View Full Version : DF is not sure about water birth...
I am 39+4 with baby number 2, and this will be our last bubba.
Ive been talking to my midwife about having a water birth which would seriously be amazing!
But, after my last appt with my midwife, my DF said to me that he was really iffy about it. He doesnt know why, but just something doesnt seem right about it. Ive tried to explain to him the benifits of having one, but he still seems to be really funny whenever i mention it.
Now ive just had a talk to him and he has said it is my choice how i want to birth, which is great, but i really want him to feel comfortable with it too, as it is OUR baby and OUR experience, not just mine, iykwim...
So, in saying all that, im wondering what words of wisdom i could get from you lovely ladies that have previously had a water birth, so that i could try educate him a little more... even some articles or anything of the sort would be great. :)
thanks heaps! x
Well I wasn't going to post as I haven't had a WB yet but I plan to with this one and these are the reasons why...
-pain relief (water has always helped me$
- a gentler way for the baby to enter the world
-easy to change positions, less weight etc
- decreased risk of tearing (can't complain about that)
- I have a bad back so it will help with that too
I have wanted one from day dot (my sister had an amazing one with her first) so DP never had to really adjust. He said he will be there in the water with me (which won't be a blood bath as many people assume which might be freaking him out, though my sister said when she stood up to get out it looked liked a shark attack haha).
I have just been doing my own internet research and watching some clips online.
The idea of waterbirthing excites me (obviously not in a delusional way). Land birthing scares me!
I hope he warms to the idea :)
I had a water birth with dd and the midwife are required to list the risks. Is this why he is weird about it? I didn't labour in the water but I had my pushing stage in the bath and it was a lot less intense than my land births. It's supposed to help reduce tearing. DD was very peaceful when she came out. She barely whimpered and was very calm.
Without knowing exactly what his hang up is its hard to help. All I know is that I hope that I will be able to have another one.
Giving birth is a woman thing. Partners should be comfortable but the priority and focus should be what works for the woman. You have to go through it and deal with any consequences so it has to be what works for you.
You can always keep having a water birth as an option and decide on the day. Some women find water doesn't work for them. You can always labour in the water but birth out of the water. There are many options.
I haven't had my water birth yet...but perhaps have him watch some water birth videos with you. Many times we are afraid of the unknown...and water births aren't what many would consider the norm...so maybe if you are able to educate him as much as possible, he might get more comfortable with the idea. I had the same issue with wanting birth photography....DH was totally against it. After I showed him several photos, and found a doula who was a photographer, he came around. Turns out all he was afraid of was having a male photographer...but he never just came out and said it until after I found a female.
3 Little Pigs
I had a wonderful water birth with my last baby.
Once I had explained to Dh all the benefits he was all for it.
He was so happy and proud of me, I wasn't in as much pain as my other labors and I was more in control since I didn't feel the need for pain relief.
One thing he did find hard was not to try and grab the baby once her head had been delivered, he found it quite surreal that she was looking at him from under the water.
Dh now is the biggest water birth advocate he tells everyone they should give it a go!
Some great advice already :)
How was your first birth? Does he maybe think that the idea of WB will create some kind of barrier between you and him? DS2 was a WB and DS1 was a water labour, I found both really comforting and awesome for pain relief and weightlessness, I did find it was sort of a barrier between me and hubby though so with this bub hubby will be in the tub, so we wont have that barrier.
thanks so much ladies!
I think he is most worried about... bub not being able to breathe under the water? lol. i have explained to him that this little guy is already swimming in water int he womb and until bub comes, his first breath is actually when he is taken out of the water and first hits the air? thats right isnt it?
he also has a very weak stomach so he thinks the birth pool will be full of gunk and blood and what not and that he wont be able to handle it.
thermy- my first birth i was induced, was a full on 50min labour/birth, drug free. I didnt want anything to do with anyone, just wanted to do what i had to do(kick and scream eeek) and just about anything annoyed me as i was made to stay on a bed and not move or anything. so you can kind of understand why i want to try another avenue, because being on my back on a bed, is not my idea of a wonderful birth experience, i really just want to be active and use water as my pain relief. I think last time DF did feel quite excluded, but that was also his choice, he doesnt handle seeing me in pain very well. so regardless, i think with a water birth, he would feel somewhat closer to me and bub.
2 days til my EDD. so i guess we are going to have to have a serious talk about it.
I had an amazing waterbirth with DS.
The whole time I was pregnant, DF was very hesitant about the whole idea.
After the birth, DF thought it was just so amazing and proudly tells anyone who will listen that I had a waterbirth :yes:
I think the important thing is just to keep talking about it and ask him specifically what it is that bothers him and maybe even get a second midwife to reassure him.
Just say that you're using the water for pain relief during the labour itself, then 'forget' to get out in time!!
Honestly, he's not the one enduring the pain of labour, why should he have a say in how you manage the pain? I've had two beautiful waterbirths and wild horses couldn't dissuade me from having another with this bellybabe.
Is your DF the one actually giving birth? I agree with pp, why does he get to tell you what method of pain relief you choose? (water birth = best pain relief). That's odd.
If he's uncomfortable with it then I'd recommend he discuss it with the midwife (an anxious birth partner won't be very beneficial to you) BUT if you have an urge to get in the water during labour, please don't let his reluctance hold you back :no:
I don't think the OP said her husband was telling her what pain relief she can have, in fact she said that he said it was her choice etc.
I think she was looking for ways to get him to be more comfortable with it so that they can share the experience together without his anxiety.
In that case he should definitely discuss his worries with the midwife, in order to alleviate any concerns and consequently ensure that he can be the best support person possible for the op. The midwife will do a fantastic job at alleviating those fears, particularly if his concerns involve the common waterbirth myths.
I was just browsing this thread and I am interested in waterbirth but my man is iffy about homebirth in general!
Was just wondering what ended up happening and what you decided in the end??
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