dont know what to do.. sad.. crying.. baby blues? depressants?

[need advice]

Hi there.. I am on this site under a different name.. id rather that no one no who this is coming from.. its not that im embarrassed.. more ashamed.. for feeling like this..

I am a 20 yr old mum of a 4 and a half month old baby. I am single and live with my parents.. I am not coping.. I cant handle it anymore.. I look at my baby and think im so sick of being a mum.. and just want to cry.. I cry all the time I get upset when he’s grizzly.. I get angry at him when he’s due for a sleep and wont settle.. I look at my life and think what the hell have I done..

I have my ups and downs.. one minute im so depressed.. the next I have bursts of energy and im happy and funny.. mum says that’s signs of a manic depressants?

I go out all the time.. ive been out 4 or 5 nights this week.. I go out when my baby is asleep and get home before his feed in the morning.. mum listens out for the baby.. but he sleeps the whole night so she doesn’t have to do anything.

Im not understanding why im feeling this way.. hes a pretty good baby.. he sleeps all night.. but doesn’t sleep very much during the day. Im just finding it so demanding.. and I know he cant help it.. when he’s hungry or feels sick or needs burping.. crying is the only way he can let me know but my head just cant take it anymore.

I think im feeling funny towards him cos hes like my mistake.. my f%#k up.. not being with his dad.. and I feel like hes going to hate me when hes older.. and that I have deprived him of something that every child should have. His father.. I think of my actions.. well if I did this/didn’t do this things may be different.. if me and his dad didn’t have so many domestics maybe he would have stuck around..

Some days im great I get up feeling like ok today is going to be a fantastic day.. I take him shopping.. or for a walk in his pram and get some sunshine.. I play with him.. I have baths with him.. I do all the house work.. I even cook dinner for all my family.. cos I just feel like doing things and not sitting around.. then I get a great nights sleep and lay there thinking wow today was a great day.

I love my baby so much.. I never ever have thoughts of harming him NEVER!! Hes the most beautiful little thing ive ever seen.. I love playing with him.. and talking to him and seeing his smiles and laughs.. I take photos of him all the time.. he really is a happy little boy.. I don’t think he can feel my frustration towards him or if I get really bad I give him to my mum. im just really down and don’t know what to do..

Lately its so hard co sim fighting with my mum.. she just doesn’t understand what im going through.. and is basically saying snap out of it.. and she makes me feel like the worst mother with the comments she makes
“you can be bothered with him”
“your not the most doating mother ive ever seen”
“I thought a baby would make you happy”

She thinks im out having sex and going clubbing.. I just go to a close friends house most nights and we just talk and watch movies.

I feel like my mum and step dad think hes there baby.. its like she has the rules.. she tells me what to do and hate it.. when I am feeling happy with him and were playing or im holding him she will take him off me.. “oh im going to give him a bath” or oh come to nanna.. in the mornings she takes him and says why don’t you just go back to bed.. makes me feel so useless L………………………………….. I just don’t know what to do…

Ill say something and she says or does the opposite.. I put a sheet on him the other night he was in his bouncer in the lounge room.. and she goes no he doesn’t need that on hes hot.. when I thought he was cold.. or I say oh im going to get him some bottle.. and she says no hes not hungry its just wind.. Like whose his mother here!!!!!!!!!! Maybe sometimes shes right about things but don’t I need to learn myself.. how can I be a good mother when I don’t make any decisions about his life or his routine.. and someones just taking him from me.

When my step dad gets home from work he always wants to hold him.. and play with him.. and tonight I got him a bottle while he was holding him and went to pick my baby up and he goes ill give it to him and I said no I want to and hes like nah its fine sit down ill do it.. (my step dad and my mum could never have a baby together.. they did ivf treatments.. I feel like there playing happy family with MY BABY!!!! And I just cant say anything.. I cant afford to live out of home so id rather not be fighting 24/7

Tonight’s ended with my mum not saying goodnight to me and storming off and going in her room.. and I went in there and shes like your so ungreatful.. and a Bit#%... I just don’t know where that’s coming from?!?!?!?! I do ask her to have him and hold him when I cope but I just don’t think she understands how I feel inside…

Another thing that bothered me the other night my step dad was holding my son.. and he said “are u going to come and kick the soccer ball with daddy where your older” and I was in the kitchen and he knows he slipped up.. and quickly said.. with grandpa.. with grandpa.. I didn’t say anything.. but it hurts…

I don’t know if my son thinks that they r his parents…..

Do I have postnatal depression…??

Do anti depressants help??

Do i need to take them?

I cant spend another day feeling like this………..

I don’t want to lay in bed crying anymore…

I love my baby and I want to be a good mum..

:( :crying: :(

[~EmsMum~]

oh hun big hugs comming your way, I know parenting can be very hard! believe me!! I suffer from PND and know its not easy... I would say go to your local GP and have a chat to him/her and get an opinion from them

:hugs: I hope things start looking up

[mrsd]

You're obviously having a really bad time at present. I know you realise that you've got lots of things to be grateful for but it's really hard to see them when you're stressed and upset.

EmsMum's advice about the GP is really good.

Perhaps when you feel able, you might also be able to have a sit down and chat with Mum about boundaries. He is your son but I'm guessing that he's also the only grandchild they've got ? He's terribly special to all of you and you all love him. I know you don't mind sharing him so maybe all of you just need to talk about when and how it is appropriate for them to participate in his life.

Good luck. I said a prayer for you.

[indigoin0z]

oh you poor thing...
what a concoction of issues you have to deal with there!

you do sound like you maaaaay have PND, but with your circumstances, it certainly wont get better in a hurry if you feel you are being put down, or are fearing about your baby being taken from you etc...

IMO i would try & find a baby health clinic (you probably already take bubs there perhaps) & ask if they can help or refer you on to some counselling services etc... i would start there before you go to a GP, because they wont just hand you a script, counsellors are paid to hear your problems, not just try & cover them up with a drug..
(tho you may in fact end-up needing meds in the end)..

good luck with whatever you choose to do...
but dont deal with it all by yourself...

take care:fingerscrossed:

[wannabemum]

Hi, first of all congratulations on speaking out and telling people about how you feel, that is a really brave thing to do.
Secondly these are for you :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

I'm not a mum (yet) so I can't advise on pnd, however I have suffered depression and consequently taken anti-deps for nearly 3 years. One thing I want you to know is, please don't be angry at yourself, don't think you are a bad mother and don't let ANYONE make you doubt your love and mothering abilities. Depression (of any kind), is an illness not a reflection of yourself. It is a chemical imbalance in your brain which makes a dark cloud come over you and the situation you are in. The main factor in healing when you suffer from depression is having a strong support group, someone/s you can talk to, confide in and let your emotions out without feeling judged, and your family is obviously not that group. I would strongly suggest looking up a support group in your area, young mothers groups, pnd groups or counsellors. A group who are experiencing exactly what you are going through, you will be amazed at how helpful is to not feel alone. You can find these sorts of places on the internet (google them) or from your gp.

Next thing, your beautiful boy does not/will not judge you, hate you or resent you for what you are going through. His love is unconditional, as yours is to him, and with suffering from psd as well as still taking time out to love and care for him, THAT IS INSPIRATIONAL!!!! and something that I don't believe men could handle, that is why women have the babies.

You need to sit down with your family and lay down some ground rules, after all you are the parent, they are the grandparents, his routine is your right and your decision. Even though you are living under their roof you are still his mother and they need to respect that.

In regards to anti depressants, I would recommend them if life becomes hopeless and unbearable, and do not judge yourself for being on them. Think of them as a cold & flu tab when you have the flu. They are like a anti-biotic for your thoughts (lol). I am on paxtine (or aropax), I take 1 20mg tab a day. i have not suffered side effects and I can carry out anything a person not on anti-deps can, meaning apart from correcting my depression they have no bearing on my life. You may wish to talk to your GP about that brand.

In the meantime, do not put yourself down, you are an inspirational person going through a challenging time, and you are doing the best you can, well done!!! Just to let you know I am 21 yo, so I too am venturing into young mum territory.... If you ever need to chat please do not hesitate to contact me... your little man is LUCKY to have you!!!

Lots of love to both of you XXXXXX

[mum2littleman]

just wanted to send u a hug:hugs:

i went throught this when DS was younger but now his a little older he is off happy to play on his own with his own toys for most of the day so i can still clean or read watch a movie anything i want to do i also found when i was going through this i went out and made sum new firends with babies{thanks to bubhub} and even no they are not single and dont no how it feels to be its just great to have new friends that no how hard it is at time to bring up a baby weather ur single or not and not only that DS loves playing with his friends and what makes him happy makes me happy things will get better.. :hugs:

[Cheekychops]

I think PND is possible - but a big key is getting enough sleep!! If you are going out for the whole night and then having to deal with him fussing and not settling during the day you are becoming sleep deprived and that can contribute greatly to depression.

Although going to friends house to chat etc is good for you at times 4 to 5 times in a week is pushing the boundaries of you getting a healthy amount of sleep. I know you are finding it hard at home etc with you mum, but I would give the sleep a big try first before starting on anti-depressants. I had PND twice so know it's not fun, but if your little one sleeps through the night, so should you.

I hope you work it out soon, and don't forget you are his mummy, not your mum, so you make the rules.... if he needs a bath when she says she will give him one, say something like 'thanks mum, that'll give me a chance to do fold washing, if he doesn't need a bath say something like 'thanks anyway mum, but I am going to just let him have some tummy time for a while.'

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: I know it's tough but hang in there!!! PM me if you want to vent!!!

[jennababe]

hi just wanted to give you a big :hugs: being a single mum isnt easy.. but your are a strong women and loving mummy... and things will get easier...

everyones here for you.. look at all the support already..

do go to see ur gp
and not that this makes thing better. but just know you arent the only one going through this so dont feel bad..

let us know how things go xx

[Angelmist♥]

Oh darl huge hugs for you.I agree with everyone, seeing a GP can't hurt.The mood swings are very common for PND sufferers, not saying that that's the problem but it won't hurt to have a chat.

I agree with Mischief too.Maybe your Mum and your stepdad are just trying to help but coming across pushy IYKWIM.

Good luck with everything and please don't feel ashamed by your feelings.There is alot of women on here going or been through the same things who can really help.

[SamanthaJane]

I just want to send you great big hugs :hugs:

I think you would benefit from seeing a GP or a counsellor about this.

You are a wonderful mum, you are just going through a phase, and you will be out of it soon.

Your little guy loves you, and we know you love him too :hugs:

[natasha]

Ow hun, its sounds like your'e having an awful time! :hugs: And I'm sorry but your parents seem waaaaay out of line to me! Jeeze, anybody living under those circumstances would need antidepressants!

You are either going to have to sit down and talk things through with them, or write them a letter, or you are going to have to get out of there. It's THEM that are making you feel like you are a failure. No wonder you feel upset somedays and want to cry!

I DONT think they are trying to help, they are being pushy and they know it. They are walking all over you just because you are back living with them. This may all sound harsh but believe me, I have had to deal with people like this and they think they can treat you like they want just because you are in their home.
Don't let them tell you how to raise your child, don't you dare feel like you aren't a good mother because of what THEY say and do!

You need to stand up and tell them exactly what you think, in the nicest way possible, and so what if your mum storms off to bed, how old is she, 4!

GRR makes me mad, people butting their noses in. You sound like a great mum who has had some lousy luck. Hang in there, things will get better with time, but you need to sort your mum n dad out pronto!

[Hokey Pokey]

Big hugs to you. :hugs:

[need advice]

thankyou to everyone for replying.. your advice and kind words mean alot..

the last few days things have been alot different.. i havent been out at all.. and ive been sleeping better and doing everything for my son everything!!!

when they offer im like nah its ok ill do it.. i have not yet seen my gp...

i have been feeling alot better..

have taken bubby out for a walk in pram everyday..

and i have an afternoon sleep with him.. and a big cuddle.. and that helps..

parents r still doing things i dont like..

when i said to mum she acts like shes his she laughed and said i dont know what your talking about?

:confused: so why do i feel how i do????...

im very worried cos im having my good days...

just waiting for my bad ones to come back...

will go and see gp.. but not sure what to say now..

[natasha]

your mum sounds very manipulative