View Full Version : Please tell me what it was like to have baby #3
So far I've been blessed with 2 gorgeous boys, but in my heart I've always thought I would have 3 children. I'm an older mum and I had terrible morning sickness with both my pregnancies. I have my concerns that a 3rd would just be too much for me to handle ...
If we were to go again we'd try to aim for at least a 24 month gap.
Thankfully, DP would happily have a third if I want, but is equally happy to settle for 2. I don't know how to decide
Please share your experiences (both good and bad) of being a mum of 3.
Do you find it difficult?
Is it really much harder than 2?
What is the best thing?
What is the worst thing?
If you could step back in time would you still have number 3?
Can't help til May sorry...
Congrats to you Widget - you need to come back and let me know how good it is! :p
4fullstop
21-10-2010, 20:19
Well, I have 4 & it's hard work but I love it :) 3 was the same. 1 can be hard work too, but being a parent I think is good hard, not bad. Only thing with going from 2 to 3 - the parents are suddenly outnumbered!!
Oh yay lol something to look forward to... The girls are already more than I can handle lol
We decided to have #3 because I found out I was pregnant lol
Had been yeah I want more, no I don't want more back and forth since #2 was born...
That's where I am now. If I'm sure I don't want more DP will have the snip, but I can't decide.
MummaFug
21-10-2010, 20:39
I'll be watching this thread !!!
I have always wanted 3 - DH always wanted 2.
Just when he decided he wanted 3 and I wanted to stay with 2 - it was decided for us!!
I'm terrified and excited at the same time. Now the question is - Will we go for 4 ???
threeofthem
21-10-2010, 20:40
I have 3, they are 4,3 and 22 months. I think having a 3rd can be easy or hard it all depends on how your family dynamics already are and what personality the 3rd will have.
For us I found he tipped the balance of sanity for probably the first 14 months but as the are all getting older it is getting easier.
As with 2, you have your good days when everything works well and the really abd days when there are tears all around.
A 2 yr age group is really nice.
That's where I am now. If I'm sure I don't want more DP will have the snip, but I can't decide.
I couldn't make the decision either... He says def no more now but I still can't say no more, I will never want another...
threeofthem - are there more bad days, or is it about the same for 2? We like the 2 year gap idea - but I'm getting too old to delay too long.
vanillabean
21-10-2010, 21:03
I think my 3rd has really pushed my limits and plenty of people told me 3 was much harder than two and I didn't believe it, but now I do. I was at the same point you are-not ready to give up on the idea of a 3rd, but not ready to commit. It took a bit of convincing for hubby. It is hard work that's for sure.
I have 3, it is VERY hard work. The 3rd child just created SO much extra work, I don't know how, but he has!!! You just can't get a freaking break, all. day. long. And the fights. The whinging. The tantrums. OMG. :crying:
But I wouldn't change it though! :)
4fullstop
21-10-2010, 23:18
You just can't get a freaking break, all. day. long. And the fights. The whinging. The tantrums. OMG. :crying:
Oh, thank god, I'm not the only one who feels like this!!
But I wouldn't change it though!
:iagree: on all counts :)
I love having three, it feels like we are complete as a family and the big plus for me was I got my princess though it is hard work. I fell pregnant with number 3 when DS2 was only four months old - so the gap between them is twelve and a half months. If there was anything I would change it would be the gap between DS2 and DD, I wouldn't change having the 3rd. Good luck with your decision.
TinyLittleTootsies
22-10-2010, 00:39
I only have two and I am one of the ones wanting three. My sister has three and her DH and her said to me and my DH on the "down low" If you are having doubts.. don't go for three.. you are out numbered, enough said" It put them into the "NO MORE" box and my BIL got the snip.
Even on hearing this, and other people say how hard having three is, I think to myself quietly, "sure, you find it hard, but I'm sure I will love it. Just becuase it is hard for you doesn't mean it will be for me. FOr me it will be :smiliedance:" Hahaha, I am sure women who are trying to convice themselves of a third also think like me sometimes because we only hear what we want to hear... or is that just me? lol. However I DO take what all of the mothers are saying about number 3 tipping the scale seriously, which has me too scared to try for a third yet!
My question is.. what about other factors... are there any Mum's who's third baby was easy so is was easier then they thought to have a third?
For example, I stuggled SO much with my first DD for the first 6 months I was in hell but totally in love, and naturally maternal which is the only way I got through having such a hard time with her. I was dreading having my "ooopsies" second baby, due when DD1 was 17 months. I read all these posts about women saying how hard it is to cope with two and I had a break down with one! If I had not fallen pregnant again by accident we would have only had one child, that is how difficult a baby my first was for me and I wanted my husband to have the snip asap back then. Over a year later and I can honestly say that not once did I think "how can I do this!!" once I had my DD2. She is a dream baby and so different to my first. My first DD has not been a terrible 2 and has been great since she got past 1. Adding all these factors together, there have been zero hiccoughs and I dread to think what might have happened if we had been more organised in getting my husband to a Doc! HOWEVER my friend had it the other way around with an easy first baby, then her second was a screamer/non-sleeper and her toddler who was an easy baby turned into a (normal) terrible two. THAT is making me stop and think.. what if my third is like my first. I could cop with three if my third is like my second, but the other way around.. BIG NO!
What are the experiences of the Mum's who have had 3 with how hard/easy their third was as a baby.. any patterns??
Tigers Mum - was your 3rd an easy baby?
Melbournemummy - I'm thinking exactly the same as you. Everyone says it's hard, but how can it be THAT hard?? Surely I'd be able to manage? I'm one of 3 and even mum says to me 3 is really hard - "You've only got 2 hands!"
What is it about the 3rd that makes it so much harder than 2?
MothersMilk
22-10-2010, 08:21
Ah this is a thread i need right now - DH and i are umming and ahhing about having a third. One day we think it's a brilliant idea and the next the idea makes me feel queasy. :dizzy:
I have heard a few people say that the transition from 2 to 3 is easier than 1 to 3 - that the third just kinda fits in with everything and isn't as much of an adjustment. Anyone find that to be true?
Also age gaps - what are peoples thoughts there? I have a 2yr old and a 6 month old - we can't decide whether to just bite the bullet and try early next year or wait it out and reconsider when the first 2 are older. DH isn't keen on waiting too long as he already feels too old at 33 and i'm not keen on waiting years either but also don't want to put myself in a position where i can't cope by rushing into it.
Such a hard choice.
Sorry OP i just kinda took over with my questions, hope you don't mind :o
Do you find it difficult? no more so than the 2 i already had
Is it really much harder than 2? nope
What is the best thing? him. he is such a beautiful sweet boy:cloud9:
What is the worst thing? morning sickness with other kids, sleep deprivation with other kids
If you could step back in time would you still have number 3? absolutely without a doubt
MothersMilk
22-10-2010, 08:33
smog can i ask what age gaps you have?
My question is.. what about other factors... are there any Mum's who's third baby was easy so is was easier then they thought to have a third? yes and no, in personality he is really easy but has a sleep condition and didnt sleep for like 2 yrs pretty much at all, that was hard
What are the experiences of the Mum's who have had 3 with how hard/easy their third was as a baby.. any patterns?? hmm my 3 were all diff. #1 a cranky fussy baby who didnt sleep very much. #2 was an easy peasy baby, slept fed had reflux but was a happy chucker. was an awful difficult toddler and is now 7yo with no signs of improvement. #3 was a difficult baby , never ever slept, cried a lot had bad reflux and was in a lot of pain. super easy toddler though with a really sweet personality.
I have heard a few people say that the transition from 2 to 3 is easier than 1 to 3 - that the third just kinda fits in with everything and isn't as much of an adjustment. Anyone find that to be true? having # 3 was def easier than having #1 was
Also age gaps - what are peoples thoughts there? I have a 2yr old and a 6 month old - we can't decide whether to just bite the bullet and try early next year or wait it out and reconsider when the first 2 are older. DH isn't keen on waiting too long as he already feels too old at 33 and i'm not keen on waiting years either but also don't want to put myself in a position where i can't cope by rushing into it.
Such a hard choice. mine are spaced 6yr gap, then 4.5 yr gap. the big gap def made it easier but in hindsight i do wish id had them closer. i think 3yrs would be nice but i wouldnt know for sure
Electric Rodeo
22-10-2010, 08:37
We have 3 kids and are currently ttc our #4th so I guess that means I love having 3 :laughing:
I have an 18mth gap between my first two and then 26mth between 2 and 3.
I found going from 2-3 easier than from 1-2.
The older two even thoughthey were still young at 3 and 2yo had each other for extra entertainment while I fed etc.
Personality/temperament of third probably determines how they blend in with the family. Ours is very easygoing, has had lots of health problems but when she is well is a very smiley, content little girl.
I figured babies get easier the more you have as they get used to waiting that little bit longer for things from the get go, they get used to being disturbed as you go about your usual activities (drop offs for preschool/playgroup/swimming).
I could be wrong about 3rd babies of course but I haven't found my 3 to be hard work. We certainly have had our share of sleep deprivation/tantrums/fighting etc but the good in this house definitely outweighs the bad.
But now that I have 3 I can't wait to have a 4th. Even want to try and convince Dh we need a 5th:p
My recommendation is DO IT!:D
Aaah smog - that's the kind of story I want to hear!
Edit -reading your second post it seems it's not quite so straightforward!
i ticked i have 3 and its a breeze;) its the closest to our reality. i prob wouldnt say breeze but pretty much all of the difficulties in this family revolve around 1 child and he is not #3;). so having the 3rd doesnt make it any harder than it already was iykwim?
haha yes but being 3rd even though he was a bit hard i think i coped a lot better. i knew what to expect and even though i guess he was harder than my other 2 as babies it didnt seem like it as i knew it was going to be hard kwim? i think if he had been my first i would have really struggled.
i dunno i did just find it pretty easy. he slotted into our family like as if he had always been there. and there has never even been a moment where ive thought of what mightve been had i not had him. kwim?
even though on paper he was harder than my first in reality he didnt feel harder. now he is 2 and is really just the sunshine of our entire family:sunshine::goodvibes: the other kids dote on him like he is a little doll or pet:laughing: they love him to bits.
i too wondered if it would be too hard, partly because my 2nd child is hard and so difficult-he has some special needs and as a result is incredibly behaviourally challenged. but really i found it all pretty easy. im hoping #4 fits in easily too;)
3boysnpregnant
22-10-2010, 09:40
My number 3 is awesome! He literally just slipped right in as If he had always been here!
His brothers didn't feel (or show) any rivalry.
I actually found it a really easy transition. I was really worried before I got pregnant and right through the pregnancy and If I had of been here (on bubhub) I probably would of started the same thread.
I don't feel outnumbered by them at all.. In fact we are nearly due with number 4 we enjoyed number 3 so much! But we dont feel out numbered because we both have two hands... One for each child. And ds 1 is 8 so he is always helpful as a 3 IC!
I must admit though seeing as I found 2-3 an easy transition I'm worried about my 3-4!
3boysnpregnant
22-10-2010, 09:42
Oh forgot to answer the most important question you had! If I could go back I would have him all over again! Iv never regretted it at all!
My age gaps 1-2 was 3 years and 9 months 2-3 was 3 years and 5 months and my age gap this time should be 1 year and 9 months!
Making the decision to have more children is always difficult. For me the hardest transition was going from 1-2 as that's when I started juggling needs. 3 was a breeze, and I don't even find having 4 kids very hard. As the saying goes "Find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life". I think this pretty much sums it up for me. :yes:
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I really don't know how I'll make the decision. I guess as the time to TTC draws closer I'll know what to do...
Annabella
22-10-2010, 23:28
Other- My third child is a breeze, but #1 & 2 are hard work!
I've got 3, it wasn't by choice - I had one and then I had twins. But it is awesome - i wouldn't change a thing. In fact I love it so much I am expecting baby #4!
I say go for it!
junglejane75
25-10-2010, 14:51
We have three beautiful children aged 5,2 and 8 months. I have 18 months and 3 days between my beautiful girls (2 and 3) and I wouldn't change it for all the money in the world. I remember everyone telling me life was going to be sooooooooo hard, YOU HAVE YOUR BAD DAYS (more than you want) but there are days when my 2 year old daughter wakes from a sleep and her first words to me are 'i love you too mum' :kiss: and my heart just melts. Every child is special you just have to remember this when they are having a bad day.
Good luck deciding
I have three kids. When my third was born we had three under four. For the first 6 months of my DS's (no. 3) life I honestly would not have had a third had we been given the choice. It's a hard thing to say because obviously I love my DS to bits and couldn't imagine my life without him but I simply did not enjoy being a mum to three small children. It was hard work, DS was a lot of work himself and I felt like I was seriously failing as a mother to my older two kids.
Now he's almost one and things are easier and I love having three and I'm so glad DS surprised us but I have no interest in re-living the experience. DH also works a lot of hours so a lot of the parenting falls on me. It made dinner/baths/bedtime really difficult at first and every night I would get the kids to bed and just want to cry. I hated it. I really didn't expect to find it so difficult. I found two under two a breeze.
It's a hard call to make...I do think the age gaps made it harder but one year on I'm glad they're all close in age so I wouldn't change it now. One year on I would choose to have three kids again. Ideally I'd like four but I'm really not willing to repeat that first year again so I'm glad we made the permanent decision to stop at three when I was pregnant because now I don't have to try and make up my mind. I can just enjoy my life with my three gorgeous kids!
Hey Areca - Thanks for your honesty :) If I do end up having #3 I'll have 3 under 4 too. From what you've said, and the general feeling I get from most people I talk to, the first 6 to 12 months will be very tough. Luckily my DP is mostly hands on - he is home in time for arsenic hour most nights - so that might make it a bit easier.
Good luck making your mind up! I think it's one of those things...do you see yourself with two or three children when they're all older? The baby years are very short in comparison to a life time so if you can't imagine your whole life with just two children then have the third and write the first year off :laughing:
MummaFug
26-10-2010, 17:31
I asked this question to a friend who had their 3rd 6 mths ago (their children have the same age diff as mine will)
His reply was that NOTHING is more difficult than going from no children to one. No-one ever says that but it is so so true. The adjustments we make when we become parents are moe difficult than any other time :)
LuvMy4Babes
14-11-2010, 19:19
I picked "other" as I have 4 children. My situation is a little different as, after my marriage broke down a year ago, I'm single parenting my children with very little input from their father. It is HARD work! But I love them and it's not their fault the marriage broke down so I try my best to not get impatient with them when I'm so tired I can barely stand up!
BUT in answering your questions the choice to have 3 (and 4) was quite easy - I simply did not feel 'done' after 2, the overwhelming urge to have another baby just would not go away. I didn't find 3 any harder than 2, but I know a lot of people find the jump from 2 to 3 to be a massive shock to the system. It definitely helped that she was a very very easygoing placid baby. I don't know how ppl cope with number 3, 4, 5 etc. if their baby is colicky or sick a lot.
Good luck, it's not a decision that's easy :)
LuvMy4Babes
14-11-2010, 19:20
His reply was that NOTHING is more difficult than going from no children to one. No-one ever says that but it is so so true. The adjustments we make when we become parents are moe difficult than any other time :)
I tell people this ALL THE TIME lol. Nothing prepares you for the first-time shock of the 24/7 job of a new baby, the chronic sleep deprivation, etc. Any baby after 1 is easy :laughing:
Thermolicious
14-11-2010, 19:30
Great thread, thank you!
mandy2007
15-11-2010, 15:49
we want 4 cause 3 ya get middle child syndrome seen it so much and i say nar go 4 whats 1 more
His reply was that NOTHING is more difficult than going from no children to one. No-one ever says that but it is so so true. The adjustments we make when we become parents are moe difficult than any other time :)
I totally disagree with this! Going from 0-1 was a big transition in my life and I was certainly able to just 'get on with life' more when my third was born because I was a lot more confident in myself as a parent but the most difficult time of my parenting life was the first 6 months of DS's life by a long shot.
12 months on and I'm really loving having three kids. I'm so glad we have him and so glad the first year is over :laughing:
I'm not concerned about 'middle child syndrome' either.
raisingthree
18-11-2010, 10:19
Do you find it difficult?
Is it really much harder than 2?
What is the best thing?
What is the worst thing?
If you could step back in time would you still have number 3?
I had dreadful morning sickness with all three, eventually being put on maxalon and phenergan which made me tired but helped greatly.
It is harder than 2 - you only have 2 hands! Some days I find much harder than others though and now my first two are at school I am finding it easier.
Best thing - when they play well together.
Worst thing - when they argue and in a supermarket when they "urge each other on to yell and scream and run".
Yes I would still have my third if I could step back in time.....today thats my answer - tommorrow may be different! Maybe its because they are all at school/pre-school at the moment :laughing:
DoneAndDusted
20-11-2010, 20:36
I picked that I have three, it's hard work but I love it... but tbh right now it is pretty easy.
Reason being for picking 'its hard work' is my DD is only 5wks old and I know it is going o get a little more testing once she is not a 'newborn' any more :yes:
I honestly didn't find the transition from 2 to 3 that hard (but it is early days), infact lately for anyone who asks me, my answer is that I could forget that I have her most days as she is such a settled bub. But that is just it she is a really happy, settled and content little baby... whereas DS2 had severe reflux among a few other issues and I had she been anything like him I would most likely be pulling my hair out by now, honestly I don;t know how I would have coped!
My boys are just 4 and 19mths... baby #3 was an unexpected surprise! I was actually done at two after always wanting three. But right now I could not be happier that we have her and would never wish anything to be different.
I wish you all the best with your decision :)
I found going from 1 to 2 harder then going from 2 to 3. It has been pretty easy, and I definately recommend the smaller age gap. DD#1 was in prep when I had DS#1.
The Girls Only Club
17-12-2010, 10:53
My 1 & 2 are 16months apart but my 3rd came 9 years later.The older 2 can do most things themselves which leaves more time with the baby.So in my case it was easy.
Do you find it difficult?
YES for me though I strongly believe it's because of the small age gap. If it had been 3 yrs + it would have been much easier. The 3.5yr gap between DS and DD was perfect, I found having 2 children easier than 1, but the 21 month gap between DD and DD2 is very challenging!
Is it really much harder than 2?
YES see above.
What is the best thing?
DD and DS adore their baby sister, its wonderful seeing them with her, and DS goes to school next yr, DD would have missed him horribly but now she has a little sister to keep her company.
What is the worst thing?
odd number, worried about one always being left out.
If you could step back in time would you still have number 3?
YES, but with a 3-4yr gap.
Hokey Pokey
30-12-2010, 17:00
We have 4 daughters and would not have it any other way =)
I have 3, I love it and would LOVE another one :cheerleader1:
tinkerbell87
30-12-2010, 18:11
I want 5 I've got one beautiful ds so just got to find a wonderful husband and baby daddy lol
I was much the same after having my 2 daughters, though we always said we would have 3. My daughters are 2.5 years apart and it was very hard going from one to two, mainly cos my first was such a difficult baby/toddler.
It took us over 3 years of umming and ahhing before we decided we would try for number 3. I am so glad we did and now desperately want another one!! My 3 are now 8, 5 and 1.
My son has such a beautiful, placid nature, I just could not imagine life without him. With us I think the big age gap helped as the older 2 could amuse themselves while I fed/settled the baby. The first few months were hard cos DS was a terrible sleeper and had reflux so would scream after every single feed. It was hard being exhausted but still having to be up and ready early to take the other 2 to school or kindy, however I was often able to nap during the day as it was often just my son and me home. Once those first few months were over I have fouond it a breeze and am so glad we decided to have 3. Just watching the 3 of them play together, and my daughters trying to teach him how to do things is just priceless!! I now don't think it is that much harder than just having the 2.
I voted for other as I have 3 - one very new little man
I believe it may be hard work some days but at the moment it is a breeze and the extra one apart from the car seat really isn't that hard. I always wanted 4 but no3 wasn't even planned just yet but he is so meant to be. I think you need to sit in a quite place and picture your family with the 2 and then the 3 and work out what is best for you. I had a pretty intense birth due to no doc at the hospital and bleeding issues so at the time of having no3 which is only 9 days ago I said to DH that is it 3 will be all we are having. 9 days later and I am already working out when no4 will be conceived LOL!
Good luck with your decision but honestly 3 is amazing the older one's help and adore their new sibling even if they do have jealous moments!!
Karatate
05-01-2011, 18:26
We are currently trying for number 3. Always thought I'd only have 2 but things change I suppose. Good luck on your decision.
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