Should we be concerned? What can we do?

[Emi13]

My husband has been getting threats from the boyfriend of his childs mother. Threats of violence mostly and messing up his life as much as he can and showing the child how weak his dad is. Our concern is for the child. Is this a safe environment for a kid to be raised in, what if he did harm to the child to punish my husband. Are the threats reportable? He has been known to threaten his own kids life out of anger, as he isn't allowed to see his own son. Or is it one of those things that can only be reported once the damage has already been done? Would these threats help us at all to gain custody of the child?

[louellyn]

Based on what you said the threats have been against your DH and not the child so I am not sure that child protection would investigate at this stage.

Does your DH spend time with his son? How old is the child? I ask because if he is old enough your DH can have a chat with him and get an idea of what might be happening at home. If anything sounds suss then this would add weight to any complaint you make to child protection.

If your DH has real concerns for his safety then he can apply for a violence restraining order (or whatever it may be called in your State).

Keep a diary of all threats in the past and any that happen in the future in case this evidence is needed.

It would also be a good idea for your DH to get some legal advice.

[Pinkzy]

Threats are threats - ie illegal. I'd be telling your DH to notify the police.

If the man hasn't threatened the child then there is unfortunately nothing child services can do at this stage. However the police report may just come back to bite this idiot on the bum when your DH and his ex go to court.

[pegasus]

Firstly - :hugs: Emi - we've been in this situation (in fact still are sometimes), except it's the mother of the children, not her boyfriend.

The most recent threat was last week - I received a text saying if we didn't so something then she would be right around to our house on Thursday.

I have told her that if she does make any further threats then we will be taking out a restraining order. I asked my brother about this (he's a police sergeant) and he said if you have proof that she's threatening actual harm then you can take out a violence restraining order or a misconduct restraining order.

I'm not sure which state you're in, but the biggest problem is if you don't have proof of threats - were they made by text, or over the phone, or in person etc, then it's a case of hearsay.

I strongly suggest keeping a diary.

As for impact on the children - sad to say - the violence in their home has affected both of my step children very badly, but we never had enough proof in concrete to get custody of the children away from their mother and even when I did put an assault charge on hubby's ex, the police officer who spoke to me about it said - it would become a case of my word against hers (we asked for witnesses, but no one came forward), and the police officer suggested it would end up being a negative for the children if she did get charged - ie. their mother would get a big fine (bad impact on the children). or she would get time - another bad impact on the children. Unfortunately in our case - the impact was bad anyway - they've had years in a house where my step daughter has admitted there is still abuse, but she won't say anything bad about her mother.

In our case - the original assault charge was 13 years ago, the children are now 17 and 15, so too bad if there is a negative impact on the mother now....

How long has the boyfriend been around and how old are the children?

Sorry I can't be much help, but I've had years of frustration over a similar situation.:no:

[Emi13]

I am sorry to hear what has happened in your family Pegasus. It doesn't sound like the 'system' worked in the children's favour at all. And since in our case no threats have been made against this child we would not have a case. We do understand that the treats of violence are illegal, and unfortunately the punishment in our state is much greater than the one this man is in, where it is just a slap on the wrist. But I guess the more against his name the better in terms of trying to get the child out of that situation where we beleive he is unsafe...even if it is for only part of the year.
Thanks for all your help. I really never imagined myself ever being in a situation like this and really didn't know where to start.

[MagicalLeopluradon]

Ahhhh this has happened to us, except it was my partner's ex girlfriend threatening me, we got a DVO out against her.

I would be diarizing everything, I would probably let the police know too, just in case something happens that they are already aware of it.

Hope everything works out x

[Emi13]

a dvo or intervention order might not be a bad idea. though it won't help the child much it can atleast allow us to deal with with the child without putting up with threats. I wonder what the requirements are to get an intervention order or dvo is.

[MagicalLeopluradon]

A DVO is definitely something to think about.

I cant even remember how we did it, I know we had proof of everything she has said to us, she was hacking our accounts, following us etc sending messages to my partner saying she hoped he died. I know we went to the police I think we got the application there, filled it out, then the police lodged it and we went to the court in Brisbane city, took 2 sessions there and it was done and filed. Lasts a year I think.

[pegasus]

You can go to the magistrates court - look on your local (state) government page (not sure which state you're in), but we also spoke to a lawyer today.

Apparently - if there's a threat for the person to come to our house - we can call the police, so they're aware we're concerned, then if the person comes to the house - warn them not to cross the boundary, then if they do - you are able to take "reasonable force" (eg a push) to stop them entering your premises. If they continue to do so (and you hope the police are here by this stage), an automatic AVO can be placed upon them. (Ie. you've notified the police, you have warned them, and they've overstepped the trespass boundary).

I'm in WA and it seems there's a slight difference in interim orders for WA, but if you search for misconduct restraining or violence restraining orders in your state, it's pretty easy to find.

Of course - you hope there's never a need to take it out, but best to know where you stand.

[Tam-I-Am]

You said that he's not able to see his own children, this man...is that because his parental rights have been removed by Child Protection?

If that's so then there can be a case made to CPS about him being found unfit to be around his children, but residing with a child. CPS can order his mother to stop sharing a residence with him, which may or may not make the situation worse.

It's really awful, and you must be so stressed :hugs: