Introductions

[goosiegander]

Hi
Im not sure how many of you are out there who have decided to stop all treatments and move on with life without children but I have asked for this forum so we could have a place for ourselves to help each other through the tough times of trying to move on!

I thought we would start off with an introduction

I’m Natalie (33) my husband is Braulio (30) we meet in 2000 when Braulio was in the US Marines. We tried and survived a long distance relationship and married in 2002. Braulio still had some time left in the Marines so after our wedding he flew back to where he was stationed, finally joining me in Dec 2002. I thought this time apart would be the hardest part of our relationship, however, this was a piece of cake compared to what we both would endure trying to bring a child into our lives. After our time apart, we spent our first year enjoying each other and decided to seriously start trying in Dec 2003, after all we were young, surely we had time on our side?


In 2004, I had a cervical cancer scare that required surgery as well as putting TTC on hold. Once we were given the all clear, we were back to trying, but when still no baby by the end of 2005, we decided to seek help. We saw our fertility specialist in Jan 06 when I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure. The first IVF opening was for Sept that year, so in the wait time, we completed 4 rounds of IUI and even more attempts at well time intercourse, all with no success.



We have since attempted 9 rounds of IVF, each time getting only 1 or 2 viable eggs, so never enough for a frozen transfer at a later date. Sadly, none of our fertilised eggs resulted in a successful pregnancy. In our downtimes from IVF I tried everything imaginable to improve our chances of a viable pregnancy, herbs, weight loss, acupuncture, all to no avail.



The time then came to accept that the premature ovarian failure was holding us back from the family we were so desperate for so we turned to egg donation. My friend had asked me if she could donate so in 2008 we completed all the paper work and counseling and in Feb 2009 we cycled together. Lorraine was fantastic through the whole process and was able to help me get 5 beautiful blasty embryos....unfortunately out of those 5 we got 1 ectopic and the rest BFN. It took me awhile to get over the ectopic with personal counseling needed. In MAY 2010 I decided to try with my eggs again with yet another unsuccessful cycle....1 egg retrieved and no fertilisation. I had my AMH level tested which came back under 1 :| not good at all and had a lap done in August which found me to have grade 2 moderate endometriosis. With my AMH level so low i decided to close the door to trying with my eggs once and for all! I asked my friend if she would like to cycle for us again and in Nov she completed another cycle. It wasnt the best cycle and we were both put through the wringer with the staff at the clinic their work ethic was just appalling! I only got 1 ok embryo which was transferred and 5 days later I started bleeding a total WASTE. The 3 of us were just devastated on how ****ty this cycle was. So anyway to cut an even longer story short we are now out of cash and unable to cycle anymore. I am tired physically and emotionally and I am mad with the world. Why was i given this path?????? I will never know the answer to that, I feel pain everyday, pain of not having a baby the pain of not being a mother the pain of not making my DH a daddy and the pain I feel when i see happy families wishing it was mine. Its hard and I dont know how I get through each day but I just do the best I can under the circumstances.

x

[jo-anne.36]

hello nat BIG HUGS and i do nkow how you feel iam at 40 nearly 41 hubby is 45 unable to adopted now
please try not to give up i know you said you have no money left sorry but could you refinance to do and find another egg donor or donor embryos and surrogacy

or try to start adoption now please do'nt leave it to late like we did the age here in nsw is under 40 good luck

i have good ear if you want to talk:hugs: take care jojo

[goosiegander]

Hi Jo
nope no refinancing we just dont have the extra money to pay off higher loan repayments we are barely managing just normal mortgages and other bills! Adoption we have looked at and we just dont have that extra $35000 for it! ATM our only things we can do is just stop until something changes! Thanks for stopping in :) Good luck with your new path too :)
x

[jo-anne.36]

hi nat i really do hope things change for you guys there is another way to foster and some time you get a baby children that you can end up adopting good luck my :fingerscrossed: for both of you take care jojo:hugs:

[jackie7]

Hi Nat,
You and I are in a similar boat - I'm a POF girl as well - dx at 27.
We did 4 ED cycles (only 3 reached EPU) and we even did 4 and half years of ICA. We ended up withdrawing for a range of reasons - partly because they make you go through reassessment every 2 years and it is intrusive to be honest

Just so you know Nat with LA (local adoption) the fees is actually quite minimal - it's normally just to do with the family law courts fees. That said there has been a significant increase of people on the local listing because ICA is now taking so long.
Jo I know couples that where 45 that have been placed with children locally and some of the ICA programs do go up to the age of 50 and some 55 and expat adoption has even higher ages. I know that this is not for you, I just wanted to mention it because there is so much misinformation out there.



Maybe giving up for the time being is the best thing to do.

Mmm! :footinmouth:I tend to fine this sort of comment annoying as it takes away from selecting to be childfree instead of continuing as though it is not a vaild path.




I am always hearing stories of people getting pregnant after totally giving up

There is a number of reasons for the reason you "hear" these stories -

1. Because it is incredibly painful for those of us that don't end up with a child to share that with every 'tom' '****' and 'harry'.
2. Other people then told don't relay the 'no child' story on as readily to others because to be frank a lot of people don't want to hear that you ended up with no child.
3. People that have friends that have not have success want to shield their friends from more hurt so don't gossip about it to other people, they try to care and respect their friends.


To be honest I also strongly dislike this comment - if it was true I would ended up with children. Because I gave up not only on normal conception, not only on IVF, not only on IVF with ED and not only ICA. Going by your estimation I should have 4 children for all the times I gave up.

I would like to also point out that when you have POF (premature ovarian failure) the likelyhood of getting pg after giving up is not the same as someone that has a partner with sperm issues (unless it is azoospermia - no sperm) or a female having POCS or a couple having unexplained IF or a couple having a range of 'comprised fertility issues'.
The only conditions that really compares is the male having azoospermia.

Sorry Nat to mention this is your thread and the very first one here - but after years and years of being a POF girl it annoys me that people don't think a little about the individual condition before they talk about having success when giving up.

Nat one of the things that I do find frustrating is being a POF girl the idea of being able to try
Bubhub I do love the fact you have created this section.

[Astraamy]

I'm terribly sorry, I honestly meant no disrepect or insult. Was just trying to be supportive of the posters desire to stop trying, not make her feel bad.

I will delete my comment as soon as I figure out how.

[Noodle73]

Firstly GREAT idea

Our story: I met my partner as I was going though separation from my now ex husband - we have been having such fun I've forgotten how long we have been together now :eek:. I'm Kylie and 38 this year, my partner Marty is 43 this year.

I have been lurking around reading the IVF Forums since we decided to stop after our last failed FET. This is a great idea, I feel like i have a home again.

We decided to start TTC back in late 2008, nothing happened after trying all the 'right things' so after 12months off we went for the tests. I came back 'fine' (and I hate that term), Marty had joked all along that his swimmers were not right, well imagine our surprise when this was confirmed with a SA! 99% motility and morf issues. We were told that ICSI was our only choice. Fast forward a couple of months and we are on the IVF train. Marty didn't want to do it at all but conceeded as I had to try everything. We did one EPU with 19 eggs of which 17 were mature and 14 fertilised. I got to transfer with 8 eggs that had grown to Blastie (and was thinking great I will have some in the freezer). We transfered one and ended up with only 1 frostie. The tfr ended with a Chem (HGC 10). The FET was a disaster from the get go, with spotting from the day after implant and a BFN at the end - I didn't even go back for the final blood test.

Given our ages it becomes harder and harder, we are still trying naturally, but every month when AF shows up I get that little bit more disheartened, and wonder about putting the rod back in my arm so I don't have that reminder.

I have days that are really good, then days when I really would like to break down and cry.

Hopefully with this thread it will become easier knowing that there are other special ladies out there who like me have stopped IVF for what ever reasons and that we can support each other through the good and the bad:fingerscrossed:

[goosiegander]

Hi Noodle :) lol that just made me smile typing that hahahaha

I felt the same as you...no longer really having a home where I could talk to other ladies going through the same as me.....Im glad I actually asked to Moderators to start this thread for us :)

Im sorry for what you have been through....its so hard right! We try every month naturally too but because i have POF then the likely of a natural conception is well not good! Hopefully as more ladies come out of the woodwork we can all start helping one another through this really hard time.

Nat
x

[cinopuss]

Hi girls, I'm here too :wave:

Fantastic idea for a thread GG :highfive:(I'm sure that I know you from way back on The Positive Train). Like Noodle, I'm just a little lost on the threads at the moment & have been the friendly lurker on the 35+ Buddies pregnancy thread :p.

Anyhoo, I'm at work & being secret squirrel. Just wanted to pop in & let you know that I am here & as soon as I can be away from prying eyes & ears I will pop back in & properly introduce myself (this not having the internet at home drives me nuts :freakingout:).

C xx

I know that in my signature I have 4 gorgeous frosties so you may be wondering why I am here...I promise you it will all be explained!

[Noodle73]

Cino lovely lady I remember you from 35+ thread:wave: great to touch base again ( albeit cra66y circumstances that bring us here)

Nat - lol Noodle is Marty's pet name for me, I always say its because m0ron was rude ha ha ha :p

I feel better already just linking into this thread can't wait to chat further

[goosiegander]

Hey Cino
Yep I posted in poor responder and often read in the 35+ but never posted as I wasnt 35 hahahaha though I have just turned 34 :| I probably did post in the positive train thread at the beginning but I have been here for so long i cant remember :) I have seen you around I too was a stalker at the 35+ preg spying on Cass (JFBlady) lol

xox

[elkermondo]

Hi Ladies,

Just crashing in to say what an excellent idea this forum is. For those of us who are fortunate enough to have children, I think it will open our eyes to the often unrealistic pressure we can place on others who are having difficulty or for whom there is no longer any hope of having their own. I don't think that for most of us, the off the cuff remarks made are intentionally meant to be hurtful but I can see how they would be. I will reform my language from now on.

[cinopuss]

Hi gorgeous girls,

Gosh, I feel so at home here on this thread already!

I have finally found time after a crazy couple of days at work to zip back in here & tell you my story.... you may need a block of chocolate & a coffee to get you through my :ecomcity: saga.

I have to do this all undercover as I have a sort of frenemy who likes to know every little detail of my life, so I have to hide my name & DHs name (honestly this girl goes through the threads trying to find people she knows... seriously, she needs a life!)

DH & I decided at the ripe old age of 34 that we would try to have a baby. Easy peasy I thought as I had always been fit & healthy with regular AF cycles...this should be a breeze, so I threw out my pill scripts, trotted off to my GP for blood tests etc & settled back for a marathon of :hoponbed:with DH. 6 months later...uhoh, nothing’s happening. So back to the GP I went ,who suggested that we try Sharkeys miracle potions. 4 months of drinking this floodwater later, still nothing (but I did have glowing skin). Off DH went with his little jar & back came the devastating news. No sperm...not even one! An 8 hour drive later we found ourselves in the car park at IVF & at the beginning of an emotional rollercoaster. After tests, tests & more tests, the results were in. I was ‘fine’ or in the FS’s words “an easy IVF girl”. DH, on the other hand was a challenge...severe MFI. I remember driving back home just sobbing. I had never been to hospital, ever; I am needle phobic; I have always been so healthy (yes, at the time it was all about me, me, me). Then the determination & hope set in...How hard could IVF really be? Fast forward a few years to 2011 & we are childless & many $$$ poorer. We have moved states, left jobs we both loved, given up holidays, new cars etc & have put an enormous strain on our marriage. All the time we have watched friends & family members fall pregnant & pop out children effortlessly until we are the only ones left who are childless... (or as I now call it, ‘childfree’).

This is how our 6 IVF cycles have gone: (time to get another coffee)

· Cycle 1 – 11 mature eggs, 3 embies, 2 x miscarriages @ 6 weeks
· Cycle 2 – 7 mature eggs, 2 embies, BFN
· Cycle 3 – 14 mature eggs, 3 embies, BFN

After 3 cycles (where we had had 2 day embies, 3 day embies, hatching blasties...you name it we did it), the FS & head scientist sat us down & told us that our only option was donor sperm, but did DH want to be a trial patient for the new wonder vitamin Menevit? Pffft...what a dud Menevit was. After 6 months, DH had gone from a count of about 3 ‘normal-looking’ sperm (that’s a total of 3, not 3 million, just 3), to zero. Anyhoo, our FS told us that the Menevit people weren’t going to include our results in their report...funny that!

Well DH is dead against donor sperm & wanted to stop IVF. I of course, had the IVF addiction...maybe, just maybe there was 1 golden sperm there somewhere. So it was a change of clinics, more tests & more devastating results. One of DH’s tests showed that not only did he have basically zero sperm, but the couple that were there had highly fragmented DNA :eek:. This meant that even if we could achieve fertilisation that the embies would most likely never result in a successful pregnancy. Yet still we plodded on...

· Cycle 4 – 12 mature eggs, 2 embies, BFN (oh & the clinic ‘forgot’ to freeze my leftover eggs. They only found enough sperm to ICSI 4).
· Cycle 5 (new FS) – 12 mature eggs, 2 embies, chemical pregnancy
· Cycle 6 – 11 mature eggs, 6 embies, chemical pregnancy & 4 frosties.

So here we are... Our last ET (with the chem. Pregnancy) was 2 years ago. That’s 2 years of us (well me really) trying to realise that we will never have a child. DH told me that as soon as he was told that he could never father a child that he wanted us to stop after Cycle 3, but he kept going for me. He could see that physically I found IVF easy (I was an IVF junkie Queen....loved those drugs), but emotionally I was hopeless.

Now, what about our 4 frosties? I don’t know what to do. We are stretched with $$$, IVF has broken our finances well & truly. DH doesn’t want to transfer them, as he thinks it will just be more heartache (the embryologist has called them ‘textbook’ embryos, but then they have called all 18 of our embies ‘textbook’). I’m scared that once I’m back on the IVF rollercoaster, that I will become addicted again & never know when to stop.

Anyhoo, I have waffled for long enough :o Now I find myself here, in this wonderful thread with you gorgeous girls. I feel like I’m with true friends who really understand & ‘get’ me.:hugs:

C xx

[Noodle73]

Dear Cino

what a rotten hand you (ok we) have been dealt:hugs: - I know in my heart of hearts that we all would have made wonderful parents. The decision to stop IVF is one of the hardest that I have ever made. I know I constantly battle the what if's! Maybe we should all take a road trip to Kunnunarra ala Nicole Kidman and go for a swim (at least we would be in the best of company, each others).

Understand lack of personal information - your frenemy sounds just deeelightful NOT, IVF is intrusive as it is without wanting to reveal anymore than you have to what a PITB :hair:

Having ladies such as you and GG here, and having a home to come to each day as opposed to lurking is a soothing balm.

I think we also sometimes forget our DH in the whole process, and how MFI affects them, I also suggested Donor Sperm to my DP (Importing it from the US and self insemination sorry if TMI) but he flatly refused, which I can understand (desparation had set in by the time I made this suggestion). GG how wonderful was your girlfriend with the donation what a special lady she is.

So now that I have waffled on somewhat, I think I shall go back to creating my 'bucket list' of things we are able to do now that we are officially 'childfree' (borrowed that one thanks Cino :laughing:).

First off the mark is a 5 star holiday in Bali, in a private Villa with our own pool, then maybe onto eloping in Vegas for my 40th (do you think I should mention this to DP :eek: ) and catching a Garth Brooks concert, if he is still playing them.

Would be awesome to catch up with you ladies in person, I however suspect that our geographical locations will restrict this at least for now.

Take care lovelys

Noodle

[goosiegander]

Cino
You have been through quite alot...its just BS. Its a hard one about your ice babies, If it were me I would transfer them but not having the money...we couldnt...so its a hard one.

Noodle: Bucket list hey....thats all I talk about with the ladies at work :) Have you been to Bali before?? I love the place we go almost every year. I hope you manage to tick off some of that list....hell we freaking all deserve to have some happiness in our lives :)
x

[Noodle73]

GG: Nope first trip to Bali and am on count down -figured we deserved a nice holiday after everything (so aside from the flights) have spared no expense and am really looking forward to it. Any hints or tips we are staying in Seminyak.:smiliedance:

Maybe we should start a bucket suggestion list list :laughing:

[karly74]

This is how our story goes, a long story cut really short............... DH & I had been trying for approx 12 months with no luck so off to the GP we went where Dh got a SA test done which we were told was normal. I had blood work done. We were referred onto a FS for further investigations and to go over my blood work. Got to FS and she said my bloods looked ok FSH a bit high but still in normal range but lets talk about DH test, we said but it was normal and she told us no it wasn’t and that there was practically no sperm there, we were in shock at this stage. She got hold of the GP and asked them how the wrong result had been given to us, they said they didn’t know. Anyway I had an ultrasound which showed up a cyst on right ovary. Had the surgery to remove the cyst and also some endometriosis was found and removed. About a month later we started out first ICSI cycle which we ended up with 4 eggs and they all fertilised. They were all bfn’s apart from the last transfer was bfp sadly this endedin m/c. On with ICSI #2 which was cancelled no response. I had the AMH test done which came back really bad at about 4 so that meant premature ovarian failure was diagnosed. ICSI #3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ended in ovulated early, no eggs, bfn, dead eggs, cancelled.
We had a friend offer to be ED we started the ball rolling only for her to announce a few months later she was pregnant. We didn’t want to go through the heartache of having our hopes dashed again so we made the heartbreaking decision to call it quits, it was one of the hardest decisions we have ever had to make but we know we have done the right thing for our own sanity.
I still get a little (a lot) envious when friends announce a pregnancy and secretly wish it was me, but I think that is perfectly normal.
Look forward to getting to know all of you lovely ladies.

[Noodle73]

Karly74 :hugs:

you have already found us in the everyday chat. Just letting you know that we all understand where you are coming from and are here to support each other.

Noodle

[goosiegander]

Hi Karly sorry to hear of your story as well....we have all been through similar situations and I hope this will be a place where you can feel comfortable in talking about how you are truly feeling!!! Looking forward to getting to know you....its really is a shame its through something as awful as this but as noodle said we are all here for each other and thats the main thing :)

x

[emm1978]

hi girls

i'm sooooo sadden by your journeys and as it has brought me tears i will try to tell you a bit about us although this might take me a while to write i might just have to refill the wine glass ...... again (I've already had one while sitting here reading and posting in the other posts)

I'm Emma and my hubby is Josh we started seeing each other when we were sweet 16 and had a few aarrhh I'm late moments over the yrs with the main one being at the tender age of 25 this proceeded with me being very happy i wasn't pregnant and josh being very sad so we had the "proper" baby talk as we always wanted 2 kids but always said when were old and responsible.

As i had major period problems since i was 13 i required endo surgery in 2002 the doctors saying to get pregnant straight after well we left it about a 2yrs before trying and then got referred to the fertility clinic as we were public patients this took about 12 to 18months to get into then we would have an appointment and have to wait 3 months for a test then wait another 3 months to get the results

fast forward 3 yrs josh has oligospermia (low numbers and low mobility) me i was "fine" we were referred to concept and their are the only clinic in perth that treat public patients for ICSI - we said we would try until we were 30 as found out the average time to conceive on IVF was 3 yrs and supposedly we were YOUNG in the 20-30% range of success

we were advised that we could only have 1 embryo transferred at a time for at least 3 cycles because of our age and I've got a pacemaker and other heart problems that doesn't effect fertility

we had fresh then frozen cycles back to back for nearly 3 yrs in that time we conceived twice both getting to ultrasound for heartbeat to discover their was none waiting a week incase too early and then finding still no heartbeat and D&C. the first time this happened we were finally getting married after being together for 12yrs) so 3 days before our wedding i was having a d&c (totally ****ed our happiness) the fet afterwards was the same on top of Josh's pop becoming really sick decided it was time for a break in 2008 as we had had 6 drug cycles and 13 implants FS said my eggs looked menopausal as the quantity and quality wasn't the best "have we thought about adoption and or egg donation" maybe it was endo playing havoc with my eggs and it can give menopause symptoms get that removed and then go back

back on the waiting game for endo surgery and about 5 jobs since we first started coz if you can't control this area of your life you look at other areas you can it took 12 months to get back to endo clinic and surgery scheduled but it was canceled 3 times then i discovered i needed a new pacemaker so then i canceled had the heart surgery in april 2010 but the surgeon accidently cut the pacemaker wire instead of scar tissuse and i needed another heart operation in June - in july our furbaby of 4 yrs died suddenly of a stoke, this almost killed us - i was finally able to have endo surgery in oct 2010 and our last icsi cycle in nov straight after as it was suggested "best chance" for pregnancy 3 blast 2 implanted, ended up with my AF and a hcg of 11 and then rose to 47 before turning out to be a chemical pregnancy

finally i went back to FS demanding some answers to be treated like i wasn't worth the time, appt was full on interruptions and about 5mins long i managed to ask about testing my AMH levels (how many eggs left) and FS also gave me a new drug sheet and said to leave the 1 in freezer and continue with a new cycle using different drugs (well finally) and telling me that public patients have had changes the clinic only take 70 patients a yr and because i just had cycle id go to the bottom of the list to make it fair for every one

found out we have no waiting list about 3 weeks later and can go again but hubby had operation for unrelated illness 4/2 so we decided to wait but had the AMH test - i called coz i got the bill, from the secertary "that 0-13 was low 14-30 was normal and i was 4.1 so that's low, well what ever that means FS just back from hols i have a mountain of paperwork to send out hopefully yours will be in there", no letter received so re-called to be advised fs said "since you told her the results over the phone do i really need to write a letter " how ****ing professional!!!!!!!

i have appt on the 14/2 with Hollywood to see "the fertility king" but it means coming up with $10000 and i don't know what menopause and ivf means??? is this why i cant get pregnant and or carry ???? I'm full of questions with no answers trying to make a informed decision about what to do now ???

i have been having counseling for the past 16weeks as i was told my last cycle i had to be prepared for if it doesn't work or I'm to have an egg donor (which my friend offered to do for me but I'm hesitant to put her through this as it may not work)

i have good days and bad days was starting to get better but have gone down hill and are having mainly bad days it was a hell of a yr and this yr can only be better

i have only rejoined looking at the forums in the last couple of days to try to find some answers to my questions and was totally happy when i found you girls tonight as i dont want to know that this many people of the jan month are preg yes it was helpful when going through it but when I'm getting BFN after BFN when we have done EVERYTHING i just got more upset .... totally not helpful or positive to my mental health

well i think i have written enough sorry to have gone on and on it's very hard to condense 7 yrs of crap into a little blurb and as my wine glass is empty and it's now 1.10am im off to bed .... glad i dont have to get up for work in the morning although i did get a text to say i got the job!!! i went for at 11.55pm so i'm a little happy bout that :celebrate: now i might be able to afford that pvt ivf session at hollywood

[emm1978]

hi girls

i'm sooooo sadden by your journeys and as it has brought me tears i will try to tell you a bit about us although this might take me a while to write i might just have to refill the wine glass ...... again (I've already had one while sitting here reading and posting in the other posts)

I'm Emma and my hubby is Josh we started seeing each other when we were sweet 16 and had a few aarrhh I'm late moments over the yrs with the main one being at the tender age of 25 this proceeded with me being very happy i wasn't pregnant and josh being very sad so we had the "proper" baby talk as we always wanted 2 kids but always said when were old and responsible.

As i had major period problems since i was 13 i required endo surgery in 2002 the doctors saying to get pregnant straight after well we left it about a 2yrs before trying and then got referred to the fertility clinic as we were public patients this took about 12 to 18months to get into then we would have an appointment and have to wait 3 months for a test then wait another 3 months to get the results

fast forward 3 yrs josh has oligospermia (low numbers and low mobility) me i was "fine" we were referred to concept and their are the only clinic in perth that treat public patients for ICSI - we said we would try until we were 30 as found out the average time to conceive on IVF was 3 yrs and supposedly we were YOUNG in the 20-30% range of success

we were advised that we could only have 1 embryo transferred at a time for at least 3 cycles because of our age and I've got a pacemaker and other heart problems that doesn't effect fertility

we had fresh then frozen cycles back to back for nearly 3 yrs in that time we conceived twice both getting to ultrasound for heartbeat to discover their was none waiting a week incase too early and then finding still no heartbeat and D&C. the first time this happened we were finally getting married after being together for 12yrs) so 3 days before our wedding i was having a d&c (totally ****ed our happiness) the fet afterwards was the same on top of Josh's pop becoming really sick decided it was time for a break in 2008 as we had had 6 drug cycles and 13 implants FS said my eggs looked menopausal as the quantity and quality wasn't the best "have we thought about adoption and or egg donation" maybe it was endo playing havoc with my eggs and it can give menopause symptoms get that removed and then go back

back on the waiting game for endo surgery and about 5 jobs since we first started coz if you can't control this area of your life you look at other areas you can it took 12 months to get back to endo clinic and surgery scheduled but it was canceled 3 times then i discovered i needed a new pacemaker so then i canceled had the heart surgery in april 2010 but the surgeon accidentally cut the pacemaker wire instead of scar tissue and i needed another heart operation in June - in july our furbaby of 4 yrs died suddenly of a stoke, this almost killed us - i was finally able to have endo surgery in oct 2010 and our last icsi cycle in nov straight after as it was suggested "best chance" for pregnancy 3 blast 2 implanted, ended up with my AF and a hcg of 11 and then rose to 47 before turning out to be a chemical pregnancy

finally i went back to FS demanding some answers to be treated like i wasn't worth the time, appt was full on interruptions and about 5mins long i managed to ask about testing my AMH levels (how many eggs left) and FS also gave me a new drug sheet and said to leave the 1 in freezer and continue with a new cycle using different drugs (well finally) and telling me that public patients have had changes the clinic only take 70 patients a yr and because i just had cycle id go to the bottom of the list to make it fair for every one

found out we have no waiting list about 3 weeks later and can go again but hubby had operation for unrelated illness 4/2 so we decided to wait but had the AMH test - i called coz i got the bill, from the secretary "that 0-13 was low 14-30 was normal and i was 4.1 so that's low, well what ever that means FS just back from hols i have a mountain of paperwork to send out hopefully yours will be in there", no letter received so re-called to be advised fs said "since you told her the results over the phone do i really need to write a letter " how ****ing professional!!!!!!!

i have appt on the 14/2 with Hollywood to see "the fertility king" but it means coming up with $10000 and i don't know what menopause and ivf means??? is this why i cant get pregnant and or carry ???? I'm full of questions with no answers trying to make a informed decision about what to do now ???

i have been having counseling for the past 16weeks as i was told my last cycle i had to be prepared for if it doesn't work or I'm to have an egg donor (which my friend offered to do for me but I'm hesitant to put her through this as it may not work)

i have good days and bad days was starting to get better but have gone down hill and are having mainly bad days it was a hell of a yr and this yr can only be better

i have only rejoined looking at the forums in the last couple of days to try to find some answers to my questions and was totally happy when i found you girls tonight as i dont want to know that this many people of the jan month are preg yes it was helpful when going through it but when I'm getting BFN after BFN when we have done EVERYTHING i just got more upset .... totally not helpful or positive to my mental health

well i think i have written enough sorry to have gone on and on it's very hard to condense 7 yrs of crap into a little blurb and as my wine glass is empty and it's now 1.10am im off to bed .... glad i dont have to get up for work in the morning although i did get a text to say i got the job!!! i went for at 11.55pm so i'm a little happy bout that :celebrate: now i might be able to afford that pvt ivf session at hollywood

[MicE]

Ladies you have me in tears. I have a son so this thread doesnt apply to me but it caught my eye. We conceived so easily so never experienced any problems and I take my son for granted which I will never do again. I wish I could do something for all of you but instead am going to share a friends story.

She had 13 IVFs, of which everyone took and then 13 miscarriages. Her and her dh gave up. The DH said let's try one more tine before we turn 40. At 39 they went for the 14th. Last of their savings ( and they were joking that best they never retire because they are tapped out - oh and during all of this they moved back in with the folks because it cost them everything).
In November just shy of her 40th birthday she gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Didn't tell any of us until her 7th month (she is a bit big) that she was pregnant.

I wish everyone of you the best of luck and you will be in my thoughts. Good luck

[Green Mum to be]

Hi ladies,

I had a little stalk on this section when i was warned by the FS last time that my eggs weren't up to scratch. I thought i'd do a quick introduction, i'm still devestated by the news so i might come back and chat more when i can do so without crying.

Last week i undertook my third ICSI cycle. I produced 10 eggs, 7 were mature, none fertilised. As my cycles have trended in this direction the FS doesn't believe that there is any way we would get a different results and if we managed to fertilise an egg it would be a fluke. I will not undertake a cycle again.

My dp offered up her eggs but was told that they do not allow double donation (donor eggs and donor sperm).

Being a lesbian couple seriously restricts our ability to adopt and other similar options.

If we manage to win the lotto, then some overseas options may become available to us :laughing:

[jackie7]

My dp offered up her eggs but was told that they do not allow double donation (donor eggs and donor sperm).


MMmm! I know a couple in QLD that used both donor eggs and sperm to create their daughter (beautiful one that she is)......do you think it might just be a SA thing that doesn't allow this.

I personally see this as a very close format of doing embie donation - just more lovely people involved IYKWIM!

Have to tired a different clinic?

[fefe76]

FINALLY yay a place for us. I just posted having something like this on one other popular parenting forum and just happened to come here and saw this.
I do not come on these places much since I just don't fit into any category anymore... I'm the childless-in-limbo category i guess would best describe it

Anyway I have not read thru everyones intros as the PC I am on is frustrating and slow (I am not home) ... so I apologise and will read each one as soon as I am on my awesome laptop lol

Well here is my (not so short) story.

DH and I married in July 2004
From Day 1 we were not using any protection.... we were not actively TTC .. we were of the mindset, if it happened it happened, great.

After a few months I had problems with my cycles so had to go on the pill for a while to regulate them and then came off them and my cycles were fine again.

Anyway nothing happened in the baby department, we did not really give it much thought..... we were young(ish) we had time....right? (errrr..)

A year and a half later we left Oz deciding to work abroad for a few years ... the next few years had us moving around a lot and eventually DH in one country & me in another .... very non (re)productive ! .... excuse my warped humour, its my defense mechanism, i cope with pain with humour

Well DH was in Saudi Arabia, I was in Pakistan when they finally got my visa issues sorted and I joined him he went off to Afghanistan for 3 months leaving me in Saudi! (grrrr).... I moved to Bahrain (bit more woman friendly!) and told hubby that it was over between us, I could not live this way, he had no regard for the fact we were married and all I seemed to do was follow him about while he did what was good for his career.....needless to say he took the first flight out and came back

Anyway for a while we were not happy bunnies ...but then we came to Oz for a holiday and i got a BFP :cheerleader2: ..... how awesome was I .... sat there smug n happy .... should not have.... a day later I was in hospital with an ectopic :(

*sigh* so that was the end of that

We returned to the Middle East and went in to do IVF.... only got 4 eggs, 1 was pathetic quality so 3 were put back .... 2WW ..... BFN

Well we kept living our lives and 2 months later BFP .... that lasted a week ....

Since then we have moved back to Australia (will be 2 yrs this Aug) ...done more IVF ...BFN

My AMH was tested it was appauling 1.2 so FS said that I prob have NO chance getting a BFP with my eggs and either we give up and do adoption or get donor eggs

Well here I am now 35, DH 34 .... and in limbo .... I do not know if I can do IVF again, I want to but I dont want to.... why set myself up for failure and emotional breakdowns?

I have the paperwork for adoption but I cannot make myself send it :no: pathetic i know.... I am adopted I have NO issues with adopting but I am petrified of spending another 7 years and having nothing at the end.
My background is Pakistani and DH is 1/2 Pakistani and we want to adopt from Pakistan but :no: they wont let us ....*beep beep beeps*

Donor eggs....well ... I am tempted but I just find it hard to imagine a child 1/2 DHs and 1/2 someone elses

I am an only child I was adopted, a child was going to be mine, a part of me, 1st relative i know of in the whole world.... my dream is shattering... i live my life, i smile, i do all the right things while inside I am a wreck .... i see preg ppl and want to cry, every preg announcment is my idea of hell on earth.... my sis in law got preg same time as my ectopic... the baby is now nearly 2 ... OUR babies should have now nearly been 2 ... i find it so so so hard

DH and I do not even talk about babies or what 2 do now ..... i keep thinking i should bring it up but i cannot, even now as i type i am holding back tears

7 years .... u'd think i'd have learnt to deal with it but i cannot ... i love kids i always imagined having a houseful

I WORK IN CHILDCARE :crying:
I help teach and raise other peoples kids yet may never get to do it to my own children

each day is painful .... and i feel like i am alone in my suffering so i am glad to find u all

xxx

[Juno]

Hi girls, firstly thanks Nat for suggesting & getting this forum. I remember you from the DHEA group & am sorry to see you didn't get there either. I had a laugh at the intros...Hi I'm blah blah & I....sounds like an AA meeting :p We gave up 2 & a bit years ago. After a year of still feeling like **** & thinking that the pain was never going to stop- I called the IVF clinic & asked to see a coucilor - they said as I was no longer a patient I was not entitled. I had not used the service the entire time we were 'patient' so needless to say I ripped her a new a$%*#hole. They found me a councillor to talk to pretty quickly after that . I only went the 1 time ( no charge HA ! ) but it helped a lot - just to have some one tell you it's ok & you are grieving & it takes time...well it validated me. I told her I had searched & searched for a forum to find women like me to talk to ...so I am really glad this is here. I've been pretty good for quite some time as I've had 2 close friends in the same boat so I have'nt felt so isolated...but it never goes away. Jesus I thought I was done with forums but what the hell do you do when you're sitting at home bawling over t.v adds & endlessly topping up the wine ! I try really really hard not to dwell. I try to be thankful for what I have. My relationship weathered the storm & came out stronger than ever. I'm lucky right ?

uh oh rambling....that's right , I remember that's what I do.

So anyway - hello, my name is Juno, I am 2 & a bit years clean of the drugs & I am very glad to find you girls here ( but not glad any of us are here )

[Juno]

my god - my spellings atrocious ! sorry about that