mums of 18month old boys. [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

Nomsie

05-12-2010, 14:15

Probably, yeah I would have.

It's not that I have any issues with my boys playing with dolls or prams- they occasionally play with them at mum's group or at their cousins' houses etc.
I would just feel as though it was a present that not much thought went into.. I have boys' boys- who love blocks and cars and trucks and tools etc. They love to pull things apart to see how they work.. and would probably try and do that to the doll and the pram if given half the chance. They're not into play-nurturing, they're into play-wrecking :p

headoverfeet

05-12-2010, 14:17

I wouldn't mind at all, neither would DS2, he likes babies and it's cute watching him breastfeeding them :bee:

HELPihavea2yrold!

05-12-2010, 14:18

Nope. My ds would be more interested in pushing the pram or throwing the doll. But my brother had a doll growing up.

lealea79

05-12-2010, 14:36

Ds is also a boy boy but I would love him to have a pram.. Dp.doesn't. I said there is no different to ds pushing a pram to dp pushing a pram. Ds loves playing with his cousins dolls/prams. But he also loves trucks, blocks playing rough..

TripleTime

05-12-2010, 14:37

Yes, its not something i would buy for DS & i would hope no one else would. His a boys boy, he likes to pull things apart to see how they work. While he does play with his sisters prams, he uses them to ram into things.

Mrs Awesome

05-12-2010, 14:41

Whilst I don't mind my DS playing with or indeed having his own doll, I don't think it's for someone else to buy him. Or at least not without running it by me first!

Tangarine Mummy Machine

05-12-2010, 15:07

Whilst I don't mind my DS playing with or indeed having his own doll, I don't think it's for someone else to buy him. Or at least not without running it by me first!

why? Would they need to run it by you if it was a truck?

I have to get this boy a present and he is a little gentle soul. I am getting him a whole package of the toys he loves to play with here. So he is getting wiggles story books, ymmfld dvd, an igglepiggle woodern toy and boat, and i was thinking a baby doll and pram.

His mum is a bit old fashioned in the way she thinks boys should only do manly things. She thought the magna doodle was too girly. :confused: i just want to get him what he would like.

ladybug73

05-12-2010, 16:08

why? Would they need to run it by you if it was a truck?

I have to get this boy a present and he is a little gentle soul. I am getting him a whole package of the toys he loves to play with here. So he is getting wiggles story books, ymmfld dvd, an igglepiggle woodern toy and boat, and i was thinking a baby doll and pram.

His mum is a bit old fashioned in the way she thinks boys should only do manly things. She thought the magna doodle was too girly. :confused: i just want to get him what he would like.

If the mum is the "old fashioned" type I'd not give him the pram and doll. She might get really ticked off.

I have no problem with our 18 mth old boy playing with his older sisters girly toys, but I would not appreciated it if someone bought him one as a present.

FearlessLeader

05-12-2010, 16:11

i'd be fine with it :yes: DS will be that age when we ttc again so i'll be buying him all that stuff to sweeten him on the idea of babies. Magna doodle too girly :rolleyes: poor kid!

SalTheGal

05-12-2010, 16:18

After reading what you said about the mum, I wouldn't get it... why upset her?

I would have no problems with either of my boys getting it (in fact, DS1 already has one, so DS2 just plays with it).... but if I had been given them as a gift off an 'acquaintance' rather than a close friend or family member who knew MY beliefs, then I would probably be a bit taken aback, and wonder what their motive was behind the gift (or just assume they were too lazy to get anything else, and that was all they had in the gift box)....

Don't get me wrong, I am the LAST person to encourage gender bias'.... but I am also respectful of other peoples beliefs and comfort zones.

Wouldn't you rather buy a gift that you know will get used, rather than one that is likely to get shoved to the back of the cupboard never to be seen again??

Theophania

05-12-2010, 16:20

I wouldn't mind at all if DS was given a dolly.... He has a little friend and she has dollies and he loves playing with hers so I am thinking of getting him a dolly and a pram for his birthday :yes:

MsMummy

05-12-2010, 16:24

My son is 26 months, but I would love it as it's nice for him to have a variety of experiences, and he loves pushing things.

I keep meaning to buy him a doll, as he has a disproportionate amount of "boy" type toys.

I did buy a great secondhand plastic kitchen for him the other day though.

MsMummy

05-12-2010, 16:29

I just read through the rest of this thread. Unfortunately, it seems that gender stereotypes die hard.

You know, men push prams and hold babies, change their nappies etc, so it doesn't seem particularly wacky to get them a doll and a pram.

It's not like it's a menstruation toy or something actually specific to women.

Maybe if we want to raise boys that aren't such crap fathers, we need to start a bit earlier.

Tangarine Mummy Machine

05-12-2010, 16:32

headoverfeet

05-12-2010, 16:36

SalTheGal

05-12-2010, 17:15

well this little boy is family. :p

the mum is very old fashioned with gender bias but her ex husband (my family member)isn't.
I also don't get to see the boy very much because ds's autism is contagious. :rolleyes: So i don't really know what he likes except what he was playing with when he was here last. I don't want to just get him another truck.

In that case... I'd say go for it (but probably cause I'd be a bish and want to spite her for being like that to my DS)!

But just be prepared for the fact that it will probably never get played with, or even maybe thrown out... and is there any point if thats the case??

justmum

05-12-2010, 18:58

My 3.5yo DS loves dolls, pink, hair clips, jewellery, fabric, stickers, dance, colouring in and drawing, cooking and all manner of "girly" things.

I haven't tried to fetter his interests, just gone with his interests and preferences. He has several fairy costumes too ;)

And as he gets closer to 4 he is slowly losing interest in those things and developing a preference for green, cars, trucks, trains, bikes, scooters and "boy" things.

And thank goodness too. Because he goes to school next year and I shudder to think what the children he is at school with would do to him if he had parents like some of the people in this thread (be it posters themselves or their DPs or friends or family being discussed) :(

Expecting children to fit a stereotype is harmful and unhelpful and leads to bullying. What does it matter if little boys play with dolls and wear pink? You can't catch gayness.

The Fox

05-12-2010, 19:00

meh it wouldnt bother me

BigRedV

05-12-2010, 19:01

I think it's interesting that people say they have a "boys boy" when IMO, they are actually conditioned this way :) by you and society.

No, I would not have a problem with it.

TripleTime

05-12-2010, 19:04

No DS is not conditioned, his just not interested in his sisters dolls. Give him his duck any day.

kar

05-12-2010, 19:06

Hmm, I'm a bit shocked by this thread! My boy is an absolute "boys boy" for want of a better term. All the more reason to encourage the expression of his gentle nurturing side to our mind.

HELPihavea2yrold!

05-12-2010, 19:06

I think it's interesting that people say they have a "boys boy" when IMO, they are actually conditioned this way :) by you and society.

No, I would not have a problem with it.

My ds is only 13 months old and I am told often how masculine he is. I definately haven't conditioned him to be this way. He naturally has a way about him. I can't really explain what it is being his mother.

BigRedV

05-12-2010, 19:07

Baby boys are treated differently to baby girls from birth, sometimes sub-consciously. Society conditions us to gender roles - starting at the pink and the blue baby clothes in shops. It's unavoidable.

BigRedV

05-12-2010, 19:08

Hmm, I'm a bit shocked by this thread! My boy is an absolute "boys boy" for want of a better term. All the more reason to encourage the expression of his gentle nurturing side to our mind.

:yelclap: :yelclap: :yelclap::iagree:

nothanksbye

05-12-2010, 19:52

I would not give it to her.

There are so many threads in here alone, that complain of people pushing THEIR ideas, down others throats.

Ok so you have no problem with it, neither do i....BUT you know she does. So why do it?
To prove a point? to feel superior?

Leave her to parent the way she does without trying to score points, via her child.

If the childs dad wants to buy him a doll, great.

BTW...my 8 year old sleeps with a cuddly toy and often plays with the dolls house. I am not against boys playing with dolls...however I am against women bullying others into parenting their way.

MothersMilk

05-12-2010, 20:23

I have no issue with boys playing with dolls or girls playing with trucks etc - they are kids.

However i do think in this scenario it would be disrespectful of you to go and buy a doll when the mother is against it. Seems like you are just using it as a way to push your own agenda - not cool.

It would be like going out and buying a plastic toy for a child whose parents only want wooden toys in the house.

You may not agree with the parenting choice but it's not your place to go in and make some statement against her parenting choice by getting that toy the mum is against :raspberry: - it seems a bit petty to me.

I would just get a toy the mother the would approve of and leave it at that.

* Note as i said at the beginning i have no issue with boys playing with dolls/prams etc :D

Pregnor

05-12-2010, 20:33

While i would be happy for my son to get a doll and pram - he would love it! But i think its one of those things that you need to respect their decisions for raising their child, and if you don't think they would approve, then you shouldn't.

Its certainly not something i would buy for someone elses child...

Mrs Awesome

05-12-2010, 20:49

Sorry TMM, I didn't get a chance to get back onto BH until now.

My DS actually has a doll of his own which he loves, and I mentioned in the spin off thread that he is getting a dolls house for Christmas from his grandparents.

I guess my thinking behind wanting people to run it by me first is because that's what I would do if I was buying a gift that was a bit different to what the child normally is known to play with. For example, I wouldn't buy a water pistol for someone elses child without checking with them first what their opinion on guns was iykwim. Or, I wouldn't buy a Bratz doll for a child of either se.x, because of the type of toy it is, or a set of plastic food that included plastic pieces of meat for a vegetarian child. Rightly or wrongly, there are certain toys that have certain stigmas/conotations attached to them
(guns, dolls etc) and I don't believe it is my
place to decide if that is an appropriate toy for someone elses child.

twotrunks

05-12-2010, 20:53

From the sounds of the OP, she knows that the child's father would be cool with it, so surely that;s enough?? or does the mum's preference outweigh the father's? Seriously if the mum is that worried she can make the pram stay at the dad's house, where he is entitled to have whatever toys he wants.
I say go for it.

Amara

05-12-2010, 20:57

I would have been happy for my son to receive that as a present at 18 months old & still would be at 2.5. He has one baby doll that he plays with occasionally. He's getting a pink kitchen at Xmas so obviously I am not too concerned about him having what many would consider to be "girls toys".

lemonpancakes

05-12-2010, 21:15

(Disclaimer: I don't have a son.) I wouldn't be upset but I'd wonder if the giver was either a) trying to make a statement on gender or b) regifting.

And if I knew someone who thought a magna doodle was too girly then I probably wouldnt waste my time/money giving their child an even girlier toy in case it just got thrown out.