thing to do! He gave me the details of the 'most cost effective' centre, so I gave them a call. $350 without the ultasound, but apparently I need to have one, which took to cost well over $400 :eek:. Now I just have to try to come up with the $$$!

I also found out on the weekend that my sister is pregnant and due the same month as me. That will make things a little harder, but I'm sticking to my decision.

[StressedMummy]

I'm booked in for Thursday, and I'm scared.

Thanks for the help and support. Very much appreciated.

[Lillynix]

I hope you have some support around you, even if it's a counselor rather than family/friends. Please don't go through this alone :hugs:

[Hollywood]

I'm booked in for Thursday, and I'm scared.

Thanks for the help and support. Very much appreciated.

:hugs:

[GabberQueeN83]

I have been following this but i don't know what to say but just letting you know i'm thinking of you:hugs:

[Buttoneska]

I'm booked in for Thursday, and I'm scared.

Thanks for the help and support. Very much appreciated.

I hope you are ok, Thursday will be a tough day - but if you are sure then accept your decision and give yourself some peace.

If you have any questions about what happens etc, pls feel free to ask - either here on in Pm?

take care
xo

[Miss Fanny]

Good luck for Thursday.
If you change your mind (and I'm not saying you should!) just remember that it's never too late to cancel.
I'll be thinking of you x

[StressedMummy]

Hi everyone.

Just a quick update. I went in on Thursday but decided I needed more time to think, and I had a good discussion with the doctor about my options. In the end, my decision stayed the same and I made an appt for this morning.

All went well (even if I was a blubbering mess). I was well looked after and one of the nurses even let me sit there for ages crying about unrelated things and she shared her personal experience about a similar problem. I was there for 2 hours and don't remember anything after the ultrasound. I wish I had asked to see the ultrasound though.

I'm feeling ok at the moment - just some cramping in the belly. I don't regret what I have done, but I do have this overwhelming feeling of sadness. I'm so angry with myself for getting into this position in the first place.

I'm feeling pretty alone too. DP is not the supportive person I thought he would be. He couldn't even go and pick our DD up from school - yes, I had to drive there alone 2 hours after general anasthetic, then I had to go out and get dinner for the kids. He has spent the day asleep in bed. The kids must sense something is wrong. They have been giving me so many cuddles and kisses, and my daughter even helped me clean the house! I have amazing children. Wish I could say the same about their dad :(

Thanks again to all of you for your advice and support. I means a lot!

[Hollywood]

I'm glad to hear it went well. A bit sad for you that your husband has not been helpful :hugs:

[Jenga]

I'm sorry you have been through this experience and that your partner is so unsupportive. It's good to hear that the nurse was lovely to you and that you are ok with your decision. I have never had a termination but i felt your sadness reading your post. I must say I am so so angry at your partner for not being more supportive and making you drive to pick up DD and get dinner. I can imagine this is not helping you with your sadness. I hope you are feeling better soon. All the best.