Where are all the Stay at Home Dads?

[elisabethsewell]

OK I know that I am a mum but my husband has taken on the enormous responsibility of looking after our kid’s full time. He has been doing this for 12 months now and I can't believe the lack of social networks - play groups etc for the stay at home dad.

Men don't talk about the same things as women. They talk about sport the weather and other men stuff. Yesterday he noticed that our next door neighbour had a mutual friend over for a play date and a chat, both were women - he said, “I don't really have anyone that I can do that with as most of my mates work etc.”

So I challenge all of the stay at home dads in the Manly area to make contact, I will help get the network started and you guys can start enjoying an interesting relaxed environment to have fun with your kids but the mental stimulation of male adult company.

The first play date will be at Queenscliff Park next Wednesday 19th at 10am - if it is raining then perhaps our house in Balgowlah would be an option - depending on the numbers of course.

Look forward to hearing from you.
Lizzie wife of Alan and mum to Isobel and Tom

[dadwa]

I think it is a universal thing, no matter where you are.

There is definitely a lack of dads groups, normally we get pushed into being friends with the husbands of the wives our wives meet.

Not sure what the answer is to it all!!

[korfire]

Strange. What about church playgroups? I attend one (QLD) and there are quite a few Dad's. We invite them to all of our gatherings.

I think it depends on your community. Even at the gym I see Dad's dropping their kids into the creche and having a chat.

[Roofless]

I completely agree with the lack of social support for Stay at home Dads. I have been a SAHD for just over 6 months now and have yet to find any Dad's group anywhere in Melbourne's west. Funnily enough my wifes Mothers group didn't like the idea of me attending either...
Even looking at this forum, the Dads section has more women in it than men. lol.

I must admit that I had a hard time convincing myself that being a SAHD was a good thing, being raised to believe that that Mum stayed at home while Dad worked. Even now alot of people look down on me for staying at home and that does weigh heavily on my mind sometimes but you learn to deal with it.

From my experience I can only conclude that SAHD's are ashamed to admit they care for their child/children and this may explain why there are so few around..

[Grant]

Hi Roofless,
I'm a reporter with a newspaper in Meblourne's western suburbs and I'm trying to find stay at home dads to interview.
Could you contact me at grant.reynolds@fairfax.com.au ?

Thanks

[Dad4life]

I completely agree with the lack of social support for Stay at home Dads. I have been a SAHD for just over 6 months now and have yet to find any Dad's group anywhere in Melbourne's west. Funnily enough my wifes Mothers group didn't like the idea of me attending either...
Even looking at this forum, the Dads section has more women in it than men. lol.

I must admit that I had a hard time convincing myself that being a SAHD was a good thing, being raised to believe that that Mum stayed at home while Dad worked. Even now alot of people look down on me for staying at home and that does weigh heavily on my mind sometimes but you learn to deal with it.

From my experience I can only conclude that SAHD's are ashamed to admit they care for their child/children and this may explain why there are so few around..

I have the same issue when it comes to mothers groups....society (women) seem to be having trouble accepting the fact that fathers are taking on a different role when it comes to children. it also comes down to what seems to be sexist behavior from what I have observed, so its a bit of a mix. hopefully if enough fathers voice this we might see more dad stuff? mind you up near me I have found a dads group but I have lost the flyer for it so I'm a bit disappointed lol (still trying to find the flyer):freakingout:

[mummaof4]

the mothers groups ive attended have always had a couple of dads there! i think its great :)

dads should definitely give it a go, a friends hubby had his first taste of parent helper in his sons kindy class and cant wait to go back! how awesome is that!!! :) something i doubt i could ever convince my hub to even try!

[JustShiney]

It is definitely a sexist issue, but i think it comes from an innate protectiveness women tend to have when it comes to kids. Just as men/boys have the ancient role of "provider" deeply ingrained, so too women/girls have a similarly ingrained role of protector. Its the old "stranger-danger" fear. Like any male is seen as a potential threat to the children! And since it is only in very recent decades that roles are changing, its hard to fight those insticts.

I dont agree with it, but i am not surprised that men are not welcome at "mums groups". Its a real shame and definitely needs to change since there are still too few brave dads around taking on being a SAHD to have dads groups everywhere.

Roofless, its a pity you're in the west, as the playgroup i used to attend in Berwick usually had around 3 or 4 dads in the group. So definitely keep searching the traditional groups as there are a few around that are happy to welcome dads into the mix.

[bellalika]

Roofless, move to Eastern Melbourne. There is a full Dad's Only Playgroup at our centre.


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[Roofless]

Move to the East??? Umm thanks, but no thanks. My wife is from Narre Warren Nth and when we bought out in Sunshine her parents were shocked. They expected us to buy around Berwick. Part of the reason I'm able to stay at home is due to the money we saved buying in the west rather than the east. Being raised in the country, I cant handle the east, Everyone is in too much of a hurry and prices for being that far away from the city are a joke. It would be great to have a Dads group like that out this way but I haven't found one yet. One day a group like that will pop up but till then its the backyard...

[bellalika]

Fair enough. BIL is moving to Hoppers Crossing for that reason. Depends where you work too if it is an option.


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[2darlingboys]

Swimming!
I'm only mum

[Bmanto2]

totally agree i went to a few mothers group meetings with my daughter and they were happy at first but then they didnt like it.

Id love for a dads group but there just isnt enough sahd and the dads that work seem to have attitude that your lower than them.

The sahd is a growing area and they need to give it a little more attention now

[GrantM]

Hi Dad's Im 29 and I have 2 boys aged 2 and 4. I took on the SAHD role just before our youngest son was born. We moved to Melbourne's North West last year from Qld and we don't know anyone!

I put the boys into daycare one day a week just for them to interact with other children but unfortunately that's where it has stayed. I haven't found I've been able to meet any of the other parents rushing home from work so my kid's haven't made any friends they can see outside of daycare.

My partner is a prep teacher and I teach drum kit after hours when she returns from work to take over the kids...it is a great arrangement but we lack any social network with other parents of young kids. Anyone please feel free to contact me if you'd like to get the kids together in a park for a play or unofficial play group. I've found my interactions with people in my field of music have always had a negative reaction when I've told them I'm a SAHD. Come on dad's break the mold and get in touch.

[SarahJaneWoulahan]

Hi Bellalika

Just saw your post about a Dad's playgroup at your centre. What centre is that?

Thanks :) sj

[SarahJaneWoulahan]

Hi Grant

My name is Sarah-Jane - I'm a filmmaker based in Melbourne. I'm developing a documentary about stay at home Dads and would love to speak to you about your experiences. Can I get in touch with you via email? My contact is sj@nancyvaudeville.tv

I'm actually an ex QLDer now in Melbourne too. I have a 7 month old girl - She might not be up to playing with your boys just yet :)

thanks and hope to hear from you. cheers sj

[bellalika]

___

[bigbadbrad]

Hi Sarah Jane,

The Bub Hub helps lots of people source parents for relevant research please post your request in the Research Help section

Regards
BBB

[Paul64]

Hi there guys and girlies

What an interesting subject we've got ourselves onto....and a very relevant one also.

Now I reckon I've got the best of both worlds here. Yeah, I know, we've heard that before, but I really do think I've hit the balance between 'man time' and touchy feely girl time. Here it is.

I'm a shift worker. I do four days on then four days off. Yes, that's 50/50 work, not at work. At work I get to talk with my workmates about absolutely everything and anything we need to talk about in regard to raising our kids, relationships, wives, sport, weather, sport, cars, sport OK, you get it...whatever.
Yes, we're a pretty liberated group around here. And of course, I also get 'man time' at the same time. Sometimes we even enjoy a cleansing ale after the shift is finished.

Now, on my days off, one day a week I take my 10 month old DD to swimming where I hang out in the baby pool and talk about breast feeding with the mums and their kids, even though I don't have breasts, I know what breasts are and what they can be used for. We also talk about settling, sleeping, teething, toys, good cafes where kids are welcome, playtime, car seats, booster seats, nappies, sex (when,how...), clothes for kids, baby wipes, babysitters, birth experiences, ... need I go on?

Look, the point is, if you're struggling to find 'man time' groups because they are thin on the ground, just involve yourselves in whatever group is going. I have and I wouldn't change a thing. I'm a little stunned by how quickly I was accepted and the scary things these woman talk about while I'm there, but that's cool. I have a strong stomach.:freakingout:

Now, I must go cos I need to get the baby bag organised for tomorrow mornings play date at the kid friendly play cafe. Coffee and cake.....Mmmmmmmmm cake.

Cheers and kindest regards

Paul
SA

[bigbadbrad]

Totally agree with Paul,

Working from home means I get to do swim lessons, school pick ups and even tuckshop. So I am often feeling a little Oestrogen whipped but once you break the ice it is all good! Support is support no matter what gender you get it from.

I am investigating ways to get more men involved in the forum and more resources for Dads generally. In the meantime I found Playgroup was very accepting of me and Dads in general.

Also have to say that SAHDs are likely to become more prevelant, by no means the majority, but I personally feel that many SAHD are a litte shy about coming forward because many people (who are generally insecure and clueless) might belittle them.

I say bringing up your kids is the MOST important job in the world. Be Proud!

All the best
BBB

[Paul64]

Fantastic...oestrogen whipped. Man, I'm looking forward to tuckshop time too.

I'm sure you're enjoying hanging out with the oestrogen equipped people as much as I do. Some time ago after our playgroup had been running for a while, all the girls, all seven of them left me to wrangle the kids while they all left and went to order their coffee and carrot cake. I was sitting on the floor with seven wriggling bags of potatoes all hell bent in going a different direction. Now I found that a huge, monumental leap of faith on their part...and a great honour that they considered me worthy of ensuring the safety of their precious little ruggies. A few minutes later the mums came back and they had ordered coffee and cake for me too. How good was that?

I only work 2 day shifts out of eight, so I hope that classifies me as a SAHD...more or less. OK, what about a Part SAHD? ...PSAHD...Yeah, that will work.

They may talk more about feelings, relationships and pendulous breasts a little more than I care for, but that's what the majority like there. We also talk about the latest footy results, gapping their plugs and snaking the toilet too. Don't forget, the girls enjoy footy almost as much as we do. They just don't quite live and breathe it the way we do.

So would I go out actively seeking a men only group? No I wouldn't. I would actively seek out a group that fulfils my needs at the time, and right now we get a few dads along when they aren't working and I get to have a great natter with them and we enjoy it. But for the majority of the time, its a few baby girls, a few baby boys, the mums and me. It makes me feel like a big Silverback taking care of my family group.

Cheers and kindest regards

Paul
SA

[loisj]

Hi everyone,

I work for Playgroup Australia, and so the BubHub administrator brought this conversation to my attention. I thought you might all be interested in some Playgroup information for Dads.

Firstly, there are lots of Playgroups out there that welcome both Mums and Dads. It's quite common for people to try a number of different Playgroups until they find the right mix of people, dates, times and venues that suit them. To find an existing Playgroup in your local area (exclusively Dads or otherwise), phone your state or territory Playgroup Association on free call 1800 171 882. Some states also have an online search facility where you can find Playgroups by postcode - visit http://www.playgroupaustralia.com.au and click on your home state to start.

The next option if you can't find a Playgroup that you like is to start your own! Again, your state or territory Playgroup Association can help out with everything you need to know to get started, and you might also be eligible to access funding as a Supported Playgroup. You'll find a great step-by-step guide to starting a Playgroup here http://www.joinaplaygroup.com.au/StartaPlaygroup.aspx

We always say that Playgroups are for the parents as much as the kids - a place to meet new people at a similar stage in their lives and build those important support connections, particularly when you're new to the area. If you think Playgroups could be doing more for stay at home Dads, we'd love to hear from you. Have your say in our Facebook poll at http://www.facebook.com/playgroupaustralia, or email us at info@playgroupaustralia.com.au.

Go Dads! :)

[Roofless]

I just wanted to add that a few people here seem to think I haven't tried different things to socialize my son. I am not just seeking Men only groups although that is preferred.
I've gone to many different groups and centre's based in the Western suburbs of Melbourne. Even tried meeting a couple of people from the forums who were no shows.
I have however managed to get My son into a playgroup which is only 1x45min session per week. I guess that's better than nothing.
The only groups I have been able to find within 30 minutes of here aside from the one we are attending are for non english speaking, special needs or young Mums...
ALL of the others have either said that they are booked out or they have said Males were not welcome! At least the later were honest.

I don't know what area you other Blokes are from or what ages your children are but we dont have tuck-shops down here unless your at school.

[Paul64]

Yes, it does sound like you have a genuine problem here Roofy. Now this has worked for me in the past, it works for some but may not work for all.

Try sticking your nose into your local community centre and asking just what is available. You may be surprised with the answer you receive. If they don't have anything suitable...yet...put your name down and make yourself the contact for a new group that you can form for parents of little ones of the age you're involved with. If a group doesn't exist, start your own. Ask the centre if they can maintain a list of interested parents for you and make yourself the point of first contact for other interested likeminded parents. It may involved a few phone calls early on but it could just work out too.

Hey, it's just an idea. Give it a go. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Cheers and kindest regards
Paul
SA