Finally I found this forum!!! *VENT*

[TheSudgestionator]

I had no idea this forum existed but its exactly where I belong right now :D

I have NO desire to have another baby. I am only young though so i reserve my right to change my mind :o

EVERYONE is asking when they can expect number 2 and it makes me scream on the inside. I keep telling them "There wont be a number two so please just enjoy DD."

Pop- "I give you one year and you will be pregnant again. I'll be waiting for the phone call"
Me- ".. You'll be waiting and awfully long time"

Mum- "But DD is the most preshious thing in the world, dont you want another one just like her?"
Me- "No I dont. Yes I do think DD is a wonderfully happy lovely content baby and I want to be there for her every moment while she grows up. I do not want to streach my time thinner then it already is"

MIL- "But I want another grandchild (DH is her only son) Oh it was so that he never had any siblings to play with"
Me- "There is NO guarentee that the kids will like each other! mum did everything to get my sister and I to play nice and we ended up pulling each others hair and pushing each other down the stairs till we were teenagers and mum almost ended up in the nut house (not really but you get the drift) and Im sorry if YOU want another grandchild but you are not the one that has to be pregnant, give birth, stay up all night and parent the child 24/7"

Before I had DD I wanted 4 kids, and Im very happy that DH and I have decided 'no more'. I had the most terrible pregnancy and a tramatic birth and I know people say 'you forget how bad it was and do it again' but Im sorry, I remember it like it was yesterday and I NEVER want to do any of that ever again. If we have another kid Im seriously thinking about adopting a 6 month old. DD is actually a wonderful baby, I could easily have another one just like her. She is not 'a problem'. 'The problem' is I DONT WANT anymore.

My defence now is "why do it again when you got it perfect the frist time round" :laughing:

Id like to hear any stories/situations similar to mine. I get very stressed and upset when family/friends put pressure on us. Like theyre already 'gotten over' DD and want another newborn. SHES ONLY 6 months old.

[minties]

I think we are the same person, lol! I'm like you, 25 so still young, I love my dd more than anything but have no desire for another one anytime soon. This sounds horrible, but I know that if I was to get pregnant anytime soon I would be upset about it, the thought makes me feel a bit sick actually (although of course I would lo e the bub if it were to happen).

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I lovely dd so much, she is my world and I almost feel like I would be betraying her if she had to share me. I am hoping I feel differently in the future and I think I will when she has finished bf (plan to bf till 2) and isn't so dependent on me. I would like her to have a brother or sister one day.

I totally understand how you feel though, many in my mums group are talking about number two already and being so far from ready for that makes me feel like Im the strange one kwim

[minties]

Arrgh, sorry for all the spelling mistakes, I'm on my phone

[*babygirl*]

I was kinda like that for ages... But just be prepared to say no to your dd lol... Me and DP would be stoked with just DD IF dd didn't want a sibling so badly!!! It was her begging and being lonely that finally made us decide for #2 and it took us ages for it to finally happen!!! I do love your reply lol we used that too!! I'm sure this one will be the spawn of Satan lol!

[NonnyMouse]

DD1 was an only child for 10 years so I got all those comments and more.

My standard reply when she was under 2 was "She's a perfect easy going baby! Why would we want to jinx it by having another?"

Once she hit her feral stage that changed to "I can barely handle the one I have... why would I want more!!???"

If it helps, most of the comments had stopped by the time she was around 4.

ETA: Another approach is to use it back at them:

You: Do you want another piece of pie?
Her: No thanks.
You: Yes you do, I'll just pop one on your plate.
Her: No thanks, I don't want another one.
You: Sure you do! It's really yummy!
Her: I said no. I only wanted one piece, and I'm not hungry for any more.
You: You'll be hungry again in the next 30 min - you'll see.
Her: No I won't.
You: Of course you will. *knowing smile*
Her: WTF?????
You: Annnoying, isn't it!!!!!! :P

[goldencrumble]

DH and I have only ever wanted 1 child, which I am currently pregnant with. It seems I haven't even had this baby and people like to talk about the next one :rolleyes:

I am 32, so I think that makes it even more unlikely I will be going back for a 2nd, as personally I dont wish to be an old mum (and at 32 I don't think I am :p).

This is a great article about the myth of only having one child.

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2002382,00.html

[bundmum]

I had only gotten out of hospital the day before when people were asking when I was going to have the next one. *rolls eyes* he was 3 days old...

[BabelFish]

I think it's very unfair of your family and you need to sit down with them and have a proper chat, explaining all of the things you wrote in your first post. Or perhaps just put it into a letter for them so that they know you're serious and it gives them time to think about it.

Explain how traumatised you were and how the thought of another baby at the moment frightens you, and it hurts you that they keep on going on about it.

Tell them that you're not going to rule out another baby in the future (even if you are, it will shut them up for now) but that IF you decide to have another one it will be WHEN you decide, and added pressure from your family is only going to put you off, not encourage you.

Point out that while you respect that they want another grandchild, and you empathise with their position, it is your family it is going to impact the most, and you have a right to make a decision about how many children you will have.

Just as they can't stop you from having more if you want them, they can't force you to have more if you don't want them. It's just not their decision.

They probably think its harmless ribbing and that they can get on you about it because they don't realise how serious you are. I think perhaps a nice letter explaining things would make them understand that this is not a joke to you.

[Louisenaomi84]

I think it's a personal choice, regardless of the age of the parents. Whether someone chooses to have no children or six children- it's their choice. My sister who is 4 years older than I am, she's 31 years old and has been married for 11 years. She and her Husband have never had the desire for children, they have so many pets they could just about open their own zoo!!

As for other people saying you "should" have more children, it's like you said- they're not the ones who will have to go through pregnancy, birth, raising the child, etc. :iagree:

[Amara]

I have just the one and always get asked when I am having another. Even a stranger in a parents room asked once. I replied 'you can't improve on perfection' and walked out. Lol.
You may get over the birth side of it (or not, who knows). It took me a whole year to get over my son's birth. Physically 6 weeks. Mentally it took a year. Before that I said never again. By the time I was over it I was single so there will still only be the one for me. Plus I am 44 but that doesn't stop people saying I will still have another. It makes no sense at all.

[samsausage]

I've had so many comments now I've almost come to expect it. Fortunately family and friends seem to have got the idea that despite their opinions to contrary DS is and will continue to be a single child :).

I had a conversation recently which I felt really summed up how I feel and why we won't have anymore.

A girlfriend (currently pregnant with number 3) was talking about the decision to have a third. She used the phrase 'I wasn't done', when I asked what she meant she said 'you know, I didn't give away the baby things, pram, highchair etc, I just felt like I wasn't finished'. I had a minor epiphany hearing this as it perfectly described how I feel with DS.

I felt that biological imperative for a baby pre-DS, I looonged to have a child and was fortunate enough to have him. I didnlt have a particularly difficult birth or labour, DS has always loved to sleep and has had no major health issues, he's a terrific wee man and we both feel very blessed.

Thing is, I am 'done'. I felt such a sense of satisfaction and completeness when DS was born, that biological need for a child was satisfied. I've had people make assumptions that I simply want to return to my career (which admittedly is a job I love and have invested great effort in) or that DH and I enjoy the financial benefits of two full-time incomes. Whilst I don't deny both of those points, I know how I felt prior to DS being born, I remember that feeling of needing a child, of not feeling complete. I doubt that my career or financial gain would have been enough to satisfy that need and if that feeling had persisted after DS was born I'm sure we would've had more.

But it didn't and so we won't, simple really, shame other people can't seem to accept that :D

[Mumof3furbabies]

OMG I could have written most of that post word for word!

My baby is 4 wks old today and I also get the when's the second coming? It annoys me to no end.

I also had a hard pregnancy being sick the whole time, a traumatic 24hr birth(posterior baby) and am now trying to deal with PND which has meant panic attacks and severe anxiety and I STILL get when the next one or don't worry you'll forget abd get over it!!!

We wanted 2 kids but now I am scared to even be pregnant ir go through labor again.

I love my little Bella so so much and I always wanted a girl and now I have that.
Like samsausage said I feel done now. I have no desire for more and that will not change.

It's not selfish for wanting one and your child won't suffer because of it. It's your body and your life.

[TheSudgestionator]

Thanks everyone for your replies. Its nice to know Im not alone :D

I am the same as a few of you when it comes to thinking of another baby/pregnancy... The idea makes me want to cry (sad cry not happy cry) I actually didnt a pregnancy test the other day because I was SO SCARED I was pregnant again (My sense of smell was AMAZING and Id gone 'off' red meat-2 of the tell-tale sings I was pregnant with DD) thank goodness it was just paranoia :o. I knew before the results came up that if it was positive I would cry. ANd when DH came home from work I was SO HAPPY that I wasnt pregnant I told him as soon as he walked through the door (Shouldve seen the look on his face, he had no idea I thought I was pregnant in the first place so it was a bit of a 'random' greeting).

ANonnyMouse- Your pie thing was helerious!

bundmum- That was about when the comments started for me aswell. My MIL was the first to ask and I think I was so shocked i didnt even answer :laughing:

BabelFish- You know me, Im not very good at confronting people. I always say the wrong thing or dont word it properly or put too much emphisis on it and end up hurting people. Im a bit of a doormat sometimes and as stupid as it sounds I prefer to be hurt then to hurt others. I can forgive other people for their ingnorance but have troble forgiving myself for mine. IYKWIM. If Im really annoyed I usually just dont say anything and just stare at them. Suprisingly this usually gets my point across :confused:

goldencrumble- that is one BIG interesting article. think ill have to read it again before it sinks in! thanks for the link.

samsausage- You make an interesting point! I actually have DDs 'baby' clothes (size 0000-000), her baby bath, socks/booties/hats etc piled up in the loungeroom to list on ebay. They have been there for 4 weeks and I havent done anything with them :o But I dont feel Im hanging onto them because I want another baby but because I dont want to part with those baby baby outfits. Ive already forgotten how tiny DD was and how much shes grown untill I pick up her (my) faviourate jumpsuit/beanie etc Problem with them being out in view though is everyone asks what im doing with them, i say selling them, they say hold onto them for number 2 :rolleyes: Just like you I also had a 'longing' for a baby (since my sister had her first and I was only 14!, but since then I always knew I wanted to be a mum) for the year leading up to my pregnancy with DD, every month when 'aunty flow' came to visit I felt incredibly disapointed. Feeling this way every month was the first sign I knew I was ready to have a baby. I look into DDs eyes and feel she is the blessing ive been waiting for, for 10 years! I know I said to DH I wanted 4, but now I have DD I feel my life is complete :goodvibes:

[Blonde Assassin]

My husband & I aren't planning on having any more children either, its nice to know there's others who are feeling the same! I had a traumatic 40 hour labour while being very sick & my recovery period with my newborn son was awful - its really something I don't want to go through again. I'm 26 years old so I guess I have some time to change my mind, but right now we have absolutely no intentions of having any more. I have no desire for any more because my son makes me happy enough. We love & adore our son & are happy that having only him allows us to give him the best chances & opportunities we can. I suppose that means we're probably spoiling him - but who cares?!

We don't get much pressure from family or friends to have more actually, well not yet! At the moment its kind of nice knowing people can understand what I went through & they can love & appreciate our son!

I hope you can all find something to say to people who are giving you pressure & asking the same old questions all the time. Seriously, its so rude! I would probably ark up & have a big argument with them! But I love the line, "but why have more when we've already got it perfect." Its terrific! Says it all!

Anyways we're going to purchase a new puppy after Xmas & New Years! So that's got us extremely excited!! Not that you can compare it to a child of course, but to us our pets are our babies too, so its going to be a real new addition to our family :goodvibes:

[BlueButton]

We are only having 1 child.
His 20 months old now i am 25 my hubby is 30.

We get asked if we are having more sometimes. And " oh its wrong of you not too have more"
"He will grow up spoilt"
"He needs to learn to share"
All the crap, i have nieces and nephews 12 of them and they are all spoilt and don't share...! They are worse then my lone son!
So i don't believe in that crap, as long as you teach your child how to share and yeah who cares if they are spoilt you can spoil your child but also have boundaries for them
I am sorry but it is my choice in life no one elses decision.
I want my child to have everything, the best private school ... i want to give him the best opportunity in life i can as a parent and by doing that its alot easier to have one.
I will then knoww i have done everything i can for him if he chooses to use it then great if not, i know i have done my best as a parent.

There is nothing wrong with spoiling your child, and just because you might have 2 children doesnt mean you dont spoilt them either.
I have a sister and we both were spoilt rotten as kids.

At the end of the day it is no ones business what you do or how many children you have. there not the ones havign them or raising them.

Its you and your husbands choice!

People need to but out and respect your wishes.