astrogal
04-12-2010, 15:29
Hey Everyone,
I would like to get some information from some co-mothers in regards to their attachment to their child that they did not give birth to.
My partner and I have a little boy 6.5 months and it really really bothers me that my partner hasnt formed an attachment to our baby.
My partner is really helpful around the house with cleaning and with our son in regards to changing nappies, feeding, pureeing food, playing with him but I feel like the little one is placed last on the agenda and fits into her spare time only. For instance, she works full-time and then in her time away from work she does what she would like to do such as going to the gym or some sort of cleaning or lately catching up with friends and whatever time is left in the week after that she will then spend with our son. This sometimes may be only 30 mins on most working nights and on days off rarely spends a full day with him.
I dont question the fact that she loves him, but it does bother me that she isnt worried if she hardly sees him in a week. She doesnt ever say, i have been busy this week i have hardly seen my son i want to dedicate this day to spend with him.
I feel like she sees him as another committment like our much loved pets (who are treated like our children) where she has things she needs to do ie changing nappies etc... But part of me feels like there is no real deep wanting to do things if that makes sense?
I have spoken to her about it and she says that it is different because I gave birth to him so i have a deeper attachment that only happens because i grew him for 9 months. Personally i just cant understand because I feel like I wouldnt be like that if the roles were reversed. Mentally she is not a mother and I am finding it really hard to deal with.
I am not sure if this is because as the birth mother I cannot do anything without thinking about my baby and putting his needs first however my partner does not have the same consideration. I am not sure if I am being too hard or my expectations are too high.
To sum this up my partner is good with our son in meeting his needs when she is with him and does show him affection but I feel there is something missing as her own wants are her first priority.
I would like to get some information from some co-mothers in regards to their attachment to their child that they did not give birth to.
My partner and I have a little boy 6.5 months and it really really bothers me that my partner hasnt formed an attachment to our baby.
My partner is really helpful around the house with cleaning and with our son in regards to changing nappies, feeding, pureeing food, playing with him but I feel like the little one is placed last on the agenda and fits into her spare time only. For instance, she works full-time and then in her time away from work she does what she would like to do such as going to the gym or some sort of cleaning or lately catching up with friends and whatever time is left in the week after that she will then spend with our son. This sometimes may be only 30 mins on most working nights and on days off rarely spends a full day with him.
I dont question the fact that she loves him, but it does bother me that she isnt worried if she hardly sees him in a week. She doesnt ever say, i have been busy this week i have hardly seen my son i want to dedicate this day to spend with him.
I feel like she sees him as another committment like our much loved pets (who are treated like our children) where she has things she needs to do ie changing nappies etc... But part of me feels like there is no real deep wanting to do things if that makes sense?
I have spoken to her about it and she says that it is different because I gave birth to him so i have a deeper attachment that only happens because i grew him for 9 months. Personally i just cant understand because I feel like I wouldnt be like that if the roles were reversed. Mentally she is not a mother and I am finding it really hard to deal with.
I am not sure if this is because as the birth mother I cannot do anything without thinking about my baby and putting his needs first however my partner does not have the same consideration. I am not sure if I am being too hard or my expectations are too high.
To sum this up my partner is good with our son in meeting his needs when she is with him and does show him affection but I feel there is something missing as her own wants are her first priority.