Older mums - when to start trying for the next one?

[KimInMellie]

Hi ladies, I still have over three months to go with this pregnancy but I'm always thinking ahead ... I'll be 40+3mo when Bump is born and I'd like to BF for as long as possible, but I'm also acutely aware of my biological clock ticking away. We have 4 frosties left but I'm still worried I'll ultimately have to go through another stim cycle. My OB says to stop BF at 6 months and get back to the fertility clinic ASAP. I'd like to BF at least 9 months, but that would put me at 41 before I give my body a chance to get back to normal and start the IVF rollercoaster again. What do you think?

TIA

[Ulysses]

its a tough one isnt it.

I did ivf for dd & have two frosties left.

DD is 7 months old - i got AF six weeks after she was born & found i am pregnant again (naturally) last week. So basically we started kind of trying about 3 months ago (& when i say trying i mean like once a month around day 9 -11) & low & behold it worked.

They say breastfeeding is only fool proof for fertility if you don't go more than 7 hours without a feed - which i did let happen early on. They tend to sleep better in the very early months than they do later on so it is easy for it to happen even if it is a once off. But then there are all these phases of your fertility returning, so its different for everyone. Personally I know alot of women who fell pregnant soon after their babies birth even though they were breastfeeding.

I think your goal of breast feeding for six months is a good one.

If there is any chance you can fall pregnant naturally then breastfeeding shouldnt stop you, although it can be harder for some. As for planning the next frozen transfer i think you will need those six months to be in the right state of mind & body anyway so it seems like a good plan.

Personally i think it worked for me because i am now ten kilos lighter than i was pre pregnancy last time - you can lose a lot of weight breastfeeding & runnnig after a baby & i hardly ever get a chance to eat anymore.

[jacklicky]

Hey Kim,

Wow three months to go...how exciting!!!!

I was 37 when i had DD in Sept 08 (bday Oct so I turned 38 one mth later). I BF for 15mths and got AF back after 12mths. We started trying the minute AF turned up in Sept O9. Mind you we didnt know we would end up needing IVF at that stage.

As much as I enjoyed BF after the first six months (when she started solids) I really really felt her need for Breastfeeding drop off..... Dont get me wrong I was still demand feeding but it was quick short feeds. I probally fed DD for the last four months more for my benefit than hers.....

I personally would wait and see how you feel feeding but I would probally stop as soon as I felt bubs (and yourself) was ready.

Do you have to give them a timeframe now?

Goodluck I found it really emotional to decide to give up feeding but not that hard to actually give it up!

[gottabecrazy]

Breastfeeding wont stop you from falling preggers anyway :-) i got AF while BF too lucky for me we cant fall naturaly anyway but i have got two mates that fell while BF too ...they didnt need IVF thou either

But i dont know i keep saying i dont want anymore after these two but DH wants me to try for a boy but that would mean a full cycle as i have no frosties left

[KimInMellie]

Thanks for the replies :)

I was diagnosed with the mysterious 'unexplained' infertility, so I suppose falling pregnant naturally isn't out of the question, and I'd welcome it. I'm more thinking of the breastfeeding issue b/c I think my clinic won't do a FET until you have your normal cycles back AND you've stopped BF.

Jack, thanks for the perspective on BF after 6 months -- once they've started on solids maybe it's not as intense an experience -- less guilt-inducing to stop, too, hopefully. I don't need to give anyone a time frame; I'm just doing my usual overthinking bit.

Wicket, congrats on your pregnancy! It must feel surreal to fall naturally after doing IVF for your DD ...

[GirlsRock]

Hi Kimmie,

I went back and saw my FS when DD1 was 9 m/o and I was still b/f her. FS told me that as long as I was only doing feeds during the day and no feeding through the night then it wouldnt (or maybe shouldnt) be a problem. At that stage I was still feeding DD once a night so I had to try and drop that feed. As it turned out we didnt end up transferring until DD was 12 m/o and at that stage she had weaned herself anyway (I went back to work 2 days p/w when she was 10.5 m/o and she had a bottle on those days and ended up preferring the bottle to BF so we gave up just after her 1st b'day).

Good luck chickie. Cant believe you've only got 3 months to go.

xx

[EarthAngel75]

I am currently 35 and a half and ds is almost 7m old. I have 3 frosties and will be going back for a FET when ds is 9m old. My frosties are from a cycle when I was only 34 and I am pretty certain one of them will take - but nothing is guaranteed so I kept that in mind when taking timing into account. My eggs are already going what I call rotten (25% are bad even when injected with sperm) so if one of my frosties didnt take I didnt want to be much older than I was as their quality/numbers etc would be substantiously worse/less than before.

I am pretty certain I will have to wean before doing a FET (see FS on the 20th) so have just started giving DS a bottle of half EBM/half formula for his bedtime feed and will see what she says. I am hoping to be able to do at least 2 BF during the day until the month of my FET as I enjoy BFing and my hormones arent normal anyways (no need to get them back into balance as it will be a fully medicated FET). By 9m Ds probably wont be drinking too much from the bottle/breast anyways as he'll be eating many more solids.

[jfblady72]

hi

i turned 38 in november and DS is almost 7 months old....i wanted to BS for 6 months, i made it til 5 months and it sorted naturally stopped anyway and then onto formula....at first i was dissapointed as felt like BFing for longer BUT at the back of my mind was the idea that if i wanted #2 i had to try VERY quickly (have low ov reserve, never got frosties and needed to take dhea again for 4 months as have to do a fresh cycle)....one reason that made me do this as quick as possible is i saw a few ladies waiting like 2 years and then have really struggled to fall pg again , and it seems awful for them cos they are so desperate for that one more baby......cos fertility generally drops off massively after 38 and even tho i got pg once i know with my own history that i am less fertile (ie have less good eggs) than someone else my age....as soemone said to me the best gift u can give your baby is a sibling (thanks sonja)...also i have been told that your chances of falling pg whilst doing ivf etc if u are still bf is less than if u stopped..i did not get af either til after 5 weeks of stopping BF altogher...i had no choice i cant BF and take dhea....i could fall pg naturally but im only going to try whilst i wait for dhea to kick in....as far as im concerned every month counts for me and the longer i delay it the less chance i have. i guess it depends on your own history....for me....i cant delay it at all. most the girls in the 35+ thread started again when thier baby was 6 months old...i think bf for 6 months is fantastic and many women cant even bf for that long...so if u can get to 6 months i would be proud of yourself! oh and the weight didint drop off me either...i had to stop bf and go on a VERY strict diet to lose weight :rolleyes:...

[Sonja]

Hi Kim

I was 34 when I had DD1 and b/f her for 13 months. I had 3 frosties left and was very confident once would take so I wasn't in any rush at all. I also wanted to give myself a month or 2 between weaning and starting IVF again just to give my head some space.

Anyway, to cut a very long story short, it wound up taking me nearly 18 months and about 16 embryos til I eventually fell pregnant with DD2. I was 37 when I had Scarlett. Again, I fed her for 12 months (despite the fact she was never that keen a b/f'er, she had complete bottle refusal and at around 9 months (when she was teething badly) became boob obsessed). I have 1 frozen left from that cycle.

I am now 39 and pregnant with #3 after having completed an antagonist cycle - my FS recommended I do one fresh cycle before I turned 40 (May this year) just in case the frosties didn't work. I was lucky this time and got pregnant on the first transfer. In total I have 3 frozen embryos left.

What all this taught me was to not put it off. My FS wouldn't let me do any cycles until both girls were fully weaned (each time it was a different FS) but I do know other women who have been told they can pump and dump while taking the meds then return to b/f once it's safe.

I'm glad I fed both my girls for 12 months, but my story turned out to have a happy ending - there were many dark days when I was TTC #2 when I wondered if I should have weaned earlier and whether the "perfect embryo" was no longer out there for me because I'd taken so long. B/F is a wonderful thing, but so is giving your child the opportunity to have a sibling - don't feel guilty if you do decide to wean as you'll hopefully be giving your baby a great gift in the long run.

Good luck with the safe delivery of your baby.

Sonja

[KimInMellie]

B/F is a wonderful thing, but so is giving your child the opportunity to have a sibling - don't feel guilty if you do decide to wean as you'll hopefully be giving your baby a great gift in the long run.
That really helps put things in perspective, Sonja. :)

Thanks everyone for your responses; they have helped clarify things A LOT.

[Lucky2b Mum]

Hi there,

I think Sonja has hit the nail on the head. After 18 attempts we finally fell pregnant with DS1. I breastfed for about 3 months, but I found I didn't bond any better with him over the boob than I did over a bottle. He was thriving and I was conscious of getting my cycle back to normal asap so we could have I final ever transfer. I had heard that I had the best chance of success within 12 months of giving birth. When DS1 was 9mths old we went back for our transfer and were elated to find out it was successful. I don't regret a thing - I have my happy ending.

If you truly enjoy breastfeeding and would feel cheated to stop - then don't stop. If it's not going to break your heart to stop, and bub is doing well, then give #2 the very best chance you can.

Good luck

[Ulysses]

Thanks for the replies :)

Wicket, congrats on your pregnancy! It must feel surreal to fall naturally after doing IVF for your DD ...

thanks KimInMellie, yes it was a relief. I was worried about how we were going to do the whole FET with a 7 mont in tow & now living over an hour away from the city so very very relieved. :D

[blondekelli]

Hi guys. Thought I'd join the thread. After 2.5 years of ivf we conceived DD with 4 frosties. I turned 40 when she was 4 months old so we don't have time to spare. My fs said we have the best chance of success if I stopped breastfeeding so I weaned at 5.5 months and we started ivf again at 6 months. Despite having two 'perfect' looking embryos we've just had our second bfn. In a few weeks we will be putting in our last 2. Have just started on dhea again just in case. DD is the light of my life and I feel totally complete with just her. But I would live to give her a sibling and to also bring another little miracle into the world if we can.

[liv01]

Hi Girls,

I just thought i would join this chat as it is something that is on my mind all the time :freakingout: just to give you a run down i am turning 36 tomorrow husband the same age i had my precious lil boy 11 weeks ago before we had cooper we were going to be happy with one once having my beautiful boy we have changed our minds i have an amh level of 4 and a reciprocal translocation of chromosome of 2 and 15 we did 4 icis cycles no frosty s and we were lucky enough to have a lilttle miracle and we conceived cooper naturally with the translocation their proberly is not any point going through ivf again as all we have to do is wait for genetically perfect egg .

Hubby wants to wait a little he says (even though we use not contraception) but i have a feeling we dont have the opportunity too not sure what to do ?

[jfblady72]

hi

my amh was also 4 b4 i had H...so im not waiting, altho had to wait for dhea to kick in....i wouldnt risk any wait, seen too much heartbreak on here for those trying for another baby.