Flip Flopping

[HowCrazyCool]

:wave:

We have had some flip flopping on where dsd is going to go to school :idea::doh::freakingout::heywhat::banghead2:(2012)


With step/split family's how do/did you feel about school fees? - private school fees

How did you feel about committing to such a big thing, and relying on the other party to uphold there side of things? 50 / 50 split of fee's etc

Has anyone had any issues with things like this.
What happened?

Any advice would be welcomed :hyper::bowdown::skate::helpme::p:laughing:

[A mothers love]

Not happening to us yet. But we have discussed that I will be moving back to Sydney when dd goes to school and she will go public primary and private high school. It was our compromise as I wanted private the whole way.

Hope it works out for you!!

[HowCrazyCool]

Thanks for the reply LonelyMumOfone :highfive:

That's good you could both come to an agreement.

Will you be splitting the private school fee's 50 / 50.
So you are all for, are you scared you might be left holding the bill at the end? That they won't commit to it fully?

[TurnedBatty]

With my ds, its 50/50. He is in public school, and I think will be public high school. School fees are split 50/50, but this year his dad paid for soccer so I paid full school, he paid like 5 dolllars extra....woohoo! ;) With ss, I dont think we will be paying extra. It seems his mum is planning to move far away with no regard for the fact we have him 30% of the time, and cant afford to travel to see him. :gloomy: I believe the child support she gets will have to be enough. However, the parenting plan says now that it will be fifty fifty one day, if it gets to that then yes, split 50/50

[HowCrazyCool]

TurnedBatty -- :hugs:

It's hard isn't it.

School fees will be 50 / 50 no matter what school dsd goes to. It's just with this talk of private school, fees are a completely different kettle of fish.

Im just not that big a fan of sending my kids, step or other wise to a private school. ( that being said i won't knock it too much till we look at it) we just need to be realistic about the costs. And how both parties can afford it.



Big plus it's in our town though!!! not like the other school that has been suggested:cheerleader1::cheerleader1:

[TurnedBatty]

I have thought about it heaps, and I think if ds's dad wants him in a private school I wont be paying. I dont want him to go to one. If he wants him to go, fine, but I will not be paying anything above what I would pay for the public school, such as books, excursions, resource fees etc. I would think it would be fair enough too for it to work the other way, like if I wanted him in a private shool, I would pay for the fees. I personally, think its a waste of money.

[A mothers love]

Yep fob and I will go 50/50 and not scared that he won't pay. It may change if he gets a partner, but fingers crossed if he does they are understanding of our history and dd.

We will hopefully share care say 80/20 when she goes to school as well.

Do you think your fob will pike on paying??

[HowCrazyCool]

LonelyMumOfone - :D We are the father of the baby.
Dsds mum wants dsd to go to private school. we will pay our share, no doubt about that. i just don't think either of them, Dad and Mum, are being realistic about Mums ability to pay.

Dp's Ex suggested this new private school, as she suggested the stenier school that was in another town. Dp said no we would not support her going to a school in another town.Though the costs for that school were still considerable. But no way near as much as the second school that has been suggested.

13 years of school x 8000 = 104,000

52,000 Dp
52,000 Ex

4000 each a year. I do believe we can pay, i believe Dp's Ex will not be able to pay.
Neither of them think it is a concern, they both seem to think, She can find the money each year, and that It'll be right. :banghead2:

Base rates - not including school camps. books uniforms, admin fees. student resources, extra curricular


haha i see what i have done, Dp's Ex not mine.:D:D

[A mothers love]

I have thought about it heaps, and I think if ds's dad wants him in a private school I wont be paying. I dont want him to go to one. If he wants him to go, fine, but I will not be paying anything above what I would pay for the public school, such as books, excursions, resource fees etc. I would think it would be fair enough too for it to work the other way, like if I wanted him in a private shool, I would pay for the fees. I personally, think its a waste of money.

Why do you think it's a waste of money?? I've been to both and I did getter better care and a better education from the private

[TurnedBatty]

Sorry, not so much waste of money. I should have worded it better :o More so, there are better things we can spend our money on?? Does that make sense? I am sure that I could stretch our budget and send DS to the private school, but the things he and everyone else in our family would miss out on are huge. No soccer or other out of school activities, new clothes, items, etc. My bigger family car? Day trips as a family? If it would be anything like the 4000 quoted above, and thats without excursions etc, then no way. Its important to us to buy a house, take trips to the zoo, have new clothes, a bigger car.......

Sorry. I am probably not making sense

[A mothers love]

LonelyMumOfone - :D We are the father of the baby.
Dsds mum wants dsd to go to private school. we will pay our share, no doubt about that. i just don't think either of them, Dad and Mum, are being realistic about Mums ability to pay.

Dp's Ex suggested this new private school, as she suggested the stenier school that was in another town. Dp said no we would not support her going to a school in another town.Though the costs for that school were still considerable. But no way near as much as the second school that has been suggested.

13 years of school x 8000 = 104,000

52,000 Dp
52,000 Ex

4000 each a year. I do believe we can pay, i believe Dp's Ex will not be able to pay.
Neither of them think it is a concern, they both seem to think, She can find the money each year, and that It'll be right. :banghead2:

Base rates - not including school camps. books uniforms, admin fees. student resources, extra curricular


haha i see what i have done, Dp's Ex not mine.:D:D

Ha ha ha I was very confused then. I personally think she is saying this expensive one to get her way with the stiener school.

There very interesting schools.

I wouldn't be surprised if the private (if it's catholic) wouldn't be offering reduced fees. They sometimes do that for single parents.

Yes it's the building levies, library, excursions and uniforms that kill it. But if you all write down what it us etc and get it authorized by a Jp you won't be up for it.

The x mob will be able to pay that off in a year.


Why not another suburb??

[TurnedBatty]

sorry, just replying again because you might not have seen my response on the other page...:o Dont want you to think I didnt reply!

[HowCrazyCool]

Turnedbatty - it is a lot of money, and i think that is something they ( Dp and his Ex) should be thinking about to.


LonelyMumOfone - I think she does want her to go to this new private school, she has really toned back her involvement with all things natural/organic/alternative.

the school is : is an Independent, Christian, Co-Educational School for young people from Preparatory to Year Twelve.

They don't offer it themselves, but they point in the direction of a bank that does payment plans. Which if dp's ex heads down that path its her choice for sure.




Why not another suburb??
Lol i don't understand? :p


Also i always thought that any kids Dp and i have could go to the same school as Dsd. But i would not feel comfortable sending them to public and her to private. Hopefully the school is wonderful and all my doubts are unfounded. :yes::yes:

[A mothers love]

Just saw it then!! Lol

No I understand just wanted to clarify as I've heard some people carry on with why pay for education when it's free and private schools are no better then public yadda yadda. But I can understand you guys have other things in your life etc.

With me it's just me and dd no one else to consider so I'll not need the larger car and house etc as I'll not be having more kids lol

[A mothers love]

Why not another suburb??
Lol i don't understand? :p

The stiener being in another suburb whats wring with that??sorry lol I don't always make sense


Also i always thought that any kids Dp and i have could go to the same school as Dsd. But i would not feel comfortable sending them to public and her to private. Hopefully the school is wonderful and all my doubts are unfounded. :yes::yes:[/QUOTE]

So agree the kids should all be treated equally same school same opertunaties

[HowCrazyCool]

OOooo:p it's not another suburb it's another TOWN just goggled it - 45 minutes away. And she wanted her to car pool for the first years until she was old enough to catch the bus.
Not something Dp or i was happy about, It felt unnatural for us to send her away to school. ( even though this is other peoples choice/necessary for them )

Dp is happy for Dsd to go to the private school, is happy to pay is half. But he is not fussed where she goes.

I agree on the equality thing. I feel that it might end badly, either dp's ex can't afford to send her to the private school in years to come.
That we have kids going there as well. And the equailty thing comes in to play.

But i know and so does Dp, if it comes to the crunch we WILL pay her share. For something we were not to keen about in the end.

[HowCrazyCool]

Well Dp's ex called us in to fix her lights at her work this morning. Was a 20 second job. He pointed out to them that there large 3 phase switchboard was super freaking dangerous. No covers where there should be, all three workers (ex included) had been shoving there fingers in, millimeters away from death!!! So needless to say everyone involved is happy with today!!!




BUTBUTBUT :skate:we stayed up at her work ( she was the only one there ) and we all talked. :cheerleader1::cheerleader1:


She had come to the realization herself about her half of the funds!!!! I was relieved, and feeling a bit guilty that i had doubted her. ( the other day neither of them were seeing reason ) She was thinking along the same lines as Turnedbatty, she would not be able to do the extra things with dsd.
She was talking about sending dsd to a public school for primary and a private school for high school, not sure about all of this, it is for sure something to think about though.:yes::yes:
Im not sure how hard the transition from public Primary school to private high school would be for dsd???

BUT



In the car on the way home Dp is like, well maybe i should just pay for all of it. :cantbelieveit::cantbelieveit::cantbelieveit::cant believeit:


So tonight we are going to look at all the funds. And see if it is a possibility.
Im really shocked to be quite honest, Dp gave the impression he didn't really care where she went. I don't know how Dp's ex will feel about all of this. It would be a bit confronting to say the least.

Arghhh, why is all of this so freaking hard:banghead2::banghead2::banghead2:

But YAAA for us talking about it :cheerleader2::cheerleader2:

[HowCrazyCool]

Arghhh, im not even sure if we can afford it!!!:freakingout:!:freakingout:!

But if it's something he wants to do i guess we will have to make it work:rain::detective::sunshine::goodvibes::o:cool: :rain::sunshine:

[SimplyMum]

Wow- that's a huge expense. If you do go down that road- perhaps a more reasonable split would be 75/25?

[HowCrazyCool]

Extraordinary - i could kiss you!!!!



We talked last night, some of the big things that came up were

1) The money!!!

2) We don't want Dp's ex to feel alienated (or that she wasn't contributing to dsd / her education) cause dp couldn't really understand that she might feel that way. (:frustrated: men)

3) And i don't feel that we should pay the whole lot, pretty simple.




So 75/25 is something very do-able. Dp's Ex will still be contributing a lot over the 13 years of school. But will have money to save / spend.


Lol now the big thing is convincing me that a private school is the best. hahhaa Told you there was some flip flopping, its me doing it all!!!!!!!:freakingout::hyper::froggy::hyper:

[HowCrazyCool]

Does anyone know what would happen with our child support?
Is it going to go up?:detective::detective:

[A mothers love]

That's good she has realized this and it's good if you guys can do 75/25.

Why do you thunk your child support would go up??

[HowCrazyCool]

I was thinking because she would have more expenses? I don't really know much about CS

But after yesterdays efforts i don't really care what she does any more.

So we send Dp's ex a message saying what are your thoughts if we pay pay75/25 and we will pay all the extra's as welll. And if at any time day or year you have any extra to put in you do it.

So she rings back about 15 minutes later saying.

Hey, when i got that message i was like wow, i couldn't believe it. Wow. I didn't realize he wanted her to go to there so much ( the private school ) I feel like a bit of a scumbag though, not being able to pay.
Me.........Well that is a big part of it too.
She takes a big breath in, i think she thought i was calling her a scumbag!!!
Me.........We won't do this if your not comfortable.
Well i thought about it and it's not going to help Dsd at all me saying no. And it's about her not me.

We talk a bit more ( about xmas ) Then we get back to school stuff.

She'll just have to put up with me driving her to school for the first few years in my Shiit bomb car, then she can catch the bus. She won't want to her freinds to see me rocking up in my shiit car.

She'll be right. She will have to realise that we are sending her there because we have the option. Not because it's a right. We aren't going to be like a lot of people there. But there will be people like us, who have the option to send their kids there.
Yeah that's right. And she will be grounded ( centered? ) every time she gets home.

Ok, awesome. Well i've got to go. We'll chat more thursday night.
Did you want me to organise everything?
Umm, well. have a look at the website first, there is a list of things to do before you contact. Then you send the email. But how about we wait till after xmas? give us all a break.

Sounds like a plan, say thank you to Dp. He doesn't have to do this. it's really great.


So, you would think it was super freaking awesome:banghead2::banghead2::banghead2:

Three hours later......

She sends dp a message. Just seen a psychic, asked about school, remind me tomoz x


My heart sank the second i heard dp read the message out.
I knew right then that it was all over. Dp was like Naaaa she'll be right :banghead2:


So we were going to talk Thursday. 2 hours later she rings dp ( while we are xmas shopping) and is on the phone for half an hour at Big W:banghead2:

She asked the physic about school. And they said Dsd wont fit in.

So yep that's the end of it.
..
.
.
.
I honestly don't give a crap about this woman anymore.
There is not going to be a problem with dsd fitting in. If your going to a school for 13 years. your bound to fit in.

None of this^^^ is about Dsd, its about her. SHE won't fit in. Yeah lady, well we won't either. It's about Dsd you djsfljgdlfg.
So she said we better look at other schools instead, Surprise surprise, ones were her cousin is sending her kids.



So needless to say we are a little annoyed. We are going to drop dsd of to her nans xmas day. Tell ex's mum and just tell her the whole story. Ex needs to talk to someone about this. Not just base her whole child's school education on a fn psychic.
No one will know about this, she won't have told her mum dad freinds cousin. Anyone. This will be something she got in her head.


So over an out. For a few days. will update after xmas. sure to be more. Feels like that punked show.:freakingout::freakingout::freakingout:

[HowCrazyCool]

It sounds like a big joke :laughing::laughing::laughing: Feels like a big joke. :rain:

Such is life i guess:skate::skate::sunshine:

[A mothers love]

finally back on and read what you have written.

for a start crazy crazy.. lol its not about her fitttng in its about the kid.

second, i was taken out of my public school at the end of year 8 and put into a christian school. My family didn't have much money and most of the kids had been there since kindy.

i remember one time the principle coming up to me and asking who that old man was with my brothers and sisters (i was out of home by this stage and the school let me continue without paying fees) it was my dad, the principle didn't recognize him.. lol

i think private schools are a brilliant idea, the class sizes are a bit smaller and the education is pretty good. But if she is going to carry on like this, i wouldnt worry about it, and if you guys have kids and want to send them to private school i would re look at it at that time.

on the note of child support its a % of your partners wage. it will only go up if his X earns less money and he gets a pay rise. But you could also come to the table with if he gets a pay rise it will be paid in school fees not money as long as they both agree in writing this is ok.

The other thing to note is if/when you guys have kids the x's cs will go down.

I think your doing the right thing talking about it to her parents she sounds like she isnt actually discussing it with anyone close to her and thats a bit silly.

[HowCrazyCool]

Well after a pretty hectic few days with Dp's ex being a bit of a turd, screwing us around with times, saying we can and can't have her. Going of her rocker a bit.
Comes out she is sick, not sure what it is. She said she had tests done last week and is waiting on the results. She didn't want to talk about it very much. Said she will let us know when she knows.
She has had mental health issues in the past, but i don't think it's anything like that.

This is not her normal line. I don't think she would fake being sick. I kinda wish she was faking it. :gloomy::gloomy:
I really hope it's nothing to serious. Just something easy fixed.
.
..
...
....
So we are going to wait a bit to talk to her parents. See if anything does comes back about her being sick. If nothing then we will talk to them. Not going to stress her anymore then is needed for the minute.

Will keep you updated.

[A mothers love]

Wow hope she is ok and it sorts itself out!!

[HowCrazyCool]

Just an update.

We were sitting in the office Tuesday at pick up. From what i could gather it is something related to the reproductive area. She said she had a test done, it had an abnormality. She said she was getting a procedure down in a few weeks. And that she had to wait for 3 months or so?? After that procdure and get some results then. She was vague, and stressed. :(:(

Dp said when they were together she had a procedure done. ( age 16 ) To scrap away some cells, so i am thinking it is a follow on to that.

It's all really **** :(:(

[TurnedBatty]

Oh dear:( That's a bit stressful!

[A mothers love]

Prob an abnormal pap smear horrible to go through.

How are the school things going?? All sorted??

[HowCrazyCool]

Nothing is sorted on the school stuff. It's a bit disappointing.

I did reliase that my goddaughter who is 11 months younger then Dsd will be in the same year at school because Dsd is staying home this year. :goodvibes: So it would be cool if they went to the same school. :goodvibes:

But after some thought i think she might have been screwing with us with all the talk of the last private school.

[A mothers love]

What a pain in the but. Will be good for dsd to have a friend.

Dont know why you would bother bringing it up unless you had thought about costs etc for herself. How annoying. All that worry and effort for nothing