Part of the furniture around here but..

[redfraggle]

I can't out myself :o

I have been seeing a counsellor for a variety of reasons, but I cannot open up to her. I have been going for a few months now and I still can't tell her what the problem is..

What I want to know, is for all you Bh girls who have seen counsellors, how long did it take before you 'spilled the beans'?

If you don't feel comfortable posting in this thread, please pm and I will certainly keep any correspondence confidential.

[Chickadee]

Well I still haven't seen a counsellor, so I'm not sure how much this is going to help. But I have been seeing a new GP for my depression and so she has been bearing the brunt of my need to talk. The first visit with her I cried and talked for over an hour about what was going on. It's been several months now of fortnightly visits and I'm not sure we've yet gotten to the true problem. But then again, that's not her role.

I guess it depends on why you haven't been able to open up to her. If it's something in yourself, a trust issue or confidence or even fear of being 'found out', then hang in there. With time it may just happen. But if it's something with her that you're not comfortable with then maybe it's time to find a new counsellor. :hugs:

[redfraggle]

Thanks Martha..I know I'm the problem. I really like my counsellor and although I have complete confidence in her, I just don't have any in myself to be open about my life.

Most of it is extremely hard to talk about and I have a real fear of crying in front of other people...I guess I'll just have to force myself to talk.

[Chickadee]

I did counselling once before and managed to talk only if she turned her chair around so she could nto look at me..weird I know.

Not so weird. I rarely looked my dr in the face during that first session, either looking down at my lap or off into the corner. And I do have a tendency to wait till we're in the car before bringing up major issues with DH - my eyes are on the road so I don't have to look at him as I tell him what's upsetting me :thumbsup:

[redfraggle]

Well, its a relief to know I'm not the only one......

My counsellor attempted eye contact with me one day and was right in my face and I still couldn't do it..I know the trust will come, but is it really trust that I need? Or do I just need more confidence in myself to know that I won't be rejected, that my feelings aren't silly, that I am safe with her?

[Tam-I-Am]

I think its a combination of both, RF.

Having been on both sides of this arrangement (as both a psychologist myself, and a patient who has sought psych counselling), trust is a major factor in why you can't open up.

Confidence in yourself in this situation is also about trust in the other person - and trust doesn't just "happen". It has to develop, it has to be earned. And any psychologist worth their weight in gold will recognise that for some people that's harder than for others.

Give it time. tell your counsellor that you're having difficulty opening up - be as honest as you can with the things that you can be honest about. The rest will come.

Big hugs - you've taken the biggest, and one of the hardest steps in even getting yourself to the counsellor in the first place - hang in there. You're doing so well:hugs:

[sopolicha]

Maybe you have to start thinking of your counsellor as a 'Medical Professional' rather than someone who you really like. Separate the feelings of confidence that you have in her from the ones that make you think that you could be friends with this woman outside of the counselling sessions.

Whilst you are paying her to listen to your issues, she is certainly not going to reject you.

[redfraggle]

Thanks for your replies everyone.

I think you are right sopolicha. While I am paying her she will listen to me.

[TwoBlue]

Hi RF

Firstly big :hugs: to you !!

Secondly i wanted to ask if you have ever actually said outloud what the problem is? Not to anyone just outloud.... does that make sense?

I know with a problem i was having once i actually forced myself to look in the mirror and say what the problem was, i had NEVER actually spoke about the issue ever.... after that i found it easier to verbalise it again with another person.....

:hugs:

[wannabemum]

:hugs:
Hope you are feeling a little better, first of all congratulations on getting to a counsellor (its not easy)! And there is no time frame whereupon you have to let go of every little thing that has caused you greif, its really hard to do, and personally i think safer done slower, too much too fast can be deeply hard to deal with.

I suffered from chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) for the past 3 years, and with that came depression and anxiety. I went to a counsellor for about 4 months, which didn't do anything for me cause I felt strange just sitting in a chair and pouring out my emotions to a complete stranger (who knows nothing about my life). Since then I have started seeing a lady, who knows me and my family. She is a massuer and jin shin juitsu specialist (a type of energy balancing thing), she does trigger point therapy on my sore joints from CFS and I also talk to her about everything. I think because I know her and I trust her I feel open and not vulnerable to share things with her. Its a great feeling to have a "safe place" once a week to pour out your emotions... :hugs:

Maybe you should change counsellors, or even delve into a different type of counselling, like group sessions or something like that, where you can have a chance to hear other peoples problems until you feel comfortable to talk about yours. But remember there is no hurry in talking about it, it can take a long time to build up the trust and want to to talk about it. Don't be hard on yourself and good luck!!!:fingerscrossed:

love me xx:hugs: sending you hugs

[rynosmum]

You have taken the biggest step in finding her and starting to talk to her about your feelings.

The way that you have possibly built all of these feelings up inside over many years is probably the same reason why you can't feel comfortable pouring your heart out to her. If you lack trust in others or your trust has been broken in the past, you will be tentative in putting your trust in yet another person. nTat is completely understandable.

Take your time, write things down and talk to her about them when you feel comfortable. You don't have to rush the process. The fact that you are trying to make your world a better place is enough - take baby steps. The release and subsequent relief will happen soon enough :hugs:

[redfraggle]

Secondly i wanted to ask if you have ever actually said outloud what the problem is? Not to anyone just outloud.... does that make sense?


It does make sense and no I haven't tried it. Thanks for the suggestion. Might try it tonight after a few beverages.