advice needed, attempting to get sole custody.

[suchislife]

Hey all:)
I have found out that my ex, father of my two boys, who has had previous criminal history, is now doing criminal things again.Im not 100% but im 95% as a few people have let me know and its so like him wat hes doing.
Anyway ive rung to let him know i cant let the boys go to his house because of wat i know, and he says he;ll take me to court. thats ok i was expecting that and am happy to go through that. Ive said im happy with supervised visits at a park or something but i just cant let them go to his house with whats going on. From wat ive heard the police are already onto him so that should be on my side..
anyway just wanting to know what my next step is.. do i wait for him to take me to court? take him to court first for sole custody? will i/he have to pay? oh and we dont have a court order for his fortnightly visits its just always been a verbal agreement.
also with things im concerned about, is him feeding the kids alcohol, being drunk most the time he has them, the unsavoury people always at his house.. are those things helpful at all? I dont want my kids to have to testify about them at all, as they probably wouldnt say anything bad about their dad to anyone else.
So yeah im a bit unsure about wat my next step should be..any help would be appreciated.

[1plus2]

I had a few issues in regards to my ex and my oldest daughter. We had court orders and when i contacted my solicitor for advice she said i had to have concrete evidence that my daughter was at risk before any court would even attempt to stop visitation.

So i suggest talking to a solicitor and getting them to tell you the next step.

Someone once said that being the first to file at court was better then being served with papers but then again someone else said that being served means that you can get legal aid if your eligable for it.

[ConfettiGirl]

Getting sole custody is a very difficult process and not often granted.

You will need concrete evidence not just hearsay from friends/family and gut feelings because "that is so like him". If you go to court and make claims about his criminal activities or his lack or parenting ability then you need to be able to back these claims up with facts. If you do not back them up with hard facts (again hearsay is not enough) then you can be painted as a vindictive ex and it could actually go against you and he could get awarded more custody - even 50/50. For example you can say that he is always drunk when he has visitation but he will of course say that no he isn't and that you are just being vindictive and mean. Unless there is proof that he is drunk EACH access visit (and being drunk once or twice is not cause for a court to stop visitation) then it will probably not help your case to even mention it. Same with him feeding the kids alcohol - yes it's a bad thing but can you prove that he does it? Just "knowing" he does it is not proof and being that the kids are still fairly young I am not sure whether their testimony will even carry much weight (your ex might argue that you have "coached" them in what to say) and a magistrate might again dismiss those claims as being nothing more than a spiteful attempt to gain more custody. What we need to remember at all times is that parents all the time try and pull the wool over the magistrates eyes when it comes to child custody and magistrates have heard every claim under the sun. They will not accept any claim that isn't backed up with proof because they can't afford to due to the number of people who do in fact lie (not saying that you are but parents DO lie frequently in family court).

Also since you don't actually have any formal parenting orders in place yet you will be required to attend mediation first before you will be permitted to go to court. You will need to take your certificate that you recieve after doing mediation to show as proof before you (or he) can even file a petition. If you organise mediation and he doesn't show up then you will still get a certificate to say that you showed up and was willing to undergo mediation and the fact that he didn't show up will go against him.

It is in your best interests to speak to a good lawyer experienced in family law matters because once you go to court and the court issues orders these are binding and are very, very hard to later change. If you do not present the very best case then it is likely that the magistrate will order 50/50 shared care. His criminal activities will mean essentially nothing unless you have hard evidence - and even then unless you can prove that those activities will cause significant harm to your child he is still likely to get substantial visitation. Do not skimp on a good lawyer - and avoid legal aid if possible as (my opinion only) they are not usually the very best in their field and this could be your only shot at court.