View Full Version : I want to stop, but feel so guilty.
Lemonhead
08-12-2010, 11:15
I've had it. I seriously cannot do it anymore and I am 99% sure I will be putting DS2 on formula in a couple of days.
I am sick of doing it all, DP wants to help with night feeds but how can he? I'm exhausted, sick, sore, leaky and over it. I've been crying for the last few days non stop because I feel like I am not enjoying my newborn. I feel like a failure but I just don't have that drive to keep going. Its not *that* important to me to continue BFing but I feel like I am letting DS down, like I am letting everyone who supported me down.
Having such a crap day :gloomy:.
It's really not enjoyable being a sore milk-machine in the beginning.
IF this is something you want to continue for bub, I can promise you it does get better and much easier.
Please, don't base any decisions on outsiders. Nobody worth worrying about will be disappointed, you've got to do what you believe is best for you and Isaac :hugs::hugs:
Lemonhead
08-12-2010, 11:20
I did a whole 3 weeks :rolleyes: wow go me.
I honestly don't know how some of you do it for YEARS its absolutely amazing, I have changed my entire viewpoint of BFing, kudo's to those who have the strength to persevere.
:hugs: I remember feeling like that with both of my kids :hugs:
Tam-I-Am
08-12-2010, 11:21
Bek, it's such early days. The early days ARE crap - and it DOES get better if you can stick them out.
Having said that, I agree with what Benji said - you can't base your life decisions on what other people think of you, and you know that :)
Are you co-sleeping with Isaac? Because that makes sleep so much easier to get in the early days. Even if it doesn't last forever, even if it only lasts a week or two so that you can get some better sleep, it may help. Do you know how to feed him lying down? Are you getting plenty of rest during the day? And have you had any time out for yourself? Even just a bath and a cup of tea can put things into perspective. Getting good help with all the unnecessary tasks, too. And maybe go see a lactation consultant so they can help you figure out why there's pain?
:hugs: (gentle, for sore boobies).
SuperGranny
08-12-2010, 11:22
hi sausagefest, dont be down on yourself, everyone has bad days, and it is hard to get into the swing of things at first. If you feel you will be dissappointed if you stop bfeeding, then try to continue just one more day. If you feel you will be happy with your decision to stop, then stop. You could be just going through a bit of the baby blues, nothing major, but just every llittle thing is an upset. Im sure you do have the strength to carry on, but only if you want to. It is all hard work for the first little while, one personal cheer squad right here. Marie.
I did a whole 3 weeks :rolleyes: wow go me.
I honestly don't know how some of you do it for YEARS its absolutely amazing, I have changed my entire viewpoint of BFing, kudo's to those who have the strength to persevere.
Three weeks is good - especially considering you had a caesarian!
No matter what you decide, I wanted to say well done :)
Mrs Nietzsche
08-12-2010, 11:23
Sausage, unfortunately breastfeeding is a bit back to front. The worst bit is at the start. Then it gets easier.
You know you don't need permission to stop or anything. However I will proceed on the basis of supporting you to continue just now.
Are you still giving him the ABs? Maybe if you could get rid of those then it will get a lot easier.
Is it the sleep that is bothering you most?
How can we help is what I'm trying to work out..
I've never formula fed so I don't understand why that would be easier. I *do* know that with every week breastfeeding will get easier, your boobs settle down, the baby gets stronger, it becomes like riding a bike.
ComeBackKid
08-12-2010, 11:24
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
You can always perserve and seek additional help from your MCHN, lactation consultants and the ABA if you want to continue.
But it is up to you - your mental health is just as important. If you feel you would cope better and enjoy your son more if you were FF - go for it.
Yes, we all know that breast is best - but it is not the be all and end all.
Do what is best for you. :hugs:
I did a whole 3 weeks :rolleyes: wow go me.
Thats fantastic though :yelclap:
With my DD I pushed through the crappy early weeks and kept it up for near 6 months. With my DS I couldn't (well didn't fel I could) push through it again and switched him over to formula at about 6 weeks. Both are happy healthy gorgeous kids :)
Lemonhead
08-12-2010, 11:27
I know it gets easier, I've seen my friends do it. But they wanted to continue, I just don't. I feel trapped, like I am always on call, I feel unattractive and I hate not being able to wear what I want (it has to be accessible), I don't know how much he is having and what he does have he just vomits up and then there is nothing to give him because he just had everything I had to offer.
I am co-sleeping! I amazed myself, but I hate it! He will start off fine on the breast then pull off and on all night and dribble it all over the bed and myself and himself. Then he is offered a bottle of EBM and he takes it perfectly! He LOVES the bottle :no:.
I'm such a sook.
Luvmagirl
08-12-2010, 11:27
I think I lasted not quite two weeks! It just hurt me to much and because of that I didnt have the patience to keeps bubs on long enough for her to feed properly.
I tried switching and expressing instead, but then I got mastitis. :\
My partner didnt want me to stop BFing but I did what I thought would be best for me and bubs!
OurLittleBlessing
08-12-2010, 11:28
If you decide that you do want to continue, how about you set yourself very small goals?
For example, I will continue til 3 weeks and 3 days and then reassess how I feel, then 3 weeks and 5 days, then 4 weeks etc. You will probably find that even by 4 weeks things will be starting to get a little easier.
I remember feeling like you do with DD1 was about 3 weeks old (in fact I think I posted on BubHub about it!) and the overwhelming response was that if I could hold out until 6 -8 weeks it would get a LOT easier. Well, at pretty much 8 weeks on the dot it suddenly stopped being painful and we found our groove.
I also agree that you've got to do what you and Isaac are happy with, but it sounds to me like you don't really want to stop.
Hang in there and take it one day at a time!
EDIT: just read your latest post, and if you really want to stop, dont' feel guilty! Even the 3 weeks BF you have given him is great!!
i felt just like you in the beginning, it hurt so much used to cry when she latched on & i had massive scabs for weeks. I was soooooo close to giving up but i really wanted to give DD the best start so i kept on - if i hadn't felt so strongly about it i wouldn't have continued.
Now, its one of the highlights of my day. I love it & look forward to it. You start to feel good once the soreness goes away & then it' a whole different story.
I am sooooo glad i stuck with it.
I can totally understand why people give up, but you really are giving your baby a gift if you can stick with it. However if the price on you is too high then obviously you might need to think about trying formula.
My advice stick it out if you can & you will really be glad you did. It really does get better - actually it doesn't just get better it becomes something special & bonding between the two of you, just such a shame its so damn hard at the start.
3blondies
08-12-2010, 11:33
Dont feel guilty! 3 Weeks is great!:yelclap: They are definately the hardest! Like others have said i definately does get easier! With DD1 i battled through 2 bouts of Mastitis and with DD2 it was cracked nipples and thrush so i definately know the feeling of wanting to give up!
If sleep is an issue i would recommend safe co sleeping. I was very against it when i had my first bub. I was terrified of suffocating him. However with my daughters i was so exhausted i had no other choice. it was only for about 3 weeks each just to get through the early days. DD1 started sleeping through in her bassinette at 14 weeks and DD2 started at 10 weeks.
Could your partner maybe hop up with him during the night when he isnt hungry and maybe just has wind? Maybe have a bottle of EBM in the fridge just in case?
Lemonhead
08-12-2010, 11:35
It's not even the pain that bothers me. I can deal with that, its the sleep. I can't live off no sleep.
I am taking him off his (unnecessary) ABs and seeing if that helps. DP feels so helpless he wants to help so much and Im sick of crying to him at night and when he is at work :o. It worries him so bad and he has a heap of work to do, he can't keep coming home early.
It get's easier!!! You're doing a great job. Give yourself and bubs till 10 weeks. I found it all settled down really really easily between 6-8 weeks.
It's such a short time out of your life... just try it... 10 weeks. One day at a time one week at a time.
Get a pump and express so that DP can feed bubs too.
You can do this!
ETA: can you co sleep??? so much easier then.
trishalishous
08-12-2010, 11:38
I agree with the others, that the early days are the hardest.
I kept telling myself that I'd go to 4 weeks, then 6 weeks then 8 weeks, then 12 weeks, by when it had 'clicked' and was so much easier!
have you tried expressing so DP can do a feed? (i express one side every morning, feed off the other and DH gives her a bottle before bed, while I shower)
I gave DD ABM topups until I could establish my supply, and found bottles harder than BF.
if you don't continue, its YOUR decision, and you have done so well to even give I 1 DAY of b00bjuice. :hugs:
Lemonhead
08-12-2010, 11:40
Its a great suggestion that DP help with a bottle of EBM but I can't ask him to do that. He is in bed around 10pm every night and up at 4am. I don't mind getting up to feed DS, its when he takes 3 hours to get back to sleep because he keeps fussing on and off and crying because he isnt getting anything :(.
I did a whole 3 weeks :rolleyes: wow go me.
Let me just fix that for you...
I did a whole 3 weeks :smiliedance: :goodvibes:wow go me.:smiliedance::goodvibes::bee:.
Pretty good for someone that used to find the idea of BF her own child offputting!
Know that breast is best is not just dependant on the nutrients your child receives but also your and their emotional wellbeing.
Please talk to someone about the fact that you've been crying for the last few days, and if you truly think it's because of BFing than maybe express for a while untill your milk eventually slows and stops or you've had enough.
Do remember that BF naturally releases endorphins though, so you may find that when you stop BFing you get a wonderful sense of relief and freedom, but may still be teary.
.
parentingrocks
08-12-2010, 11:43
I He will start off fine on the breast then pull off and on all night and dribble it all over the bed and myself and himself. Then he is offered a bottle of EBM and he takes it perfectly! He LOVES the bottle :no:.
I breast fed, so I am pro-breastfeeding. But there is NOTHING wrong with giving him formula. You've done 3 weeks, that 3 whole weeks of solid colostrum/breast milk goodness. If he loves the bottle, why not slowly switch (1 per day then slowly increase) and see if he and yourself are happier. I believe most lactation consultants believe you should stop breastfeeding when either yourself or bubs is no longer happy with it. You certainly don't sound happy with it.
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
Mrs Nietzsche
08-12-2010, 11:44
I thought you said your DP wanted to help with night feeds?
It won't have anything to do wiht not getting enough that he is crying. It sounds like it is the reflux from ABs.
At this stage you have *too much* milk while your body plays it safe to work out what is needed.
Did you say it was easier on hols without the ABs?
aLittleLoopy
08-12-2010, 11:45
Its a great suggestion that DP help with a bottle of EBM but I can't ask him to do that. He is in bed around 10pm every night and up at 4am. I don't mind getting up to feed DS, its when he takes 3 hours to get back to sleep because he keeps fussing on and off and crying because he isnt getting anything :(.
First of all :smiliedance: for trying.
Secondly, could he be fussy for another reason? Sometimes the b00bies feel empty but there is still milk in there.
If you want to stop. then do that. But it does get easier, and you do stop leaking. Feeling unattractive is huge.. I know that one, but I just wear those bonds maternity singlets and they cover my tummy and hold my boobs up, so I'm cool with that.
It's about mindset. If you want to stop then stop, but will you feel guilty about 'not trying hard enough' either way you're going to beat yourself up. Keep going as long as you want, but if you don't buy the formula, you don't have a choice... and honestly that's the only reason I didn't cave in in those early days. I just refused to buy a tin. And now it's easy and has been easy for months.
Lemonhead
08-12-2010, 11:49
I thought you said your DP wanted to help with night feeds?
It won't have anything to do wiht not getting enough that he is crying. It sounds like it is the reflux from ABs.
At this stage you have *too much* milk while your body plays it safe to work out what is needed.
Did you say it was easier on hols without the ABs?
He could do it on the weekends, so I could massively catch up on sleep. Mum even offered to come up to Perth and take him for a whole day so I could sleep but how can she do that when I can hardly express anything? And anyways, I should be able to feed my own baby I hate having to accept help.
MUCH easier without the ABs when on hols...in the sense that he would sleep better/get to sleep better.
Tam-I-Am
08-12-2010, 11:54
He could do it on the weekends, so I could massively catch up on sleep. Mum even offered to come up to Perth and take him for a whole day so I could sleep but how can she do that when I can hardly express anything? And anyways, I should be able to feed my own baby I hate having to accept help.
Ahhh, bullsh!t, Bek :D :hugs: NOBODY can do this without help. NOBODY. What makes you so much better than the rest of us? :p (I am joking here, BTW :hugs: ).
You could do it by having your mum take Isaac and only bring him into you to be fed, and then she takes him away after and settles him. Yep, you're still going to be interrupted - but you'll get much bigger breaks than you would if you had to settle him too.
I honestly think that sleep deprivation in the early days just compounds EVERYTHING bad about having a baby, and if you can catch up on some sleep - you get a MUCH better perspective.
At the end of the day...I don't think you'd be having this much angst about switching to formula if you really wanted to - there's a big part of you that's hesitating otherwise you would have done it. You've fought to get to three weeks. That's amazing and awesome and I'm proud of you considering where you started out...If you want to - fight to get to 3.5 weeks...take it a couple of days at a time, knowing that you're never trapped because you can always change your mind. The hesitation is, though, I guess in knowing that once you've switched to formula it can be hard coming back from that decision - although it's not impossible.
:hugs: You're doing awesome. You really are.
Mrs Nietzsche
08-12-2010, 11:55
Ok.
It sounds to me like you are having a shyte time, and maybe you are attributing some of that to breastfeeding when it might be other causes.
Fussing at night - sounds like the ABs. Any luck with the clinic?
Being on call - I don't feel that this will be helped by formula feeding.. surely you'll still be on call?
Clothes - yes, a bugger. But that will slowly revert back to normal.
You will never be feeding more often than you are now. The baby will get stronger. You will find it much easier to attach. The stupid ABs won't be an issue. Your boobs won't leak. Your baby will sleep better.
I fully can see that you are not enjoying things right now but I feel that perhaps you are pinpointing breastfeeding as the cause when it might not be.
Please note I'm just wanting to explore all avenues, not be pushy.. hope I'm not coming across pushy :o
OurLittleBlessing
08-12-2010, 11:55
It does sound like the ABs aren't helping things...
I think its probably best to look into getting him help for the reflux, before taking him off the booby. Thats just my opinion, i BF my reflux bub for 3 months, and god, it was the hardest 3 months of my life.
If you will be disappointed for giving up these are some things you can try;
Call the aba, they have some great info on breast feeding
Look at your diet - sometimes reflux bubs can really benefit from you eliminating foods from your diet, like dairy. This was the problem with DS, i know now. But in my sleep deprived state i could not bear to give up chocolate, icecream and cheese!!
Call ngala for some advice RE settling. They were the BEST thing i ever did with DS, by the time i got there, it was too late for our BFing but they were sooo helpful with the sleeping part.
Find a good GP for the reflux. Get him on losec/nexium. Zantac just made things worse for us.
Visit a chiropractor - this worked wonders with DS, but DH didnt want me to take him back (bunch of hippy cr@p!) they might also suggest some probiotics, which will help too after the antibiotics.
But at the end of the day, if you need to switch for your mental health. Do it. YOU need to be happy for your baby. But at the end of the day, you still might have a cranky bub who doesnt sleep, and then you will have to wash bottles too!
Good luck :D I hope this helps a bit.
Lemonhead
08-12-2010, 11:58
I'm stopping the ABs today, they are for precaution only as they saw some VERY sight swelling in an u/s and suspect renal reflux...Im not giving him ABs for 9 weeks til we see the specialist just in case.
I'll try til Saturday. If its still really **** Im stopping.
Nobody is coming off pushy :no: I value all the support and info, my heart isn't 100% in it though and I feel bad for wasting everyones time.
Tam-I-Am
08-12-2010, 12:00
That's the spirit, Bek - 4 more days, you can do that! And when you get there...reevaluate.
Stop telling me you're wasting my time. if you were, I wouldn't be answering you. :shame:
Don't make me 'tut tut' you again, kay? :p :hugs:
OurLittleBlessing
08-12-2010, 12:00
Don't worry, you're not wasting anyone's time!! That's what we are all here for!
Good plan about waiting til Saturday. See what the rest of the week brings.
Lemonhead
08-12-2010, 12:02
Gah.
I have to go for now, bub is awake and demanding to be fed :crying: I don't wanna!!! WAH! Gosh I throw worse tantrums than Lucas. DP has belted out the job today and sent everyone home so is on his way home soon.
Will be back later. Thanks everyone x.
delirium
08-12-2010, 12:04
You have to do what is right by you. Yes, bfing is the best choice. But ffing doesn't make you any less of a good mother. It is just a small part of your journey as a parent.
In your heart what do you want to do? If you want to continue, seek help from the ABA and other supports. If you don't, forgive yourself and recognise that formula may be a better choice for your family.
OurLittleBlessing
08-12-2010, 12:04
Sounds like you have a very supportive DP! That's so great.
Good luck and keep us updated.
Mrs Nietzsche
08-12-2010, 12:09
Sausage, you aren't wasting anyone's time, don't act soft.
Can I suggest that your DP take the baby for a while, you just lie around in bed and paint your toenails. If the baby gets hungry he can be brought to you.
I am doing this today, lying in bed like the Whale Queen and having everyone attend to me. It is the least they can all do sausage, after the efforts we go to.
Just think of yourself for a change - that isn't incompatible with breastfeeding btw! - just relax, lie around, read a magazine, try and unwind .... feed the baby as needed, then send him away.
My hubby *really* wanted to help and I felt *really* guilty cos he had work to think about during the week and I didn't want him tired.
We eventually worked out that for about half the week (so fri, sat, and weds nights)he was able to get up to bubs do the boring nappy change/settling stuff and all I had to was flop out the boob when needed (no moving just lay there really!) and then hubby would take bubs again and get bub asleep. We both found we were functioning better with the sleep patterns if we shared it and hubby was only up on one work night but I felt like I had gained a weeks worth of sleep IYKWIM.
Same with weekends if I needed more sleep he would sort bubs out and like Mrs Nietzsche said just bring bub to me and then take them away again.
I remember reading another lady's strategy for when she felt like giving up breastfeeding but also unsure. If she wanted to give up breastfeeding she would put a big cross on that day on her calender and said "if I get to 3 days in a row of wanting to give up breastfeeding, then I will". And she never got those 3 days in a row. I thought that was a good strategy cause it stops us from making decisions based on 2 bad days/nights and sleep deprivation etc.
Anyway I hope you figure out what's best for you! Sounds like you are doing a great job so far though. I remember the early days of feeding DS where I dreaded the feeds. It ended up being such a joy so I'm glad I persevered. Anyways, all the best!
Ana Gram
08-12-2010, 13:53
Bek, if your mum has offered help, TAKE IT! I know that is tough but an extra pair of hands would be really useful right now.
Lemonhead
08-12-2010, 14:01
Bek, if your mum has offered help, TAKE IT! I know that is tough but an extra pair of hands would be really useful right now.
She lives 4 hours away though, and has my sister who needs to go to school. I have been finding he settles really well with the dummy and being cuddled today. Im going against all my rules by co-sleeping but I think Im just going to do whatever enables me to get sleep.
Ana Gram
08-12-2010, 14:08
Do you think she would have offered if she wasn't going to follow through?
If she can only come for the weekend, then take that. If DP and your mum were there on the weekend, you wouldn't have to do anything other than the actual feeding iykwim.
chicken and eggs mum
08-12-2010, 14:08
Bek, no adive, these ladies are doing a great job with that, just wanted to give you some of these :hugs: and some of these :highfive: for making it three weeks already!!!
You are a GREAT MUM and need to do what is right for you and the little fella!!!!
:hugs:
Hootenanny
08-12-2010, 14:55
I think you are doing a great job, those first 6 weeks or so are hard, I was emotional and nearly gave up a couple of times, even after feeding my first for 3 years, but went onto feed for years. If you are not having any breastfeeding issues but need more sleep I would recommend expressing, even just for one feed as it means that is one you don't need to do. I found that I went from going to bed at 10pm to going to bed at 8pm to catch up, I also slept during the day but understand that could be difficult with a preschooler.
Having reflux makes it hard too but even if you went to formula there are no guarantees it will get better, it could get worse:eek: You really are doing a great job though and no judgement here.
Lemonhead
08-12-2010, 15:53
Just had a quick nap on the couch then DS woke up, so got up to get him and passed out...I fell onto the carpet thank goodness not the tiles :( thats how effing exhausted I am.
DP is really worried he wants to go get formula right now but I told him to give it time.
Scary. Haven't fainted/fitted since June.
Mrs Nietzsche
08-12-2010, 15:58
Is your iron okay?
Sausage - breastfeeding isn't causing this - it's having a newborn, a toddler, recovering from major surgery, being sleep deprived and stressed. Please take care of yourself!
Lemonhead
08-12-2010, 16:06
Is your iron okay?
Sausage - breastfeeding isn't causing this - it's having a newborn, a toddler, recovering from major surgery, being sleep deprived and stressed. Please take care of yourself!
I faint and fit from stress usually, this was just tiredness I think.
I know its not bfing, its me being shattered.
Mrs Nietzsche
08-12-2010, 16:10
Is there *anything* that can be done to take the load off you?
Daycare for your DS? Cleaner? Get takeaway?
Your body has just been through a gigantic ordeal. Any other surgery and we'd be laying around in bed - after c-section we have more demands on us than ever!
Fuchsia!
08-12-2010, 16:11
Is your iron okay?
Sausage - breastfeeding isn't causing this - it's having a newborn, a toddler, recovering from major surgery, being sleep deprived and stressed. Please take care of yourself!
I agree, but you have to do what you need to do to get by.
But would formula make a difference? I remembered FF was a lot more work and effort and more of a pain in the butt.
Maybe you can comp feed? I done this since my DS was 6 weeks old all the way up till he was 13mths old.
Sending you lots of :hugs:
I hope you can find a nice balance, i would hate to see you stop and regret it and hold guilt, but i hate to see you exhusted.
Lemonhead
08-12-2010, 16:18
Is there *anything* that can be done to take the load off you?
Daycare for your DS? Cleaner? Get takeaway?
Your body has just been through a gigantic ordeal. Any other surgery and we'd be laying around in bed - after c-section we have more demands on us than ever!
Not really. DS is in daycare today, we get no rebates for CC so paying $70 a day once a week is enough I think. I couldn't handle someone else cleaning my house, I can manage with all of that...I had been until recently when his sleep started crapping up. Its night 1 of no ABs so I wonder if that will make a diff, he has been easy to settle all day.
I agree, but you have to do what you need to do to get by.
But would formula make a difference? I remembered FF was a lot more work and effort and more of a pain in the butt.
Maybe you can comp feed? I done this since my DS was 6 weeks old all the way up till he was 13mths old.
Sending you lots of :hugs:
I hope you can find a nice balance, i would hate to see you stop and regret it and hold guilt, but i hate to see you exhusted.
All I know is I loved FF with DS. It was easier for me...I just dont know what to do.
Mrs Nietzsche
08-12-2010, 16:21
Well, I guess spend some time thinking about what really feels right for you. Give it some time off the ABs.
This is going to be hard no matter what.
Fuchsia!
08-12-2010, 16:22
All I know is I loved FF with DS. It was easier for me...I just dont know what to do.
can you maybe try comp feeding? How do you find expressing? If expressing is easy for you, perhaps express and use bottles?
mummytobostontate
08-12-2010, 16:32
Well done for BFing for 3 weeks. Even though it's not as long as what the recommend your still giving your LO a head start :)
Trust me when I say it gets better! I had so much milk that I was constantly engorged and leaking all day, add that on top of waking every 2.5-3 at night... I wasn't enjoying it as much as what I though. So I started expressing a bottle or two for one of the night feeds and DP would get up and feed DS and give me a break. It was a godsend! So maybe try expressing so you can get some sleep?
DS is now 3 months old and absolutely thriving on BM. Seeing how much he is developing and how much weight he has put on each week makes me feel like even though it was though at times for me its working amazing for him.
Try and stick it out a bit longer, it will get better! If you absolutely can't BF exclusively why not try BFing during the day and formula at night?
Whatever you choose to do your still being an amazing mummy! Happy mum= happy baby :)
All I know is I loved FF with DS. It was easier for me...I just dont know what to do.
:hugs: Go easy on yourself. You don't have to make a final decision about this straight away. I wish I lived closer so I could come babysit while you have a nap! :hugs:
mummytobostontate
08-12-2010, 18:08
:hugs: Go easy on yourself. You don't have to make a final decision about this straight away. I wish I lived closer so I could come babysit while you have a nap! :hugs:
Awww cute! :thumbsup:
It's really not enjoyable being a sore milk-machine in the beginning.
IF this is something you want to continue for bub, I can promise you it does get better and much easier.
Please, don't base any decisions on outsiders. Nobody worth worrying about will be disappointed, you've got to do what you believe is best for you and Isaac :hugs::hugs:
I agree It does get better, it really does.
BUT that is the beauty of this country we have the choice. If Breastfeeding is making you feel awful and you really don't enjoy it and feel like you are not bonding or enjoying your baby then make the switch - Ultimately you have to be happy, and its your baby and your choice.
3 weeks is great!! Be easy on yourself! :hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs: definitely get your Mum in board. You don't have to sleep all day, just get a few DVD's and set yourself up in bed. Nap when you can and watch DVD's when you're feeding. Let your Mum look after DS1 and DS2 and only bring him in for feeds. She can bring you lunch and drinks. Just relax. Your DP can do it one day in the weekend too until things settle. If that helps it's worth it. You shouldn't beat yourself up, you're doing great.
Don't feel bad for accepting help, your Mum wants to help, let her. Mum did this a few times in the first 6 weeks and it made all the difference. Go easy Hun :hugs:
She lives 4 hours away though, and has my sister who needs to go to school. I have been finding he settles really well with the dummy and being cuddled today. Im going against all my rules by co-sleeping but I think Im just going to do whatever enables me to get sleep.
My DD was such a good baby. I said I would never co-sleep either, but DS had other ideas. I slept with him in the beginning and since he was born, he's only ever woken up once or twice a night for feeds, but this meant he was feeding a lot during the first few months during the day.
I still sleep with him next to me during the day, as he sleeps for 2 hours with me there, but only 40 minutes if I'm not. Now, he has outgrown his basinette and in his cot no problem, although I do bring him in with me sometimes when I want more sleep.
I wouldn't recommend expressing if you don't have to as it will make your supply increase which makes the leaking worse.
trishalishous
08-12-2010, 18:34
I'm sitting in perth for the next week, doing nothing.
just putting it out there :)
Lemonhead
09-12-2010, 11:55
I'm sitting in perth for the next week, doing nothing.
just putting it out there :)
Aww thats very nice of you and its great to know the offer is there :goodvibes:
I started a thread about his sleeping patterns and apparently they are normal :confused: god I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing lol...I have no idea how some people have 8 kids and go through this 8 times!!!
Mrs Nietzsche
09-12-2010, 12:02
sausage - i have to admit - i actually laughed when i saw that thread title - 'normal newborn sleep patterns' ... is there such a thing???!!
Lemonhead
09-12-2010, 12:06
sausage - i have to admit - i actually laughed when i saw that thread title - 'normal newborn sleep patterns' ... is there such a thing???!!
LOL true.
I was REALLY spoilt getting DS1 first. He was doing 6-8 hour stints from birth so I thought that was the norm. Isaac is feeding every 3-4 hourly which would be easy if he wasn't vomiting it all back up!! Im sick of everything smelling like vomit and I change the bed every day cos it stinks so I think I'll stop feeding him lying down.
Fuchsia!
09-12-2010, 12:31
i use to have those cloth terry towling nappies, and lay them down underneath my babies. I also had a small bassinet matress protector, you can get them from big w for about $8. I would put the protector down on top of my sheet, then put a terry towel down. If they spewed i would just chuck the terry towel and put another one down, same as the protector.
That way i didn't have to get my sheets dirty and be constantly washing.
Californication
09-12-2010, 13:07
Hon, I don't know your history, so sorry if some of this is useless.
If bubs is chucking, does keeping him propped up after a feed help or make it worse?
Can you express? If the night feeds are the worst as he won't settle - you mentioned you don't know if he's getting enough? Can you express a couple of times a day (they say 20 mins after a feed is good) to give you a couple of bottles for the night?
Or comp feed if you can't express?
If you want to keep going, then try everything to keep it going. My BF experience is not great. Not a great supply no matter what we tried (cookies, herbal supplements, tablets), baby wouldn't attach and so I was expressing and comp feeding while trying to get the BF going for 13 weeks. When my nipples were sore and blistered from all the pumping, I stopped but it was such a hard decision. I felt so down about it and still do. I had to give myself permission to stop, but I still think I could/should have done more to get him BF.
But, you have done 3 weeks, and that is great! Every day of BM you give him gives him the best start he can have. You need to do what is right for you and you do need sleep. Can your Mum or hubby come for just a day to give you a break? It's not good that you passed out. If your Mum has offered to help, LET HER! You don't have to do it all hon. :hugs::hugs::hugs:
Tam-I-Am
16-12-2010, 13:33
How's it going now, Bek? :hugs:
Lemonhead
16-12-2010, 14:02
It's okay actually :)
He is getting into a nice bed routine, waking every 3-4 hours but I mean, he is a newborn lol. I introduced formula for those times when I need to leave him with DP and if I don't feel comfortable feeding him out and its such a godsend. I only give him one formula bottle a day and it hasn't messed around with my supply (yet?) but yeah, makes it less daunting to continue if that makes sense.
Im taking it one day at a time, and just doing my best.
He is rocking some gorgeous leg rolls too which is nice to see and makes me feel like I'm giving him enough :D
Lemonhead
16-12-2010, 14:07
Oh also, I took him to the doctor regarding his constant vomiting and he is now on Zantac to see if it helps.
He vomits after every feed without fail, its hard because I worry he is not getting nourishment but he never cries so he can't be starving. DS1 was so easy, I was definitely spoilt.
Tam-I-Am
16-12-2010, 14:34
I'm so glad to hear that it's going better :) You sounded so desperate before!
Have you thought about trying to cut dairy out of your diet for a week or two to see if that helps with the vomiting? It's so often the cause of problems in refluxy bubs (it would mean not giving him formula during that time too, though, so not sure how that would go for you).
Or even just keeping a food record (for you, I mean :D ) to see if there's any connection between his unsettled times and what you've eaten?
:hugs: You're doing such an amazing job - go you! Can you believe how far you've come, from nearly vomiting at the thought of milk in your breasts, to dealing with it day in, day out - and having it regurgitated all over you what's more! I'm so very impressed :) (Don't get me wrong, I'd still be supporting you if you'd felt that breastfeeding wasn't going to work, just really impressed that you're finding a way to make it work for you :) ).
Also, WRT: vomiting and feeling like he's not getting enough - please don't stress...go by what's in his nappies, and whether he's growing as to whether he's healthy...not how much he's bringing up. Spill a couple of tablespoons of water on the ground and it looks like HUGE amounts of water, but isn't that much actually...milk is the same - it looks like they've brought up all that they must have drunk, when really, a little spew goes a long way.
:hugs:
Lemonhead
16-12-2010, 16:36
He's doing 3-4, sometimes 5 hourly sleeps but is a bit of a poo getting back to sleep. He has to be totally out to lunch before you put him down for that 3am sleep or he literally growls at me to pick him up hehe terror!
Im pretty proud of myself tbh, I type this one handedly so excuse the lack of grammar. Im so selfish I seriously don't want to cut out dairy but I'll think about it :( oh and letdown...owwww holy crap they never warned me abt that!!
Tam-I-Am
16-12-2010, 16:49
I don't know how common my experience is, but I found that letdown stopped hurting at around the 10 - 12 week mark with both kids, unless I was really ULTRA full.
Living without dairy isn't so hard...I found it daunting to begin with, but honestly don't miss out on much. Lindt dark chocolates (even the flavoured varieties) are dairy free, there's nice Berri brand sorbet in place of icecream, rice/almond and nuttalex mean you can sub any butter/milk into any recipes that you may care to bake. Restaurants actually cater really well to dairy-free, I find, and overall, it's not been that big of a deal for me (although I remember feeling very miserable about it to begin with).
The biggest thing I miss, I must say, is cheese. Soy cheese just doesn't cut it.
Thats the one thing that is scaring me about having this bub...
I was too far gone with overtiredness to even contemplate giving up cheese and milk and chocolate (we were in the country so dairy free substitutes were limited!) so this time i might try and cut it out from the get go!
BabelFish
16-12-2010, 17:09
Bek I'm indescribably proud of you.
It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard in the beginning, breastfeeding. Not for everyone but it was for me. With DS I was literally taking it one day at a time.
As others have said, hold on to the fact that it WILL get easier - he'll feed less often, his vomiting will stop, it will stop hurting, the let-downs will chill out, he'll take much less time per feed - honestly I feel sorry for the very first Mum in history who ever breastfed because there would have been nobody around to tell her how awesome and easy and stress-free it becomes because it's so bloody hard at the start! :laughing:
Your courage and selflessness and persistence are inspiring. Go you :hugs:
Mrs Nietzsche
16-12-2010, 17:25
Sausage you are a legend! way to go getting over that hump! your humpsss your humpssssssss... They will stop hurting re letdown at some point, I second what Tam said re 10-12 weeks. The exploding milk bag syndrome doesn't last forever.
I hope you're feeling much more yourself now with the c-sec recovery too.
ComeBackKid
16-12-2010, 18:45
Well done for sticking at it xxx
launnie mum
18-12-2010, 20:49
Well done for 4 weeks of BF,
I think we put to much on ourselves when we have a baby in with sleep deprivation we get not very far my DS1 was a chucky bub right up until he was 15 mths old and he grew out of it and bm smell SO MUCH BETTER that formula I have com feed both my sons until they refused it good luck and it does get easier until you get to the next hill to climb:hyper:
I haven't been around much but SF you are doing such an amazing job. I am so blown away by how far you've come with your bf'ing attitude and now it's not easy and you're still pushing through. It's incredible! Be proud of yourself.
It does get easier and when it does it is just sooo convenient! There are times when I hate it, truly hate it but I read on here once that you shouldn't decide to wean when you aren't enjoying it because you aren't making a rational decision. I live by this with DS because I've enjoyed it the least with him (I'm just over it) but here we are, at 13 months, and I'm not minding it atm and aiming for 2 years.
One day, one week at a time. With my first I wanted to get to 6 weeks, then 3 months, then 6 months and then I made a goal of every month after that (I had to cut a lot of food out of my diet to accomodate her allergies) and we made it to 14 months.
You are so close to that 6 week mark and by 3-4 months they are so much more efficient, don't need to be burped (or at least don't take as long). You are almost through the hardest part!
Lemonhead
31-12-2010, 11:28
I thought I'd update, as I have just reached my first goal of 6 weeks today :)
It's gotten SO much easier, with no hassles at all! DS still has his piranha moments where he gets a little excited/windy and tries to rip off my nipple but if thats the worst that annoys me then I think Im pretty lucky. Ive been doing a maximum of 2 formula bottles a day, he has one before bed and sometimes he has one during the day. Lucas also has conjunctivitis at the moment so Ive been putting it in his eye and its clearing up. DP was quite impressed with that but couldn't understand why all the boys at work thought it was a bit gross haha.
DS is off the Zantac, I don't think he is refluxy...I think he is just a bit spewy and he has his days where he hardly vomits at all. Mum has been here this week so has helped me with a lot of questions etc but she still cant get over the fact BF babies dont need water lol.
Im not even doing scheduled feeds, I just sorta feed him when he shows signs of wanting it, as mum said, what if he's just thirst and wants a drink and he has another hour to go before his next scheduled feed? That made me feel bad that he might be really thirsty bahaha.
So yep, my next goal is 3 months :)
Hootenanny
31-12-2010, 11:34
You've made my day:smiliedance: I'm so happy for you, you really have come so far. I know for me those early days were the hardest and it just keeps getting easier.
A's Mummy
31-12-2010, 11:39
Congratulations!!! :cheerleader1: 6 weeks is such a massive milestone in your breastfeeding journey! I know for me and DD, it all got SO much easier after 6 weeks. And now, 10 months later, we're still going strong :smiliedance: You should be incredibly proud of yourself.
nothanksbye
31-12-2010, 11:44
That is truly fantastic!
The best thing about breastfeeding is that it gets easier...and easier.
I find that now I would hate to have to make up bottles, it seems way too much work for me!
Plus DH has his own jobs..not feeding but bathing! Its their thing and even almost 2 years later, DH still calls it his and Holly bonding time.
I love breastfeeding and at 20 months I am getting REAAAALLLY sad at the idea of having to stop.
That first cold he gets, you will love being able to breastfeed him, knowing every sip has antibodies!
You are doing so well and small goals are a brilliant idea! Every single day counts.
xoxox
:highfive: it. Feels kinda strange to be proud of someone you dont even know but i just read this and am super proud of you. Your attitude is awesomeand you are doing SO well!!
Sheer Bliss
31-12-2010, 11:48
:cheersdears::thumbsup::smiliedance: on getting to 6weeks!!!! You have done so well, and should be so proud of yourself. As you said re: being thirsty, esp in hot weather the extra b/f here and there is a good idea to help with thirst.
Again, as PP have said, don't decide to wean on a bad day. Some days ATM I HATE it (19month twins) they don't feed often anymore (1-2times a day) as I have introduced bottles at nap-times to make it easier for me. But some mornings and evenings they are sooooo danm persistent and keep hassling me, coming on and off and it drives me bonkers!!! Other days, they wake up, all cuddly, lay next to each other on the boob holding hands looking at me and pushing their hands to my mouth on occassion to kiss them and :cloud9: :BFing: :BFing: it is just beautiful! Esp when DD2 fell off the lounge (darn DH and his bad catching skills of a squirmy toddler) a 5min b/f was all she needed to stop crying and be back to normal, despite the bump on her head! I wanted to make it to 6months, then 12months, since 12months, I don't have an aim, as it just comes easily most the time and I don't even think about it.
You will probably notice it get a bit easier now, and the 3month mark - soooo much better! Then once you hit 6months and take it month by month - it just flies by and for me, I never noticed how much time had passed.
WELL DONE BEK!! You are doing a great job!!!
:cheerleader1::celebrate2::highfive:
Way to go Bek! What an awesome achievement
TurnedBatty
31-12-2010, 12:21
:highfive: Bek, and it only gets easier from here on out!!
Fuchsia!
31-12-2010, 13:22
How awesome!
From that woman who used to gag at the though of breastfeeding and used to like using the spew icon in breastfeeding discussions, to the proud mama who has been breastfeeding 6 WEEKS!
You have come so far and you are doing a fantastic job! I was wondering how you were faring, and it sounds like you are doing great.
You said its gotten easier? Well it will get even more easier in the coming months!
YAYYYYY!
Electric Boogaloo
31-12-2010, 13:31
Well done! :cheerleader2: That is fantastic!
I read this thread when you first posted it but I didn't respond because all of the other members gave you such great advice, but I've been following to see how you're doing.
Like everyone has said a thousand times, it does get easier if you just take it in small steps. After the first 7 or 8 weeks of really sore nipples, mastitis and extreme exhaustion, I'm now 4 months in and it's a totally different experience from those first few weeks! :yes:
congrats again :D
headoverfeet
31-12-2010, 14:02
:celebrate: :hyper: :hoponbed: :cheerleader1: :cheerleader2: so proud of you! Congratulations :blowout:
Glad your mum has been in to help :bowdown: dont stess about the water hun, DS2 didn't have any water until he was 12mths + just boobed when needed :)
Lemonhead
31-12-2010, 14:56
Thanks :D I do feel kinda like I have accomplished something. TBH whatever happens from here is fine, I will continue to BF as long as I can though with my couple of bottles of formula a day I understand my supply can suffer...but so be it. I hope it doesn't though, I'd love to get to a year of BFing!
Boobing is the best word. I hate the word "breast" because it reminds me of chicken lol but boobing is just awesome.
peanutbutter&jelly
31-12-2010, 15:03
:cheerleader2::cheerleader2::cheerleader2::cheerle ader2::cheerleader2::celebrate::cheerleader2::chee rleader2::cheerleader2::cheerleader2::cheerleader2 :
Edit - WTF its showing up as the emoticons when I go to edit, but when I post its got spaces in the words... weeeird
Anyway - woohoo!! I'm so proud of you hon xxx
headoverfeet
31-12-2010, 18:05
:cheerleader2::cheerleader2::cheerleader2::cheerle ader2::cheerleader2::celebrate::cheerleader2::chee rleader2::cheerleader2::cheerleader2::cheerleader2 :
Edit - WTF its showing up as the emoticons when I go to edit, but when I post its got spaces in the words... weeeird
Anyway - woohoo!! I'm so proud of you hon xxx
It was doing it for me earlier too :no:
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