Splitting up with the step kids

[Just Add Water]

DH & I have separated which has left him with custody of his 3 older kids (they have minimal contact with their mother and we always had custody of them) and I have custody of our youngest and obviously the one due in a few weeks.

The eldest child did a lot of things to me in the last few months that I cannot forget and whilst I'm polite to him I will never be able to reconnect with him on that same emotional level I once had with him. The younger two step kids I miss terribly and it breaks my heart when i talk to them and they ask when I will visit (they're 3 hours away). They're all missing their younger brother and after seeing him look at a photo of them it's obvious he's missing them too and despite only being 19 months he does realise things are different.

So what happens now? I have told ex DH that I want to be involved in their lives, would happily have them for weekends and so forth but I know I have no legal rights to ask that so have prepared myself for the probable fact that the youngest will visit the kids and him not the other way around.

How did anyone else deal with this? The 6 year old was only 18 months old when his father and I got together so I am the only "mother" he has ever really known.

[TurnedBatty]

:hugs: I'm so sorry. I can imagine how difficult this is for everyone involved. How does your dh feel about letting his kids come see you? I can imagine when the baby is born they will want to meet their new sibling, so would it be possible for them all to come visit, or even after the baby is born for you to go there for a visit?

[aLittleLoopy]

You do have legal rights. Anyone who has been an adult figure in their life can go for visitation rights. Talk to Family Relationships Australia. They can set up mediation if necessary and can let you know your rights. Gooduck! :)

[Just Add Water]

I'm doing everything I can to keep things as nice as possible between myself and DH. My parents split up when I was younger and it was horrible seeing them both bitter (and still somewhat to this day) and then the problems we've had with the older three's mother - I want to do everything possible to ensure these kids feel as little as possible of this. I've contacted relationships australia about mediation and waiting to hear back. I've told exdh that he is the only one that can remove his choice from being there when the baby is born and ultimately I want him there as it is his child coming into the world but what happens after that I don't know.

[DaughteroftheForest]

:iagree: You do have legal rights, but you do have to enforce them. I'm not sure what state you're in but try the Legal services commission, they do mediations. As well as relationships Aus.

I recently broke up with my DP, who is not DS's father. I still allow him to see DS. It was our relationship that was F*cked up, not theirs!

I think it's perfectly reasonable that you request a weekend visitation with them :yes:

[aLittleLoopy]

You sound like you're doing the right thing ((((hugs))).

Going for mediation and having a set plan can be good because it is all worked out in writing and with the both of you aware of your rights. It can help lessen the arguments. I hope your ex can be reasonable too! :)