parents seperating

[Gloominous]

Just wondering if anyone out there is/has gone through their parents seperation. I only found out yesterday and although I am a grown, married girl with two DD's of my own I'm really really upset by this. Dh say's I'm acting like someone has died, but it's just a hugh shock after 30 odd years together. Am I being to emotional?????????????

[nelly75]

Absolutely not - what a huge shock for you and you must feel so sad for both your parents.:hugs:

It must be so hard for you as I'm sure you feel torn between your parents and you want to be there for both of them as well as dealing with your own feelings.

[MissBrightside]

I dont think so either. My parents separated 3 years ago after 27 years of marriage. They got a divorce last year. It didnt really effect me that much because I kinda saw it coming they were both really unhappy together. I think they stayed together for us kids, but I think just because they are parents dosent mean they have to stay together in a loveless relationship.
You have every right to be feeling upset about it as it was probably a huge shock for you, you may not have had a clue as I did about my parents. I think I would have been very upset also if I didnt think it would ever happen.
Lots of people would come up to me and say how are you coping, are you ok etc, so I think most people no matter how old you are, think you deserve to grieve about your parents separating.
:hugs: to you, it'll all make sense in time.

[V8]

I think you have every reason to be upset. It would come as a shock to me if my parents separated after 30 years of marriage too. I hope you are ok.

[LMenz]

Hi there - You're not overreatcting at all. My parents separated when I was 17. They had been married for nearly 25 years. In my case I was sort of glad because of all the fighting. My father was also having an affair. It devestated us all for a while. My mum is still not over it and I no longer see my father (for lot's of reasons).

It will be an adjustment for everyone - Feel free to PM me if you want to talk further. :hugs: to you

[Rachel&Emma]

You're not overreacting. I cried when my parents separated. The hardest part is now seeing mum with a new man and dad so lonely

[SamanthaJane]

I would be extremely upset also... no matter how i was, how old they were, how long i'd been out of home etc etc... it's not something i would just shrug my shoulders at and "carry on" so to speak...

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Rell]

It is very normal to feel upset. My Parents seperated when I was 17yrs old (after 24yrs of marriage). For me it wasn't a big shock as I could see how unhappy they were, it was still difficult.
I hope your DH is able to give you some much needed support:hugs:

[NZMama]

It is very normal to feel upset. My Parents seperated when I was 17yrs old (after 24yrs of marriage). For me it wasn't a big shock as I could see how unhappy they were

This was the same for me. Although it was hard to see the family home break up I must admit both my parents were so much happier for it and it showed in their new lives. The hardest part for me after I got used to it was splitting holidays between the 2 towns.
:hugs: for what your going through right now...

[Gloominous]

Thanks everyone, glad to see I'm not being a sook. It did come as a huge shock to me as I didn't see it coming at all, I know they are under a lot of stress at the moment but I thought they'd pull together to get through it IYKWIM. I'm just worried about taking sides etc, cos I dont want to do that so hopefully they will try to keep it friendly, at least around me and the kids.

[NZMama]

Yes agreed because some splits can turn nasty, it did with my parents but things moved on and now its just awkward between them.
My mother took a while to change back to her maiden name because she didnt want us kids feeling like she was abandoning us by no longer having the surname, but it seemed to us to be the logical thing as she couldnt be tied to my father for the rest of her days.

[TigerBlueBear]

You are certainly not over reacting although each of us reacts differently. My parents separated when I was a teenager but for me it was a relief. They had fought (verbally only) for as long as I could remember and I can remember lying in bed as a kid just wishing they would stop yelling at each other. When they separated was a great relief because they finally stopped arguing.

The most important thing I was ever told was to realise that it has nothing to do with me and its not about me. It is their relationship that has changed not the relationship each of them has with me. Each of them may need support to help them get through it too, its not easy to let go after so many years together but even in doing this its important to remember that their reasons are their own and you should not take sides or allow yourself to be drawn into taking sides. Deal with them both equally, compassionately and fairly.

As for your own feelings, yes it is a shock, even though I was relieved it was a shock for me too, but its one of those things that is just a progression in life. Things change, people marry, babies are born, people buy houses, gain and loose jobs, die and sometimes divorce. Its sad but it is their decision. Remember the good times you had as a joined family but also look forward to the future you will continue to have with each of them on their individual terms.

[mumslilspunks]

No way are you over-reacting. My parents are seperating after 30 years!
The thing is this is my step dad! I went through my mums seperation with my birth father, ( i was only 2 so dont remember) and now this.
I think of my step father as my one and only father which is making this so hard!!
The other thing is my mum is doing all her *****ing and backstabbing to me :eek:
So i know what you are going through and it will get easier. :hugs:

[Gloominous]

Thanks again everyone. Atm they have decided to stay in the same house and try to work things out :fingerscrossed: .
It's very frustrating because they wont tell me anything, I'm still treated as the baby of the family and obviously unable to cope with anything serious. So I'm on the hunt to see if any relatives can fill me in. Apparently my dad is worried that I will hate him if it happens....I just dont know why.
I'm sorry to see so many other people have gone through it :hugs: to you all.

[stellarella]

My parents seperated when I was 13. It was my mums decision to leave my dad and she had been having an affair.

She took me and my brother and my father was devastated. I am emotionally scarred to this day as what my mother did was a totally selfish act. She had a new man living with us within a couple of months after telling my dad and us that it was just a trial seperation. She moved this man in after she sent me to my nanas for a holiday because she knew I would resist it.

It was and still is the most traumatic thing that ever happened to me, it broke my heart and I thought I would die of the pain. I tried to kill myself and run away. My mum is still with this man today and my dad is a broken man.

[1+1=5]

my mum is trying to work up the courage to leave my dad at the moment and they have been together for over 30 years. on top of that she just found out that she may have cancer so its a double shock with some dark times ahead.
it feels weird to think that my parents are separating, christmas is going to be weird now. we don't really get along with our dad much and i feel bad for him. i guess we took it for granted that mum and dad will always be there.
:hugs: to you darl and i hope it all happens without too much trauma.

[Gloominous]

Nope that's it, offically over:( . My mum has left and is stayign with an aunt. Dad is all alone in another city with no family or support. I've since found out it was his decision, hence me apparently going to hate him.:no:
Very upset today, I guess as most people say you just assume that they will always be together. I'm concerned for both of their health and mental state, I've heard from relatives that neither of them are coping very well. Not sure what to do now, guess I'll jsut wait and see.