Threatening Kids.

[nothanksbye]

ok a facebook status has me wondering.

It basically says that she threatened her toddler that if he didnt stop whining she would cut up his fave blanket

All her friends said yay..

I think its vile.

Another friend has often laughed at how her husband threatens to run over the kids fave toys if they misbehave.

Why would grown adults feel the need to behave like this?

or do you do it and can explain to me why?

[Benji]

If my DS hits me or anyone else, disrespects us, or behaves generally horrible I take toys off him. Sometimes permanently. And he loses game privilidges.

So, yes, I do "threaten" that if he hits me again his Buzz Lightyear will be taken away.

Meh.

It's what works for us. I refuse to have a willful 4 year old rule the roost.

Have tried the methods in "Discipline without Shouting or Spanking" to no avail.

[nothanksbye]

If my DS hits me or anyone else, disrespects us, or behaves generally horrible I take toys off him. Sometimes permanently. And he loses game privilidges.

So, yes, I do "threaten" that if he hits me again his Buzz Lightyear will be taken away.

Meh.

It's what works for us. I refuse to have a willful 4 year old rule the roost.

Have tried the methods in "Discipline without Shouting or Spanking" to no avail.
I get that hun.

I think its way different.:hugs:

This is more about the violence aspect..i will basically kill your fave possesion if you dont do as told.

[Lemonhead]

If Lucas wont move his toys while I am vacuuming I threaten to suck them up...and I do :laughing: I have sucked up various small toys because he defies me and sits there with a smug little look like "pfft you wouldn't". So yeah, goodbye Mr Potato Head's eye!!! It only took a couple of times for him to learn I wasn't bluffing and now you should see the speed he picks these toys up at :laughing:.

[Cerberus]

ok a facebook status has me wondering.

It basically says that she threatened her toddler that if he didnt stop whining she would cut up his fave blanket

All her friends said yay..

I think its vile.

Another friend has often laughed at how her husband threatens to run over the kids fave toys if they misbehave.

Why would grown adults feel the need to behave like this?

or do you do it and can explain to me why?

You may not find it funny, but they are being humourous. Chillax :detective:



.i will basically kill your fave possesion

Don't worry hun toys can't die. They are inanimate objects. :doh:

[raisingthree]

If my DS hits me or anyone else, disrespects us, or behaves generally horrible I take toys off him. Sometimes permanently. And he loses game privilidges.

So, yes, I do "threaten" that if he hits me again his Buzz Lightyear will be taken away.

Meh.

It's what works for us. I refuse to have a willful 4 year old rule the roost.

Have tried the methods in "Discipline without Shouting or Spanking" to no avail.

I agree :yes:

[Hollywood]

If Lucas wont move his toys while I am vacuuming I threaten to suck them up...and I do :laughing: I have sucked up various small toys because he defies me and sits there with a smug little look like "pfft you wouldn't". So yeah, goodbye Mr Potato Head's eye!!! It only took a couple of times for him to learn I wasn't bluffing and now you should see the speed he picks these toys up at :laughing:.

:laughing: funny :D

DS isn't brave enough to wait to find out if I would, he scurries around picking up all his toys and panics big time if I look like I'm coming over with the vacuum cleaner. As a consequence I've never had to vacuum up any of his toys.

As for the OP's question, I only threaten with something if I'm fully prepared to follow through with it. I would never ever cut up a favourite blanky of DS', so I wouldn't even use it as a threat, that is a bit mean.

[nothanksbye]

You may not find it funny, but they are being humourous. Chillax :detective:

Thanks ..but no.

They are not they say it angry. its a real threat not a funny haha one.

The friend who laughs about her husband said he has taken the toy and thrown it on to the road before...so no not a joke.
I think she laughs to make it seem ok.

and if it is a joke. these kids must be super smart. mine take everything literally and would be scared.

But thanks for the Chillax advice.
I am sitting out in the garden with some sushi and some apple cider. its quite warm and I do feel quite chilled.

[Benji]

I get that hun.

I think its way different.:hugs:

This is more about the violence aspect..i will basically kill your fave possesion if you dont do as told.

Ahh okay! I getcha. No, I certainly don't tell him that I'm going to break his possessions (heaven knows I spend enough time lecturing him about not breaking ours :laughing:).

I can see how someone at the end of their tether could see the need to resort to that.

But I'd imagine the breaking of possessions would be pretty hurtful, especially a fave.

[Mrs Nietzsche]

I threaten ie if you keep playing DS after light out, it's going in the bin. Etc.

I really do this too.

I have also said that if people watch too much tv, its going in the bin. Here's hoping!

[Boobycino]

I don't like it for the point it's a bad idea to threaten to do something you won't actually do - and actually cutting up a treasured possession is pretty mean :(

But taking it away for a few hours/days/weeks - depending on the age of the kiddo and the situation.

[nothanksbye]

I don't like it for the point it's a bad idea to threaten to do something you won't actually do - and actually cutting up a treasured possession is pretty mean :(

But taking it away for a few hours/days/weeks - depending on the age of the kiddo and the situation.

YAY....someone gets it.

its the actual threat they are giving...that bothers me.

Taking a toy off them is not so bad at all.
threatening to run it over or cut it up seems a little psycho to me.

[Stampy]

I don't have a child yet (only a dog)...

Anyway my nephew was being a turd towards everyone... I said once "Do you want to go OUTSIDE???" ...like I would to be dog if she's being a pain.

I thought I was being awesome, but my sister just said "Don't say that, he'll probably want to go outside anyway" :laughing:

Anyway, as for the OP - maybe it's a bit hard to see the humour in text. I don't think it sounds particularly smart, and I'm not sure why it would even be a FB status update.

I think when we have our baby, I want to try the time out thing, then of course taking away prised possessions if it gets worse.

[Phyllis Stein]

I think there's a difference between 'natural consequences', and punishing a child by destroying their beloved possessions. Ownership over their toys etc is often the only sphere of control a child has and violating, or even threatening to, can hurt them very deeply, especially when they're powerless to stop you. Young children also believe that inanimate objects have feelings, etc, so they can think the object is actually being 'hurt' and they're incapable of protecting it.

I just removed a paint palette that my son was pushing in front of my face while I'm trying to enjoy a break and a cuppa. I asked him to stop a few times, he didn't, so I calmly removed it and placed it somewhere else. That's the 'natural consequence' for him violating *my* space in such a way. But I would *never* destroy something he cherished, whether it was a natural consequence or not.

And all that's aside from the fact that threatening to destroy possessions just creates a power struggle that neither of you can ultimately win.

[kar]

I'm with you op, I think it's horrible.
Removal of something as a consequence is totally different in my mind to what you describe. Which strikes me as vindictive and nasty and designed to hurt not teach.
I must need to chill too.

[MothersMilk]

I will absolutely take toys away from DD if she is continually misbehaving but i wouldn't cut up her fav blanket :no:
I think that is quite cruel actually - i know my DD is very attached to her blanket and would be heartbroken. Taking something away is one thing but destroying a treasured comfort item is another imo.

[Mischief]

Yep! I do this one too. Take things away. I'll often say to Mr O.... "You have 10 minutes to pick up all the blocks you have thrown on the kitchen floor, if there are any still there in 10 minutes I will pack them up and you wont have them for a week!"

I think there is a HUGE difference between packing something away for a period of time, or even threatening to give it to another child who will take care of it (when they are breaking things), to "killing" a prized possesion of your childs.

Children are CHILDREN... in their minds their toys have real feelings often. Mr O is 4, when we go out his remote control dinosaur GUARDS THE HOUSE!!! Teddy has to be tucked into bed with him, and Elephante needs to be cuddled.

If I were to cut up his Teddy or run over it in the car, it would be akin to me taking our dog out, and doing the same to it in his mind.

Its the violence aspect that really upsets me, and I think that is what the OP is trying to say too!

[UmmInayah]

i get angry and i threaten.. though i don't follow through with most of it. sometimes it's "if you don't stop fighting, you are both getting out of the bath" but i don't take them out cos i haven't washed their hair yet hahahaha..

i get where this mother is at. she might jsut have been angry or something, i am sure if it is osmething her child loved, she wouldn't remove it from them.

[ComeBackKid]

YAY....someone gets it.

its the actual threat they are giving...that bothers me.

Taking a toy off them is not so bad at all.
threatening to run it over or cut it up seems a little psycho to me.


:iagree:

I totally see where you are coming from. I often threaten to take toys off my kids esp if they cant share and i often end up taking them away.

BUt it does seem really mean to 'cut up' a favourite blanket. It does seem really cruel and unnecessary. :(

[Sheer Bliss]

I get that hun.

I think its way different.:hugs:

This is more about the violence aspect..i will basically kill your fave possesion if you dont do as told.

:iagree:

Taking something away until they learn to respect it is one thing, ie I took DD's craft scissors away from her because she kept using them without permission and left cut-up paper EVERYWHERE and didn't clean up. Until she cleaned up, they were taken away.

I DIDN'T tell her i'd break them if she didn't do as I asked - and THAT is the difference. Taking something as a consequence is one thing, the violence attached with destroying it isn't sending a good message. I tell the kids I'll give their toys to kids that will look after them if they won't pack them away.

[~Temet Nosce~]

I threaten ie if you keep playing DS after light out, it's going in the bin. Etc.

I really do this too.

I have also said that if people watch too much tv, its going in the bin. Here's hoping!


If Lucas wont move his toys while I am vacuuming I threaten to suck them up...and I do :laughing: I have sucked up various small toys because he defies me and sits there with a smug little look like "pfft you wouldn't". So yeah, goodbye Mr Potato Head's eye!!! It only took a couple of times for him to learn I wasn't bluffing and now you should see the speed he picks these toys up at :laughing:.

I do both of these all the time. Usually works. But I do get where you're coming from OP, with the threats of violence etc. it puts it in a different context.

[Leisa21]

Yeah it's harsh :(.

I agree with Phyllis a natural consequence is so much different to a threat.

If DS throws his toys I ask him not to, he does it again and we talk about what will happen if he does it again. If he does it a third time we take it away. The next day he will come to us and ask if he can have it back. Easy done but I don't tell him I'm going to cut up his favourite soft toy, they're like people or animals to him :( he'd be devestated.

[RmumR]

i threaten to take toys or things away from DD if she is misbehaving.
i wouldn't cut them up or anything but i do confiscate them for periods of time.
i also threaten we won't go to ballet if she is not behaving.
i wouldn't threaten anything that i can't follow thru on and most of the time threats are enough for her to smarten up very quickly

[4underfour]

I understand where you are coming from OP. I find those sort of threats terrible in two respects. One, if they are just 'threatening' and don't intend to follow up on the thread then that is just bad discipline. Read any toddler book and they say always to follow through on consequences. So, if I ever 'threaten' anything I always make sure I will follow through on it.

Two, if they do intend on following through with it then that's just horrible. like a PP has said, kids see their toys as 'real' and i know mine would be horrified an scarred if I ever did anything like that.

[Bibs]

i threaten with takig toys away or giving them to another kid wholl take care of it but thats bout it. i dont understand the need for the violence with destroyong toys esp fave ones, thats pretty mean

[MsMummy]

I think there's a difference between 'natural consequences', and punishing a child by destroying their beloved possessions. Ownership over their toys etc is often the only sphere of control a child has and violating, or even threatening to, can hurt them very deeply, especially when they're powerless to stop you. Young children also believe that inanimate objects have feelings, etc, so they can think the object is actually being 'hurt' and they're incapable of protecting it.

I just removed a paint palette that my son was pushing in front of my face while I'm trying to enjoy a break and a cuppa. I asked him to stop a few times, he didn't, so I calmly removed it and placed it somewhere else. That's the 'natural consequence' for him violating *my* space in such a way. But I would *never* destroy something he cherished, whether it was a natural consequence or not.

And all that's aside from the fact that threatening to destroy possessions just creates a power struggle that neither of you can ultimately win.

:iagree:

When I was a child, my mother cut the hair off my cabbage patch doll.

It made me hysterically upset, and I still remember it 20-something years later. I told my partner about it recently, and he was appalled.

I think that emotionally beating kids into submission may be effective in the short term, but we are the custodians of our children's health, including their mental health, and need to protect it.

In any event, we try not to use any threats.

[mimsie]

I only threaten things I'm comfortable following through with. I always hope not to have to do it but if I do, then I feel it is important to be able to follow up with what I said. One time that sticks out for me was when DS was about 3 1/2 and he refused to pick up toys. I told him if he didn't, we'd put them all in the garbage and the truck would come and get them and take them away forever (it evolved - I said they'd go in garbage, he said he'd get them out, I said they'd go in big bin for the truck and so on, til it ended up as above).

He didn't do it, so I grabbed bags and bagged up every toy that was in his room (about half a dozen were not so I decided they could stay). You know what he did? He helped me put them all in the BIN! He thought it was fabulous :laughing: and while I didn't entirely follow through (some very cool expensive things in there :D) I did put them all out in the garage and decided to wait and see how his behaviour went/whether he asked for them back.

He never ever asked for any of those toys ever again. I ended up sorting them out and was bringing back toys months later, one at a time every now and then. Most stayed in the bags until we moved and they got thrown out in the end.

But yeah that was an interesting lesson for me ;) So it's all about the follow through for me now, and I try not to be cruel BUT be effective at the same time, if that makes sense.

[3blue&1pink]

I agree with you that's harsh and horrible really.

I think taking something away that the child wants is big enough.. its horrible to take it away and destroy it!

DS1 has a lamb teddy.. he calls it lamby he loves it.. when he wont clean his room after me asking nicely several times I tell him Lamby will go in the bin. There is no way in hell that I am going to tell my child that I am going to run lamby over and cut him up.. thats cruel :(

[BabelFish]

Don't worry hun toys can't die. They are inanimate objects.
Spoken with a true and impressive lack of understanding about how children feel about their treasured possessions.


I think there's a difference between 'natural consequences', and punishing a child by destroying their beloved possessions. Ownership over their toys etc is often the only sphere of control a child has and violating, or even threatening to, can hurt them very deeply, especially when they're powerless to stop you. Young children also believe that inanimate objects have feelings, etc, so they can think the object is actually being 'hurt' and they're incapable of protecting it.

I just removed a paint palette that my son was pushing in front of my face while I'm trying to enjoy a break and a cuppa. I asked him to stop a few times, he didn't, so I calmly removed it and placed it somewhere else. That's the 'natural consequence' for him violating *my* space in such a way. But I would *never* destroy something he cherished, whether it was a natural consequence or not.

And all that's aside from the fact that threatening to destroy possessions just creates a power struggle that neither of you can ultimately win.
Absolutely.

Consequences are entirely different to deliberately thinking of the one thing that your child loves the most and then threatening to do something awful and irreversible to it.

[Bubmum]

The thing is you can discipline/punish your child, but when it skips into cruelty, you know you have gone too far.

OP, I know where you are coming from..you don't need to chillax, but you need to share that apple cider..now!

[Mischief]

MIMSIE - See, I dont even see this as bad. I dont know why, maybe because Ive done a similar thing (except I said they would go in the shed, and that they did!).

My issue isnt with the punishment as such, but the vindictive way the OP said the parents are going about it. Cutting up, or running over... it seems so violent, cruel, sadistic to do that to a childs prize possession.

[Pinkzy]

Don't worry hun toys can't die. They are inanimate objects. :doh:

PMSL :laughing::laughing::laughing::yelclap:

That had me in stitches hahahaha :laughing:

OP, I do agree with you though. I don't think it's right to threaten a tiny child with cutting up their favourite blanket. Threatening to take it away as a consequence for bad behaviour is one thing, but to threaten to destroy something is vile IMO.

[mum2bubba]

The amount of leggo I've sucked up in the vacuum.....