Need to get it out there....driving me mental!

[JesseBear]

OK - this may be a long one I just need to let myself have a good vent.

My DD is 17 months old and it really has been a bit of a battle from the start. We had a very difficult pregnancy which ended up with me being admitted early due to DD IUGR status and her low weight. Also I had extremely low amniotic fluid so from week 25 onwards I was told to "get ready for a c-section" - each day was a waiting game as the doctors were prepared to bring her out early if she didn't start putting on weight.

Everything ended up OK with DD putting on a stack of weight between week 35 and 37 and she was born on her due date with no apparent complications. She did have talipes on her right foot but that corrected itself with daily massage.

I will admit I didn't cope very well for the first few months - my milk never came in even with medication and I was pretty depressed about the whole situation.

Things started looking up but at 10 months I noticed that DD was crawling a bit funny and after numerous GP visits and finally a referal to an orthopaedic surgeon it turns out that she had a dislocated right hip since birth and was diagnosed with Hip Dysplasia.

At 14 months she underwent a closed reduction and was in a spica cast for 3 months. She has just gotten out of the cast and is trying to find her feet but is generally doing well.

The point of this thread is that I have absoloutely no desire to have another baby. All the people around me - mothers group, family are all asking when I will be having another one but the thought scares me silly.

I had always thought I wanted two children but with DD still not walking (we don't know how long it is going to take for her to figure it out with her hip) and possible future surgeries for DD around the 3 year old mark I don't know how I would cope with a newborn with a child who needs my love and attention at a very scary time.

I just have no want for another child - will I just wake up one day and decide I want one? I feel really guilty every day when I think about not giving DD a sibling but at the same time I don't think getting pregnant and bringing another child into the world is the right thing just because I want DD to have a brother or sister.

My partner is keen for another baby but he doesn't have to stay home or keep a household running. We had originally talked about trying for another early 2011 so that would make DD about 2.5 years old if all went to plan.

It makes me want to cry when I think about it as I really don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading - I just had to get my thoughts out there as they have been rolling around in my head for weeks!

[Belle79]

Personally I do not feel any desire for another child. My Husband and I have a beautiful and healthy daughter who is four years old.

I had an okay pregnancy and birth, the postnatal period was fine. However, I found the first year quite tough with the sleepless nights, our daughter teething, etc. I don't really want to go through all that again.

Also I believe having one child makes things easier in the long run. You can generally afford a better standard of living, better education for the child, etc. Also when the parents pass away, there's no fighting over who gets what, as the child inherits everything.

I don't believe only children are always spoiled and have poor social skills. They learn to share and socialise at daycare/pre-school/school. Research shows that only children tend to perform better academically and have higher self esteem.

One of my friends has six children and I would hate to have that size family. Her house is always noisy, messy and has a total lack of organization, which would drive me insane.

I could have been quite happy without children- I agreed to have one when I was 27 years old because my Husband wanted one. I was more than happy with my horses and with my job + other interests. I think having an only child is fine, but I guess it's up to the individual.

[Chubear]

If you dont want one, its ok. talk to yourhubby about it, so he knows what you are feeling, maybe you can rediscuss the issue after your DD's surgeries.
as for when others ask? make up a few lines eg oneof my frineds would say "when you have had your triplets, i'll think about it" or something like " we are happy as we are thanks - what about you? are you planning another soon?" if youkeep outting it back on them they will eventuallystop asking.
My Dh and I have been discussing children for years now, i think we BOTH have to be ready and willing. if either of us wasnt the other woudl wait or if we had one already, discuss other options ( ie more daddy time or a pet or something).
Youdont have to want another just cos it was your original plan.
Plans are made to be changed.:yes:

[Grinnyswife]

Your dd is only 17 months hun...
if you dont want another now thats understandable :)
but theres also nothing to say things wont change in the next year,two years, five years etc and u may feel differently.

You dont have to make any decision now.. Just go with the flow.
If you change your mind you change your mind, if you dont, you dont. But Theres no rush:hugs:
If anyone asks, say your not ready & would like to focus on your dd.
it took me 3 years with each of my kids to get over my cesars enough to want to do it again.