What have I gotten myself into :(

[Bryden]

I'm just going to jump right in because honestly I don't know how much more I can take.My DS3 is completely unpredictable in every aspect but mostly where sleep is concerned. I'm so encredibly sad and embarassed to admit that i don't 'enjoy' him, I'm constantly tense and anxious because I know there's always going to be lots of crying and very little sleeping. Sometimes I don't even want to look at him:crying::(

I wouldn't even hazard a guess as to when he'll sleep or for how long, because it would be a useless waste of my time.
I've tried The No Cry Sleep Solution and The Baby Whisperer and either my bub is the devil reincarnate or I'm the world's crappiest parent (and I'd opt for the latter) because nothing works.

He has once slept for 8 hours straight and he used to be an alright sleeper, feeding every 3 - 5 hours but resettling straight away but he's just getting progressivley worse. He never resettles (or even settles) easy now and to be brutally honest I am sick of hearing his crying. He has an extremely loud, foul pitched cry that makes me want to poke my ears with a sharp object. I used to feel terrible for him, I hate to hear him cry but now I just feel terrible, I can't take it anymore. I'm tired, angry and anxious but mostly just so very sad. I've failed him and my older boys (who are missing out on so much) and I don't know how to fix it. Honestly I'm so tired my eyes sting every time I blink:(

He's 8 months old, breastfed, eating 3 solid meals a day plus snacks. He's 95th percentile for weight and length and seems to be reaching all his milestonees accordingly. He has recently got his 1st tooth, so I know some of his restlessness is attributed to that but surely not the last couple of months? Especially since he used to sleep OK. He was having 2 day sleeps, one in the morning for 1-2 hours and one in the afternoon for about 1 hour and then he did sleep during night but was feeding once or twice which I am totally fine with - I actually really loved those late night feeds, just me and him snuggled together... but now he finishes his feed, and most times cries. I've even tried giving him formula but that didn't help at all. It's like he can't get back to sleep or something. I really am at a total loss. I've tried all sorts of things.... music, white noise, low lighting, co-sleeping, self settling, rocking, patting, singing, getting daddy to help him to sleep, Brauer Calm, panadol, bonjella... etc
Maybe I'm just a crappy mum?

Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks - Reece

[the girls mum]

Im sorry I dont have any advice for you but I imagine someone on here will.

I just wanted to give you a masssssive hug and tell you you are NOT a crap mum - NO WAY, NO HOW!!!!

Munch was a horrid sleeper up to about 8 months and I resorted to cio (not everyones cup of tea) - she is a great sleeper now - some babies are cr@p sleepers and then they just 'get it' - it shall pass but I do know how terrible sleep deprivation is!!

Do you have a friend that can come and watch the kids while you just sleep and sleep and sleep???

Dont feel guilty about 'not enjoying him' at all - there where days where my husband would walk in the door and i would seriously say to him whilst thrusting munch at him - 'take this child before I throw her out the fn window!" I NEVER would and I loved her more then life itself but oh my god she was hard!

The older they get the easier - again massive hugs xoxox

[Opaque]

You are not a cr@p mum!!!

I could have written this post two & a half years ago... Turns out my boy had glue ears... He had such pressure problems in his little head... He use to scream, fuss & carry on... I was up on average 8x a night doing the settling thing (that never worked).

My gp suggested phenergan, he was only 9mthd old..... It didn't even work... I was at all sorts of dr's and stuff & ended up at an ENT. He took one look in his ears and he was scheduled for surgery the next day for grommets... He was a completely different child upon waking from the op. The post op pain was obviously less than what he was going through for the past 8 mths while we flipped from dr to dr....

Get him checked out... Im not saying he's got the same issues as my ds but there's something going on maybe & Atleast you can rule out any medical probs then too...

Hang in there, we're all doing the best we can with what we got... And remember you will find a solution & you are not a cr@p mum!!

[deany]

first of all you are not a bad mum.if you were you wouldn't have tried all those different things to find a solution.i believe you should get him checked by a doctor to rule out reflux or sore ears etc.if he doesn't have any medical issues then maybe call ngala or your child health nurse to find a way to reteach him to sleep?! best of luck and know it wont last forever they do eventually grow out of it.

[bundmum]

if you were a crap mum then you wouldn't care.

[surfergal]

Firstly Reece lovey you are not a crap mum, your a top mum and one of the reasons i know that is you have come to BH looking for support and answers...

My DD nearly 8 months can also be very unpredicatble in the sleep department, she does however go back to sleep, but getting her to bed at night can take at the most up to 3 hours on a very bad night, although this hasn't happened for a couple of months now, but most nights i have to allow myself up to one - one and a half hours to get her to bed, then she may rewake within 30 min or 45 mins or 3 hours, usually then she will sleep until 430 am when she has another feed. DD is BF. Her day sleeps are totally hit and miss some weeks she is no fuss out like a light for 1.5 hour am sleep to 2 hour pm sleep. But the last few days she has refused her pm sleep...

I too find myself getting anixous at her bedtime.. never knowing what to expect.. i look at her and i think how can an 8 month old baby Lord it over there 35 year old mother..

I guess for me though is i have really tried to relax and live with it.. I don't expect to go out and socialise as if my mum did look after her there is always the chance she will rewake and she won't go back down without a BF. She too is also above with her weight and eats three good solid meals per day. She does resettle after waking in the night though, talks to herself and then goes to sleep.. but a few nights recently she didn't, turns out she had an ear infection.

I hope you find an answer soon as you sound like you are in a dire situtation.. have you thought about sleep school? Take care L xo

[Bryden]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I have a few friends here but they're all pretty busy and can't help. All of DH's family are here but they won't help. In fact they're disappointed in my lack of helping them! I usually cook and babysit and organise parties etc. But I've quit that too because they won't recipricate. I know that's harsh but I have nothing left to give them and there's a whole bunch of problems with them. (that's a whole different thread though - a huge one..lol)
All of my family would love to help and do when we visit them, problem is they're all in QLD and we're stuck here because of DH's work.
That's one of the reasons I feel like a terrible mum, we were supposed to go and stay with my family over christmas (my dad is terminally ill) but I had to cancel because I knew it would make DS3 worse and my Dr advised against it because he was fairly sure I have PND. But here's the bad part - sometimes I resent DS3 for it :eek: I know that was my dad's last christmas and I missed it. Maybe this is part of bub's problem too? if I'm upset and stressed about my dad maybe he is too?

He is also a reflux baby but this seems different to me. I will take him back to our paed though.

I have thought about a sleep school but I have no-one to care for our older 2 boys so I'm not sure how that would work. i will ask our MCHN on Tuesday when I see her.

I guess I just have to suck it up and get on with it. He's a beautiful bub, gorgeous big blue eyes and a smile that could light the darkest of rooms, maybe it's just me that's making it dark.

Thanks again for your support ladies.

R

[heeeeerekittykitty]

Hi darling . Wow , your FAR from a terrible mum . Look what your dealing with day in day out . Your an amazing mum . We all have felt exactly how you have felt toward our children , please please don't be hard on yourself . And you stated below " I guess I just have to suck it up" . Well you have been , and have been doing it well indeed ! You've been dealing and living with this everyday since he was born , so your certainly " sucking it up" but that doesn't mean your not welcome to come on here and cry/vent/rant anytime you need to .

I have no advice I'm sorry ( useless piece of crap I am !!) excep. I would absolutely take him to a pead, explain everything in the littlest detail ( write it all down if you have to so you forget NOTHING) and that way you can try and find out if there is something causing this or bothering him . There may be , there may not be but atlwast then you'll know .

Some babies are just very high
maintenence in my opinion , and some are a breeze . But just see the pead to reasure youself and for bubs sake incase genus in pain from something . I'd do that asap .

If your are a crappy mum then I guess I better join the club because I KNOW there is nothing bothering my son yet at almost one he is the crappiest sleeper too . Since birth has never slept longer than a four hour stretch . Each and every night since the day he was born he has NEVER gone longer . Last three months he can't EVER get past 2.5 hours . Each and every wake up I feed him or have to cuddle and rock him back
to sleep . Day sleeps, needs to be pushed in the stroller forever to fall asleep . Bed time , forget it . Like a previous poster stated , I allow an hour or two for that . On a GOOD night . I now refuse to have people over in the evening. They just don't get it . They really don't . I know that they are not only judging what a bad sleeper he is , but judging how I react to that bad sleeping ( I won't ever let him cry) . It just causes me anxiety to have people here while I am trying to do my thing with a tired screaming ds who just won't settle down , is too worried he may miss out on something , won't sit still and fights me till the end blah blah the list goes on...... I just want peace to deal with it . It's very isolating . I've posted many a thread on here about ds and he's sleeping and I'm sure there will b. Many more to come seeing as I'm due to gave another baby in 3 months .

So please don't feel useless. As you can see above , your not alone . It's not your mothering . It's nothing your doing or not doing . Your dealing with this with
NO support while raising 2 other children .
Your doing bloody fantastic in my book!

And what you said about how you feel toward your son . I hear you . I REALLY do . What munchies mummy said about throwing little munch at her husband the second he walked in the door ? I get that !!! I have all the patience in the world sometimes. And it kills me to hear ds cry . I'm real soft in that regard . And other times , I am disgusted in myself at how ANGRY
I feel at ds . So angry . So frustrated that he will not just shut up and go to sleep . So resentful . So , god , just everything !!! Pure frustration . Then comes the guilt like you . Feeling so terrible that at times I feel this way toward my poor precious son who just wants to go to sleep but doesn't know how and needs mummys help. But deep down , I know my feelings are normal . We are only human . Not robots . And these emotions are normal , and anyone that at one point or another hasn't felt them I dare to say perhaps hasn't been tested day in day out by a screaming baby or a terrible sleeper . So don't best yourself up about those feelings .

All the best , please feel free to come on here anytime , or pm me. You'll always find support on bubhub . It's hard doing it alone .
I've got an amazing hands on hubby in every way , BUT , night times and dealing with ds and he's sleeping , hmmm, not he's strong point . He does zilch in that department , it's hard doing it all alone .
Love kitty xoxo

sorry in advance for any spelling errors , bloody iPhones kill me :-) xo

[chicken and eggs mum]

You are certainly not alone. PP on here have given you some great advice.

I resetned my DD1 for a long time, she didint sleep, wouldnt feed, was horrible to look after and I really didint enjoy her at all. Combine this with about an hours sleep each night (broken in to 10 or 15 minute blocks) and i was a walking disaster...... I didint function, had pnd and just generally had a break down.

Get to the MCHN/GP/PEAD and get everything checked out to make sure there are no underlying problems (DD1 ended up being lactose intolerant!). If there isnt, seriosuly consider sleep school or even a day program, or someone to come to your house!

You are not a bad mum! good mums realise when they need help!! I certainly felt like a crap mum when I asked for help, I felt like a failure, but then I realised no, this is a way of coping, I am not an expert and i do need help!!

HUGS HUGS HUGS time a million!! There are many of us who have been where you are!!! :-)

xxx

[Bubbles10]

Another mum with a non-sleeping bub here!:wave: I don't think those who haven't been through it can understand how much it sucks and how it can affect how you feel about bub (even when you trying not to let it).

take care of yourself

[Bryden]

Thanks again everyone. I feel better just knowing that I'm not alone (although I truly hope you're all getting lots of sleep!)

I was really starting to doubt mysef as a parent. I mean I've had two babies before DS3 I should know what to do... right?

I'm going to book him in to see an osteo tomorrow too - I've heard they can be beneficial for reflux bubs - here's hoping:fingerscrossed:

It just seems to me that everywhere I turn (friends, family and prefessional) the only advice I get is to put him on formula.

Surely it's got to get better!

R

[trishalishous]

DD is about the same ages as your DS, and if it helps, her sleep has been shocking too lately!
Fingers crossed for cooler weather!

[heeeeerekittykitty]

:

It just seems to me that everywhere I turn (friends, family and prefessional) the only advice I get is to put him on formula
R

tell them rubbish ! My ds has been formula fed from birth and from birth he was bloody like this !! You keep breastfeeding your bub and ignore them . It's all about the babys temperement ( or other reasons such as if they are not well / in pain etc ) it's got nothing to do with what your putting
in their mouth ( formula or bm) you couldn't be feeding him a better food than Breastmilk!!

Good luck with the osteo . ( typed as I sit on the couch feeding ds , he's third wake up since bedtime at 7 grrrrrrr...... And the
nights just started . Your so not alone honey and you don't enjoy that other people are sleep deprived too but it's certainly nice knowing your not the only one in that isolated lonely sleep deprived world :-( xoxo

[Bryden]

tell them rubbish ! My ds has been formula fed from birth and from birth he was bloody like this !! You keep breastfeeding your bub and ignore them . It's all about the babys temperement ( or other reasons such as if they are not well / in pain etc ) it's got nothing to do with what your putting
in their mouth ( formula or bm) you couldn't be feeding him a better food than Breastmilk!!

Good luck with the osteo . ( typed as I sit on the couch feeding ds , he's third wake up since bedtime at 7 grrrrrrr...... And the
nights just started . Your so not alone honey and you don't enjoy that other people are sleep deprived too but it's certainly nice knowing your not the only one in that isolated lonely sleep deprived world :-( xoxo

Thankyou! I guess I always knew somewhere inside that I'm doing the right thing but I started to doubt myself.

I actually tried Noah on formula but it didn't help, he was more spewy, it was more work and I think he even got cranky at me. When I Bfed him again he wouldn't look in my eyes like he always does! He's already so strong willed it scary.

Hopefully this means because we've copped some flack from our bubs now they'll breeze through the teenage years :D?
I guess I can always hope.

I have to say I feel alot less alone talking to a complete stranger on here than I have in a long time. I hope you know just how much your honest, kind and thoughtful words have helped me. You've made my world seem a little brighter and I hope you receive the same ten fold!

R

[heeeeerekittykitty]

I know what you mean about doubting yourself . I only started a thread the other day about how sad and disheartened I felt that I was still in this vicious cycle of a baby that's a shocking sleeper and was doubting myself , my abilities to cope with another baby on top of it etc . We ALL need reassurance . And you know what , all those posts and replies made my day . I said to the ladies that responded , they were not just words on a screen to me. They REALLY added abit of brightness to my life and re-energized me that km not alone , this is not my fault or anything I'm doing wrong , and I CAN do this when the new baby comes along . I have no-one in real life to talk to about this . Every single person has a baby that sleeps through . Every.single.one :-( makes me feel like the hopeless mother who doesn't know what she's doing . It makes me so happy to hear that this thread has helped, it really does .

See , you tried formula and bub rejected it so your doing the right thing . And I sure know what you mean about strong willed little boys. They better nor give us grief when they're older !!! We've done the hard yards now !!!

As you can see by the time I'm up AGAIN with ds going nutty !! But again , we Mothers manage to survive another night , that's what I tell myself when I doubt myself or feel like I'm the only idiot up all night with a non sleeping one year old.

I actually think you sound like a fantastic mum . I hope from here on you feel freedom mentally that your not doing anything wrong and your not a bad mum. It's SO liberating to just accept how it is and that it's not your fault. And just do what you must do each and every nap/sleeptime/resettle to keep sane . If it works , just do it I say !!! Once I gave into my situation , no fighting it , no doubting , just surrendered it became so much easier to handle . Easier said than done I know . And whenever I begin to struggle and need hope and support again
, i jump right back on here and start a thread lol :-)

Better go get a whole half hour to hour sleep before the next wake up !!

Xoxo

[mummyjac]

Hi :wave:
Just wanted to ask,what is he on for his reflux? Some meds they give become ineffective after a while,or he may need a higher dose. And congratulations for sticking to BF, I tried it with both my reflux babies and it was not great, sent me :freakingout:. Have you tried excluding dairy and soy from your diet? Reflux bubs can react to them. Also,solids can be a nightmare for some as well. Do you notice him being unsettled after having certain things? These were just a few things that popped into my head. Your DS3 sounds just like my youngest when his reflux is bad.
:hugs:Your a great Mum,I know how bad it can be.
HTH