What is the right thing to do?

[babygiggle]

We live in a large unit complex (90 townhouses), and next door to us is a mum and her 3 yr old boy...
The child is allowed free roam of the complex (apart from the pool because it's fenced) and is constantly on the road that's in the complex...
The mum is pretty lax with supervision, the boy is outside most of day by himself... He has a nap time after lunch everyday but if I'm on the car either leaving or coming home I mostly just see her sleeping and the boy playing... Last week the bedroom window screen was hanging out and looked like the boy had lent on it and could have fallen from the upstairs window while it was nap time (but I didn't see anything happen, wasn't home at the time, just an assumption based on the fact that I've seen him leaning on the screens before when it's 'naptime')...
Anyway, today he's been outside all day and has told me his mum is asleep... He got himself lunch which consisted of a piece of bread and a bottle of water, that he ate sitting outside our door looking in... I'd have fed him too, but I've got no idea if he has allergies/intolerances and don't really know what the right thing to do is?
I've not seen any sign of his mum at all today, and he just keeps telling me she is sleeping when I ask...
I also have other concerns about the fact that she's been smoking pot of an evening... Besides the fact that it's illegal, it makes our unit stink and we have to shut all the doors and windows which makes our place hold in heat...

What is the best thing to do in this situation? Is this something I should be telling DOCS?

[raisingthree]

I would start by speaking to the mother - approach it in a way that you are concerned. Next time he is on the road I would take the little boy home, knock on the door and tell her that you found him on the road, see what kind of concern she expresses and also to maybe scare her into being responsible.

It sounds like she may be depressed. I don't know if its a DOCs case just yet.

[lovemybabies!]

I'd probablt call the police, and just tell them that the little boy is out and about and you haven't seen his mother today and you aren't sure what you should do. Maybe she is hurt or something has happened. `

[Just Add Water]

I would start by speaking to the mother - approach it in a way that you are concerned. Next time he is on the road I would take the little boy home, knock on the door and tell her that you found him on the road, see what kind of concern she expresses and also to maybe scare her into being responsible.

It sounds like she may be depressed. I don't know if its a DOCs case just yet - imagine if he gets removed from his home - how will you feel?

What? Seriously? You have someone who is concerned and you want to lump guilt on them? DOCS will not rush in and remove him - they will do an investigation and offer as much assitance as possible. The reality of what DOCS do is very different from the assumptions.

OP - I would give DOCS a call, you can do it annonymously if you like. They are fantastic to offer advice and to be a sound board for you. They will also let you know if there is anything they can do. Twice I have been in a similar situation and they have been a great help, sent me out information and in both cases the parents were helped and things improved. There can be many reasons why the mother is sleeping - quite simply, she may just be unable to cope and has given up. Of course there may be much more to it as well - I'm in no position to say obviously.

Oh and I will say this - I am someone who has been investigated twice by DOCS and had police do a child welfare check on me due to my step kids mother causing problems. They spoke to my husband, the schools, the neighbours and then me. And they cleared it up quickly after making sure the kids were fine and it was all a lot of crap - and as much as it shook me to my core that I was in that position in hindsight I appreciate it - because I now have a record with them saying that I am a good parent :D

[raisingthree]

Just add water - My main point is that I don't really know if it is a DOCS case just yet - what is wrong with suggesting OP speaks to the mother first? That may be enough to make her realise her little boy is in danger when she is alseep and letting him roam around.

I was not suggesting the OP should feel guilty - maybe I worded it incorrectly - I meant that I would feel that way if I phoned DOCs and it got to that point.

The question that the OP asked has been answered by me, I don't think it is necessarily a DOCs case at this point. I think there are other steps first.

[Sheer Bliss]

IMO a 3yo wandering around for most the day with minimal food and supervision IS a DOCS case. The mum needs help, clearly. The boy needs a parent, and ATM it appears his mother isn't capable of being one, so she needs someone to intervene.

In all honesty, if she is smoking pot all night, she is not the kind of person i'd like to upset, so i wouldn't be risking my families safety by approaching her. If nothing comes of it and you end up calling DOCS then she will KNOW it was you, and possibly have some anger about it. I'd not put my family in the place of bearing the brunt of that anger.

[Just Add Water]

Because as someone who suffers from depression myself I know that generally offers of help are knocked back, particularly from people I don't know. I have an extremely supportive family network and even with them I hate admitting I need help when I am feeling down. Someone knocking on my door would more than likely make me feel much worse.

You're right, it's not a docs case in the regard of the child has to be removed immediately - but they are there for advice, that's what I said, and obviously the child needs someone to speak on his behalf. If I saw someone with a broken fence I wouldn't go and ask if they needed a hand to help with it because I have no idea how to mend fences, same as if I see someone with a child who might need some help - it's not my profession and I would hate to cause even more problems for either the child or the mother by doing what I presume to be the right thing when there is a service available for me to get advice from.

[Mrs Molly Coddle]

I think it's a case for DOCS. The child is only three and wandering around on a road/driveway that is used by the occupants of 90 units. That's a lot of cars. And although you say the pool is fenced, pool gates often get propped open by adults and forgotten about. Or perhaps an older child who doesn't know better might let him in. As far as I'm concerned, his safety is at risk and I would therefore recommend reporting her. If she IS suffering from mental illness, then they will help her, but the main priority here is her child's safety.
It's such a difficult position to be in OP. :hugs: Good on you for not just turning a blind eye.

[babygiggle]

I'm going to call DOCS, we have to go out in an hour and still no sign of the mother... I've been keeping an eye on him, while my little boy has been playing with him, but I don't feel comfortable going out tonight without telling someone what's going on since I have no idea when his mother will be able to supervise him today...

[nalla]

I'm going to call DOCS, we have to go out in an hour and still no sign of the mother... I've been keeping an eye on him, while my little boy has been playing with him, but I don't feel comfortable going out tonight without telling someone what's going on since I have no idea when his mother will be able to supervise him today...

I'd be calling the police for the immediate issue that you havent seen her today and you have to go out soon. And then after the police are called hopefully DOCS get involved. Hes 3 yrs old. Its not his responsibility to get lunch. It is hers.

He is just lucky to have someone like you nearby who cares instead of some type of predator who could easily take advantage of the situation.

I say follow your instincts.

[MamaC]

I agree with Nalla, follow your instincts. You are clearly very concerned about this and IMO it needs urgent attention. You can call the police with a "concern about welfare" for the mother and tell them about the boy. They will probably just send around a couple of officers to knock on her door to check on her. I would also be calling DOCS.

[ComeBackKid]

I would call the police asap if you have not seen the mother all day.

[raisingthree]

How did you go? Did you call Docs? The police?

[Me&MrMagoo]

I hope everything has turned out ok ... I feel sorry for the little boy - It broke my heart reading your op ...