What does everyone else do? [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

RoarsomeMum

03-01-2011, 09:34

What do you all do on those "**** it I SUCK at this parenting Gig" Days?

Today I just can't be a good Mum.. I got 2 hours sleep after my Insomniac child crashed at 2.30am to wake at 5am full of beans.. :hair: Iv'e sort of got used to the fact she just does not sleep but it eventually catches up with me in a mess like today..

I KNOW I am a good Mum for the most part.. But today.... I just want to sell her..

How does everyone else cope with those "at end of freaking rope" days?

The Fox

03-01-2011, 09:42

dies she have naps, on days like that i do nothing around the house and just nap when my DS naps.
Other then that massive :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: to you and i hope you get a good night sleep tonight

ilovelucy

03-01-2011, 09:43

Coffee and ABC2 become your best friends.

Also hate to tell you but the re-sale value on kids is absolutely awful nowadays:laughing:

we all cope in our own ways, DD still has a lunchtime nap so i make sure i have one then too, and say bugger to the housework.

Hugs times lots, hope roar plays nice today!

Juzz

03-01-2011, 09:43

We all have these days... I generally try to find activities that DS can do on his own - currently it's his playmat. I just pit him on that and lay next to him. I also remind myself that its not very often that he has to entertain/play by himself, so I don't feel too bad.

And I also count down the hours til 7 when I know he is then down for the night!!!

~Temet Nosce~

03-01-2011, 09:44

:hugs: I'm having one of those days too... :freakingout:

I don't really have a good coping method to be honest, I tend to just get snappy and lash out and everyone around me :o not good really.

I just try to remind myself that my life would be worse without my kids, that I would miss it all and miss them so much if I suddenly lost them.. and just try to remember that the hard times always pass.

Mmm Dessert

03-01-2011, 09:44

Coffee, and lots of it.

If one of my children is having a particularly difficult day, I try to shift my focus from what they're doing 'wrong' to what they're doing 'right'.

For example, my DD has been up since 5.15am and I can imagine you know what kind of mood she's in. There's been lots of tears and tantrums and whinging, so it's been hard dealing with her.

But instead of getting frustrated with her, I've been trying to keep her busy playing shops (her favourite game) and letting her watch her favourite DVDs. So far it's working...

I hope your day gets better.

flicker

03-01-2011, 09:46

:hair: yep know all about those days! that is not a lot of sleep, how does she have so much energy!? I know you are a wonderful mum:hugs:. i understand those days where, they are lucky that they are too dam cute most of the time!

on those days i revel in my bad parenting and do anything to make the day just slide by. Extra long time in front of the telle and bribes! when that stops working i take him to the park just so he wears himself out and i can sit in the sun with a bunch of mags from the library.

ah parenting.:goodluck:today

babylove81

03-01-2011, 09:46

Yes, sleep when she sleeps (but it sounds like sleep is SO overrated in your house - well at least she thinks so, LOL)!

But, on those days, I think, well today is a write off, I know I'm a good mum, and I know that tomorrow will be a better day! I often smile on days like those, because I think DD must be praying to God for better parents, and that she is nominating us for parents of the year awards, LOL... then I look at her and she looks at me and we have a big kissing/raspberry session and it makes it all worth it - even the 2 hours sleep I only got!!!

Just run with today, drink lots of coffee, and I hope tomorrow is a better day for you and your DD!

RoarsomeMum

03-01-2011, 09:49

Thanks for the hugs and good ideas everyone..

I WISH she napped..:no: She dropped that at 18months. She simply seems to thrive on 3 hours.. But I sure as heck do not.

Am boiling kettle for my first coffee in like 10 years!! (Hope it works!)

I want to focus on the good behaviour but am yet to witness any today :freakingout:

Does sleep school take 3 year olds?! I am starting to think it simply can NOT be normal to live on such little shut eye..

WorkingClassMum

03-01-2011, 09:55

When DD was this age I resorted to Phenergan :gloomy:- not every night, but about once a week - it was that or go not-so-slowely insane.

I also use Rescue Remedy and Brauers Calm (on DD)

There was one stage I became so sleep deprived I paid for a night nanny one and two nights per week - someone who sat up with DD while I became human again thorugh sleep.

DD is now 6 and generally sleep most nights but is still an early riser

I feel your pain :hair::crying:

Myztiks#1Fan

03-01-2011, 09:56

oh roar, what you doing to your mum?

sleep school doesnt take 3yr olds, not in brisbane anyway as i looked into it for coop as i get desperate at times.

tv and loads of it. i will nap while he doesnt whatever as i trust him around the house as he knows what he can and cant touch generally.

hope your day improves loads and you get some rest. maybe a coke zero as that gives me a really big buzz when i need it otherwise if coffee dont work, go the energy drinks if they work on you.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

ComeBackKid

03-01-2011, 10:01

I have this days often - but my kids are good sleepers, sometimes I am just not up to this parenting caper.

DVDs. Coffee. I find trips to maccas good - they can play while i can sit there and sip coffee and look vaguely interested!

Sometimes I try to drag myself out and feel better for it - to the park but some days I just cant. I just sort of crash on the couch and put dvds on or let the kids do quiet activities.

The Girls Only Club

03-01-2011, 10:04

:hugs:
I too am having a bad day.I have a head cold and couldn't breath properly last night(nose was either blocked or runny and breathing through mouth dried it out and felt like sandpaper)It was 4:30am when I finally crashed and the baby woke at 7:30am.:freakingout:

She hasn't gone down for a nap yet,looking like no plans to anytime soon and my nurofen hasn't kicked in.
Why did DH have to go back to work today,couldn't his holiday been one more day.

Misschief

03-01-2011, 10:10

ABC2, coffee and a foot spa. Oh and my ipod to ignore the crying/winging and a nice relaxing bath/shower when he's napping :)

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

RoarsomeMum

03-01-2011, 10:13

ComeBackKid

03-01-2011, 10:17

Is there any chance you could get her into day care for a day a week - if you have no one close to help out. Maybe just have a day and some space to yourself - to catch up on sleep, etc.

Dont feel bad about the way you feel - most, if not all, mothers can relate. I know I certainly can. I have always been a stay at home mum but had my kids in day care on and off for varying lengths at time.

Mothers guilt is a terrible thing, but it sounds like you are really up against it at the moment.

Even though you are a mum and you clearly love roar, you do still need some SPACE and that is understandable.

((HUGS))

RoarsomeMum

03-01-2011, 10:30

That's where I get stuck I guess.. I never leave her with anyone anyway.. I have left her twice in our short 3 years and both ended in disaster one way or another..

I sh*t in my own nest.. I write my own self fufilling prophecy but now she pays for it..

I have so many things I NEED to do not just pay lip service to.. I NEED to learn to trust others with her.. I NEED to learn to let go a little.. I NEED to learn she is NOT my reward nor was anything a punishment..

I feel like I will never really get there.. Yet tomorrow.. who knows..

I know I am doing better than my Mum but doing better than horrid is simply not enough... it's not what I WANT for Roar and yet.. Here I am.. Doing it.

I LOATHE mothers guilt.. It's not that.. It's Emma Guilt and I have no idea how to shed it..

biscotti

03-01-2011, 10:40

:hugs:

I have a box in my wardrobe (up high) and in it are things I have tucked way for the days when I need some back up - it's got puzzles, new funky felt pens, threading stuff, new books and quite often I put toys in there that girls have been given for xmas or birthdays that I want to eke out slowly.

Pulling out the back up box (or just giving them one or two things out of there that are "new" or they haven't seen for a while usually buys me some time to regroup and rally.

:hugs:

Lateralus

03-01-2011, 10:59

:hugs:
[FONT="Georgia"]I don't really have a good coping method to be honest, I tend to just get snappy and lash out and everyone around me :o not good really.

:iagree: DD & I had a shocker yesterday - she was atrocious and I wasn't much better. When I went to bed I picked up a copy of Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children (By Sarah Napthali) which has been sitting on my bedside table for about a year begging to be read. I flicked through it and the first page I opened at was entitled "patience" (*insert divine intervention here*) "while part of patience is refusing to surrender ourselves to anger, another part is accepting imperfection. In accepting the inevitable unsatisfactoriness in every aspect of our lives, we realise that our very urge to flee or fight is the source of our suffering" & "the moment requires me to constantly let go of my ideas of what constitutes a 'good day', and to deal with what is before me: the reality of my situation". I don't know if this will make sense to everyone else out of the context of the whole book (and I hope it doesn't come across all airy fairy) but it really resonated with me... What was causing me the most anguish was my reaction to DDs behaviour, not necessarily the behaviour itself. It also emphasised that I have to be patient with myself too.. Not to come down too hard on myself when I am having one of those bad mummy days!

:

Does sleep school take 3 year olds?! I am starting to think it simply can NOT be normal to live on such little shut eye..

I don't know where abouts you live, but the Ellen Barron Family Centre in Brisbane take kids from birth to 3 years (presumably up to 3 years and 364 days old??). Good luck - sleep deprivation is torture... DD was a non-sleeper for 6 months - I think I would have cracked it big time if she was still doing it 3 years on! :hugs:

Misschief

03-01-2011, 11:04

I dont know where you live, but if you were close to me, I would look after her while you have a nice shower or a nap :hugs:

Do you know if there are any playgroups/mothers groups close to you? Sometimes its good to go to a playgroup where mums can chill out and have a cuppa while the kids go out and play.

Sleepschool; Karitane in Sydney takes kids upto 5 years.

amyo

03-01-2011, 11:22

I used to set the playpen up in the loungeroom ( it was a really large one almost took up whole room) put lots of toys in there and me and ds would hop in there. I'd take my pillow and blanket and sleep on the floor while he played lol I was desperate!! At this stage he would goto bed at 7pm and wake every 1-2hrs, then up for te day at 5am...killed me!!

~Temet Nosce~

03-01-2011, 12:17

:iagree: DD & I had a shocker yesterday - she was atrocious and I wasn't much better. When I went to bed I picked up a copy of Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children (By Sarah Napthali) which has been sitting on my bedside table for about a year begging to be read. I flicked through it and the first page I opened at was entitled "patience" (*insert divine intervention here*) "while part of patience is refusing to surrender ourselves to anger, another part is accepting imperfection. In accepting the inevitable unsatisfactoriness in every aspect of our lives, we realise that our very urge to flee or fight is the source of our suffering" & "the moment requires me to constantly let go of my ideas of what constitutes a 'good day', and to deal with what is before me: the reality of my situation". I don't know if this will make sense to everyone else out of the context of the whole book (and I hope it doesn't come across all airy fairy) but it really resonated with me... What was causing me the most anguish was my reaction to DDs behaviour, not necessarily the behaviour itself. It also emphasised that I have to be patient with myself too.. Not to come down too hard on myself when I am having one of those bad mummy days!

I think I will be getting this book to have a read :yes: I can completely relate to the reaction to situations etc. being the cause of more anguish than the situation itself.. I used to meditate daily but I am so slack now, I find I hardly ever have the time and when I do I just can't be arsed.

shelle65

03-01-2011, 12:21

I make DD breakfast, put a DVD on, give her my iphone to play with, check the house is safe (no sharp objects lying around etc) and go back to bed. Sometimes that extra half hour or two makes a huge difference.

Yeah I'm a terrible mum in some respects, but I try to make up for it in other ways.

TimTamsandTea

03-01-2011, 14:49

Same deal here with DH back at work today... and stuck in a one bed place.. There is just no room to "escape" (and that sounds horrible.. but it is true) I NEED 5 mins without her voice and hands and HER all over me.

Sleep is only part of the issue but the part that tends to push me over the edge from "can cope" to "F this I am so not cut out to be a parent.."

I think It has finally hit me that I actually have no real support system other than here.. and as much as I LOVE you all I cant call anyone to take her.. I can't get a real break..

I really need to reistablish a support network. I really need some IRL friends and I have no idea or ability to do it..

All I EVER wanted was this.. To be a Mother.. and it took FOREVER to get here.. I feel like I should be ready and able to cope with anything and everything and I simply can't.

Days like today remind me I am not where I want to be as a person or as a Mum and I HATE THAT...

I relate to everything you say in this, minus the support network. I have it, but I have only started to use it. That is the key to regaining my sanity when I'm having the day you describe.

Do you have any trustworthy older children in your street. A few dollars for an hour or so after school to keep your little one entertained? On bad days, early afternoons are when I am at my lowest (when the coffee has worn off and no music/snack/toy can keep my cherub happy) - maybe this would help? Your little one would still be under your watchful eye but you'd have the opportunity to take a breath?

Misschief

03-01-2011, 21:17

Im hoping tomorrow will be a better day for you :hugs:

lovelymum

04-01-2011, 10:47

My heart really goes out to you, I too have sufferred with a terrible sleeper and know how quickly it can catch up with you. On days of sheer exhaustion and lets face it your little one must be exhausted and overtired I just declare a doona day and we lay in bed and watch tv (well I nap and she would watch tv) call me a bad mother but who cares, its too dangerous to drive so we cant go anywhere and I am a total grump when I hit the wall. As for sleep school for 3 year olds I would be speaking to your maternal health nurse, there will be help out there somewhere. I too resorted to mild sedation on our peads advice as I was literally hanging on by a thread and was soo exhausted my pead recommended once a week just for sanity. Eventually I moved DD into my bedroom in her cot (she was 16 months at the time) but her next to my side of the bed and she slept through the night from that night on. I think she needed to know I was there and she was not alone. She is now a pretty good sleeper and is in her own room in a big girl bed. I never resorted to letting her screem it out as she is way to determined and headstrong. I do think you need to get some control over the situation though and get some help for the both of you sounds like you are willing to explore your options. Good luck

RoarsomeMum

04-01-2011, 12:32

I really can't thank any of you enough who had the time, patience and care factor to respond here and on FB. - It mattered and it helped me get through the day.

I have an app with the Ped today to address the sleep issue, possibly with medication.. He has suggested it before but I was stubborn and proud and really wanted to avoid it..

He also wants to asses for issues that could be causing the problem.. I will finally say yes to that as well.

Misschief

04-01-2011, 12:41

Keeping fingers and toes crossed that you get some answers and solutions today :hugs:

Pregnor

04-01-2011, 12:52

oh wow! Dont tell me their sleep can get worse!!

I normally throw DS in the car and put the music on loud and just drive. He either falls alseep or i take him to the shops and let him play with the toys in the toy section! haha.

CazHazKidz

04-01-2011, 13:12

My entire loungeroom is like a playpen. It's all babyproofed and safe - there's a million toys in there, and my tv and computer are all in there too (out of reach of little hands). He can go nuts in there doing whatever he wants, and I can nap/play on the computer/watch tv all whilst being in the same room as him, and still able to interact with him. It's fantastic. His sleep isn't as bad as Roar's, but he's not a great sleeper. He's lucky to have 10 hours total per day (1 nap, 8pmish bed time and 5amish wakeup) which isn't very much for a 1 year old, and it is a bit tiring some times.

The other thing I do is stick him in the mountain buggy and go for a long walk. Makes me feel better that I'm being active, and Hayden enjoys going out in the pram, and usually falls asleep after a while.

Good luck with the Paed!

PurpleButterfly4

04-01-2011, 13:13

Oh you poor thing. Sleep deprivation is the pitts.
I hope the Pead can give you something to help.

I've been lucky to have a good sleeper but there was those moments when he was waking once or twice through the night from about 7pm but then waking for the day at 4/4.30am. It was draining. Thankfully he had good day sleeps.

One of my friend used the Brauers calming medicine to help her 3yr old to sleep. She got a good 6hrs out of her before she woke up.