Pregnancy and Bleeding...

[LoopyLyndaLou]

Thought I would jsut say this as it is something that really bugs me. So oftne i see posts with people saying they are pregnant and bleeding adn they get a string of replies saying it means nothing with personal stories of peoples bleeding epiosodes and how 'their' baby was ok.

I think these replies, although meant to be comforting, are actually very misleading. It is important to know that whilst bleeding is pregnancy is common, it is NOT normal and medical attention should be sought, specially if the mother is a rhesus negative blood group and they mother is coming up for, or is beyond, 12 weeks.

I have lost two children due to bleeding in pregnancy, one at 24 weeks and one at 12 weeks (medical termination due to severe maternal complications), if i had a dollar for every one who told me that they bled and tiheir baby was fine I would be very rich, if only they knew that their comment didn't give me any peace, it made me want to thump them and ask why did their baby lived and why did mine die? Am I a bad person? I also know of many many people, other than myself, who did bleed in pregnancy and their baby did die and all were at different stages 5-42 weeks.

I did bleed with my last pregnancy and this pregnancy did result in a live baby at the end but I would never, ever tell someone who is bleeding that this is normal and everything will be ok.

Sorry to rant but I do get tired of reading the same old thing, yes it is good to have hope but it can make things a lot worse.

Lynda xxx

[V8]

I completely understand what you are saying. I think at the end of the day most people would get it checked out anyways, but i don't think a women wants to hear that if they are bleeding during pregnancy that their baby is at serious risk and could die. I think i'd rather have support and reassurance from others, but still seek a professional opinion.

[wantagirl]

I agree, I always feel the same way when I read replies like this. I have never miscarried but my best friend did. Her Dr. and everyone told her it would be fine and was nothing to worry about , well she lost it at 12 weeks. She said the hardest part was that she had put her mind at ease because everyone said it would be fine and it was just a huge shock when it wasn't fine. I always try to be positive and negative when telling someone about bleeding in pregnancy. By the way very nice post definately needs said.

[LoopyLyndaLou]

I agree with both of you, I am not saying you cannot be positive when someone bleeds and yes perhaps heairng good stories helps but at the same time people MUST stress that a medical check up is necessary.

It is the 'Oh I bled and I was fine, don;t worry you'll be fine too' comments with no follow through that are the ones that give false hope. I too was told that everything would be OK and I believed people and when things started to go really wrong I was doubly shocked and doubly angry and hurt, not only had I bled - unfair but my baby had died when others were ok - unfair! (not of course that I would want other peoples babies to die to make it fair - not at all, I just wanted mine to live too).

Oh well I guess the informaiton people need to hear at times like this depends very much on the person themselves I just believe people should accept bleeding as pregnancy as 'normal; and nothing to worry about.

Lynda x,

[shed]

I'm sorry but I have been on here a while and I have never EVER seen a post where someone has posted a bit of doubt about the state of their pregnancy and been told that its fine with NO FOLLOW UP RECOMMENDED.

The reassuring posts always have the advice of getting it checked out if they are worried. Unless I have missed something.

[cmd'smum]

I agree with Shed. Every post I read, the ladies give examples, mostly of themselves and somebody else who has bled during pgy and it has worked out fine. However, they always advise to seek medical attention.



I bled for 4/5 weeks with my second pgy and I did m/c but NOT because of the bleeding. I spotted with DD a few times whilst pg and everything was fine (obviously :D ) So as to "bleeding" being normal, no, not according to Drs, but some women bleed, and Drs sometimes just don't know "why." That having been said, Its very very annoying to bleed when pg! I wish it didn't have to happen, it would make our lives so much more easier and pregnancys much more enjoyable!:yes:

[allalone]

I agree with cmd'smum. I bled recently and I lost my child after that but NOONE on the forum told me that it was ok to bleed. They reassured me that the bub might still be ok and shred their experiences but asked me to visit the doctor straight away. And while it is good to know that bleeding is not normal, it would be devastating to hear that "yep, you are bleeding, yep things are not right and bub is in trouble'. You already have doctors for that...

[LoopyLyndaLou]

Every post I read, the ladies give examples, mostly of themselves and somebody else who has bled during pgy and it has worked out fine. However, they always advise to seek medical attention.:


I'm sorry but I have been on here a while and I have never EVER seen a post where someone has posted a bit of doubt about the state of their pregnancy and been told that its fine with NO FOLLOW UP RECOMMENDED.:



Perhaps you should read a thread further down the list, entitled 'Bleeding' for example, where there are numerous comments which make no reference at all to seeking medical attention. This thread is not not unique so it is incorrect to say all the threads people always advise to seek medical attention.

I did not write the original post for no reason and just pluck what I had to say out of thin air. It is not a criticism of the board, nor BubHub as both are wonderful places to visit to share problems, joys and for support, it is merely an observation and something which upsets me to read.

I also run a support group for those that are misfortunate enough to have lost a baby and have done for over 3 year, time and time again people bring up the fact that they were told bleeding in pregnancy was normal when in fact it wasn't - their baby died, so this does affect a lot of women, not just me.

Lynda x

[wantagirl]

Even I am guilty of writing about my friends miscarriage and telling her out come of now being pregnant again. I hope I didn't offend anyone by my comment. I only meant that we should be careful to say the positve and the negatives about what can happen. I am sorry that it seemed we were putting down this site and its comments, becuase I like this site. I am from the US and I visit this site because the ones in the US have alot of arguments and DRAMA.. Anyway Thanks Ladies for the advice some of you have given me!!:wave:

[rynosmum]

Hi Lynda,

I can see where you're coming from and agree, it is important that people receive the right type of information. I have also seen ladies with the same symptoms as I had when I lost my bub, light brown spotting and others telling them that it will be okay.

None of us on here (or at least very few) are medical professionals and we aren't qualified to give medical advice. We are however here to give support - but need to remember that medical advice should always be sought for any type of pregnancy bleeding.

[Rach78]

I understand what you are saying but at the same time when I bled with this pregnancy I was convinced it was all over until a few ladies on a pregnancy forum gave me hope that there was a chance that the baby was ok. Of course no one could guarantee this and I went for an U/S and bubs was ok. I bled 3 times and am now 33 weeks. Each time I got a professional opinion.

All anyone can really do is give their opinions and share their experiences and I am one of those who does give ladies hope if they are bleeding as I know how beneficial it was for me. I would, however, never say it is normal to bleed in pregnancy but it is common. I would hope that anyone concerned would seek a medical opinion as well as none of us claim to be experts.

Rach:)

[indigoin0z]

i must agree with most of the girls here...

i too feel 'most' of the time we are giving our 'experience' & then mostly remind
- in case its not obvious to the person -
that it is best to get checked out professionally...
im sure sometimes we do slacken a little, we arent perfect after all...
but i also believe, most people who come on bubhub would be intelligent enough to know that many of us dont have M.D. after our name & therefore our experience is only say so...
if we start having to 'make sure' we say exactly the right thing to people, there would be a lot less users because none of us want to get in trouble...

i also agree that with my bleeding it was good to read others 'experiences' as it did give me 'some' hope,
because like many i immediately assumed blood & the condition that i had/have [subchorionic haematoma] meant it was all over.... but it wasnt...

i do agree & sympathise with you that we certainly need to not mislead people,
but none of us do it deliberately & nowhere does it say any of us are liable for others' health... we are just SUPPORT:wave:

[bronny-jane]

Perhaps you should read a thread further down the list, entitled 'Bleeding' for example, where there are numerous comments which make no reference at all to seeking medical attention.

this thread she said she was seeing her doctor, and was looking for positive experiences.

i have written about my own experiances on here concerning bleeding, its ended 2 ways with m/c and with a successful pg, well she has 2 weeks to go:D

if someone is asking for positive experiances i tell them about this one, i know how awful i felt having doctors tell me this baby was going to die, but was reassurred it might still work out from ladies on here who had similar experiances, i think positive thinking works wonders:)

as for not telling people to seek medical advice, i dont tell them too, one would think if someone was bleeding they would seek help first before asking on a forum

[Eternity]

Originally Posted by LoopyLyndaLou
Perhaps you should read a thread further down the list, entitled 'Bleeding' for example, where there are numerous comments which make no reference at all to seeking medical attention



I can understand what you are saying but this is a public forum. You cannot hold the public accountable for someone not seeking medical advice about bleeding just because they hear someone else had a successful pregnancy while bleeding. All we can offer is our opinion and personal experiences and support We are not medical professionals here, this is not someones eles responsiblity but the individual.

[LoopyLyndaLou]

Quite frankly I am astonished at the replies on this thread. I made a general post saying that something has upset me. I have had two very traumatic losses of which noone has once said "i am sorry for what you have been through'. I did not mention individual comments people made, I only made reference to a thread on here when people assumed what I said was a personal attack on BubHub.

I now feel that i am being judged as someone who has made specific criticisms when all I have done is say that when you have had been through bleeding in pregnancy it is not always helpful to hear positive stories. When you have lost after bleeding you do get upset to see/hear people imply that it is normal, although you don't want to give horror stories you do feel impelled to make sure people have the facts and in some cases they are not getting this whether it be on some threads here or elsewhere. it is also wrong to assume everyone on here is intellectual enough to know what to do, as a biology teacher I am fully aware that some people do not grasp any kind of scientific understanding of how their body and pregnancy works and what is and isn't normal , their talents lie elsewhere.

My experience of bleeding was very intense and fortinately not very common, I was in hospital for five weeks having blood transfusions to prevent organ failure, willing for my baby to live. The bleeding caused premature labour which in turn caused placental abruption. a scan confirmed that my little boy had died and I had to deliver him.

After Thomas died I was told it was one of those things and wouldn't happen again - well it did, at 12 weeks I bled again, a scan showed that my uterus was in a terrrible state and although my baby was alive and well there was no way I would carry to term and there was 99% chance the baby would die and I could die myself. I had to terminate this pregnancy almost exactly six months after we cremated our son. When I hear of bleeding in pregnancy I am naturally anxious but I don't thrust my horror story on to people,and scare them, usually I don't tell them, I can be positive but also try and point out that really it is good to seek some kind of medical attention.

I had bleeding in two pregnancies both of which had very traumatic endings so you can see why I don't like to think people who are bleeding feel it is OK , I am worried for them and I want to urge them to seek medical care incase they chose to read all the happy endings and feel it is not worth going to the doctor as everything will be ok. I don't want people to go through what myself and my family had to go through. We had to fight to get every bit of realistic information as everyone seemed so matter of fact about it all.

I am not holding any one accuntable, I am not expecting people to always say the right thing, I never never implied anyone was saying this deliberately. I believed people would read what I had to say and think, yes bleeding can be serious we must make sure we are doubly careful not to let people think it is normal, even if it just made them think a little more carefully about the wording of their reply.

I don't feel I can get my point across at this stage, perhaps it is the way I wrote it, but my orginal post has been taken out of context and I now feel as if I am being personally attacked for commenting on something which I and many people I know find upsetting.

At the end of the day this is the 'Support after Pregnancy Loss' board so I am assuming everyone on here knows what it is like to lose a baby as unless you have it is impossible to truly understand, therefore we are all in the same boat, a bereaved parent, and their are more important issues afoot than quibbling over this. So I shall bow out graciously and hope that this thread can end.

Lynda

[cmd'smum]

Quite frankly I am astonished at the replies on this thread. I made a general post saying that something has upset me. I have had two very traumatic losses of which noone has once said "i am sorry for what you have been through'. I did not mention individual comments people made, I only made reference to a thread on here when people assumed what I said was a personal attack on BubHub.

I now feel that i am being judged as someone who has made specific criticisms when all I have done is say that when you have had been through bleeding in pregnancy it is not always helpful to hear positive stories. When you have lost after bleeding you do get upset to see/hear people imply that it is normal, although you don't want to give horror stories you do feel impelled to make sure people have the facts and in some cases they are not getting this whether it be on some threads here or elsewhere. it is also wrong to assume everyone on here is intellectual enough to know what to do, as a biology teacher I am fully aware that some people do not grasp any kind of scientific understanding of how their body and pregnancy works and what is and isn't normal , their talents lie elsewhere.

My experience of bleeding was very intense and fortinately not very common, I was in hospital for five weeks having blood transfusions to prevent organ failure, willing for my baby to live. The bleeding caused premature labour which in turn caused placental abruption. a scan confirmed that my little boy had died and I had to deliver him.

After Thomas died I was told it was one of those things and wouldn't happen again - well it did, at 12 weeks I bled again, a scan showed that my uterus was in a terrrible state and although my baby was alive and well there was no way I would carry to term and there was 99% chance the baby would die and I could die myself. I had to terminate this pregnancy almost exactly six months after we cremated our son. When I hear of bleeding in pregnancy I am naturally anxious but I don't thrust my horror story on to people,and scare them, usually I don't tell them, I can be positive but also try and point out that really it is good to seek some kind of medical attention.

I had bleeding in two pregnancies both of which had very traumatic endings so you can see why I don't like to think people who are bleeding feel it is OK , I am worried for them and I want to urge them to seek medical care incase they chose to read all the happy endings and feel it is not worth going to the doctor as everything will be ok. I don't want people to go through what myself and my family had to go through. We had to fight to get every bit of realistic information as everyone seemed so matter of fact about it all.

I am not holding any one accuntable, I am not expecting people to always say the right thing, I never never implied anyone was saying this deliberately. I believed people would read what I had to say and think, yes bleeding can be serious we must make sure we are doubly careful not to let people think it is normal, even if it just made them think a little more carefully about the wording of their reply.

I don't feel I can get my point across at this stage, perhaps it is the way I wrote it, but my orginal post has been taken out of context and I now feel as if I am being personally attacked for commenting on something which I and many people I know find upsetting.

At the end of the day this is the 'Support after Pregnancy Loss' board so I am assuming everyone on here knows what it is like to lose a baby as unless you have it is impossible to truly understand, therefore we are all in the same boat, a bereaved parent, and their are more important issues afoot than quibbling over this. So I shall bow out graciously and hope that this thread can end.

Lynda


Lynda....sorry for you lossess.....m/c is the worst thing a woman can go through.......and I agree, there are more important issues than quibbling over this.:D

All the best.

[bronny-jane]

hey lynda, what you went through is awful and i sincerly wish that no one ever had to go through it:crying:

i do understand were your coming from, i lost 2 babies before i had my dd's, and then when at 11 1/2 weeks i had a huge gush of blood run down my legs, i was sure i'd lost this baby too, i was devastated.....i thought i was in the "safety zone".

after a scan though the baby was ok, but then came all the drama'a of having a subchorionic hematoma:( , i found out i had a 50/50 chance of making it to 20 weeks, then was advised by my doctor that my baby would be born before 28 weeks, and advised that i should not have any more children as the risk of me and the baby dying was high.....quite alot for a 25 yearold pg women to take in:(

thankfully im 38 weeks now, i know not all bleeding ends in tragidy now, im so grateful i was lucky this time, i do however understand why it upsets you when you read people brushing off bleeding as "normal", it isnt normal, but sometimes it does happen.

im not attacking you at all, and hope i didnt come across that way, you have made some very valid points, im going to take them on board next time i reply to a post about bleeding.

and this is for you:hugs: , for all you have been through.

[Eternity]

I’m so sorry if I upset you with my opinion. I do understand what you are saying, and I dont like to think you are so upset from peoples comments. Your personal experience was very tragic and I now understand from your story just how much and why you feel so strongly about this topic. I’m sorry for your losses :crying: Please don’t feel judged you have every right to express your feelings. This is for you :hugs:

[Ys_Woman]

Quite frankly I am astonished at the replies on this thread.
Hello Lynda,
Please forgive me but I meant to reply the other day but got sidetracked. Firstly let me say that I am so sorry for the grief you have had to endure. It is a deep pit and a long climb back out and I am grateful there is a place to bring these feelings, however, I do feel like your words were judged harshly. In my own experience it wasn't people on a website dismissing the bleeding, but a nurse in the emergency room who rather cavalierly suggested that is is 'quite normal' for women to bleed during early pregnancy (my GP suggests otherwise) and 'I am sure it is nothing to worry yourself over'. That was twenty minutes b4 an u/sound confirmed the baby had stopped progressing three weeks earlier and there was no heartbeat. Some comfort!
I would suggest to any pregnant woman that if she is experiencing bleeding she should seek immediate medical treatment. It will not always be bad news, but it needs immediate investigation to put the mind at rest.
I hear you and I am glad you expressed yourself. Not every one will agree with the sentiments but there is no need to condemn or criticise..you were merely expressing concern.
Hugs to you.
Please don't stop posting.
Amy:)

[Mikeswifey]

I am bleeding now in my pregnancy, for over 2 weeks.

Everyone has told me on here to go get an ultrasound, so I did yesterda. Baby is fine.

Not once has anyone told me its normal without saying they think I should go to the docs.

[Littletreasures]

i agree with you completely, i was in the middle of having a MC and my sister had told me that she had bled at 6 weeks with her DD (and she turned out fine) and that got me so excited to think that it was normal. 2 hours later i had an appt with my GP and she told me that i just lost my baby,