Insensitive comments

[becstar]

Just some background on me first. ....
It took me almost 3 years to conceive our son, then 18 months ttc again, which resulted in a pregnancy and miscarriage last last year. Amazingly I fell pregnant again within months (a miracle). When I said to a friend, wow I might be holding a new baby on the anniversary of the miscarriage last year. She said "you have an anniversary of the miscarriage??? I thought you should be moving on and thinking about the new baby, not still going over the miscarriage". She is child-less and has never been pregnant. Her comments really hurt me - for a start I didn't mean this big deal "anniversary" I just meant that I will have a baby a year from when the m/c happened (which I think is totally AMAZING). The only reason I actually remember the date of the m/c is because it happened on December 1 and we were supposed to be putting up the christmas tree thtat day........Was just wondering wether I was being a tad sensitive or am I justified at being upset at my friend's comments? Its not like I have ever even really talked to her about the miscarriage (apart from the fact that it happened) so its not like I have talked her ear off about it and she is sick of hearing about it!!

Bec

[the_queen]

I don't think you're being too sensitive. I think your friend was being insensitive.
Congrats on the pregnancy!!:hugs:

[subaruforestermum]

I have never dealt with the loss of a child, so I'm not going to tell you I know how you feel, and I cant imagine what it would be like, all I know is that is an extremely painful experience.

I think it was rude of your friend, as even though you m/c that child was and will always be a part of you and your family....you have the right to remember your lost child, and still think about your new miracle....

You never forget those life changing moments in your life and you never should.....:hugs: Hope all goes well for you.......

[Grizabella]

Hey Hun - I don't think you are being to sensitive at all. I had a m/c when I was 20 and I still remember the date! Some ppl just don't seem to get it. I had a similar experience a few months after my m/c. A co-worker was talking about holidays, and I said I haven't had a holiday in yrs. She replied - not true, you had 2 weeks off 3 months ago. I was like I HAD A M/C!! That's not a holiday!!!

Anyway - sorry to talk about me. I think it's wonderful that your baby is due on the anniversary! It's things like that, that make the notion of FATE hard to deny. As for your friend, one day she will have children and understand. And then she will probly kick herself for being so insensitive.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!!!

[rynosmum]

I don't think you're over-reacting at all - some people have no idea how to deal with someone who has had a miscarriage.

I had plenty of insensitive comments but no day goes by when I can forget about my first bubba and the day I first saw her heartbeat on the screen. I also remember the anniversary of when we found out we had lost her. Easter Sunday is always overshadowed by our little angel.

I'm sorry for the passing of your little one.:hugs:

[Kamaikia]

You know I think that your friends comment was insensitive but I don't think she meant it to hurt.
I think you see alot of things differently after you have children. You can understand what the loss of a child at any time through the pregnancy can do to a person, because you have experience that bond, the love.
Miscarriage is a hard one to understand for alot of people - I think alot of people can be insensitive without even realising it because they themselves have never had the loss. I know myself I never really thought it a huge deal until my sister had one and I saw the heartache (this was before my own child)
If you are really upset by her comment then I suggest you talk to her. Tell he what she said hurt and try and explain it to her. She probably won't fully understand but I am sure she will try.

[Mum&bubs]

I dont think you are overacting at all. That just made me mad reading what your friend said :mad: What an insensitive thing to say :eek:
Dont listen to her!! I had my MIL tell me that it was my fault that i had a m/c for carrying Summer so I know how these comments can hurt. Tell her to shut her big trap!! :hugs:

[skyejax]

firstly congrats to u hope all goes well.
i know what u mean, i had similar coments when i ,made mention that dd was to b born 2wks after the ann of my m/c. as it turned out i had her on the day i m/c at roughly the same time.
i say chin up, ignore and enjoy your comming bub.

[Percy]

I understand completely. Those sort of comments really hurt.

We have an anniversary for our son, and we also have a little ritual for what would have been his due date. Everybody needs to find there own way to greive, so you do whatever feels right for you, and dont be forced into moving on if your not ready.

Congrats on your new pregnancy.

:fingerscrossed: for a healthy one.:hugs:

[wantagirl]

Your not being to sensitive. My friend miscarried Dec. 1st last year and is due Dec. 1st this year. I think it is so awesome. I actually brought it up to her and we both think it is ironic and really special. I don't know how you could not still think of the miscarriage. I agree you must move on but one cannot forget. I still think of my friends miscarriage and get sad and it wasn't even me!!

[Ys_Woman]

Congrats on your girl Bec!!
As to your friend's comments: yes, insensitive and ignorant for sure! She doesn't know, and hopefully will never know firsthand, just how attached you get even when it ends in mc. From the moment you see the two lines on the test that is your baby in there developing and whether it makes it to four weeks, twenty weeks, or full term, it is a baby you are planning for and will never forget.
Forgive your friend, she doesn't have a clue!
Only a few months to go and you will have your precious girl in your arms :)

[Natsmummy]

I have not experienced a miscarriage myself but I can imagine that if I were in the same situation as you that I would have been very upset and offended by these comments. I don't think you are being oversensetive at all.

[Mariposa]

the one thing i have learnt about m/c is that you never truly "get over it" this is a baby that youve created, only to be taken away from you, as an angel baby. i have suffered 2, the first was before dd1 (i didnt even know i was pregs till i went to get tested why the heavy bleeding) and the 2nd was with my last pregs, i was carrying twins. it is a loss that affects us all deeply, and comments like that coming from your friend who has no children, she shouldnt have made those comments. of course you are going to remember when it happened, and i f you can talk about it then go ahead. :hugs:

[tahnee11]

Hi,

I M/C towards the end of last year and became pregnant again almost straight away. I am due, with what will be my first full time bub, in 1 1/2 weeks. When I told people I was pregnant again, they asked why I didn't wait. Why wait when any chance you get to have a baby is a gift. One doctor tried to tell me to wait 6 months. My partner and I didn't try to have a baby we just said 'If it happens, it happens'. It was wonderful to hear I was pregnant again.

I am only 20 but the m/c has really made me grow up faster. My friends have been supportive but also don't realise when they are being insensitive as they have never had children.

Sorry if i am blabbing. This is the first time I have really spoken about my m/c.

[mum2bubba]

Usually the people who say rude comments are the ones who have never been through it, or don't have children (like your friend) I think some people need to be a little bit nicer. When I miscarried (start of this year) most people were sympathetic, but there were a few that said "oh, well the pregnancy wasn't planned anyway, and you'll have another" :eek: :mad: and MIL said to Grant "Oh well it wasn't the right time to have another one anyway". WTF? :banghead: What the **** does she know? (nasty old bat) while that might be true, its not the right thing to say, the baby wasn't planned but we were still happy all the same (and sad that we m/carried) and what if (God forbid) something happened to me or Grant and we COULDN'T have any more children?

[mum2bubba]

Hi,

I M/C towards the end of last year and became pregnant again almost straight away. I am due, with what will be my first full time bub, in 1 1/2 weeks. When I told people I was pregnant again, they asked why I didn't wait. Why wait when any chance you get to have a baby is a gift. One doctor tried to tell me to wait 6 months. My partner and I didn't try to have a baby we just said 'If it happens, it happens'. It was wonderful to hear I was pregnant again.

I am only 20 but the m/c has really made me grow up faster. My friends have been supportive but also don't realise when they are being insensitive as they have never had children.

Sorry if i am blabbing. This is the first time I have really spoken about my m/c.


A few ppl have told me to wait aswell, but why? :confused: we were already pregnant, we had picked a name (only a girl name, but still...) we had started prepairing, we had bought a few things for him/her (not that we needed to buy much anyway) whats the difference if we had a baby at the end of the year (we were due Oct) then if we got pregnant in Oct (for example) and had a baby mid next year? (apart from he/she will be born in a different month and Hayley will be a little bit older) I am hoping to have a 2 and a half to 3 year age gap but hey, if its a bit more so be it. I think some ppl out there just don't understand. :no: