Sitting with my 3 yo until he falls asleep!

[babytoo]

My 3 year old son will not go to sleep at night unless someone is lying or sitting with him! Sometimes we sit for about half an hour...first he has a bit of a chat about his day etc and then tosses and turns until he finally falls asleep. If we dare try to leave before he is asleep, he screams the house down and just keeps getting out. Has anyone got any advice or has a similar situation? I would love to break this habit as I am expecting our 2nd in February and would hate to still be going through this as well!

[poshBecks]

Hi! I can't say i know how you feel - i'm not quite there yet. Although i have some friends who have been there. This is what they did.

The 1st time. Tuck him in, tell him "it's time for bed now, mummy's not too far away, see you in the morning." Then leave the room. If he cries, that's ok, let him cry for 10mins. If he comes out of room, take him back in repeat sentence calmly and leave.

The 2nd time Same as first. But make sure you stay calm!!! If he cries leave him for 15 mins this time. (he'll ware out soon :o )

The 3rd time If he's still crying, tell him that this is the last time you are coming in and that it's time for bed, tuck him in and leave. STAY CALM DON"T START YELLING!!! Close the door if you need to, but tell him that you are closing it until he stops crying.
If he comes out of room again walk him back to bed and DON'T SAY ANYTHING, leave the room.
Everytime after the 3rd time he comes out, repeat step 3 and say nothing. He'll get the drift after a while.

It usually takes up to about a week of going through this every night. But if you're consistant every night, he'll learn that you mean business at bed time. Worked a treat for my friend's two boys!
Be very patient & Good luck!

Becky :)
Mum of...
Connor, 17mths
Bump, still cookin'

[Harmony83]

You poor thing... I have never been there, so my advice may not be any good.
Is he scared of something? The dark or being left alone, has he got a special comfort toy or a night lite, maybe these things may help, but as I said I have never been there, I am sure you will get plenty of good advice though... :o

[babytoo]

Well, last night was the first night we let him cry and come out of his room about a million times (well a little exagerated) and it took about 40 minutes of complete screaming and 'No' 'No' I want someone to lie with me but he finally gave in and we won!! Let's see how tonight goes.....we actually layed in our own bed giggling at his different cries and screams which made it easier to deal with!

[poshBecks]

Good on you!!!! I hope tonite goes better for you!!! :D

[twinsplus1]

Hi,

I can totally relate to what your going through although my situation is somewhat different...

:mad: My almost 4 year old has talked herself into being scared at night to sleep in her own bed... This of course has posed a huge problem as she shares her room with 2 year old boy/girl twins who won't sleep without her in the room too!! :confused:

After many nights of fighting and exhausting myself with the whole ordeal i have managed to convince older one to read a book in her bed until twins fall asleep and then she may come into my room and cuddle for 5 ad's and then has to go to bed... This sort of worked but i have had to bring in a reward system as she needed more insentive ( i even tried santa is watching!!) SO, now we have a calender on the wall and each night she sleeps in her own bed all night the calender gets a sticker and she gets one on her hand (she is obsessed with butterfly stickers)... After 5 nights in a row - a special gift, then 10 more after that and another, 20 after that etc....

Apart from things like that i am unable to offer any advice as i was always caving in for peace.... :( As a single mum, i was so worn out after the 1-3 hour nightime ordeal that i was so angry and tired that i just gave in... And besides, night time is when i'm supposed to fit my study in - which of course wasn't getting done because i just couldn't keep eyes open!!

I tried later tea/ early tea, later bedtime, exhausting play, bathtime-relax routines... you name it, so thats my best advise - find an insentive that may win your child over and see if it works???

GOOD LUCK!!
Ally

[babytoo]

Hi again
Well thanks for the advice...we are also having toileting issues at the moment so we have chart for that at the moment...but the night thing is really only minor until baby number 2 arrives in Feb! Last night we got home late as we had been out to dinner - he fussed for about 5 minutes asking for someone to lie with him but he really gave in pretty quickly which was great.....tonight will be another test :-)
Talk again soon

[babytoo]

Back again..
Last night was pretty easy..popped him into bed at usual time and he carried on for a bit but I put him back in once and then i listened to him talking to himself and about 10 minutes later i went in and checked on him, sound asleep with 4 of his toys all tucked up in next to him! Fingers crossed for night number 4!!

[poshBecks]

I'm so glad it's beginning to work for you, i've got my fingers crossed for you!

[jsnowdon]

This sounds exactly like what we're going through at the moment. My 2year old who has always been a really good sleeper, has started refusing to go to bed at night. Last night it took about 15 mins of him screaming and hopping out of bed, with me sitting on the floor, but essentially ignoring him, apart from putting him back into bed before he fell asleep. I didn't think that was too bad, however when he wakes up in the middle of the night he then comes into our bedroom expecting to be let into the bed. After 2 hours of him screaming and me getting more and more frustrated I gave in and let him sleep in our bed. The problem is we're expecting our 2nd child in Nov, so I want to nip this in the bud before then.

I'm going to try closing his door at night now or maybe even put up a baby gate so he can still see us, but can't get out.

You seem to be winning the battle with your 3yr old though. At least he doesn't get up in the middle of the night.

[babytoo]

Look I know exactly what you are going through...been there before as well! My son has been a really bad sleeper since birth! Can say nothing but don't let him win...once you give in thats it ...all over for you! We used to let him in but not anymore and he seems to be pretty good at night, not really waking himself enough to get upset...have you tried leaving a side light on for him? This worked for us for a while and then we put a pretend lock on the door (know this sounds harsh) but never actually used it...just threated him that we would have to lock the door if he kept getting out...worked a treat! I also went to look at getting a baby guard or safety fence but I think he is too strong for that and would figure it out...anyway all is fine now in relation to getting up during the night.

Most importantly 4th night I think we are up to....no fuss, kiss good night, 'mummy is not very far away' and he went to sleep all by himself...happy happy joy joy. Let's see if this is the start of something wonderful!

[j&k'smum]

There was a thread like this not to long ago where I said the same thing as I am going to say now, so forgive me if you have read it before.
I truly beleive it IS something that needs to be controlled early. I doesn't mean that you don't love your kids or that you are going to miss out on so much because they are only babies once. Like someone said, there are time for cuddles and closeness at other times.
My son came in with me most nights for NINE years. It only stopped because I had another baby and slept in the babies room in a single bed for the first weeks she went into her cot. That is what broke the habit, and thats what I personally think it is. I beleive it becomes a bodyclock habit.
Maybe it was different for me because I was on my own for alot of that time so he could just get in with me, but it was very very frustrating. I wasn't as "strong" as I am with this one. I don't have the "guilt" I had with him.
Now with the little one there is no way I am going to let that habit develop for her. For a few weeks there she was coming in but I just HAD to make the effort and put her back in her bed. She might come in at six but thats acceptable for me.
Each to their own, but I know from experience, that the longer you leave it the harder it gets. And as for all the pyscho babble, either way, whatever you are doing, there will be some "side-affect" somehwere along the way. Like the old saying, "be damned if you do, be damned if you don't".
Good luck and just do whats best for you and your family. :)