possible sexual abuse 14yr old boy, 5 yr old girl

[AndrewTheEmu]

OK, not sure if this should go in thge sexual abuse section (mods pleas emove if nessessery)

Its a bit of a messy situation and Im very confused. My sister has 3 girls (11, 9 & 7) and aparently the youngest told her that our brother (who was 14 at the time) showed her his penis, and asked her to 'do things' to it.

Mum confronted him about it and he ais he wanted her out of his roomand knew she'd be scared off by it an it worked.

But later the 2 older girls told my sister that he had done similar things to them in the past. Our bother had denined it. And mum wont take him to 'see someone' as i think she is blinded by the love of her 'perfect little boy' she says he is 'immature for his age' but as my sister has said, at 14 years old you know what is rioght and what is wrong and THAT is wrong.

So now my sister and my borhter (who is now 16) havent seen each other in two years, Mum goes to her house to look after the kids but brother is NOT invited to birthdays, christmas, easter, ANYTHING.

I hate to say it, but I do wonder if so much talk about ti has lead to older two to admit something that sint true. Sister had always hated and been very jelous of brother and now that all this has occured, mum has to drive to her house to even see the kids and sister never has to see brother which she LOVES (and not because of the incident, but she really has always hated him) I cant help but wonder if its all a big lie. If brother EVER did that to my DD id call the cops straight away. brother or not.

So DH doesnt know about any of this, and he wants us to go away for the weekend and wants to know why im not comfortble having DD stay at mums house (brother still lives at home)

What would you do???

[WorkingClassMum]

Has any of the kids been to counselling?

I am gobsmacked that two years down the track that it's still being avoided and swept under the carpet

IMO there is an urgent need for this to be dealt with immediately and I would NOT be letting my DD stay there until the truth was worked out and the victim(s) being referred for help

[AndrewTheEmu]

No, none of the kids have been to counceling.
Ive tried and tried and tried to talk my sister into taking them (and short of taking the kids while im baby sitting them without her knowledge theres not much more I can do)
I told her to report brother to the police and she wont, I dont know why. Atleast they would assess him or make him see someone.

I totally agree with you, I cant see why none of them are trying to do anything about this. I asked mum to take brother to see someone and she doesnt think he 'needs to' and ive said to her 'you have to do something NOW because one day he will grow up and move out of home, he will be and adult and if he ever does anything like this ever again he will go to goal and some poor child will be scared for life and you will KNOW you couldve done something about it"

what can I do?

[Mrs Nietzsche]

I think someone better get to the bottom of this before your brother (if he is guilty) escalates his behaviour.

[WorkingClassMum]

The bottom line is simple

He needs counselling, your nieces need counselling and your DD will NOT EVER spend time alone with your brother

[The Girls Only Club]

The bottom line is simple

He needs counselling, your nieces need counselling and your DD will NOT EVER spend time alone with your brother

:iagree:
My older sister was molested by my dad(not hers)no one believed her,I was molested by my grandfather no one believed me.
Both our molesters plead guilty and still no one believes us.

[AndrewTheEmu]

Has anyone been in this situation before?

Is there anything I can personally do other then what i have been doing?

I feel so 'torn' between my sister and my brother. Expecially since everytime I talk to my sister about it the story changes and mum will not tell me exactly what happened, only that she spoke to him about it.

Brother has only see DD once (about 8 weeks after she was born) she was in her bouncer on the loungeroom floor and he was playing with one of her hands (in a completely innocent way) but after hearing bits and pieces of what happened with neice/s I felt so creepy having him anywhere near her and couldnt be more then 2 feet away. He asked if he could hold her and I made up an excuse about her reflux/she would spu (which TBH was probably true but I made it out to be worse then it was so he wouldnt want to hold her). I have seen brother since then but he has not seen DD. I have never let DD go to mums house and will not untill brother has moved out of home.

I have NEVER said anything to sister or her girls that I have doubts about what really happened. I have actually said to sisters "Wether its true or not, You HAVE to believe your girls because if it IS true, and you dont believe them, Brother could do this again and even if he doesnt, Having mum call them liers will scared them for life"

At this point I have to say I am SO sorry this has happened to you Girls Only Club. I cant even begin to imagine how horrible that was/is. Some people (and im starting to question wether i am one of them) Just dont want to believe the horrid truth.

Should I report brother to the police?
Should I take brother to see someone without mums knowledge?
(Mum already said he refused to go talk about it, But I am pretty good talking him into things and Ive already thought I wouldnt tell him where we were going untill we got there)
Should I ask Sister if I can take the girls?

This is a horrible messy situation. I guess my main aim is to insure nothing like this ever happens to DD, but after talking about it I really want to make sure he doesnt harm anyone ever and that the girls are ok/will be okay.

[Mischief]

Either way, this needs to be delt with.

If he is guilty, he needs help before his behaviour gets "bolder". And those girls need counselling!

If he is not guilty, he needs help before it turns his head into mush and he does something terrible to HIMSELF. And those girls will need counselling so as to know its not right to accuse someone of something that hasnt been done.

Either way its a hugely messy situation.

[Cheerilee]

There was a thread on here in the last while with a similar sort of issue.

I would give the same advice. It needs to be dealt with not swept under the carpet which it is at the moment.

You can anonymously report to DOCS or similar in your state. I think it can actually be a crime to cover up sexual abuse of a child. Once it is reported he will get the help or appropriate consequences.

The girls need counseling with a child psychologist or similar who is experienced with child sexual assault. I think doubting her story does not help the situation at all. Enforces that it is not that "big" of a deal. It is a huge deal and if she does not get help will affect her for the rest of her life.

No you should not talk to him about it, he needs to be talked to by a professional. One thing with mandatory reporters (which I am) you are taught it not seek out the information only take what they say and tell appropriate people (DOCS etc).

Sweeping it under the carpet does not help anyone just breeds acceptance.

Report it, it is the only way he will get the help he needs since it seems other people do not see it as an issue which is tragic.

The only way to ensure the safety of your daughter and other girls around him is to get him the help he needs.

Boys who sexually assault other children are more than likely going to grow into adult sexual offenders, hence the urgent need for help.