View Full Version : Noone understands
hope this is the right Thread?? but im geting so mad and upset
not long ago my DH said we could start ttc as i have pcos and my periods are geting longer and my ovaries are playing up bad. anyways now as time is going on he doesnt want to he wants to wait i think its hes friends in hes ear telling him to wait and stuff but thay dont know/understand my PCOS and dh doesnt fully understand the longer i wait the older i get the harder its going to be what am i going to do i was going to buy vitex to try and help things out and he started freaking out on me he wants to buy a house in the next few years and wants me to get a job when my son starts school hes 3 in oct he only see's bad things about a baby atm we dont have the time, we dont have the money we need to do this or that befor we have another in my eyes all that can wait abit as all my life i wanted a big family and hes stoping that atm,if he doesnt want kids why wont he use condoms? he says he will but im yet to see it? he wants me to use the pill i said no should i just start useing vitex with out him knowing im already temping with out him knowing and we dont really use condoms anyways so yeah i dont know what to do can anyone help me?
Oh darl :hugs:
Maybe if you asked him to come to the Doctor with you so the doc can explain about it & that its now or never. A women's body clock doesn't tick forever, especially if you are having dramas.
I hope that helps. But mostly I wanted to send :hugs:
:hugs: Thank you i really needed that, we were going to go to the doctors with each other but really i dont think its going to work and im worried i might get a doctor who doesnt know anything about pcos and ill get no where im really at my wit ends thanks for the hugs tho :hugs:
go to the doctor by yourself first and explain your problem and concerns and the problem with dh not understanding and that you would like to bring him in for the doctor to explain it. Then make another appointment to bring DH back with you. That way the doctor will be more prepared and you will know what the doctor is going to say.
Oh love! :hugs:
I really feel for you.
I hope that you can work all this out.
It's hard when partners have different views on babies, because there really is no way of meeting in the middle! You either have a baby or you don't!
I wouldn't really advise using the vitex without his knowledge. If you did become pregnant, there is a high chance your relationship would suffer as a result. I'm not sure of your individual circumstances, but I have a relative with PCOS, and she has had two children. You are only young, and if you have already had one baby, perhaps things aren't as bad as they seem? Let your doctor guide you. As PoshBecks said, maybe you should take your partner to the doctor with you so that you are both aware of the limitations.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do - I'm sure things will work out okay in the end :fingerscrossed:
I can see that things are difficult and complicated- but I strongly suggest you don't take this Vitex without his knowledge- this is sure to result in resentment from him should you fall pregnant and it is important to nurture your relationship through all this. It's so tricky though- I'll be thinking of you and hoping that it works out for the best :fingerscrossed: :hugs:
Just wanted to add that I have been taking Vitex for quite a few months due to hormone imbalances - if you have PCOS I would suggest it to bring your hormones back into line initially anyhow, as this condition does affect things in the hormonal way. You sound a bit stressed and strung out about it all, do you get bad PMT? If so, this could really help.
I would discuss it with your man first though. Vitex can be extremely beneficial to your body not just for trying to concieve.
Your doctor visit together would be a great place to start :thumbsup: and maybe just explain to him that you know he feels as though he's being squeezed into a corner. Perhaps a compromise? Is it really going to make a huge difference if you waited 6 months or so to try for another bub? You definately have time on your side.:)
Hope all goes well.
I understand how you feel. I had an ectopic pg in Jan and ha 1 tube removed. They also found endometriosis when they did the surgery. The drs at the time told me not to wait long to try for another baby as there could be damage to the other tube due to the endometriosis and risk of another ectopic. While my DH was quite keen to try again after the surgery, he has since changed his mind and we have yet to reach a resolution to the ttc issue.
My advice is to go to the doctor, try to get a handle on whats happening with your PCOS - hopefully, its not as bad as you first thought, then start explaining how important another baby is to you. Being positive and not nagging, that only makes them more resistant. I know its hard not to feel that sense of rising panic as I often feel it too but repeating to yourself that your dreams will come true and trying to give yourself lots of positive self-talk can help to ease the burden while you are negotiating with your DH.
Sending you lots of :hugs: . I know its hard to deal with. The other thing that can help PCOS is natural therapies if you have any chinese herbaslists or naturopaths near you.
hi sm, it sounds to me like your hubby is scared. Babies (as you know) come with alot of financial responsiblity and life changes. He doesn't want to use contraception but he doesn't want to actively try to fall.
When I first found out I had pcos I nearly slapped my husband for "just not getting it". He didn't understand why I was so upset or what it meant for our fertility. He became one of the people who didn't understand why it was going to effect us and couldn't see the rush in trying.
Luckilly for me we both wanted to try but I can understand what you are going through. My best advice would be to educate your DH on what PCOS is and why it effects your fertility. Don't go overboard with the ins and out, just give him a general understanding.
This bookelet is great http://www.dav.org.au/prevention/pcos.asp
Assure him that it can take a long time to fall and if you are trying now, it doesn't mean you are going to fall now. If you do fall then so be it but it may take months or years.
Don't worry, what he is experiencing is normal fears about having a family. Also assure him that it isn't all up to him, you are still his partner and can still contribute to the family finances, if you have one kid or two.. or five!
Give him time to adjust to everything and in a few months he might have changed his mind.
Also, try to communicate with him and come to some type of agreement so you are both happy. You are 19 and have quite a few good years. I know you don't want to wait until you in your early twenties but at least you aren't 29 and having the same problems.
best of luck and hugs!!!
Hi- thank you all for your messages, you all have been a good help, we are still in the same shoes but blah we will get there it takes time. but i hope we all get BFP'S soon and hope all works out with everyone. :fingerscrossed: :kiss:
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