Expectations and Stereotypes

[carlafish]

Hi,

I'm a new dad using carlafish's login.

I'm just curious about what other dads - new and old - have experienced in terms of what others expect of you versus what you expect and how you act and what your interests are.

My reason for such a thread is that I found the experience of having our first child frustrating in terms of my experience with hospital staff, midwives etc and even people in general (not to mention some of the posts in this section which also perpetuate stereotypes about dads and men in general).

As a postnatal midwife said to me today, many older and younger people just see the role of a man in having a child as just a sperm donor. I just don't see it that way. I mean, it may well be that men in general (ie more than 50%) don't engage in parenthood as actively as others, but that doesn't mean that any particular man is any less interested in being a part of parenthood.

During the 9 months of pregnancy, labour and first few days of dadhood, I have experienced being patronised so often that I am taking less and less notice of it. What are your experiences. Are you contributing to the male stereotype, or are you breaking new ground ?

Davafish
:familybed1:

[Leeny76]

I'd just like to say that our experience in hospital was quite bad in this regard.

Husbands were kicked out with everyone else after visiting hours even though he wanted so much to stay with us and to help me, and even though I desperately needed his help! It's fine to send him home IF there are enough hospital staff to help you but there aren't! Particularly if like me you can't move around without assistance (stitches!) or are sick (I was vomiting heaps because they kept giving me my antibiotics not with food!).

On one occasion DH was bathing DD in the hospital nursery while I was sleeping, and he was there about 15mins past visiting hours and was blasted by the NUM for staying outside his allotted time which was for 'the ladies to get some rest'. I was getting rest! He was helping with DD so I COULD rest, idiot lady! The nursery wasn't near the rooms so it wasn't a disturbance. In any case there were people in and out of the nursery all hours anyway. Never mind that the midwives wouldn't help us or show us how to bathe her (even though signs around the place said they did!).

I reckon if it had been my mother doing the bathing she might have been told politely to leave when she was done and not yelled at.

Shocking! :banghead:

[Xanthic]

My experience was the opposite. The nurses were happy for me to stay the night and the hospital has an evening rate for husbands/partners to stay for $25 which includes a bed and breakfast. They bring in a portable bed to sleep on.

On our last visit the nurses spotted how comfortable we were with a new born and only came in for measurements and the usual check-ups.

I only left the hospital to go home and shower and pick up some stuff from the shops on my way back. Otherwise I was at the hospital the entire time.

[Leeny76]

My experience was the opposite. The nurses were happy for me to stay the night and the hospital has an evening rate for husbands/partners to stay for $25 which includes a bed and breakfast. They bring in a portable bed to sleep on.

On our last visit the nurses spotted how comfortable we were with a new born and only came in for measurements and the usual check-ups.

I only left the hospital to go home and shower and pick up some stuff from the shops on my way back. Otherwise I was at the hospital the entire time.

How extraordinary!:cheerleader2: I note you are in Sydney. Since we are planning bub no 2 I am curious to know which hospital this is. Knowing my luck it would be one not near me. I was at Liverpool (public) Hospital. Thinking about changing hospitals anyway!

Thanks for that...encourages me to do some serious investigation...

[The Fox]

we were given a partnered room which had a double bed and meant that my partner did not have to leave me. i actually found everyone very supportive of him, they showed him how to change the nappy, showed him how to bath our son, he was very much a part of the whole process.
Even when we were home, the domicillary(sp?) midwife gave him a set of instructions that included him doing a night feed so i could have a sleep.

I do find that in general though other people assume that the child is the sole responsibility of the mother. I remember even here on bubhub i had a vent about my DF taking our son out so i could study for an exam only to find out later he gave him a bigM because they didnt have plain milk :rollseyes: it was a stupid thing for him to give our then 10 month old son but most people just said that i should be grateful that he babysat DS so i could get some study done. Ummmm hello, its his son, its hardly babysitting :rollseyes: so yes in short i see where you are coming from although we didnt experience this in the hospital environment.

[Xanthic]

How extraordinary!:cheerleader2: I note you are in Sydney. Since we are planning bub no 2 I am curious to know which hospital this is. Knowing my luck it would be one not near me. I was at Liverpool (public) Hospital. Thinking about changing hospitals anyway!

Thanks for that...encourages me to do some serious investigation...

It was at the Royal Hospital for Women in Randwick.