How to support my kids in their new stepfamily?

[seaflower]

Me again! :wave: So, I'm just wondering the best way to make my kids' new step family situation work as well as possible for them.

Communication between my ex and I is difficult at the best, hostile and horrible regularly. I've told him I support his new relationship, asked him to go slowly in front of the kids, but that is not to be. He's made it very clear that it is absolutely none of my business what happens when the kids are with him.

I've also told him that I have absolutely no issues with his new partner, that I'm pleased he's met someone he likes, that I hope sincerely that it all works well for them, and that I'd like to develop a working relationship with her regarding issues with the kids. The answer is she probably won't want to meet me.

So, everything I have read about co-parenting and step parenting emphasises how communication and cooperation between the two households is important. I think it is looking like our two households aren't going to be communicating or cooperating.

So, what can I do to be a decent person about all this? I don't want to be the bad ex (tempting at times, but not who I want to be). I want to support the new relationship, for the sake of my kids, and her kid, and also I can't see anything bad in two free adults who like eachother being together (they have moved very fast, but that is their right and choice to do that. And while I wish they hadn't involved the kids so fully so early, nothing I've said has any influence on that either).

Anyone got any ideas? Clearly I've got to just mind my own business about what goes on over there. They do things differently to me, and I disagree with some of it, but nothing I can control. I try to talk positively to my kids about her and her daughter, and if my ex starts referring to them as his family, I'll do the same.

I'm going to try my best to be a good person, without letting my ex stomp all over me, which he is inclined to do. Hey, I won't even tell her if I ever meet her about his abusive tendencies or the scary stuff that happened between us, I'll just hope to goodness it doesn't happen to her too.

I'll try and not engage in conflict between my ex and I. I have failed there a bit in the past, but so has he, that has always been our problem. I'll try harder. I always keep the kids as far out of it as I can.

And I'll try and keep him informed from my end of things he needs to know.

Anything else I can do?

[HowCrazyCool]

what we "try" to do. And i mean try, its really hard to do these things ALL the time.
Keep your lines of communication perfect and always willing.
Never let your temper get the better of you, even when its killing you on the inside

I think the girlfriend will come around, give her time. She might not want to meet you at the moment. She might not even "know" you want to meet her.

Is it a possiblity to drop the kids off yourself one day?
Maybe have a chat to her. Get the "introducing" thing done and dusted. Thats the real bit that was hard. that first time of meeting The ex. Im sure your not going to sit her down and discuss the ins and outs of things. Just a quick hi, how do you do.

With the whole minding your own business thing, well your kids are your business. But we find this the hardest bit, finding the fair and equal balance between households. Im not really sure if there is such a thing:(
But we can only live in hope:laughing::shakehands::shakehands:


Hope you can sort it all out soon. :shakehands::shakehands::shakehands:

[RunningWithScissors]

Ive been in this situation twice...so far. Lets just say that the kids father isn't so great at relationships!

My best advice is to do nothing. Let the kids come to you with any issues they have, and don't let them see you have issues with it.
Your children are you business, but unfortunately their father has as much right as you do to do as he pleases, even if its the wrong thing.
I can't tell you how many nights I've spent unable to sleep wondering who the ex has dumped my kids with, and the courts won't do a thing because he is "entitled" to have them babysat :banghead::banghead:

He now has GF #2 all moved in, and true to form, all responsibility for the house and care of the children has fallen onto her. I've met her once, at my daughters birthday party, we had a little chat and she seems nice enough. My kids do have a problem with her though..and that's the only place my issues lie. They don't like her forcing them to eat what she cooks, I don't believe in forcing them, and neither did their father until she moved in a few months back.
There is also no milk, cheese or yoghurt in the house anymore as she is lactose intolerant. I find that really unfair, DS drinks 1-2 glasses of milk a day, and DD puts cheese on anything and everything she can.
I had words about it to him, and he had to take it as me "interfering" and being "jealous" of his new GF. I apologised to my kids and told them that thats the way it has to be at dads and Im sorry they are sad about it. It irritates me no end that they miss out on essentials there :thumbsdown:

He was an idiot when I left, its the reason I left, I cant expect him to change now.

Just try to rest assured that your kids have the best home with you :hugs: