Venting..re m/c

[Ys_Woman]

This is probably not the forum for this but as many of you know I have been ttc for a few months now after a m/c and have just decided to give it a rest. Then out of the blue a friend of my husband rings tonight to tell us that his wife of 9mths has just given birth to a baby girl. Wonderful, marvellous, that is what I should have thought but I was so angry and hurt. We attended their wedding in December at great financial cost. We had to drive a few hours to where they were getting married in a country church, then drive another few hours to where they were having their reception by the sea. We then had to pay to stay overnight in oceanside apartments and the next day drive four hours back home. Trouble is, they never bothered to contact us in this entire year, so we never knew they were pg, and all of a sudden they are ringing to say they have had a baby!
I was gutted. I can't believe that three months on from the mc I still have the ability to feel this way. I can't believe I find it hard to be happy for someone else's precious miracle. I don't even want to see their baby at the moment and I feel so mean and irrational about feeling that way.
I had four clairvoyants tell me that by now I would be pg with another boy and would be so happy..but I am not pg..I am in the midst of a period..and certainly not happy..and still sick with a virus that has been laying me low for weeks now.
OK..I have vented and I sound so pathetic but I just want to run to the top of a mountain and scream..pity it is so cold outside..maybe I will just scream into a pillow..lol.
Sorry. I am sure things will get better with time but damn it still hurts.
Amy:)

[Xavier's Mumma]

Amy i just wanna give u some of these little guys:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[DB&O]

Think you need a big :hugs: & maybe one of these :kiss: . I too had a m/c (2 infact ) & know exactly what you are going through & how you feel. It's sooo hard when it seems to come sooooo easily to ppl around you, some of whom don't have any maternal feelings at all & yet you who wants a baby sooooo bad, have no luck. This is how I felt, especially as my bestie was talking about how easily it had happened for her & her DH & that they hadn't needed to try at all, right after I had explained that my DH & I had been TTC for the previous 12 months with nothing but bad luck:banghead: All I can say to you is give yourself a break its ok to feel this way, it will take along time to heal from the m/c & even then I don't think you fully get over it, at least I didn't. Just yourself time & allow yourself to greive & be angry with the world. This helped me. Good luck TTC.

Ciao,
Brooke.

[cmd'smum]

Oh Amy :hugs: :hugs: so sorry you are feeling like babe...... please know you're not alone :no: I also m/c 3 months ago, and can't believe how much it still bothers me sometimes. I also lost a baby boy.

And as for you feeling like this "I can't believe that three months on from the mc I still have the ability to feel this way. I can't believe I find it hard to be happy for someone else's precious miracle. I don't even want to see their baby at the moment and I feel so mean and irrational about feeling that way."

Well, I though there was something wrong with me because thats how i feel. It's not that I don't want others to be happy, but some people i know who had or are having a baby got pg straight away. I think I feel that way because if I hold their baby in my arms, I know I will burst out crying as I should've been holding my own baby in my arms in just a couple of months' time!

I believe it will get easier hun, you won't forget but there will be more smiles rather than tears and anger!

Look after yourself and remember you have every right to grieve :hugs:

We are here if you ever want to chat!

xo

[Ys_Woman]

Oh Amy :hugs: :hugs: so sorry you are feeling like babe...... please know you're not alone :no: I also m/c 3 months ago, and can't believe how much it still bothers me sometimes. I also lost a baby boy. xo
Big HUGS back hon. It is so awful to feel this way..just when you think you are making headway..a setback!
Unfortunately I wasn't far enough along to know the sex through u/s but the night of the mc when I went to sleep I had a very vivid dream (I have had many prophetic dreams since I was little). In this one I was asking a directory assistance operator to help me find my mother (my mum passed away 10years ago). When the lady asked me where my mum lived I couldnt think where..I kept thinking NSW or QLD..it was frustrating.I kept saying that I had to find my mother as she had my daughter with her and I wanted her back.
When I awoke I knew it was my mum's way of telling me that I had lost a daughter and she was looking after her for me. We buried the sac and afterbirth in the woods near home and planted a tulip bulb with her. Hubby wants us to go there this weekend to plant some flower seeds too. After the mc I bought a necklace from a site called www.labelledame.com (http://www.labelledame.com) to commemorate the baby, a little pendant with baby footprints on it and the baby's initials engraved on the back (we called her Alison)..and a little blue crystal to represent the month she was due, December.
I feel I have done so much to help ease the pain but it is a pain that I guess sticks hard.
Like you, I don't deny my friend's their joy..it is truly a blessing..and in time I know I will feel better about it..it is just such a hard road we are having to walk is all.
Amy:)

[marcelsmum]

AMY - I know exactly how you feel, My sister had a gorgeous baby girl just under 3 weeks ago. When I found out that bub had been born I was so angry and upset I just cried, I didn't want to go to the hospital and see them and I definitely didn't want to hear my mum (she means well and I love her) telling me how excited she was that she finally had a grandaughter. (I also think I was carrying a girl.)

It is wonderful the things you have done and Alison is and will always be part of yuor family

[Lunar]

I know exactly how you feel and it is normal. you are not horrible at all.
I fell pg right after a m/c and told everyone as I was sure that one would stick but it didn't and only a few days later a co-worker announced she was pg and due just 1 week after I was meant to be due. This was heart breaking. I watched for 4 more motnhs as she grew and showed off her u/sound pics and said I bought this and that blah blah blah. It would make me cry everytime. She was pretty insesitive as she would always make sure she would bring up something 'baby' while I was around. Even when I fell pg I was still jealous of her. When her son was born, I was 5 months pg and I was STILL upset, and couldn't help but think "that should be me holding my baby now but its her!" I felt horrible thinking like that but I couldn't help it. Even now as it approaches a year of my EDD I am still upset. Even now that I have my gorgeous Kailah her to love and hold, I still mourne the baby/ies that could have been. I don't think the hurt ever goes away, it just gets easier to deal with. I am only starting now to feel less upset with my co-worker for having her baby, It some how felt like it was her fault the I m/c, (i know it wasn't) but I somehow feel that it was her baby or mine, and only one could've lived, so why was it hers??? I don't know, this is just how I feel.
She feel pg by mistake and the father left her shortly after, where as, DH and I were trying for 5 months already and already suffered one m/c, why her??? I am slowly starting to get over it. I love my girls both so very much, but it is still hard not to wonder about what could have been.

the road is long (and probably never ending) but, one day, it will be less bumpy.

[cmd'smum]

Amy.... yes it is a hard road....and it will get easier. I sometimes still feel guilty about my m/c. I didn't want to be pg at the time, it was an accident. I was actually upset when I found out, my DD was only 11 months and I had it all planned out. I wanted number 2 to arrive when DD was 4. I started getting excited about my pgy a few days later, I knew I could manage 2 under 2 somehow. Then when I was really excited, It was all over........ its all so ironic. As you know we are now trying for number 2 (after I decided, hmmmm I'd rather have them closer together rather than far apart as then I'd have to sit home and breastfeed and change nappies for 6/7 years IYKWIM )and ofcourse its not "just happening" this time because we want it to. Anyway, sorry don't mean to hijack your thread!

I think that what you did for Alison is beautiful. My DH held the baby after I had passed it, but I personally could'nt do it, but for me, finding out the sex was a closure.

As you can see from what these beautiful ladies have said, you're not alone and should'nt be feeling guilty for the way you are feeling! :hugs:

[wantagirl]

One of my friends from high school has been trying to concieve with her husband for 9 years with no luck. They have tried clomid and she has had a laproscopy for her endometriosis, and still no luck. I have 2 kids and have had them in all the time she has been trying. It is so hard for her to come see me and everything our relationship has suffered greatly because I have my boys and she don't. I totally understand her and try to just be suppotive but it doesn't help. Especially now that I want a 3rd. I know I am not trying to hurt her but it does. My point is you are not alone in how you feel. She feels this way too and she can't help it either. We all do understand or atleast I do. I hope that everyone gets the baby they truely deserve to love!! Best of luck to you!!

[Mikeswifey]

Heres a :hugs: for you.

Some people can be so rude. My cousin has just sent us a baby shower invite in the mail. She has 5 weeks to go. We didnt even know.

You just wonder what goes through peoples minds.

And yes its very acceptable for you to be feeling this way.

I hope you are ok.

[Adria]

Hey Amy, you are not alone...
I had a m/c two months ago. I got a phone call the other night, my family telling me one of my cousins is 9 weeks pregnant. No big deal right? I should be happy... Well i am but as soon as i heard that... my stomach did a flip, tears started in my eyes and i thought i should be 15 weeks pregnant by now. Any yes, im still counting the weeks of how far along i should be, i just can't help it!

[Ys_Woman]

Geez but I love each and every one of you who replied!! I could not have said any of that to a group of my friends without feeling and hearing judgement from those who don't understand. It is wierd how after a mc you seem to only be able to relate to those who have experienced the same thing..(sad as that is that anyone should have to go through it). I am ever so grateful to have you all to go to with this.
{{{{{GROUP HUG}}}}}
Amy:)
P.S. Just when things were feeling bleak last night hubby calls me out to the loungeroom and there is my youngest dd (4) on telly! Well, it was her photo that I sent months ago into Foxtel's Nick Jr channel, for a show called Pic Me. I didn't think she had been picked..lol. It is a cartoon for little kids and each episode they take a kid's headshot and attach it to a cartoon body that they use throughout the 5 min story. I was so proud they picked my little girl..she hasn't stopped watching it all morning..lol. Sure was a pick-me-up though.

[Little_Toad]

Anything mychild.. I know it's a rough tme and seeing / hearing about other peoples pregnancies can be heartbreaking.

I'm sure your friends were'nt being thoughtless.. maybe they too have been wrapped up in the whole getting pregnant/ being pregnany and having a baby thing. Although some contact would have been polite.

I'm almost certain in a few months time when you've conceived.. and then nine months after that.. you too will be ringing everyone you know over joyed you've had a baby. And I'm sure that there will be one girl in that group of people you call that will feel envious and angry because she is having difficulties conceiving.

I hope your TTC mission is soon over.