a little forwarning - the donor journey

[leisurly]

I'm sharing my experience not to lay blame, but to try and prevent someone else going through the same pain.

I've been looking for an egg donor or embryo donor as my DH has problems the embryo donation seemed the better option, however, the gods were shining on us and we were amazingly fortunate that our clinic found us an egg donor very quickly and this has been progressing, and still being in shock at our fortune I haven't shared this information with many, didn't want to tempt fate. The aim was egg pick up the end of September.

A lovely kind person contacted me about some embryos up for adoption. I already knew of this but didn’t want to approach a donor, but as someone else had contacted me, I felt maybe this was meant to be, so contact was made. From the donors story, it appeared that all the questions had been asked and their clinic was aware they were at the point of donating. All progressed wonderfully, all in agreement that the embryos would be donated to us. I went into panic mode, felt like I was on the path of judgement, and had to search deep into my heart. My decision was I'd wanted to go down the embryo path as I was giving the opportunity of life to an embryo that was already created.

There was no guarantee that the egg donor would be successful due to my husbands infertility, I decided that I would give up the egg donor so that another family who were looking for a donor and not an embryo could also have the opportunity of a family. I ensured that the embryo family were fully informed of the facts and asked them to re think and ensure that they had covered all issues. They said yes, I saw my specialist who was so happy as he'd also had concerns about the success and the potential need for donor sperm. I cancelled the egg donor and that very evening, concerns by the couple were voiced, they were told by a counsellor that any spare embryos would be destroyed in qld. I was upset as this was not mentioned the day before and also it suggested that I would do such a thing. Luckily the couple accepted our guarantee that any spare embryo's would be returned to the couple.

The following week all was going well, they have another counselling session to sort out the paperwork for transfer of embryo's and I'm told this went very well and I also had to speak to the counsellor. While waiting for a call back from the counsellor the husband of the embryo's rang me and said following the counselling he'd decided he could not go through with it and had changed his mind.

As you can all imagine I'm devastated, I have no embryos or egg donor.

The reason I'm sharing this is to try and hope that no one else will go though this heartache, please please seek help and counselling to make sure that your really are ready to donate your eggs or embryo's before you offer them to someone, because words cannot express the hollow sick feeling I have.

Lxx

[TinyStar]

:crying: I am so sorry for what you have been through, thats just awful!

Really big :hugs: . Donation is such a wonderful gift, and should never be offered lightly.

I hope you find a marvelous kind donor soon.

[xkwzit]

Leisurly

Thankyou for sharing your story. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now, but this story could well help another couple to avoid your heartbreak. I do think you have done wonderful things, in trying to give life to the embryos, in selflessly offering you egg donor to another couple and now in sharing your story to try to help us all understand these important issues.

I am sure that you will have your wish come true - you've stocked up a lot of good Karma there.:hugs:

Cheers

[FOURtunate]

I cannot believe that you have had to go through this awful experience. As a Donor myself, I covered all of my bases before even making that initial call to my Recip. I didn't want to offer false hope, but needed info, so I cruised anonymously here at these forums (and others).

I know that some angel will step forward and fulfill your dream. You did not deserve this, and you are definitely owed some good karma very soon.

Millions of :hugs:

[sarahstarfish]

Oh L

There are no words, I am so sorry to hear what has happened.

Thankyou for sharing your hurt so others might know just how important it is to make an educated and informed decision before committing.

We are here OK if you need to talk.

Am so sorry.

xx

[Stephany]

What can I say, it is sad that some donors, not all, have no idea what we go through. First of all, trying IVF numerous times with our own eggs without success and then, seeking an egg donor who is willing to make this dream a reality. But pulling out in the last minute is just devastating !

We thank you for sharing this news and I agree that when you are considering becoming an egg donor that you need to think about it seriously between your partner and question how willing you are to go through this journey with the couple who are so desparately wanting a child.

You, I and so many others like us have gone through so much and we ask a special person to make our dream a reality.

Love
Stephanie :hugs:

[leisurly]

Thank you all so much for your kinds words and support.:kiss:

Just writting it down and sharing our experience has helped immensily, and seeing the post has been read by many helps.

Our specialist and the donor coordinators and the receptionist have been so caring and are really positive that they will be able to help us find another embryo donor I'm feeling much more positive.:fingerscrossed:

I know as the 22nd September approaches I'll feel a little down at what might have been, :crying: but we have a good life and sometimes you need to see what you have and make sure you value that.

Lxx :hugs:

[elaineh]

Dear L,
I thank you too for bringing out this really important message. It is a huge responsibility for a donor and I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. I think you are tight that these forums are just what we need - support for others experiencing the same things, a shoulder to vent and cry on and a place to share happy moments.
Good luck with you search for a new donor I'm sure there is someone out there for you.
Take care,:hugs:
Elaine.x

[Tashimoo]

HI L,

Hope you were OK yesterday. I was thinking of you yesterday and hope all goes well for you in finding another donor.

[leisurly]

Thank you Elaine and Tishimoo:kiss:

for your kind thoughts, and that was so kind to think of me yesturday Tishimoo. I'm amazed by the kindness and support given.:hugs:

My clinic has been truely amazing and has donor embryo's for me, I'm a little hessitant to say much because even not tempting fate last time i lost all, but i feel so amazingly lucky to have yet another chance I felt I must share it.:smiliedance:

will keep you posted :wave:

Lxx

[ellie72]

HI L,

I've only just caught this thread - but how devastating for you! Especially as you'd given up your donor... Am so happy to hear your clinic is being supportive in finding you another embryo donor.

love and hugs
Allie XXX

[babydreams]

Hi L, sorry I have been away and am only just catching up on your story. I found myself in tears at your devastating loss and then again that there seems to be new hope for you. My hubby's VR failed too, so I know the disappointments you have both endured. I am hoping with all my might that things work out for you this time. Thanks for sharing your ups and downs, it's important for people to know that things in the ED world are not always easy. Please keep us posted with any new developments.
Babydreams :hugs:

[leisurly]

Thank you ellie and babydreams for your kind thoughts and Tishimoo for thinking of me last week

I'm sorry i've been keeping quite and feel a bit bad for not sharig this with the kind support coming thought, but didn't want to temp fate.

My lovely clinic has been truely fansatic over the last few weeks and they offered me some little embies and today I had two embryos transfered.

They defrosted perfectly and have both gone on to divide, so looking good.

Both are quietly tucked up and hopefully bedding down for the forceable future.

The two week wait has begun, will keep you posted. And thanks again for all the kind words.

Lxx

[marcelsmum]

leisurly.

I just want to wish you the best of luck in the horrid TWW. Thank god you found a great donor to help you.

I am keeping my :fingerscrossed: and will be thinking of you.

[FunkyMonkey]

leisurly,
hope all goes well with you 2ww. I can't imagime what your feeling right now. Keeping my :fingerscrossed: for you.

[ellie72]

thanks FANTASTIC news!!!!! OMG, what a fantastic clinic, am sooo happy for you.........
take care, and hope to hear some VERY good news very soon:)
love
Allie xX

[babydreams]

Oh that's fantastic news! I hope it's YOUR turn this time, you've been through enough! Fingers crossed for you. :fingerscrossed: Please do keep us posted.
Babydreams xx

[Seekingagiftoflove]

I'm sharing my experience not to lay blame, but to try and prevent someone else going through the same pain.

I've been looking for an egg donor or embryo donor as my DH has problems the embryo donation seemed the better option, however, the gods were shining on us and we were amazingly fortunate that our clinic found us an egg donor very quickly and this has been progressing, and still being in shock at our fortune I haven't shared this information with many, didn't want to tempt fate. The aim was egg pick up the end of September.

A lovely kind person contacted me about some embryos up for adoption. I already knew of this but didn’t want to approach a donor, but as someone else had contacted me, I felt maybe this was meant to be, so contact was made. From the donors story, it appeared that all the questions had been asked and their clinic was aware they were at the point of donating. All progressed wonderfully, all in agreement that the embryos would be donated to us. I went into panic mode, felt like I was on the path of judgement, and had to search deep into my heart. My decision was I'd wanted to go down the embryo path as I was giving the opportunity of life to an embryo that was already created.

There was no guarantee that the egg donor would be successful due to my husbands infertility, I decided that I would give up the egg donor so that another family who were looking for a donor and not an embryo could also have the opportunity of a family. I ensured that the embryo family were fully informed of the facts and asked them to re think and ensure that they had covered all issues. They said yes, I saw my specialist who was so happy as he'd also had concerns about the success and the potential need for donor sperm. I cancelled the egg donor and that very evening, concerns by the couple were voiced, they were told by a counsellor that any spare embryos would be destroyed in qld. I was upset as this was not mentioned the day before and also it suggested that I would do such a thing. Luckily the couple accepted our guarantee that any spare embryo's would be returned to the couple.

The following week all was going well, they have another counselling session to sort out the paperwork for transfer of embryo's and I'm told this went very well and I also had to speak to the counsellor. While waiting for a call back from the counsellor the husband of the embryo's rang me and said following the counselling he'd decided he could not go through with it and had changed his mind.

As you can all imagine I'm devastated, I have no embryos or egg donor.

The reason I'm sharing this is to try and hope that no one else will go though this heartache, please please seek help and counselling to make sure that your really are ready to donate your eggs or embryo's before you offer them to someone, because words cannot express the hollow sick feeling I have.

Lxx
Thank you for sharing your story - I can only imagine some of the pain you must be feeling - my heart goes out to you. Louise

[leisurly]

Thank you Louise

I've been very fortunate and my clinic offered me donor embryos, although the first pregnancy did not continue I'm presently 14 weeks pregnant with twins, it was however, an experience i truely hope others do not have to experience.

Lxx