stay at home do nothing mum

[onkybear]

Is what my sh just called me. He's annoyed at me at the moment so he definitely wasn't being funny. He seems to think I sit around.d all day and do nothing. No sweetheart, you have a 2 & 4 year old that eat and play so yes there are dishes at the end of the day and toys on the floor. And then when he has the kids for 2 hours and does only the dishes apparently he can do it all so I should be able to. Grrr so frustrated with him.

Anyone else get the same comments?

[Thermolicious]

Don't do anything for a few days ;)

[melandstan]

I have a supportive dp, but in that - sometimes over the times there have been minor suggestions (might even be in my head) that i sit around and do nothing all day.
I think most working partners (that have never stayed at home for extended periods of time, whilst the other work) don't fully understand whats involved.
The problem is, it is hurtful - and often as a SAHM, i felt/feel like i am justifying my own existence and what do.
I don't have an answer - sorry, but wanted u to know that many are going through a similar thing.

[Boobycino]

Oh occasionally. Not in those words but occasionally has moments where he thinks he's so hard done by.

Like when he's working from 9-5 and we live 10 minute walk from his work he gets up at 8am, gets ready and as he's leaving drops a 'are you going to do anything today?'

I feel like whacking him over the head cos before he got up I rolled out of bed at 5 am, made breakfast for bubba, cleaned up after, did some dishes, put on a load of washing and drank 2 coffees. While he slept.

I was sooo tempted to go on total strike recently when dp was feel SOOOO unappreciated and taken for granted he stopped taking out the garbage to demonstrate how much he does around here.

Cos carrying a shopping bag sized rubbish bag down every morning is a friggin huge amount of house work!!!

And he occasionally vaccums and wants me to high five him and tell him he's the greatest.

I thank him :yes: but no you cannot then bring it up 2 weeks later as evidence you do do housework cos I've vaccumed literally 5-7 times since!!!!

[waterlily]

God no!! DH is great! He knows I do heaps!! Sometimes he gets home and nothings done, he doesn't assume it's because I've been on my a*se watching cartoons all day.

I'd not clean or do a thing for a few days then seen how much you "don't do".

[MothersMilk]

Well if DH said that to me i would take a full day off and leave him in charge - from the time the kids wake until they are asleep. See how he handles that :D
I think sometimes they have no idea how difficult it really is and all the stuff we actually do until they try it themselves.

[Boobycino]

Yeah I think so. If they don't do it they don't get it.

Worst thing is, like when I leave dp home with Jasper he will clean and get things done and so then it's like cos he could I should.

But errm. Yeah, 4 hours compared to 2 unrelenting years of being nearly constantly 'on duty' - then tell me if you have the same energy and sparkle to get things done!!!

Things that by the time I've finished I'll need to do again.

[MamaBleech]

My DP fully understands how challenging my days can be. We pretty much AP and he knows that there is not a whole lot of time or energy left over for housework.

I expect myself to get a decent meal (because I'm the better cook and fussier eater) on the table every night, anything beyond that is a bonus.

If I was to spend all day sitting on the floor playing shapes with DD, he would consider that 'doing something'.

[Boobycino]

:yes:

I do something every day. Be it take Jasper to the play ground, play group, play centre play dates (hehe lots of playing :p )

Though at play group I have to remind Jasper we aren't there for him, I want to socialize so can he please play with my friends daughter so we can chat :laughing: ;)

I also breast feed like a bazilion times. sitting here right now my body is producing milk. - yeah you try that mr! :p

[delirium]

When he's angry he says that sometimes. I then tell him don't expect the dinner I cook you, there will be no clean clothes and no cleaning will happen. I'm on strike. But ya know since I don't do anything you won't notice a difference right :devil6::devil:

[Leisa21]

DH is home during the day a lot as he's a shift worker so he's well aware of how much needs to be done.

If he was being an @rse I'd stop doing anything. DS is non stop all day, he doesn't watch TV or chill and he barely sleeps so the whole day is go go go.

[The Girls Only Club]

DH use to.Then I went on strike.DH came home from work and house was destroyed.We had a 3yr and 22 month old.
No washing done,no food cooked,no housework at all.It only took 2 days before he was apologizing and asking me to fix the house.(I think it was because he had to get his own stuff ready for work where I usually had it on the lounge ready)He no longer says I do nothing.

[waterlily]

DH use to.Then I went on strike.DH came home from work and house was destroyed.We had a 3yr and 22 month old.
No washing done,no food cooked,no housework at all.It only took 2 days before he was apologizing and asking me to fix the house.(I think it was because he had to get his own stuff ready for work where I usually had it on the lounge ready)He no longer says I do nothing.

Love it!!

[WorkingClassMum]

A man came home from work one day and noticed the bins were still out on the kerb

As he walked up the path he noticed the mail hadn't been collected and the paper was still sitting on the lawn - which needed mowing again.

The fullblown roses were overdue for a prune, and the finished bulbs needed tidying up - he'd never really noticed it before

The cat was howling at the front door and bolted out as he opened it

The lounge was littlered with toys, the blinds weren't drawn and broken biscuits scattered all over the carpet

The phone had a red light blinking from numerous unanswered messages.

His morning coffee cup, the breakfast dishes, lunch dishes and the pots and pans from last nights dinner were still on the bench, sink and table. The unpaid bills he'd left on the table were still sitting there

Dinner hadn't been started

The fridge was open and milk and possibly OJ spilt on the floor

The empty state of the fridge indicated there obviously been no shopping done today either

As he raced up the hallway he saw that there were towel on the bathroom floor, the kids bedrooms were silent and toys everywhere - the beds were unmade and the curtains still closed - wow the kids had't gone to school or kinder.

The kids were in the playroom, still in their pj's, food smeared on their faces, the room looked like after a teenage party almost and the blinds were also still closed

In a panic he ran past the laundry, the washing wasn't sorted, washed, hung out, dry or folded up, the dog was crying to go. His drycleaning was still hanging on the door.


Finally he made it to the master bedroom and was relieved his wife was laying in bed reading a book - he had feared the worse

OMG he cried, what happened here today

She calmly said, "You always wonder what I do during the day - well today I didn't do it..."

[Just*Ace]

When my DD spent half the night crying constantly my DH said he was going to sleep downstairs coz 'he needs sleep since he actually works' and this morning when I woke him to take DD so I could shower he said 'you said I could sleep in I only got 8 hours sleep' WTF?!

[waterlily]

When my DD spent half the night crying constantly my DH said he was going to sleep downstairs coz 'he needs sleep since he actually works' and this morning when I woke him to take DD so I could shower he said 'you said I could sleep in I only got 8 hours sleep' WTF?!

Omg!!! I would have slapped him!!

[TinkerBlueBelle]

Maybe suggest since you don't "do anything" you get some hired help in to do the things you don't do.

You'll need to factor in:
Full time Nanny $30,000 per year
Full time cleaner $20,000 per year
Cook $30,000 per year
Shopping Assistant $10,000 per year

So far it's going to cost him about $90,000 per year to get professionals do do the things you "don't" do.... how that sit with him???? Keep in mind those professionals get holiday and sick pay too!

Men!

[trishalishous]

When he's angry he says that sometimes. I then tell him don't expect the dinner I cook you, there will be no clean clothes and no cleaning will happen. I'm on strike. But ya know since I don't do anything you won't notice a difference right :devil6::devil:

I would totally do this! DH has been home with us for 8months now, and he thanks me for everything I do. the days when I literally lay in bed all day he understands. (i was on bedrest for 6 weeks before DD and 8weeks after, and still have health issues, so he has done EVERYTHING before-minus feeding, and even then I expressed the other side after each feed and he gave 2 bottles a day)

[amiee]

i get annoyed when dp says i dont work. when the boys have their day sleep i log on remotely and i do one to two hours a day depending how long they sleep, but because i sit on a computer inside the aircon he says its not classed as work? um hello its making us money and i am missing out on my nanna nap to do it

[SuperGranny]

hi, my hubby once compared my house cleaning standards to his sisters. big mistake. His sister at the time did nothing but yell at her kids and her husband to do the housework, and she really got annoyed when anything was left out of place. He was never brave enough to comment again. I have learnt each person has different levels of acceptance when it comes to housework, my acceptance is pretty high, I can live with mess, clutter, I cant live with dirt, some people cant live with one thing out of place. Clean enough to be healthy, messy enough to be happy. Marie.

[veve]

I've been on strike .. and I've travelled interstate for four days .. :laughing: he now knows that I do something each day ... while I was away for four days he had his parents here to help him .. cause it was too hard to cope alone :p

DH used to whinge about how I didn't have to get up and go to work (despite the fact that I currently have TWO part time jobs)... but now I snap back ...

DH is not allowed to just get up ... get himself dressed and go to work .. he either dresses the boys OR makes them breakfast ... its not FAIR otherwise (imo) ... he gets to drive to work .. alone in a quiet car .. and he gets a rostered lunch break ALONE .. I dont get them during the day - I would KILL for a rostered lunch break to myself :laughing: sometimes I even ring him and mention that HE is cooking dinner because its been a crap day ... and the idea of cooking a full meal just depresses me ...

Working a full time job IS hard .. but so is staying home with a four and two year old.

xx
Jen

[One of THOSE mums!]

Lol this thread is hilarious!!! They are always soooooooo hard done by. Working 9 to 5 with lunch and tea breaks. Maybe a smoko or two.
Not only should we go on strike for day but that night we should make HIM get up up the night to all the whinging. Let the baby/toddler take up HIS space in the bed, and then make HIM look after the kids till they go to bed. Then just for ****s and giggles when HE is exhausted and falling asleep on the couch u say to him "hunny when uv done the dishes put on something sexy and meet me in the bedroom!"

[Boobycino]

Lol at requesting dtd afterwards ;)

I was really sick Sunday night and Monday and dp couldn't handle JUST WATCHING Jasper!!! He needed me on the couch so Jasper could jump all over me cos it was too hard. I'd been vomitting all night. If I went to bed Jasper would follow me and dp wouldn't stop him.

I did think it was a bit :rolleyes: dp took Jasper to the shops for a few hours. Not to do grocery shopping but like took Jasper to a play centre and browsed around, had maccas etc, got home and needed a nap.

I don't get to have a nap when I get home from grocery shopping!!

I reckon dp would have a heart attack if he actually had Jasper alone for ONE DAY!!!

[3blondies]

When my son was 11 months old he had the worst gastro. I was up all night cleaning vomit and poo off my poor little boy. He was still very clingy the next day, wouldnt let me put him down and to top it off i was 8 weeks pregnant with DD1 with horrible morning sickness.

DH left for work at 8.45 after a full nights sleep and returned home for lunch at 1pm. He instantly started unpacking the dishwasher, making the beds, vacuming etc. The whole time in a horrible mood. Before he left for work he said "What a waste of my lunch break. What have you done? Sat around and watched Oprah all day?"

I was livid! I was so angry i couldnt speak, angry tears streamed down my face and i just shook my head at him and walked away.

By 3pm there was a lady knocking my door with flowers and a card saying how much he loved and appreciated me :) He felt so bad for what he had said and knew how hurt and angry i was because i didnt go crazy at him like he knew he deserved.

There has never been another comment like that (4 years later) and he totally gets it now. House work is probably 70% me and 30% him, but hey im happy with that!:yes:

I definately think you should go on strike!!!

[Fiz]

A man came home from work one day and noticed the bins were still out on the kerb

As he walked up the path he noticed the mail hadn't been collected and the paper was still sitting on the lawn - which needed mowing again.

The fullblown roses were overdue for a prune, and the finished bulbs needed tidying up - he'd never really noticed it before

The cat was howling at the front door and bolted out as he opened it

The lounge was littlered with toys, the blinds weren't drawn and broken biscuits scattered all over the carpet

The phone had a red light blinking from numerous unanswered messages.

His morning coffee cup, the breakfast dishes, lunch dishes and the pots and pans from last nights dinner were still on the bench, sink and table. The unpaid bills he'd left on the table were still sitting there

Dinner hadn't been started

The fridge was open and milk and possibly OJ spilt on the floor

The empty state of the fridge indicated there obviously been no shopping done today either

As he raced up the hallway he saw that there were towel on the bathroom floor, the kids bedrooms were silent and toys everywhere - the beds were unmade and the curtains still closed - wow the kids had't gone to school or kinder.

The kids were in the playroom, still in their pj's, food smeared on their faces, the room looked like after a teenage party almost and the blinds were also still closed

In a panic he ran past the laundry, the washing wasn't sorted, washed, hung out, dry or folded up, the dog was crying to go. His drycleaning was still hanging on the door.


Finally he made it to the master bedroom and was relieved his wife was laying in bed reading a book - he had feared the worse

OMG he cried, what happened here today

She calmly said, "You always wonder what I do during the day - well today I didn't do it..."


:yelclap::laughing::laughing:

[BabelFish]

Never. My DP has never even hinted that I don't do anything. He has been a SAHD pretty much since our kids came along as he's usually worked nights or been a student. He knows exactly how hard it is and works his butt off at home! We're very lucky to have such a beautiful and lovely man.

[Bellini]

My DH has never commented like that before. Ever. He was a temporary SAHD when I had bad morning sickness, so he knows exactly how tough it can be. He's commented about how hard I have it several times before - he understands completely. Thank goodness, I can't believe some of the stories I hear on this topic :(

[mum2bubba]

Just don't do anything for a week or so and then see what he says.

[EmyB]

Like when he's working from 9-5 and we live 10 minute walk from his work he gets up at 8am, gets ready and as he's leaving drops a 'are you going to do anything today?'


ARRRGH I hate that question too! :hair:

My DH is supportive and I might be quite sensitive but it drives me batty. So recently when he's asked that I've gone:

Hmmmm, change DS, feed him brekky, feed me brekky, clean up brekky, dry DS's tears, crayons with DS, put DS down for first nap, do laundry when asleep and shopping list, when DS wakes morning tea, then clean morning tea, then clean DS, then change DS, then leave for shops (after packing nappy bag etc), then grocery shop, then home, then unpack groceries, then dry DS's tears, then prepare lunch, feed lunch, clean up lunch stuff (often without myself eating!), change DS, put DS down for second nap, while he's at second nap prepare dinner as much as possible, do dishes for second time, bring in laundry, take rubbish out, when DS wakes play with him for a bit, feed afternoon tea, get mail, clean up afternoon tea, dry his tears again (lots of stacks at the moment!), outside play for a bit to stall dinner, change DS, then dinner, clean dinner, clean DS, bath DS, tidy bathroom, prepare adult dinner while DS plays, clean up dinner, then DH home!! Hooray!!

After a few times of rattling that off I think he's taken the hint. :D

[CazHazKidz]

I have 2 days at home a week, and I do very little house work on those days, I mostly just play with DS or go for long walks or catch up with freinds or whatever. I do do all the housework... I just do it in my own time. So I just chuck on the washing whenever i get a chance, and it all goes in the dryer coz I'm too lazy to hang it out, then the clean clothes get chucked on the spare bed and that's where they stay. I don't fold or put away. Dishes all go in the dishwasher when I can be bothered. Vaccumming and other surface cleaning gets done when I can't stand the site of it anymore.

DH has never had a go at me for the lack of housework I do. Sometimes i feel guilty myself, but he never makes me feel guilty.

But then again, I do everything for DS and all he has to do when he gets home from work is play with DS, watch tv, play on his computer, and then go to bed and get a full nights sleep - so despite my housework being less than impressive, he really deosn't have much to complain about!! :laughing:

[Roopee]

Mine said it to me once.
And I stopped doing anything for a few days, which killed me more than him because I am a little teeny bit anal, but it showed him that while he may not 'see' everything I do, with 4 kids I actually do A LOT.

He hasn't said it since, dont think he liked having no dinner, no clean clothes, filthy toilets and no clean dishes.

[ginzy89]

This happened to me this afternoon. DP cracked the ****s cause apparently I 'don't clean' and I use bub as a 'cop out'. He obviously had a bad day and decided to take it out on me. To top it off bub is being weird today, keeps crying when he takes her then she stops when I take her. I would love to just leave her with him for one whole day so he knows what it's like. Even breastfeeding is exhausting!

[aquaserene80]

hi,

my main issue with my DH is that he doesnt understand that i can be tired at any time of the day besides bedtime. If i go for a lie down he starts advicing me to sleep earlier and stuff. Whatever the reasons for feeling tired, cant he just leave me to it.its not like he is going to have to take care of the household/kids anyways... duh!!!! It ticks me off! i explain to him that he can understand my state if he stays home with 2 toddlers who are sooo naughty that u would be tired handling them .. working in an office IS tiring, but handling toddlers is not tiring, but DRAINING!! phew!

[decambla]

Ahh yes, the old "I go out and work" card. This card has been played many times in my house. The way my DH throws this around when hes feeling hard done by is my absolute pet peeve. SAHM do work, we just dont get paid! (no I dont want to be asked about FTB) I honestly think I do more now than I did when working full time. All the housework, child care, cooking, maitinance, finances, schedualing, gardening, washing is done by me. I ask hubby to do one thing - Clean up the dog poo once a week. I understand he is in a very mentally challenging and draining job but I dont appreciate being put down for being a SAHM. Other comments he likes to throw in are "Other mothers work and their kids are fine in childcare" and "Working mothers do more". It makes me furious. He also tells me I dont do enough but anyone who knows me knows I keep an immaculatly clean house (thank you OCD).

I dont understand the need to put down being a SAHM. I think its a perfectly vaild lifestyle choice.

[MamaC]

DH use to.Then I went on strike.DH came home from work and house was destroyed.We had a 3yr and 22 month old.
No washing done,no food cooked,no housework at all.It only took 2 days before he was apologizing and asking me to fix the house.(I think it was because he had to get his own stuff ready for work where I usually had it on the lounge ready)He no longer says I do nothing.

I have done this exact thing :D :laughing:

Worked a treat. Especially with the lounge COVERED in toys and stuff and the enormous amount of dishes that built up. I was so determined to prove my point that I made sure we had paper plates to use just in case he didn't get the point :eek: :laughing: