Please Help!!

[HailsnMillie]

I'm in desperate need of some advice regarding my DD and my new partner. We have now been together for 4mths and things are going great between us but things with my DD whose 4 arent :(
He's absolutely wonderful and he's great with her and he's never seen her as an obstical in our relationship right from the start. I introduced them early on in the picture because it was important to me and DD doesnt go to her fathers a lot so dating isn't very easy. So at the beginning of our relationship she loved my new partner, always following him around and they'd sit down and read together etc, it was really great.
Now and probably for the last 2mths she has turned totally the opposite. He'll come over and say hello and she'll just snarl at him and pull a horrible face. If she wants something and I'm busy he'll offer to help her or get it for her and she'll snap and say "no i don't like you i want mummy to do it" But then every now and then i'll catch her approaching him and sitting on his lap, just the other day she climbed onto his lap snuggled up and fell asleep. If we are at our house she'll ask to go to his place but when we are there she's rude and horrible to him and ask to come home.
We are always doing stuff that involves her and she'll be fine most of the day, even caught a photo of them holding hands walking together on a bush walk.
I'm just at a loss of what to do??? He's starting to get upset with the amount of times she's saying she doesnt like him or hates him which makes me get upset. I don't know if her father is telling her things and messing with her head, I'm constantly telling her that it's okay to have lots of friends but she's just all over the place with her emotions as to whether or not she likes him.
Can anyone give me any advice or have you been in the same situation?

[HowCrazyCool]

Is your Ex the sort of person who would say something?

Maybe she is just confused.

When this happens with my stepdaughter and after nearly 3 years IT STILL DOES!!

1 i ignore it.
2 if it keeps going, i sit her down and say K* i feel really sad when you say that to me, it makes me want to cry. ( she usually gets sad too and says sorry, once she said she didn't care:rolleyes:)
3 if it still keeps going that day, i get her dad to deal with it.


Dsd is about to turn 5 in April. This last year 4-5 was HORRIBLE she was a lot more mean to me. ( she discovered how to be, she was thinking lots more then ever before. Jealous of mine and her dads time together )
Which is a very valid thing on most levels.
We tried to make her time with us activity based, Did puzzles together, did painting together.
BEST thing i did was go and spend some money on HEAPS of craft stuff. i had DSD start of last year not really wanting to do things with me, to begging me to do crafts. We would just sit there, have a chat sometimes, but mostly just sit and do craft. And she was a lot more happier to just sit with me other times, just be comfortable around me. Here dad was usually in the other room, but he would sometimes join in.

So i would grab some planes, cars, and other things for your Dp to paint and decorate, and get to it.
I would usually do it before tea, so maybe your Dp can do it while you are cooking tea?


Sorry for the rambling.

[smileygirl]

perhaps you are spending too much time together for her?

maybe she asks to go over to his house to test you? maybe she wants you to say "no, today i just want to be with you hun"

it does sound like he is a good guy...just maybe an overdose now the initial novelty has worn off.

perhaps start verbalising more when you choose time just for her...and make days together a bit shorter till she adjusts to him.

also, kids sometimes have a 6th sense for things and she possibly does not get a good vibe and does not totally understand it yet.

[HailsnMillie]

Thanks for replying. Well it's now got to the point that we have decided to go to councilling. I feel my ex is just filling her head with **** and when she goes there he let's her run riot. He's the type of dad that thinks that 3 milkshakes is a sufficient meal plan for a whole day foe her.
So we will get some help to figure out what's going on in her mind and what we can do to lesson her stress and anxiety etc. We've all shed lots of tears this last week and enough is enough. We absolutely love each other and want to work as a team til all our resources are exhausted so we know we gave it 100%.
Plus her father has decided he'd like to apply for a job that won't keep him in the state anyway so dd will need help coping with that too if it happens.

[raisingthree]

I think you are doing the right thing by going to counselling.

There are times when my new DH and my two children have issues.

I just make sure they spend some "alone" time together that is fun. This year DH took my two boys to the snow for a week without me and without our daughter. They loved it. Often I'll say to the boys "you can stay at home with mummy and help me with the housework or would you like to go to the skatepark with K**" to show them that he can be fun too.

I know its not always possible to go on a holiday but what about the park, ask DD if she would like to go to the park with your new partner (if you are comfortable with that of course) and maybe suggest he does something with her thats just for her (e.g. eat an ice-cream together, push her on her bike).

I think encouraging "their" time together is one way of helping as it shows her that he likes her too and is not just hanging around to be with you.