Izy
12-12-2010, 14:30
It's not fair that today is Xavier birthday, and he's getting messages of love and happiness, but my other babies are not.
It's not fair that they never got to meet the world.
It's not fair that I never got to meet them.
It's not fair that they could never learn and grow with us.
It's not fair that I'm stealing moments while Xavier sleeps to try to say goodbye.
I've written each of my three angel babies a letter this afternoon. I started out just writing one for Phil and Chook, but that really began a starting point so that I could find my emotions. I've written a letter to Chook. He's my representation of hope and inspiration. He took all the things he couldn't do because of the circumstance and said stuff it. He grew when they said he couldn't. He developed when they said he couldn't. He even started to grow a nervous system/brain network. My stubborn little miracle child.
I wrote a letter to Phil. He is generous and giving. He did everything he could for his brother. He even pumped his own heart twice as much to support Chooks dreams. He worked so hard and yet grew perfectly himself. He's my generous little angel. Looking out for those he cared for. He even waited till mummy and daddy were watching before he let go so that I could see that he wasn't in pain. He just slipped away silently into happy dreams.
And Andy,
My first little boy. The big brother. The strong and independent child to came to my womb when he was ready regardless of anything else. My unbeleivable little fighter who does his own thing on his own timetable. He had a battle with my body that he just couldn't win, but I can imagine him still brave and proud and independant as ever. Kind of, 'well I lost that one. So what's the next one' attitude.
To all my babies I love you so much.
I am so glad for the angel my friend gave me while TTC. That angel watched over me, and now that I've written all my emotions down for my babies, she's looking after their letters too.
I don't know when I'll be ready to do a goodbye ceremony for them. I do plan on getting helium balloons and attaching the letters to them and saying goodbye, but I know I'm not ready for that yet.
One step at a time. My angel can look after the letters for my babies until I'm ready to send them to the winds and the heavens.
She can look after them while I give whats left of my heart to my perfect little boy here on earth. My amazing man who shares his birthday with two of his brothers, and who has kindly slept while mummy let herself be a blubbering mess, finally, after just over three years since Andy left my body, and two years to the day since Phil and Chook left my body.
It's not fair that they never got to meet the world.
It's not fair that I never got to meet them.
It's not fair that they could never learn and grow with us.
It's not fair that I'm stealing moments while Xavier sleeps to try to say goodbye.
I've written each of my three angel babies a letter this afternoon. I started out just writing one for Phil and Chook, but that really began a starting point so that I could find my emotions. I've written a letter to Chook. He's my representation of hope and inspiration. He took all the things he couldn't do because of the circumstance and said stuff it. He grew when they said he couldn't. He developed when they said he couldn't. He even started to grow a nervous system/brain network. My stubborn little miracle child.
I wrote a letter to Phil. He is generous and giving. He did everything he could for his brother. He even pumped his own heart twice as much to support Chooks dreams. He worked so hard and yet grew perfectly himself. He's my generous little angel. Looking out for those he cared for. He even waited till mummy and daddy were watching before he let go so that I could see that he wasn't in pain. He just slipped away silently into happy dreams.
And Andy,
My first little boy. The big brother. The strong and independent child to came to my womb when he was ready regardless of anything else. My unbeleivable little fighter who does his own thing on his own timetable. He had a battle with my body that he just couldn't win, but I can imagine him still brave and proud and independant as ever. Kind of, 'well I lost that one. So what's the next one' attitude.
To all my babies I love you so much.
I am so glad for the angel my friend gave me while TTC. That angel watched over me, and now that I've written all my emotions down for my babies, she's looking after their letters too.
I don't know when I'll be ready to do a goodbye ceremony for them. I do plan on getting helium balloons and attaching the letters to them and saying goodbye, but I know I'm not ready for that yet.
One step at a time. My angel can look after the letters for my babies until I'm ready to send them to the winds and the heavens.
She can look after them while I give whats left of my heart to my perfect little boy here on earth. My amazing man who shares his birthday with two of his brothers, and who has kindly slept while mummy let herself be a blubbering mess, finally, after just over three years since Andy left my body, and two years to the day since Phil and Chook left my body.