Do you buy out of want or out of obligation?

[share a book]

I get the feeling from some people (not necessarily here) that gifts are often bought for family or family friends because of some kind of obligation and not out of any sort of want to give something to those people.

So do you buy because you want to or because you feel you have to?

[FearlessLeader]

want, definitely. I'd buy for more people but i just can't afford it. Also i don't want people who i want to buy for, to feel obliged to buy something for me.

[Myztiks#1Fan]

i am a bit of both. i have bought because i wanted to as a surprise for people. some though i feel obliged to buy for. i have a friend and i feel like i have to buy for her regardless of the fact whether money is tight or whatever and she has 2 kids which makes it worse as she spends some big money on her kids and the feeling i get from her is that i should do the same for her kids as well.

[peanutbutter&jelly]

Obligation for a lot. They barely speak to us, but since they're DF's family :rolleyes:

[Benji]

hmm a bit of both. I feel 'obliged' as I know that my family and DP's family get us great presents, I'd feel awful that they went to all the effort and me doing nothing. I'm really not into gifts. Honestly. Especially receiving - I have too much stuff in my little house as it is.

Next year my family have decided we're all doing a secret santa between the adults and spending a bit more to get something our SS really wants.

The only one I really want to buy for is DS as he doesn't tend to get many toys throughout the year.

[elleandsam]

Want here. I send a copy of our Santa photo with a card to extended family, gifts to DHs parents, my parents and my siblings (DH is an only child) and DH and I buy gifts for each other, and of course gifts for DD are a big want purchase for me ;)

[chicken and eggs mum]

For the first time this year - want!! and it feels great!!! :-) :-)

I used to buy (not just for christmas) out of obligation, but now I buy out of want and I LOOOVEEEE it!! Feels so much more genuine and real!!!!

[SassyMummy]

Bit of both I guess.

I'm unsure whether or not to give gifts to DPs niece and nephew this Christmas. Their mother (DPs sister) is a horrible witch, and there's no way in the world she'll be giving something to DD (she hates DD), but that's not really why I'm unsure about what to do. DP doesn't want me to give anything to them because we haven't seen them much and because his niece has been a right little b*tch since she's stopped spending time with the rest of the family and has just been learning from her mother... and she also doesn't accept gifts graciously. The past few times DD has given her something, she's gone, "I don't like this, I'm throwing it in the bin!" and really upset DD.

SIL is also the type of person who would ask her kids where they got the gifts, and then take them from her kids (god, she'd even probably burn them!) just to be spiteful.

I thought about making little finger puppets for them, so I'm not spending anything, but then I don't want to work on something liek that (because it does take a bit of time and thought) and then have them destroyed or unappreciated... or made fun of by grown adults.

Other than that, I'm giving out of want though.

I don't give much out at Christmas... the only adults who get anything from me are Mum and DP, and DP only gets something small from DD (obviously purchased by me though, but with DDs help). I might get the ILs something small (like chocolates) cos they're always so helpful to us, and I might get my brother and his gf an outfit for hte baby they're expecting... but I wouldn't get them something just for themselves.

Otherwise, it's DD, Dad's step-daughter and DD's cousins (the ex's nieces and nephews) that get something from me. Those cousins will only be getting money this year though... they live in WA, and it costs too much to post something worthwhile.

[monnie24]

Me & DP- obligation for his family. His sister & mum will buy the presents they want and expect us to pay that much? Like last year his sister brought a fairy floss maker or some cr@p? And it was like $150.00 ummm WHO SAID WE WERE SPENDING THAT MUCH? His mum will buy books, or something like yeah thats fine but what if we wanted to choose something, or found something we thought you'd like.

My family is very easy, i love buying for my brother (he has downsyndrome) and just the smallest thing makes him happy. I love him so much! lol

My family doesn't make a huge deal out of christmas, its just like another day or another bbq.

[waterlily]

Want for my family. I love giving gifts. I go to so much effort wrapping and decorating them.

But obligation for DHs parents because they don't even celebrate Christmas (for religious reasons) but still give us presents!! I find it extremely hypocritical.

And obligation for SILs DSD who we have nothing really to do with at all.

[Cleigh]

Not me. I always get told "Dont buy anythign for me coz I havent bought for you and I feel bad" lol Im like "Well I buy because I want to not because I have to" I do it because I love to!!

[BigRedV]

I don't really buy presents for my brothers and sisters or for their kids, except for one as they're still youngish. I just put some money in a card. The rest have all grown up now. They don't buy for my kids either, but if they did, I would feel obliged to buy something back.

The only people I have bought presents for Christmas is my children, my partner and my mum and dad. Didn't really spend much on DF's parents. I'm just sending them a calendar with pictures of the kids, and a santa photo.

My mum's friend across the road from her always buys loads of stuff for my kids, so I kinda feel I had to buy her and her husband something, even though I know she didn't expect it. But she is a great help to us around birthdays as she always makes food and the birthday cakes for us for the parties.

ETA I did buy for my DD's friend as his mum and I hang out. I also bought a present for one of my DD's carers at daycare. She loves my daughter and treats her like her own. Daycare has been a wonderful experience for my daughter because of her and I like to thank her somehow.

[me+he=3]

I WANT to buy presents for the people that we do (my sister and my parents) but there seems to be an OBLIGATION with the amount that everyone spends.

Somewhere along the line, it became the done thing to spend $100 on each. This year though, I'm think I might cut that to $50 and am planning on making a chocolates and cookies parcel for each. Lets see how it goes down...

[share a book]

I buy according to the people. For instance, I've spent $40 on my brother and SIL, $30 on my little brother, $60 on my mother, $20 on my father and his wife, $50 on one of my uncles, $25 on another uncle and his wife, $25 on my grandmother, $10 on an aunty and her husband, $35 on a friend and $20 on her DD, $40 on other rellies with young kids, $15 on my friend and $30 on her DS.

Despite spending more on some and less on others, I've bought each of them something they have really wanted, rather than just buying for the sake of buying and having a set amount for each person. I will not mention what's been spent on the child all up because I haven't really kept track of what each thing cost, but I'd say it would have been roughly $400 in total between me and Santa.

[Blairysmum]

Want for all of my family but obligation for my best friends ds she always buys for dd so I feel I should!

[PurpleStars]

I want to buy for my nieces and nephews out of want. Does that make sense? I hardly get to see them so I have no idea what they are into. I used to buy for them all the time before we had kids too. I got to see them more often and they were younger too, so easier to pick a toy from the kids section. I end up feeling annoyed that we bought for my brothers and sisters kids for years and now we have kids ours don't even get a card let alone a gift at birthday or christmas. I know that's my issue, if I want to buy for them I should just do it out of love, but I feel hurt for my kids as though they are ignored by my own brother and sister. :( I also hate the thought of spending the money and not even getting close to what they might want/enjoy receiving.

[SimplyMum]

To some people, it's obligation, to others- it's very much want. Mostly my family and the kids is want- DP's family and DS Godfathers family is obligation. I think this is mostly because I hardly spend any time with these people though so thinking about their interests becomes a chore rather than a pleasure. Where as I know my own family and I find it exciting to search for a really nice gift. :)

[CookiesRYum]

want. We buy few presents.