The Reality of Multiples

[ForeverHopeful]

Hi Ladies,

Looking for some reassurance or just plain honesty really. We are due to have our twins in just under 16weeks. After a very long journey to get here I am super excited. But.... it is really starting to sink it just how hard being a multiple mum is going to be. Every time we tell someone we are having twins instead of hearing things like "how exciting" and "you will love it" which I am sure normal singleton pregancies hear, we get things like "f**k" or "boy are you going to be busy" etc etc...

So now I am starting to doubt myself after hearing so many of these comments. I know it is not going to be a walk in the park by any stretch but I would love to hear from you multiple mummies, just how hard is it? I keep thinking of all these scenarios and wonder how to do it with two bubs, simply things like bathing, feeding, burping etc. I'm scared!:eek:

[Sheer Bliss]

areIt is going to be So. Darn. Hard. You can't imagine how hard some moments will be, but on the other hand it is going to be So. Darn. Rewarding. Awesome. Amazing. Special. as well!

On the positive side - with twins, at least you have 2 hands/arms, 2 boobs, 2 knees etc, so even when they are both unsettled, in those early days when they are most demanding - you have enough hands/boobs to be able to feed them with. Invest in a twin feeding pillow or 2 rockers if you are planning on bottle feeding. The feeding pillow (EZ2 nurse - had a strap to fix it to me) was a godsend - it allowed me to move about before and after a feed more easily. The slings were also awesome, as I cold have one on my hip, other on my front and still do a few things.

You will be very busy, and you will have your hands full - but so does any first time mum. It is all so unknown to most people, and TBH I think that is why you get so many 'not as positive' comments. It's something they can't experience, so don't really 'get it'. I've had one baby, a baby and a toddler, and then twin babies, toddler and pre-schooler - all have their different levels of being busy and are tough, but there are so many moments that are just so amazing, that they make up for the ordinary comments.

Don't doubt yourself!!

[jessicana]

I used to hate that. All I would get was negative comments.

Yes it is hard and get as much help as you can.
My boys are only 8 weeks old and im finding everything is ok so far ie: the feeding, bathing burping and can do these no problems on my own but I start to lose it when they are both unsettled at the same time. Lots of screaming and after a while ( a few hours to the entire day) it gets a bit much so just have a back up plan. Like a friend or MIL or mum to come over just to hold one or help or give you time out for just 10 mins, sometimes thats all you need to get yourself together again.

I love being a mum to twins, its special and very rewarding, dont let the negative things get to you.
And also do you notice that those negative comments never come from a twin mum!!!

[alanasmum]

Firstly, congratulations on your twin pregnancy. As you said it has taken you a long time to get to where you are and you SHOULD be excited!

Any new mum-to-be has mixed emotions on what's to come - whether you are expecting one baby or two (or three!). It's natural. Try to ignore comments from other people. You will get a lot of those once the twins are born too. Every time I go out someone says to me "gee you've got your hands full". I just smile, nod and keep going.

As the other twin mums have said you will have extremely challenging days and wonderful ones too. There were times when I had one baby on the boob while feeding the other with a bottle in the rocker while reading a story to my toddler as well!! So you will do a lot of juggling. I actually found the newborn days easier with my twins than with my singleton because the twins slept a lot better than DD1 did. So a lot of your experience will depend on the nature of your babies and that's something you obviously have no control over. If you have family and friends offering to help, take it. I found that I was often looking for that extra pair of hands. But at the same time, when you do get through a tough day on your own you will feel very proud of yourself at the end of the day when your babies are tucked in and asleep in their beds.

There is something very very special about holding two sleeping newborn babies at once. And something very special about two toddlers coming running to you at once and jumping into your arms for cuddles at the same time. You will have some very special moments I promise you.

So I guess my advice would be ... to take things one day at a time, don't be hard on yourself, accept help and enjoy your babies as much as you can. They are little miracles. :hugs:

[beebs]

I dunno - I guess you have to remember all babies are different.
One of mine was (is) really laid back and cruisey and the other had problems, gut issues mistaken for reflux and intolerances from birth so he was always unhappy and cried all the time.

We basically ended up control crying him - had not done it with my other child and I did find it hard. But boy is it worth it!!!

They are so great now - I don't find it harder than my singelton at all - after the initial 3 months (which is rather full on and involves no sleep) it all settled down and now I find in a way they are easier than my singleton was. Because they have each other - they entertain each other. When they wake in the morning they are quite happy chatting and laughing together (they are 16months) for ages.

They are both completely in routine together, They eat together nap together and sleep together and they both sleep through the night from 5pm to 7am. No night waking.

I can't recommend getting them into the same routine enough- it can be tough but you will save yourself alot of heartache.

Good luck - you have nothing to fear - its a great thing! Actually - I am pregnant again with a singleton and I am freaking out! I am so scared of having one when I've just had such a good experience with the twins.

[ForeverHopeful]

Thanks ladies for your input. You have made some good points and reminded me that whilst it will be double the work it will also be double the joy. I am so looking forward to it but because we don't have much support from family etc here I am scared how I will do it on my own. You have given me hope that it can be done and we will get there.

I really admire those of you that have had twins and toddlers at the same time!

Now I just need to think of some good comments to come back with to all the negative nancies who think I want their comments or non helpful observations.

[Timestwo]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
The negative comments come because people are jealous! Ignore them, you will be fine and you will survive!

Being a mum of multiples is hard. There will be days when you breeze through it and days when you dont, but every single day is rewarding. Dont be afraid to ask questions! There are definately things you can do and buy that will make life a lot easier. I highly reccomend you join your local twins club if you havent already. They usually welcome pregnant mums with open arms to their morning teas and playgroups and will be able to give you advice and tips and tricks. A lot of clubs also have equipment such as swings and pumps for hire which will make life a lot easier!

You will be fine and you will love it!!

[Melly_11]

Honestly, for me, the first year was great! My babies slept so well. I was thrown in the deep end, like you, and went from a mother of none to a mother of two. A big shock to the system thats for sure.

There was some days, that I cried and wanted DH to come home. Other days were fantastic. Have confidence - you CAN do this. You wouldnt have been blessed with them otherwise. I knew nothing at all about babies!

Its when they turned two that the problems started haha!

[bgbgbb]

Having had 4 singletons before my twins I would have to say that twins (for me) are not twice as hard, but maybe about 1.5 times as hard. The exception to this is when they are both sick or both teething.

I find that because you dont have as much time to indulge each bub as you would a singleton they learn to self-entertain and self-settle much quicker than singletons.

Also, there seems to be more people willing to offer help, as the notion of having twins is an overwhelming one for others as well. When I had a singeton as my 4th I got very few offers of help, but with the twins it seems as though everyone is willing to help out, whether it be pick up the kids from school or accompany me shopping so if 1 baby gets grumpy there's a spare cuddle. Dont be afraid of asking for help either. I will admit that our Xmas present box of chocolates shopping list will be much bigger this year, but my wonderful friends so deserve it.:D

The most important thing is to remain calm (so they dont pick up on your stress and run with it) and enjoy the doubling up of smiles and giggles.

[Nomsie]

Having had 4 singletons before my twins I would have to say that twins (for me) are not twice as hard, but maybe about 1.5 times as hard. The exception to this is when they are both sick or both teething.

I find that because you dont have as much time to indulge each bub as you would a singleton they learn to self-entertain and self-settle much quicker than singletons.



I just wanted to add my 2c worth here... I think how you deal with multiples REALLY depends on what type of children they are... I had huge issues when they were nb's, and I was terrified of being left alone with them, because my two were (and still are to some degree) really high maintenance kids. They didn't learn to entertain themselves until well after they were 1, they didn't sleep through until over 20 months old (and even now it's totally random and maybe once a week if I am lucky) and in all honesty they made me feel like a bit of a failure as a new mum because it seemed like they cried all the time.

Of course I can look back now and sort of tell myself that it was my first crack at the mothering gig, and I shouldn't compare myself or my situation with others, but that didn't occur to me at the time.

I don't want to scare you, and perhaps I am just really soft compared to the other awesome multiple mum's who have already replied... but I found it devestatingly hard. :o
(So much so that I dreamt of having just a single baby for a long time... which was painful in itself because that kind of felt as though I was wishing one of my own children out of existance! :()

But yeah.. as I said before, everyones experience is different and it really depends on the type of children you have :)

[bgbgbb]

Of course I can look back now and sort of tell myself that it was my first crack at the mothering gig, and I shouldn't compare myself or my situation with others, but that didn't occur to me at the time.

Nomsie, with my first he didn't sleep through til 20 months either. Whether its 1 or 2 you get first time around, its rare that they are 'easy' babies because you are still learning how to make motherhood easy. For me, the twins were #5 & 6 and so I used my experience to know where to make modifications and in doing this it made it easier for me with the 2.

[sparklesare]

I agree with bgbgbb I've got 6 month old twins. It was bloody hard for the first couple months but Master O was born with a congenital problem that kept him
in hospy for 6 weeks before coming home. That time allowed me to get master F in sone sort of routine. They are 6 months old now, both sleep 7-7 every night, O from 4 months F from 5 months. Best advice I got was from Bgbgbb don't expect them to reach milestones or do things at the same time. I often forgot they are two little individuals and that they are!!
I'm truly blessed to have them as they are Ivf bubs so I feel lucky every day. Double the love I say! Enjoy them you will do great :-)

[shockinamillion]

bgbgbb, mine were incredibly easy NBs. It has gotten harder and harder as they get older. Now is when I look at mums with a singleton and think about how nice it would be.

I know another twin mum who find it fairly easy with twins, BUT when it gets hard, it gets really effing hard!

[TripleTime]

Having multiples is freaking hard work, no denying that.

Mine were easy babies, they eat slept & pooped at the same time but i dont really remember the first 6 months. I honestly have no idea what the heck happened, i was in survival mode.

I wouldnt say it gets easier but it does become different. 3 toddlers arent exactly easy street but them being more independent does make our lifes easier.

[ForeverHopeful]

OK now you all have me terrified again :laughing:

But I agree that I think it will depend on what our bubs are like and I don't have a crystal ball for that one. So one day at a time hey. I am sure you will all be here for questions/vents right????;)

I just feel so unprepared for what is to come. I am normally super organised and a bit of a control freak so this is really going to put me out of my comfort zone.

[shockinamillion]

OK now you all have me terrified again :laughing:

But I agree that I think it will depend on what our bubs are like and I don't have a crystal ball for that one. So one day at a time hey. I am sure you will all be here for questions/vents right????;)

I just feel so unprepared for what is to come. I am normally super organised and a bit of a control freak so this is really going to put me out of my comfort zone.


Of course we will all be here. Multiples are hard!

As for the bolded part. Try to relax once they are here. You can still be organised, but do not kick yourself if they aren't doing what they "should" be doing, or if your lounge is a mess, or the washing is piling up. Ask for help. Plenty of people are willing to have a cuddle while you get stuff done, some will even do a load of washing or do the dishes if they need doing. Those are the ones that make my christmas pressie list!

[bgbgbb]

I am normally super organised and a bit of a control freak so this is really going to put me out of my comfort zone.

I am super organised as well and hate chaos. Some of my tips (for both multiples and many kids) are:


when you have a free few hours do big cook ups of stews, curries, pastas, etc and freeze. They are invaluable for the days when you're not up to, or too busy to cook
put all your appointments into the calendar on your phone and have an alarm go off about 15 minutes before you need to leave so you have plenty of time to pack everyone into the car (and extra time to change the sudden pooey nappy). If you get there early, then, so be it.
buy 1 of those 5 drawer filing boxes to put in the kitchen or a main area. Label it with 'pending', 'to post', 'medical', 'bills to pay' & 'filing'. It means that when you need to find documents they are right there, and your filing is out of the way.
Ask your technology savvy friends & relatives to text when they would like to call for a chat. It means they wont be offended when they dont get to talk to you

[two cheeky smurfs]

I dont have much support either and i manage! Im a single mum and my twins are 18 months now. At the begining being a first time mum and doing it alone i was scared and im like tt i dont remember much in the begining. And i dont think it has got easier, its got different and im learning how to cope which is making a lot of difference!

[gottabecrazy]

Hi Ladies

My girls are now 14weeks 4 weeks corrected and we have been having a nightmare of a time ..Forever i'm a super organised person too and control freak too so i know that feeling of being freaked out ..my girls were 10weeks premmie so they spent the first 10 weeks in hospital and were so nice and calm and of course we thought oh how nice is this going to be every nurse says how nice and pleasent they are but the first night we were seriouly in tears going OMG where did our girlos go..as it turns out they have serious reflux and just dont settle at times they will stay awake for 12hrs on end and at first it would be from 11pm to 10am now they stay awake from about 6am to 12-2pm so still a long time ..now DH has gone back to work i'm finding it really hard to stay strong and not burst into tears every 5 mins and if i hear another one of my friends say it will get better i might kill them

Hears to hoping they sleep through the night sometime soon so i can get more than 2hrs sleep :fingerscrossed: