Roxy
01-09-2006, 08:51 PM
Hi all,
This was published in this month's "Child" magazines. I think that it is really great article, and clearly goes over some of the issues of ED, and what the treatments involve....worth a read if you are thinking about becoming a donor.
Life Cycles by Jacqueline Tomlins
"Without the the unique contribution of an egg donor, all the medical expertise in the world cannot help many childless couples"
They are always there, those ads, sitting quietly at the back of the paper - hoping, entreating: Egg donor wanted. We would dearly love to have a family of our own, but have told our only option is an egg donor...If you are mother you understand how much a love a parent has for a child...We are a loving couple who have been unable to conceive through IVF. If you have it in your heart to help me become a mother, please write to...
As parents, we secretly believe we have something people without children don't have, something special, something precious. We're not even really meant to say it out loud, and certainly not within the hearing of people who are happily child-free. But there is a love between a parent and a child that is breathless, gut-wrenching, overwhelming, a love that is different somehow. We love our partners, our family, our friends, but we would die for our kids in the blink of an eye.
Many people know from personal experience what it is like to long for a child who doesnt come, and even if your children came easily, its not hard to imagine the anguish of those whose most desperate prayers for a family remain unanswered. So who is it who does answer those prayers, who opens the door to this members-only club? All the medical expertise in the world, all the science and technology, cannot help without the unique contribution of an egg donor.
According to Kate Bourne, counsellor at Melbourne IVF who manages the donor program, there is a desperate shortage of egg donors and currently a two year waiting list. The numbers are so low, in fact, that the future of the clinic-recruited egg donor program may be in doubt. Because of this, more and more couples are advertising for their own donors, a practice which, Bourne says, is working very well and producing positive outcomes for everyone involved. At the same time, most clinics - though not all - are still trying to recruit donors from the general public for their waiting lists.
So why does someone become an egg donor, and what happens when they do? Most women, according to Bourne, become egg donors for purely altruistic reasons, often because they are mothers themselves and want to share the joy of children. Terri, who has been donating to a clinic on and off for about 15 years says, "I look at my kids and I think that's what I've done for someone else. Knowing that is all the reward I need." Mary, who is just about to embark on her first cycle, has even greater motivation. "I am a recipient of donor sperm," she says. "My family has been created from the kind donation of someone else and I want to give something back. Also, it's a way of showing my children that being created in this way is a good thing - it's not freaky or weird, but comes from the generosity of another person."
The egg donor programs may vary slightly from clinic to clinic - and it's important to contact your local clinic directly for details - but most follow the same broad outline. There are some basic initial criteria for becoming an egg donor. You need to be between the ages of 25 and 36 (although in some cases, donors can be up to 40) and have completed your own family - you're more likely to have a sense of closure and be able to draw a line between your family and the one you are helping to create, you have proven fertility and, in the very unlikely event of medical complications, your family has already been safely created. You can be a donor if you are on the contraceptive pill, or if you have had a tubal ligation (tubes tied).
The first step - whether you're donating to a friend or family member, a couple who have placed an ad, or directly to a clinic - will be a session with a counsellor. These sessions are not an assessment, but an opportunity to explore the many complex issues involved. You might be asked to think about how you'd feel about meeting a child born from your donation, and to consider who among your family and friends you would tell. It's especially important to think about when and how you'd explain it to your own children. Kerri, who responded to an ad and donated to a clinic says, "I've always been very open about it with my kids. I don't want strangers turning up late in life and them not knowing. It's never been a problem." If the donation is to a family member or friend, you need to think about what your relationship will be with the child. Emma, who donated to her sister-in-law, feels she has a "very special nephew". Jenny, who donated to a close friend, says, " I already have four kids of my own, which keeps me busy enough!"
At about the same time as this initial counselling session, a prospective donor will undergo a medical evaluation, including a full gynaecological and family medical history and blood screening. There's a bit of a cooling-off period after the first session and then, if all goes well, a second session is arranged to sign consent forms. After this, if everyone agrees, the donor and recipient may get together for a meeting. Terri, who has been to a number of these meetings, says, "Most people are so lovely and they just want to say thank you... and have a squiz at me. In one meeting the husband cried because he just couldn't express how grateful he was. The procedure worked first time for them." Mary says, "I'm happy to meet the recipient or not, depending on what they want. I hve confidence in the system of counselling that they won't have any major issues and I'm not really concerned."
After this, the medical treatment begins. An appointment is made with a nurse who explains the whole process in detail. The donor goes though the first part of an IVF cycle which generally involves some time on the pill, and a nasal spray, followed by injections to stimulate the ovaries to produce eggs. You can arrange to have the injections administered at the clinic, but most women perfer to do it themselves at home and, once you get over the nervousness of the first one, it's really pretty straightforward, even for the most squeamish! You have the injections daily for one to two weeks and have vaginal ultrasounds to monitor the development of the egg follicles. When the follicles are the right size, you are booked in for your "egg pick up" - a minor surgical procedure to remove the eggs.
The egg pick up takes about 20 minutes and you are sedated while it is conducted so you don't feel anything, and there should be very little discomfort afterwards. Most women are awake and having a cup of tea within the hour and can go home as soon as they feel ready. Because of the sedation, you're not allowed to drive and so will have to arrange a lift. Commonly a woman produces 8 to 12 eggs - though the number varies quite a lot. The eggs are fertilised and an embryo transferred to the recipient. The remaining embryos are frozen for further cycles, which means that even if the recipient doesnt get pregnant the first time, they should still have a few more chances to do so.
There is a perception at large that the medical treatment for IVF is painful and invasive, and while this is true to an extent, it's important to draw a distinction between someone who is desperately trying to conceive and who is on thier fourth, seventh or ninth cycle, and someone donating an egg for the first time. The negative effects of IVF treatments are cumulative - the more you do, the harder it gets - plus there is a whole stack of emotional baggage that goes with the process. An egg donor is undertaking the treatment for entirely different reasons without the enormous emotional pressures, and through one cycle only (although they may choose to do more at a later date). THey are going into it fresh, reasonably fit, and healthy.
Interestingly, while most egg donors talk about experiencing some side effects (cramping, sore breasts, irritability and other period-type symptoms), they all agree that these are manageable and a small price to pay for the rewards of donating. Terri, who has done 12 cycles, says, " I have no trouble with the medical treatment, though some days I do lie on the couch and live it up and say "but I'm on IVF!" The injections aren't pleasant, but for what you get out of it...who cares about a couple of days of discomfort. It's really not a problem at all." Similarly, Kerri says, "The treatment, the injections and drugs, I dont find that too invasive, though I do get the mood swings!"
This was published in this month's "Child" magazines. I think that it is really great article, and clearly goes over some of the issues of ED, and what the treatments involve....worth a read if you are thinking about becoming a donor.
Life Cycles by Jacqueline Tomlins
"Without the the unique contribution of an egg donor, all the medical expertise in the world cannot help many childless couples"
They are always there, those ads, sitting quietly at the back of the paper - hoping, entreating: Egg donor wanted. We would dearly love to have a family of our own, but have told our only option is an egg donor...If you are mother you understand how much a love a parent has for a child...We are a loving couple who have been unable to conceive through IVF. If you have it in your heart to help me become a mother, please write to...
As parents, we secretly believe we have something people without children don't have, something special, something precious. We're not even really meant to say it out loud, and certainly not within the hearing of people who are happily child-free. But there is a love between a parent and a child that is breathless, gut-wrenching, overwhelming, a love that is different somehow. We love our partners, our family, our friends, but we would die for our kids in the blink of an eye.
Many people know from personal experience what it is like to long for a child who doesnt come, and even if your children came easily, its not hard to imagine the anguish of those whose most desperate prayers for a family remain unanswered. So who is it who does answer those prayers, who opens the door to this members-only club? All the medical expertise in the world, all the science and technology, cannot help without the unique contribution of an egg donor.
According to Kate Bourne, counsellor at Melbourne IVF who manages the donor program, there is a desperate shortage of egg donors and currently a two year waiting list. The numbers are so low, in fact, that the future of the clinic-recruited egg donor program may be in doubt. Because of this, more and more couples are advertising for their own donors, a practice which, Bourne says, is working very well and producing positive outcomes for everyone involved. At the same time, most clinics - though not all - are still trying to recruit donors from the general public for their waiting lists.
So why does someone become an egg donor, and what happens when they do? Most women, according to Bourne, become egg donors for purely altruistic reasons, often because they are mothers themselves and want to share the joy of children. Terri, who has been donating to a clinic on and off for about 15 years says, "I look at my kids and I think that's what I've done for someone else. Knowing that is all the reward I need." Mary, who is just about to embark on her first cycle, has even greater motivation. "I am a recipient of donor sperm," she says. "My family has been created from the kind donation of someone else and I want to give something back. Also, it's a way of showing my children that being created in this way is a good thing - it's not freaky or weird, but comes from the generosity of another person."
The egg donor programs may vary slightly from clinic to clinic - and it's important to contact your local clinic directly for details - but most follow the same broad outline. There are some basic initial criteria for becoming an egg donor. You need to be between the ages of 25 and 36 (although in some cases, donors can be up to 40) and have completed your own family - you're more likely to have a sense of closure and be able to draw a line between your family and the one you are helping to create, you have proven fertility and, in the very unlikely event of medical complications, your family has already been safely created. You can be a donor if you are on the contraceptive pill, or if you have had a tubal ligation (tubes tied).
The first step - whether you're donating to a friend or family member, a couple who have placed an ad, or directly to a clinic - will be a session with a counsellor. These sessions are not an assessment, but an opportunity to explore the many complex issues involved. You might be asked to think about how you'd feel about meeting a child born from your donation, and to consider who among your family and friends you would tell. It's especially important to think about when and how you'd explain it to your own children. Kerri, who responded to an ad and donated to a clinic says, "I've always been very open about it with my kids. I don't want strangers turning up late in life and them not knowing. It's never been a problem." If the donation is to a family member or friend, you need to think about what your relationship will be with the child. Emma, who donated to her sister-in-law, feels she has a "very special nephew". Jenny, who donated to a close friend, says, " I already have four kids of my own, which keeps me busy enough!"
At about the same time as this initial counselling session, a prospective donor will undergo a medical evaluation, including a full gynaecological and family medical history and blood screening. There's a bit of a cooling-off period after the first session and then, if all goes well, a second session is arranged to sign consent forms. After this, if everyone agrees, the donor and recipient may get together for a meeting. Terri, who has been to a number of these meetings, says, "Most people are so lovely and they just want to say thank you... and have a squiz at me. In one meeting the husband cried because he just couldn't express how grateful he was. The procedure worked first time for them." Mary says, "I'm happy to meet the recipient or not, depending on what they want. I hve confidence in the system of counselling that they won't have any major issues and I'm not really concerned."
After this, the medical treatment begins. An appointment is made with a nurse who explains the whole process in detail. The donor goes though the first part of an IVF cycle which generally involves some time on the pill, and a nasal spray, followed by injections to stimulate the ovaries to produce eggs. You can arrange to have the injections administered at the clinic, but most women perfer to do it themselves at home and, once you get over the nervousness of the first one, it's really pretty straightforward, even for the most squeamish! You have the injections daily for one to two weeks and have vaginal ultrasounds to monitor the development of the egg follicles. When the follicles are the right size, you are booked in for your "egg pick up" - a minor surgical procedure to remove the eggs.
The egg pick up takes about 20 minutes and you are sedated while it is conducted so you don't feel anything, and there should be very little discomfort afterwards. Most women are awake and having a cup of tea within the hour and can go home as soon as they feel ready. Because of the sedation, you're not allowed to drive and so will have to arrange a lift. Commonly a woman produces 8 to 12 eggs - though the number varies quite a lot. The eggs are fertilised and an embryo transferred to the recipient. The remaining embryos are frozen for further cycles, which means that even if the recipient doesnt get pregnant the first time, they should still have a few more chances to do so.
There is a perception at large that the medical treatment for IVF is painful and invasive, and while this is true to an extent, it's important to draw a distinction between someone who is desperately trying to conceive and who is on thier fourth, seventh or ninth cycle, and someone donating an egg for the first time. The negative effects of IVF treatments are cumulative - the more you do, the harder it gets - plus there is a whole stack of emotional baggage that goes with the process. An egg donor is undertaking the treatment for entirely different reasons without the enormous emotional pressures, and through one cycle only (although they may choose to do more at a later date). THey are going into it fresh, reasonably fit, and healthy.
Interestingly, while most egg donors talk about experiencing some side effects (cramping, sore breasts, irritability and other period-type symptoms), they all agree that these are manageable and a small price to pay for the rewards of donating. Terri, who has done 12 cycles, says, " I have no trouble with the medical treatment, though some days I do lie on the couch and live it up and say "but I'm on IVF!" The injections aren't pleasant, but for what you get out of it...who cares about a couple of days of discomfort. It's really not a problem at all." Similarly, Kerri says, "The treatment, the injections and drugs, I dont find that too invasive, though I do get the mood swings!"