Boys wearing "girls" costumes.

[nothanksbye]

What do you think?
would you mind if your son wanted to dress as a girl?
do you think it means your son is gay?

would you say something to a parent who "let" their boy dress as a girl?
this story will make you think.

http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/


My son is gay,

Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am his mother. And if you have a problem with anything mentioned above, I don’t want to know you.

I have gone back and forth on whether I wanted to post something more in-depth about my sweet boy and his choice of Halloween costume. Or more specifically, the reactions to it. I figure if I’m still irked by it a few days later, I may as well go ahead and post my thoughts.

Here are the facts that lead up to my rant:

My son is 5 and goes to a church preschool.
He has loved Scooby Doo since developing the ability and attention span to sit still long enough to watch it.
Halloween is a holiday and its main focus is wearing a costume.
My son’s school had the kids dress up, do a little parade, and then change out of costumes for the rest of the party.
Boo’s best friend is a little girl
Boo has an older sister
Boo spends most of his time with me.
I am a woman.
I am Boo’s mother, not you.
So a few weeks before Halloween, Boo decides he wants to be Daphne from Scooby Doo, along with his best friend E. He had dressed as Scooby a couple of years ago. I was hesitant to make the purchase, not because it was a cross gendered situation, but because 5 year olds have a tendency to change their minds. After requesting a couple of more times, I said sure and placed the order. He flipped out when it arrived. It was perfect.

Then as we got closer to the actual day, he stared to hem and haw about it. After some discussion it comes out that he is afraid people will laugh at him. I pointed out that some people will because it is a cute and clever costume. He insists their laughter would be of the ‘making fun’ kind. I blow it off. Seriously, who would make fun of a child in costume?

And then the big day arrives. We get dressed up. We drop Squirt at his preschool and head over to his. Boo doesn’t want to get out of the car. He’s afraid of what people will say and do to him. I convince him to go inside. He halts at the door. He’s visibly nervous. I chalk it up to him being a bit of a worrier in general. Seriously, WHO WOULD MAKE FUN OF A CHILD IN A COSTUME ON HALLOWEEN? So he walks in. And there were several friends of mine that knew what he was wearing that smiled and waved and gave him high-fives. We walk down the hall to where his classroom is.

And that’s where things went wrong. Two mothers went wide-eyed and made faces as if they smelled decomp. And I realize that my son is seeing the same thing I am. So I say, “Doesn’t he look great?” And Mom A says in disgust, “Did he ask to be that?!” I say that he sure did as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn’t I try to talk him out of it. Mom B mostly just stood there in shock and dismay.

And then Mom C approaches. She had been in the main room, saw us walk in, and followed us down the hall to let me know her thoughts. And they were that I should never have ‘allowed’ this and thank God it wasn’t next year when he was in Kindergarten since I would have had to put my foot down and ‘forbidden’ it. To which I calmly replied that I would do no such thing and couldn’t imagine what she was talking about. She continued on and on about how mean children could be and how he would be ridiculed.

My response to that: The only people that seem to have a problem with it is their mothers.

Another mom pointed out that high schools often have Spirit Days where girls dress like boys and vice versa. I mentioned Powderpuff Games where football players dress like cheerleaders and vice versa. Or every frat boy ever in college (Mom A said that her husband was a frat boy and NEVER dressed like a woman.)

But here’s the point, it is none of your damn business.

If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.

If my daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it. No one.

But it also was heartbreaking to me that my sweet, kind-hearted five year old was right to be worried. He knew that there were people like A, B, and C. And he, at 5, was concerned about how they would perceive him and what would happen to him.

Just as it was heartbreaking to those parents that have lost their children recently due to bullying. IT IS NOT OK TO BULLY. Even if you wrap it up in a bow and call it ‘concern.’ Those women were trying to bully me. And my son. MY son.

It is obvious that I neither abuse nor neglect my children. They are not perfect, but they are learning how to navigate this big, and sometimes cruel, world. I hate that my son had to learn this lesson while standing in front of allegedly Christian women. I hate that those women thought those thoughts, and worse felt comfortable saying them out loud. I hate that ‘pink’ is still called a girl color and that my baby has to be so brave if he wants to be Daphne for Halloween.

And all I hope for my kids, and yours, and those of Moms ABC, are that they are happy. If a set of purple sparkly tights and a velvety dress is what makes my baby happy one night, then so be it. If he wants to carry a purse, or marry a man, or paint fingernails with his best girlfriend, then ok. My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but to help him become a good person.

I hope I am doing that.

And my little man worked that costume like no other. He rocked that wig, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

[Pregnor]

What a horrible story... I hope i am as brave as that woman in encouraging my son to be who he is, but to be honest i probably would have tried to convince him to go as shaggy or something. But if he really pushed for it, then yeah, i'd be right there behind him

[Pregnor]

Oh and i wouldn't think it meant they were gay, and i wouldn't care if it did

[MsMummy]

Well, of course I wouldn't let my son do halloween, so not applicable.:p:laughing:

I actually don't understand people's obsession with boys dressing as girls and their sexual preference. If there even is a correlation, then so be it - if your kid's gay, they're gay. Why screw them up telling them what they can and can't wear?

Yes, people may laugh at them, but that's for them to navigate - not for parents to stifle them.

[SpecialPatrolGroup]

:highfive: to Boo's mum! Some people have this absurd notion of sexuality being this fragile thing, and that you will ruin the child and make them gay if you laugh at your son for trying on mums shoes or dress as a character. IMO it in no way speaks to the childs sexuality, just highlights the people and things that they are surrounded by. I agree with Boo's mum that it is so sad that he already felt aware that he would be laughed at or ridiculed.

If Boo gets to 16 and still wants to wear the Daphne costume, we can review our position on whether or not this is indicative of sexuality, but even then, it's all good.

[MummaBear03]

I don't think it would make any difference. I'm glad I have a girl. She has had in her collection brides dresses, Thomas the Tank engine outfits, a Scooby Doo costume, princesses costumes, a train driver outfit, a chefs outfit, a police costume, all sorts of things and it's ok for her, as a little girl, to dress up as Thomas the Tank Engine, but it's not ok for a little boy to dress up in a "girlie" costume? I think that's so wrong.

[Gandalf]

how cute did he look? someone posted this on facebook a few days and just went *squeee* - i wanted to reach through the screen and pinch his cheeks.

i want a son like him :yes: i just felt so bad for him that the parents were such stupid bigots. :thumbsdown:
but good on his mum. she did the right thing imo. i just hope that it doesn't have long-term repercussions for the poor tyke :(

[Mummasaurus Rex]

My little brother often dressed up in my clothes from about the age of 4 until 8. He loved it. He used to go and visit the neighbours in his costumes sometimes and call himself Claudia. Our mum never tried to stop him and the worst thing the neighbours called him was a dag and even that was in an affectionate way.
I honestly thought it was perfectly normal for little boys to dress up as girls and vice-versa.
My brother is now a happy, healthy and motivated uni student so prancing around the neighbourhood in my pretty dresses can't have affected him too much.

[the girls mum]

I think its sad....that story made me cry - :highfive: too boo and his wonderful mother!

It is NO different to Miss Munch dressing up in 'boys' clothes - her thomas tops, dino tops, truck tops - and yes I KNOW they arent 'boys' clothes but they ARE LITERALLY BOYS clothes as I CAN NOT find any of them in the girls section AT ALL!! Which I think is ridiculous!

She also has Thomas big girl pants which fyi are Jocks as once again NO option in the girl section.

I think it sucks that girls have to be a certain thing as boys have to be a certain thing - I love it when munch dresses in pink frilly skirt and thomas tops xx

[Benji]

Why is it with role play, kids can be monsters, ghosts, and other morbid characters (which I don't have a problem with monsters etc) but if they are dressed as a :eek: girl :eek: it's some kind of huge deal. That's what ROLE PLAY is - playing the role of somebody you are not.

People need to get with the times. You can't "make" someone gay. You're either gay or not. Does that mean bigots like the mothers in the article were forced to be heterosexual?

[Lemonhead]

Hmm I think DP would die a little inside if his son wanted to dress as a girl...though he wouldn't discourage it, or say anything negative about it. When I was pregnant I asked him how he would feel if his son was gay. His response was that he doesn't know if he would want to know him anymore. Once that little boy was born his whole stance changed. Friends have asked how he would feel if Lucas was gay and he just shrugs and says he doesn't care. Its funny how becoming a dad has changed how he views so many things.

[~ElectricPink~]

How ridiculous!! I really hate gender stereotyping stuff, and the expectations that society seems to have based on whether you are male or female. Who cares if a boy wants to dress as a girl, or vice versa. He's just a kid, just a 5 year old!!

My 3 year old son occasionally walks around the house in my high heels, he likes to wear fairy wings, and I've caught him trying on my skirt and bra before. He owns 2 barbies. I don't believe he's any less of a boy because of those things. He also likes all of the stereotypical "boy" things. I don't believe him occasionally doing "girl" activities makes him gay, just like a girl playing with "boys" toys doesnt make her lesbian. And even if my son DID end up being gay, so what??? I would still love him and support him just the same. I think the only thing that i would be disappointed about is that it may mean that i wont have the chance to have grandchildren. Society still has a long way to go it seems...

[MummaBear03]

I've heard it's quite a common thing for dads to be asked how they'd be if their son turned out gay. I don't get it? Why would that even be brought up?

[~ElectricPink~]

I've heard it's quite a common thing for dads to be asked how they'd be if their son turned out gay. I don't get it? Why would that even be brought up?
I don't understand it either. Society seems to have a huge problem with gay men, yet lesbians? That's socially acceptable so therefore not an issue *rolls eyes*

[lizzyplus4]

my 13 yr old son went trick or treating as a big pink fairy... no indications he gay(wouldn't care if he was!) but i think he just likes the controversy- in grade 2 he did ballet/tap/jazz in all girls class even tho boy's class was available until people stopped being shocked when he told them... he also went through most of kinder in a pink power rangers top- it was the only one at the op shop- and when people said he pink was a girl's colour he told them 'there's no such thing, colour's are just colours!' in that tone of voice that you use with someone who is a bit slow....
now i think he does it almost exclusively to annoy his step-dad who was brought up in the 'poofs wear pink' era....:D

[ComeBackKid]

Thank you for posting this. I think I might link it on my FB page. I feel really strongly about this - especially since XDP made comments about DS wearing a fairy skirt!!

[MagicalLeopluradon]

I think Paull would feel the same! I however, it wouldnt bother me, if it made my boys happy then im all for it.

Hmm I think DP would die a little inside if his son wanted to dress as a girl...though he wouldn't discourage it, or say anything negative about it.

[shadowangel0205]

OMG thats just horrible!!! Parents ABC need to open their eyes. Children dont make distinctions between "girls" and "boys things/items/clothes/colours unless they are coached to do so.

Did anyone ever think that maybe he sees her as a role model?? I.e. Likes how controlled she is? Maybe he finds her more entertaining?? OR :o OMG!!! He actually "LIKES her" (for all the people that say OMG he has to be gay....MAYBE hes not and doesnt know how to express it other than to be her)... Who cares.

Point remains, this boy is 5. YES 5. He is NOT going to turn gay because he chose to be daphne one halloween. His choice may have nothing to do with sexuality (and probably doesnt as children this age have no concept of it) its probably more just that he sees HER in a more positive light than others. Who knows, in most of the eppisodes he seen - was she the one who "solved" the cases? or found the most clues? And if he did turn out gay - whos business is it but his anyway??

Im a childcare worker, and part of my job is to break down these stereotypes. One classic example, one night we had dress ups out. And we had new "veils" and skirts, plus some circus type costumes. We also had a mermaid outfit donated. A very intelligent 3yo boy asked me to help him with the mermaid outfit, which i encouraged. His father arrived to pick him up and looked mortified - His son was wearing a GIRLS dressup!!! OMG!! And i then recieved the 3rd degree about how DARE i let his son wear a mermaid outfit - which was also pink and purple!!

To this i just replied that the dressups are new and novel. And that id been watching his son, who was actually more interested in the fact that it had a tail...as he would constantly run and giggle because it followed him. (And yes it was the only dressup with a tail) Not because it was a mermaid or girls outfit.

This little boy actually took a liking to this mermaid outfit, and after a while, his father would grin when he seen him in it. The boy called it his "fishy tail dressup" (or something similar) and the father was happy with this and didnt mind joining in on occasion.

To be honest, i was always considered a tom boy. The only girl with 4 brothers, and my parents owned their own trucks. I used to spend more time in the truck with my dad than at home cooking/cleaning with my mum, but it hasnt turned me into a lesbian...the theory that young children playing with whats supposidly the opposite genders toys etc is invalid. Children change their likes so often! Hourly even. Just because they like something cross-gender when they're 5....it doesnt mean they're going to devuldge in more cross-gender activities when older.

[Lemonhead]

I don't understand it either. Society seems to have a huge problem with gay men, yet lesbians? That's socially acceptable so therefore not an issue *rolls eyes*

I have found that MEN have problems with gay men, whereas they are quite comfortable with lesbians. WOMEN seem more unco around lesbians but fine around gay men...weird.

I would actually be stoked as if DS was gay :laughing:.

[bronny-jane]

Damon has 3 older sisters, he loves wearing bracelets, lip gloss etc
He also carries a gun in one hand, or anything he can pretend is a gun or tools :)
He's almost 3, I don't see it as a sign he'll be a homosexual murderer lol
Just having fun. I know lots of boys who like wearing girls things :)

[Mischief]

It's taken months for people to stop rolling their eyes when Oliver proclaims PINK is his favorite colour.

Well done to Boos mum!!!

[ComeBackKid]

I don't see it as a sign he'll be a homosexual murderer lol
:)


:laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing:

[Hootenanny]

Hmmmm you know what I see, I see one mum who is raising her child to be comfortable with who he is and to have confidence in his own choices, who will grow up to be a self assured man who makes the best choices for himself. Then I see a couple of other mothers who question their childrens choices and teach them that you shouldn't be comfortable with who you are, that individuality and god forbid homosexuality is something to hide, who may well grow up to be gay but will be so ashamed of what he is that he hides it from others and marries and has children to 'live the dream' but still has those desires but has to fulfill them in less than ideal ways and grows up full of self doubt and miserable. I know what I'd rather.

I know that is a very simplistic view and thankfully not all children are so negatively impacted upon by their parents prejudices but it is so important to respect and accept and celebrate your children for who they are.

[sweetseven]

Sometimes it goes the other way.

My Miss16 dressed at Dr Who (Tom Baker) for book week in Year 2 at school. Her best friend was horrified that she had dressed as a boy, and wouldn't talk to her for over a year. In year 4, they started talking again, but the friendship was never the same.

Before this incident, they had frequently been visiting eachother houses, and would walk to school together once a week. (We lived a little too far to walk, so I had to drop my daughter off to be able to walk with her friend.)

[Gandalf]

I don't understand it either. Society seems to have a huge problem with gay men, yet lesbians? That's socially acceptable so therefore not an issue *rolls eyes*
i think its more that lesbians are titilating for men - whereas, to find gay men titilating would be tantamount to being gay themselves :rolleyes:

[SassyMummy]

DD put on a plastic hardhat, grabbed a bunch of real screwdrivers and a hammer and used her duplo to be a "builder" the other day.

She's 5-year-old girl - same age as this little boy - and I bet NOBODY would have even thought, "Hmmmm, that's a bit strange," if they had seen DD (except maybe for the fact that she talks to herself when she plays).

I'm also trying to teach DD that there are no such thing as "boy colours" and "girl colours," though try as I might, she doesn't believe me. Perhaps because every other adult seems to have no issues telling her that blue is for boys and pink is for girls. :rolleyes:

Another thing I often mention is that boys can love boys and girls can love girls... not just in the way I love her, but also in the way that I love DP. We lived with a homosexual male couple for a while, and DD understood that they were boyfriends. I'm hoping that making it a part of normal life from a young age means she'll never think of it as abnormal, because she's known about homosexuality for as long as she can remember. (I do the same thing with most things though).

I know that DP would have issues if he had a son who did "girly" things though. DP was teased as a child, and I think he really fears the same happening to his own kids. It also doesn't help that his father has taught him that *this* (whatever "this" happens to be at the time) is not what males do... it's what girls do. :rolleyes:

My son will not be raised that way.

As for men accepting lesbians but not gay men, I do think that's KINDA true. KINDA because I think men like "faux-lesbians." You know, lesbian for attention lesbians. Lesbians for money (as in porn) lesbians. Not the kind of lesbians you'd meet if you went to a gay club. They're after straight girls acting as if they're gay...

[sandy_1902]

If my daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it. No one.

i love this part

Boo reminds me of my son. he has been raised around ALL girls. he has 4 cousins who are girls. a younger sister there are only 3 men in his immedient family. his dad and 2 uncles..


if he wanted to dress like a girl i wouldnt care. same as if my DD wanted to dress in ben 10 or wiggles or whatever.. they are just outfits.. i really dont think that makes a child gay.

good on boos mother for letting and encouging him to do what he wanted and putting those mean mums in place!! it was a comtume for crying out loud!!

\Mischeif.. My Ds says pink is his fave colour to i get the eye rolls and its just like OMFG its a colour!!

[BigRedV]

I've heard it's quite a common thing for dads to be asked how they'd be if their son turned out gay. I don't get it? Why would that even be brought up?

My BIL was asked this question so many times because was a homophobic pig :rolleyes:

"No son of mine will be a f@cking f@ggot!!!!" he claimed...

Guess what, his son (my nephew) IS gay...best thing that ever happened IMO, as it blew away all sterotypes of what being a gay man to him was :yelclap:

[Sheer Bliss]

I LOVE that my little boy loves to use his imagination and dress as whatever he wants to!!! I HAVE told him before how wonderful he looks when another mum tried to tell him the nailpolish he was wearing was just for girls - I agree that other mums often try and bully boys into not wearing 'girly' things - it drives me crazy!!

HERE (http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150106294264175&set=a.10150106294239175.311318.719479174) is him (and sis) wearing her end of year dance costumes - he wears it often, and loves it, and he can wear it out if he wanted to!

[Gandalf]

him (and sis) wearing her end of year dance costumes - he wears it often, and loves it, and he can wear it out if he wanted to!:eek:

beyond cute :bee::bee::bee:

[Chubear]

I fully endorse any child of mine dressing as anything they want to.
If my son wants to wear a fairy dress, im cool. if my daughter wanted to be a ninja/army dude/other male dominated costume, i have no issues what so ever. My mum is different, she doesnt even agree with girls wearing black - we will be having words i am sure.:)
It is sad that a little boy can be made aware of such an attitude at such a age.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

I am constantly getting comments about my son. So I relate really well to this.

My son allways wants to have long or longish hair and has been teased by adults about it, so he told me he needs to become a girl soon, so he can have long hair too.

He loves pink and allways picks pink brithday cakes (a fairy toadstool this year).

he picked a pink shirt and purple hat for preschool.

He just picked a fairy christmas costume, and clapped his hands with delight when I bought it for him.


I don't want my son to change who he is nor be influenced by me or anyone else to be anything other then the wonderful boy he is.

[*Chels*]

I dont care what my kids do.
My youngest wears my high heels around the house,and tries to put on "pretties" (my makeup)
DH and I just comment on how lovely he looks:highfive:
My eldest wouldnt be caught dead in anything girly,and insists pink is for girls,blue is for boys:rolleyes: (which I discourage,I tell him there is no such thing as gender colours!)
Kids are kids,let them be,let them wear what they want when they want.:goodvibes:

[MagicalLeopluradon]

That's gorgeous!

I LOVE that my little boy loves to use his imagination and dress as whatever he wants to!!! I HAVE told him before how wonderful he looks when another mum tried to tell him the nailpolish he was wearing was just for girls - I agree that other mums often try and bully boys into not wearing 'girly' things - it drives me crazy!!

HERE (http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150106294264175&set=a.10150106294239175.311318.719479174) is him (and sis) wearing her end of year dance costumes - he wears it often, and loves it, and he can wear it out if he wanted to!

[nothanksbye]

sheer bliss, that pic is gorgeous.


I am so happy that so many would support their sons to wear what they want.
It makes me happy that my kids are growing up around other kids, who are free to be who they are.

Gives me hope that my kids will live in a better world.


DS went to swimming at school today. I could not find his black goggles so he said I'll just borrow amy's, he went ant them and put them in his bag.

I just got a phone call from the school telling me i had accidentally packed the wrong goggle and did i want to drop up the right ones. I said no, its fine.

She said....But they are pink...:rolleyes:

I said they are fine but thanks.