Crying when put to sleep

[taiyasmum]

During the day my 6.5 week old girl crys non stop when i put her in her cot. The Clinic told me to let her cry herself to sleep. Sometimes this takes about half an hour or longer. Does anyoe else have this problem??? She has no problems going to sleep at night. It is just during the day. :confused:

[lil monkey]

Sure do and did have that problem from probably birth up until now and still going after 7 months!

We had to use the dummy but then she doesn't know how to self soothe - we went to a sleep clinic to lose the dummy and it would take her up to an hour of crying before she would drop off and even then she would only last for 20 minutes of sleep!

So, a few months later, the dummy is back, she sleeps anywhere from 40 minutes to 2 hours at least 1-2 times a day and at night time she goes down with next to no fuss !

You do what you feel comfortable with - it is heartbreaking to hear your baby cry so they go to sleep but if there is nothing wrong, she isn't ill, or needs changing or isn't hungry then you know she is safe in her cot and she just needs to learn to put herself to sleep! think about those days/nights where you cant get to sleep and toss and turn - it is the same thing for babies except they cry!

[lucyp]

Your poor little poppet and you! Is is so hard to listen to them cry !
Its just my opinion but 6 and half weeks is very young to be crying self to sleep - particularly for that length of time. The Tresilian nurses told me that you could not spoil a baby under 12 weeks old - and you honestly have to do what you feel is right for you and bubba.

Have you tried wrapping your little one? They do find it very comforting. Also when my DS was unsettled and cried and cried - we tried the "white noise cd" - it worked a charm!! I think its called "The Sounds of Silence" and you can get it from Babies Galore or other bubby stores. It basically has sounds on it - like dishwasher, vaccumm etc with a rythmical / womb sounding beat.

Sounds odd - but really calmed him down and sent him straight off in to the land of nod. Hope this helps

Good luck :)

[jamb]

That sounds like my little one exactly. From day one settled easily by himself at night but days were not so easy. He would cry if we just put him into the cot and would get really worked up and so would I.

In the end we decided we would let him fall asleep in our arms or on the boob then bottle. Then we'd pop him either in his pram or port-a-cot, just somewhere where we were. Or push him in his pram till he fell asleep. This worked, even though his day sleeps are more cat naps. But hey he wakes up happy.

He is now 6 months old and sometimes we still rock him to sleep but the good news is that just this week he has started putting himself to sleep for some of his day time sleeps. We bought him one of those little people couches and quite often I find him asleep.

So booey to the CHN who told me the same thing as you. Seems love hasn't spoiled him. Do what makes you happy, cause I reckon calm and happy mums helps make calm and happy babies.

[mimi]

Its just my opinion but 6 and half weeks is very young to be crying self to sleep - particularly for that length of time.
and

So booey to the CHN who told me the same thing as you. I AGREE!! I cannot believe what some CHNs AND GPs will tell mums these days - It's almost like they are living in the dark ages or something ... well I'm guessing many of them haven't had an 'update' in 20 or 30 years!!!!! :mad:

I purchased a parenting magazine from the supermarket the other day -
I had previusly been determined that I would never buy this mag again, as the constant stream of protest letters I just HAD to write was all too exhausting!!! LOL -

BUT the three small articles on controlled crying might interest you. The first was a bit of a wishy-washy overview but contained mainly the ideas of Robin Barker - and a brief mention of the AAIMHI position statement - which actually is pretty clear in it's findings i.e. leaving a baby to cry is not good!! The following two were from Tizzie Hall and Pinky Mackay both giving the thumbs down to letting your baby cry.

Tizzie: "...it could result in brain changes that end up creating a neurotic or emotionally disordered adult ... could cause emotional damage and stress to a baby ... to make the whole thing worse [re controlled crying], you keep going in at different intervals and then walking out again. How confusing this must be for your baby..."
[I could almost forgive her obsessive routines and weird feeding schedules etc for that! ]

Pinky: "...evidence that deliberately leaving babies to cry can have detrimental effects...When being left to cry it out 'succeeds' in getting a baby to fall asleep alone, this is due to a process (Dr Bruce) Perry calls the 'defeat response'. ... when cries are ignored, this distress elicits a 'freeze/defeat' response and the infant shuts down (and sleeps). ... stress levels in infants may cause changes in the physiology of the developing brain - in particular, by permanently shaping the stress responses in the brain, which then affect memory, attention and emotion. The saddest risk ... is learned helplessness."

I'm glad the information is getting out there, just not as far as the CHNs though I see!! - sadly though it is in this edition where the Super Nanny's 'Ten Steps to Parenting Success' gets a run too :eek:
:)

[Ffrenchknickers]

What do your instincts tell you? Follow your heart, not some so called "expert" who doesnt have the emotional ties to you precious baby that you have.

Bubbas need comfort from their mummies and you will just cause yourself more stress having to listento your bubby cry :( Go with your heart :)

[Chickadee]

I definitely agree, 6.5 weeks is too young to ask a baby to settle itself, and way too hard on a mum's raw nerves to listen to crying.

Do what feels right to you. My dd, at that age, either slept in my arms, wrapped in a carry cot (going from room to room with me) or in a swing.

[AM]

I have to agree that 6.5 weeks is really young for a baby to be crying for so long.
Just another aspect of crying, it is very exhausting, and the energy your baby is using up crying really would better be put to use for actual body and brain growth.

There is a really good book out called 'The happiest baby on the block' By Dr Harvey Carp, and it gives many ways to soothe a baby to sleep without resorting to leaving them to cry.
He explains how when babies are born, they have been conditioned by 9 months in the womb, to feel comforted by certain conditions such as rocking from your movements, feeling closely hugged by your body, having monotonous noise, etc, etc.
At 6 and a half weeks, your baby is still adjusting to life outside the womb, and really benefits from you simulating some of these conditions to create a safe feeling for baby to be able to relax and sleep.

I have about 4 copies of this book, as I loved it so much I wanted some on hand to give to people who would benefit.

If you are interested, I can post you a copy to keep.

PM me if you want to. :D

[mimi]

Hi again taiyasmum

I have realised that I babbled on last night but gave you no real help!!!!

If I were thinking more clearly I would have suggested you check out Dr Sears site http://www.askdrsears.com/ - in particular the section on sleep http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp ...
and this http://beehive.thisisgrimsby.co.uk/default.asp?WCI=SiteHome&ID=3542&PageID=17049 is an interesting read also.

Being a mum is one of the toughest jobs on earth, so I hope you have some good support around you, so you and your baby can have time to get to know one another and you don't feel totally SWAMPED!!

All the best.
:)

[Imogensmum]

I have also had the crying to sleep issue with my little lady( 9 weeks old), I have found that once i put her in the crib i place my hand on her tummy and "shush" at her, when her eyes close, i take a few steps backwards. If she opens her eyes and begins to whimper i keep "shushing" from that distance. I continue to do this until i reach the door. I have found that she now settles quite easily (most of the time :) ) and i now only have to "shush" once or twice before i can leave the room.

I also have a radio under her cot which plays the ABC talkback channel 24/7- the noise seems to sooth her! Best of luck- and remember mum always knows best- go with what your heart says is right.

[j&k'smum]

Has she always been that way or is only recently she's started to not go to sleep?
Your post reminded me of when my daughter was that age and how she would sleep through the day and night really well, but then that sort of changed during the day. She started staying awake longer and was "up" alot more and the sleep routines went out of the window and changed.
It took me a week to realise that she just wasn't tired and it was the first of the many changes that take place. Nothing stays the same for long with these precious little bundles.
So maybe she might not be ready for a sleep? Just a thought. ??. Maybe take her for a walk when its near that time for a sleep too. I did this alot and after wearing herself out with the mental stimulation and fresh air, she would fall off to sleep in the pusher.
All the best.. :)

[Charlotte & Georgia's Mummy]

Hi Taiya's momma,
I have to say I had a pretty similar problem when Charlotte was about 6 weeks old. She went through a stage when she would only sleep for about 20 minutes and that was only in someones arms.
I've never been able to put her down and just let her cry as my in-laws keep telling me to.
I have read the book that apprenticemomma recommends, the "happiest baby on the block", and can thoroughly recommend it. It worked well for me, and i still use most of his theories now that charlotte is 14weeks old.
The only other piece of advice I have, and please keep in mind I'm a new first time mum, so probably don't really know what I'm talking about, is to do whatever feels right to you.
If you need to cuddle and rock your bubby to sleep and it works then do it. There will come a time when you won't want to do tht anymore and then you'll find something else that works. But until then I say do whatever you are comfortable with.
The only other book I've read that I really love is Babylove by Robin Barker. This is an excellent book, which supported my ideas even when my in-laws didn't!
I think I've rabbited on enough now. If you need a chat you can PM me.
Good Luck,
Michele

[Bronte'sMum]

My little daughter Bronte was very similar...rarely slept through the day and would fight it with much crying etc. I remember some days it would take me 45 mins to get her to sleep and she would then wake after 20 mins. Many people told me to let her cry it out but I refused to as i had read that it affects brain devt and also impacts on parental attachment, building trust with her mother etc. I cannot imagine anything worse than being a little 6 wk old baby, overwhelmed by everything in this world, crying because I didn't know what else to do and eventually passing out after I had given up that anyone else would help me.

I found The harvey Karp approach very helpful and against all advice I fed her to sleep as the sucking really soothed her ( refused the dummy constantly). Wrapping her and giving her a few sleep aids such as always putting on the same Cd, darkening her room as much as possible so she knows it is sleep time and giving her a favourite blankie always helped soothed her. Shooshing her and stroking her head helped a lot and still is the main thing we do. I think Bronte was a very alert and easily overstimulated baby so all these things helped calm her down and transition into a sleep space.

At around five months it all got much easier and she began sleeping through the day much longer and not fighting it as much. Now, 8 months old she no longer needs the bottle and seems to enjoy being in her cot. She now takes 5 mins to settle.Its as if she now knows "oh the Cd is on, there's my blankie, Mum is shooshing me it must be sleep time..."

I remember those early months as being so hard. When you are the sole carer for up to ten hours a day and alone for hours with your baby, feeling helpless to stop the crying it can be so overwhelming. It sounds to me like you ( and everyone else who has replied) are a loving thoughtful Mum who is doing an amazing job. The above thoughts are just what worked for Bronte - just trust your instincts with your little one, ignore the Gps and CHN's and do what works for you!

Good luck

Bronte's Mum

Ps Another book I found helpful was the Baby Whisperer which outlined 5 baby types...I think it reinforces that all babies are very different and you just need to work with what you've got!