how to deal with bullies?

[kateka]

I have a beautifull natured 7.5 yr old who couldnt be more caring,loving or compassionate.
She is currently in yr 2 and is constantly being bullied... She comes home most days in tears and says im her only friend which is truly breaking my heart. Her self esteem is so low although we as a family have always tried to instill confidence in her.
It all started with kids teasing her about her weight, as she is a little larger than others due to illness,We have been on many diets with excercise etc but to no avail.
Whenever someone confronts her about anything she cant help but cry,Sometimes the smallest of things and the tears flow.
I am at a loss with my beautifull girl whom is so soft hearted and who really needs to "toughen up" as such .
Im so sick and tired of the kids being nasty and its breaking my heart to feel her pain.
Please has anyone got any ideas we have spoken to the teacher and school yet nothing has changed .... :gloomy:

[Cheekychops]

How awful for you!!! Sorry I don't know what you can do from here.....there was a similar thread yesterday about a little girl getting bullied on her bus!!! I think the general concensus was to write a letter to the school and if nothing is done then the department of education..... Bullying is not acceptable!!!

:hugs: To both of you!!!

[bundymum]

Unfortunately bullying has become a major problem in our schools and personally I don't think enough is being done about it. Some kids end up so withdrawn and suffer psychological damage, this just isn't good enough!!! :shame: I don't think your daughter should have to toughen up, I think the school should toughen up their policy on bullying and behaviour management! If the principal won't do anything that you feel is satisfactory I suggest writing a letter to the department of education. My 9 year old has had to deal with bullying on two occasions due to the same reasons as your daughter, he's a solid little fella but to us that's just him, he's healthy and happy so we're happy! :yelclap: Don't take a back seat on this matter, it won't resolve itself and I'm sure that if you make a stand others may follow suit, I wonder how many kids are getting bullied by the same kids bullying your daughter? :detective: Anyway, just love and support your daughter, talk to her and make her aware that you're always there for her! Good luck.

[Funkychicken]

:hugs: for your daughter. I have an extra-sensitive son who, fortunately, hasn't been bullied but crumples at the slightest sign of meanness. As a three year old, he started crying in a carpark one day and when I asked what was rong, he replied, "Those boys were laughing at me". Now 'these boys' were a group of 10-11 year olds just chatting outside a shop and would never have even noticed my son and I. As a mother it's the worst feeling to feel helpless about this stuff. I really hope you can get some advice here. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[mrsd]

I don't know if this will help but I've found that the most useful tool to counter bullying is to provide a support network of friends for my child.

My A child was bullied off and on for years at her school but I made sure that she invited kids around who became her friendship base. Bullies and bullying behaviour usually is targeted at kids who are different in some way and almost always kids who are isolated. making sure that she had a couple of friends meant that the bullies picked on another isolated kid instead.

Sometimes its worth inviting the bullies themselves because they will usually play nicely in your house and then may see the inconsistency of picking on a kid later who was their friend for a day at least. Bullies don't always know that their behaviour is bullying and if they see that certain things are different as the norm at your house they may accept your child and her differences more.

To be honest, as a teacher and as a parent, most of this behaviour stems from home. When parents don't see that their child calling other children (and adults)names and excluding them is bullying (particularly if the parent does it themselves) then we won't be able to get rid of it.

Good luck !

[House full of Princesses]

Hi Kate, I've just PM'd you! :)

[kateka]

Thankyou all for your replys, Knowing that others have been through this (unfortunately) does help and i know shes not the only one.

I definately will try and make a good friend base for Alara not only to counter the bullying but also for support for her Im always here for her and she never has a problem telling me anything but i feel she needs support from others her age and heres hoping inviting a few friends over will help,Alara loves swimming so I thought i would find a swim squad for her to join maybe she will make some new friendships there.:fingerscrossed:
I remember being bullied when i was in primary school and to think many years on its still happening and i think many years to the future it will continue, I wish the parents of the bullies cared just a little to what their children are becoming and how they are impacting others lifes .:confused:

At the end of the day surely everyone wants their child to be happy and i know i will strive my hardest to give my daughter that.

Thanks again all.:)

[Cheekychops]

You know what? I don't think many of the parents of bullies actually know they are doing it..... kids are pretty good at hiding stuff like this. Still doesn't make it ok, but you would be surprised how many parents would be shocked to find out their child was responsible

[DQ]

You know what? I don't think many of the parents of bullies actually know they are doing it..... kids are pretty good at hiding stuff like this. Still doesn't make it ok, but you would be surprised how many parents would be shocked to find out their child was responsible

I totally agree!!!

It is easy to look straight at the parents with this type of stuff, but the fact is children can hide anything from their parents if they try hard enough!

My son has been getting a hard time at school for a few months now and when I approached the kids' parents, they were in complete denial and shock, they almost didn't beleive me. It was only by sheer chance that they found out their son was in fact bullying my son and they were so apologetic to me, they truely had no idea what he was up to.

[Elfin]

I am so sorry your daughter is going through this, if nothing is being done by the school or the building up of a support network for your doesn't work, is there any chance you could change schools? I know this can make a huge difference for some kids. Bullying is so horrible and destructive and life is too short to endure such unhappiness.

Learning a martial art (i like tae kwon do) is a great way for kids to build up self confidence maybe your daughter could try that. At least she could defend herself if she needs to.

I hope things work out well for your daughter:hugs:

[Angelmist♥]

You know what? I don't think many of the parents of bullies actually know they are doing it..... kids are pretty good at hiding stuff like this. Still doesn't make it ok, but you would be surprised how many parents would be shocked to find out their child was responsible

Oh absolutely!I would be devastated if someone told me that my children were behaving like that.I really doubt they would because of the way we've taught them, but you can't control their friends and peer pressure is a big issue.

My son's school is excellent when it comes to bullying.They have very strict procedures in place, where not only the child but anyone who witnesses the bullying is required to tell the nearest teacher.

I'm so sorry your daughter is going through this:gloomy: I hope that she does find some good friends to help her through this.

[Hokey Pokey]

Oh that is awful, so sorry :hugs:
My daughter was recently bullied on the school bus, I called the principle first and also the bus driver. Have you spoken to her teacher and the head master?

[kateka]

Oh that is awful, so sorry :hugs:
My daughter was recently bullied on the school bus, I called the principle first and also the bus driver. Have you spoken to her teacher and the head master?

Hi olivia&bellasmummy,
Today i finally spoke to her teacher because yesterday she came home with sore legs when i sat her down to have a look assuming they were just tired ,i noticed bruises and deep marks coming up all over them!:eek: i asked her what happened and she told me this girl has been kicking her today because she accidently bumped her in assembly.
I tried to ring the principal straight away but no answer as the school was closed ,so this morning when we went i spoke to her teacher and clearly stated that if my daughter comes home with even a small mark i will be contacting the department of education and demanding action against the school!
She told me that this paticular child has been a known problem scince kindergarten and moves from one child to the next :eek:
In the meantime before this incident i have been doing alot of research on bulling and come up with alot of stategies for my daughter to try, We have also started swimming outside of school hours and are planning to join up in dancing for the next term.
But still hoping things settle down.:fingerscrossed:

[TanyasGot3Boys]

Hi Kate,

Im proud to say that there is a minimum of bullying happening at my sons school. We think that alot of this has to do with a program that one of the teachers brought across a number of years ago. It's called the You Can Do It program http://www.youcandoit.com.au/ I dont know alot about bullies, but what Ive been told is that the bully often has alot of issues. This program is designed to create confident & resiliant kids. So in the younger years it helps them to be understanding, confident, accepting etc. It's been shown in a some Victorian schools that kids that have done this in Primary School have coped better with the stresses in Secondary School.

So the thing that I like is that kids that are bullied (coz lets face it there will always be a bully at school) know how to react to benefit themselves.

I highly recommend it. Actually our local preschool was going to see how they could adapt it to younger kids too :o)

Good Luck,
Tanya