Dreading today

[Jemleevan]

I really just need to vent about how scared I am of today... We have my gyno appointment after losing our DS just over 8 weeks ago.
All we've known since that awful day is that James was perfectly fine until the moment he was born. I went into labour at 22.6 weeks and he his heartbeat was still fine and he was kicking during my contractions. I obviously want to find out what went wrong, but am petrified of being told that this is likely to happen again. I had had a perfect pregnancy up until i went into labour, with no symptoms at all that something was wrong - i didn't even have any pain until the contrctions started.
I'm pretty much scared of every outcome! We were told that there's a high chance that we may never know what hppened and i think that scares me the most. I want a reason, something to blame, for having this happen to us. Even though i know that won't make things any easier...

Then, to top off our day, we have an appointment at the Memorial Gardens to choice a location for James' plot and to discuss his plaque.

Sorry for rambling, i just really needed to get it all out and i feel like my hubby and family are starting to tire about listening to my feelings! And besides, i though you ladies might understand my mixed and confused emotions about it all...

[Ulysses]

All I can say is :hugs::hugs:

I can't imagine how terrible it must feel for you & how desperately you would want to know the reasons behind it all.

I hope some other mums who have been through what you ave been through can offer support & advice.

I am so sorry to hear you feel your family are unable to help, this is something that you will need a lot of support to get over.

Please take care of yourself & find some support so you can heal. You sound like a very strong person but even the strongest of us need help & support in these times & I really hope you are able to find it.
:hugs:

[tinynosetinytoes]

First of all, :hugs:
I can't imagine what you're going through right now.

Secondly, I'm so sorry to hear that you feel you're family is growing tired of you talking about how your feeling. At this point, you really need lots of support. Have you thought about talking to a councellor or something ? I'm not sure if the hospital have things like that available to you.

It would be so hard not to know exactly what went wrong.
I hope that your appointment today gives you some kind of answer that you are looking for :hugs:

[my-fab5]

:hugs: So sorry for your loss.

I hope you get through the day as well as can be expected.

Feel free to vent here as often as you like.

Getting out your emotions and feelings in times of stress help enormously.... well that's been my experience anyway.

Vent away. :hugs:

[Jemleevan]

:hugs: Thanks for all your kind words.

My family are actually great, and they are constantly asking how I am, it's just that I feel like they want me to say that everything's wonderful. When in reality, I have good and bad days and the tears still flow quite freely!

We got kind of good news today, well, at least, the best news in a really bad situation anyway! It was confirmed that I did go into labour because of an infection, but they don't know what it is or how I got it. Apparently, the infection was in the placenta where it joins the uterus and it attacked the fluids around bub. However, all James' and my bloodwork came out clear. Because James was so healthy, the doctor doesn't think I'll have any issues in the future. However, as we all know, there are no gaurantees... We have been given the green light to TTC whenever we feel ready!

[my-fab5]

Glad to hear you got some good news today.

Good luck ttc.

[Min1111]

Glad you could find a glimmer of life in a hard day.
I think some times with these appointments the anxiety and apprehension before hand can be just as bad or worse than the actual thing.
Hugs from me.
Min