age requirements of 25 - does it apply to all surrogacy's in VIC?

[alyceandeloise]

ive been scouring the threads trying to figure out where i saw someone say they found that the age requirement of 25 (for the surrogate mother) was for AL? surrogacies (not sure if that was the term used or not, have a terrible memory) and not applicaple for IVF surrogacies?
is there any way around the age requirements, or is it set in stone? if the surrogate was 22, would that definatley make it impossible?
is it considered on a case by case basis, for example, that the person has already had their own child and are stable emotionally and mentally, and all other factors were perfect, would that not matter?

ALSO: What is the age requirement for surrogates in NSW?

[Millicent]

NSW requirements...

"The surrogate must have had at least one child, and be over the age of 21."

Vic requirements...

" The surrogate has previously carried a pregnancy and given birth to a live child. The surrogate is at least 25 years of age."

Found this information easily by googling.

[Millicent]

To answer your other question it is generally handled in a case by case manner. But you cannot get around the minimum requirements.

[Millicent]

I just read your post on wanting another child and your hubby doesn't. I would strongly suggest you think surrogacy through VERY carefully before jumping into it. To have the strong emotions you obviously have about wanting another child and not being able to, it concerns me that you are now thinking of being a surrogate. I probably sound harsh, but as a person that has been researching surrogacy for over 8 years I have seen some very sad outcomes when people rush into doing surrogacy.

I knew 8 years ago I wanted to do it, but I also knew I wanted to make 100% sure I was finished with my own family first. Now I am sure I have and both my husband and myself are very much on the same page about me doing this. How does your husband feel about you being a surrogate? Most men, even the most supportive take time to get used to the idea. We talked about it for at least a year before we were both sure about going ahead. I have also since been an egg donor and we both feel that has helped us to understand some of the processes we will have to go through with surrogacy and helped prepare us.

You need to very seriously examine your own feelings about how you will deal emotionally with the pregnancy and the birth. Seeing as you so desperately want another child, are you very sure you will be able to hand that baby over? And even if you can are you sure that it won't take too big an emotional toll on you? Ultimately you need to think first of yourself, your husband and your child. If this ends badly, even just emotionally for you, what effect will it have on them?

Secondly, most couples you would seek to help have been through a hell of a lot of heart ache as I am sure you recognise. For their sake it needs to be as happy and relaxed a journey as possible. Last thing they need is guilt about causing issues in your life if things do go a bit pear shaped. Trust me most people I have spoken to needing a surrogate are very mindful of the effect on the surrogate and I know any difficulties would cause most of them a lot of guilt. Something to think about anyway...

Lastly, to become a surrogate you need to do counselling with your husband and get his consent. If he isn't 100% on board and the counsellor senses this you probably won't get approval. So if you hubby isn't happy with the idea of you being a surrogate you can pretty say good bye to the idea.

Once again I am sorry if I come across harsh. But this is a situation where it doesn't help to try and sugar coat things. Too many people are at risk of getting hurt. Including yourself. Please think very long and hard before going ahead and even talking to any couples until you are 110% sure this is the right thing for you. I would suggest you do a lot more research, google is a huge help. You can also join a yahoo group called surroaustralia (surroaustralia@yahoogroups.com (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/surroaustralia@yahoogroups.com)) which you should seriously consider joining. They have lots of helpful information for anyone wanting to be a surrogate or trying to find one.

Best of luck.

[alyceandeloise]

you make it sound like your anti-surrogacy. you don't know me, my personality, my heart and my intentions. this is why there arent enough people out there willing to be a suggorate, because there is such a negative stigma attatched to it. yes, i do want another child of my own, but my post was about getting over the "obsession" of wanting another child. Years before I had my own child my boss went through a very difficult time having a second child with her husband, (her first child was from a previous marraige) and watched her go through the heartache, and even asked me to be a surrogate for her. but of course at this stage i was a little too young and hadnt had my own child at that point. i have always been mindful and empathetic of people who want a child so badly yet cannot concieve. to come across this again in posts reminded me of something i was very passionate about in the past, but my selfishness of wanting to fulfill my own needs got in the way. i feel very lucky for what i have, and everytime i look at my beautiful daughter i think of the ache those couples must feel everyday. knowing what they have been through makes me cry for a little while, but this is how they feel everyday. i think it is a little unfair that you be so negative towards me when i have the best of intentions at heart, and truly want to help someone else. i am also a foster parent, which involves months of nurturing a child, and then handing the child back when its time. Why would anyone keep a child from a gestational surrogate pregnancy? no matter what the silly laws say, it wasnt even your child to begin with. your simply "fostering" the child until it is old enough to survive in the outside world. problems would arise when it is thought of any other way. and as for my husband. he doesnt have a problem with it, he supports me in everything i do, with the exception of having another child. and being a surrogate is not having another child. i am simply growing this child in my body until it is ready to live on its own, and returning the child back to its parents.
sometimes people get hurt, in any situation. as with any relationship, there are always cases where you are betrayed. but does this stop you from living, from trusting? it shoudnt. but going on a huge negative rampage of a rant isnt going to fix this. the only thing that will do is add to the negative stigma already attatched to surrogacy.
like you said. there is a huge amount of councelling involved in the application process. so maybe instead of deciding who you think should be a surrogate, you should let the professionals do the job.

[Millicent]

You are right, I do not know you at all, so can only offer advice as I would to anyone in your shoes. I am sorry you have taken this as me being negative towards you, it isn't at all. Rather just pointing out things I had pointed out to me when I started out on this journey. I am far from anti-surrogacy as I am currently weeks away from my first appointments in becoming one. I am not sure why you have taken it as negative (I was aiming for realistic), but I understand tone is very hard to "read" with online communication. I am very positive about surrogacy and encourage anyone that is interested, whilst also trying to offer realistic advice.

It was your other posts that did concern me a bit and why I chose to post again. You did only post a week ago about "how can i either convince him to have another baby or get over this obsessive want for another child?" The use of the word obsessive did send up red flags for me, and I know many other involved in the surrogacy world that would have a similar reaction. I would rather say something to someone and risk upsetting them in this sort of situation than not say anything and have something bad happen. Hope that makes sense?

I didn't make the comment in my last post, but after my 2nd child I desperately wanted a 3rd and my husband didn't. It was a big issue for us for a long while. I suppose that's one of the reasons I felt concerned that you wanted to be a surrogate. I remember how I felt when I was going through that and I knew I wasn't in the right emotional place to do something like surrogacy. Not saying you are the same, but figured you might be at the time.

You make a good comment with the fostering and I know it would help to give you an idea on how you might cope with handing over a baby. I have fostered in the past and know that it helped me to know to some degree how I might manage. It is good to know you have had that experience.

You have some good motivations (and I am sure good intentions) for wanting to be a surrogate which I completely understand as my reasons have been much the same. It always helps to know these things to get a better understanding of a situation. Which was what I was basically trying to do. Get a better understanding and hopefully give some good advice. Ultimately in reading your post my immediate concern was for you and how things might turn out for you if you hadn't put lots of time and research into surrogacy before making the decision to do it.

I will say I didn't feel at any time I was trying to tell you who should and shouldn't do surrogacy. I just was trying to get you thinking about some of the possible ramifications there could be and things to think about before jumping into it. I am very glad there are people that are well qualified helping to decide who is suitable to do surrogacy as I believe it helps to protect not only the intended parents but also the potential surrogate.

You mention "Why would anyone keep a child from a gestational surrogate pregnancy?" I can't answer that question having not been in that position, but I can say it has happened. Probably more often than you would think. Which is why it is so important for anyone considering becoming a surrogate that they really examine how they think they might feel once the baby is born and it is time for them to hand the baby over to its parents.

I know it won't be a simple and easy transition after birth from all the stories I have read, and from what 2 close friends that have been surrogates have said. Reality is that all the hormones running around your body after birth do mean it can be harder than you imagine. Even though you brain logically knows you don't want the baby and you are very happy to see the baby with it's parents, unfortunately your body can tell you very different things. I was a bit surprised at first when I found this out, I naively thought it would all be pretty easy. But I am glad I know now so I can prepare myself for that before the time comes. That way I know whatever emotions do come up I will be prepared for them and better armed to deal with them. And I can also prepare my husband, family and friends in case I do have some down days. Better to be over prepared I figure.

I truly wish you all the best in your journey to be a surrogate and hope to see you at surroaustralia as it is a really good resource.

[Mama2many]

Hi there!!

I just wanted to jump in, I think it may have been one of my posts u were referring to with the age limit thing, as I was only 23 at the time of entering into the surrogacy agreement. However the Victorian law states that the surrogate should be 25 to undergo AI (artifical insems) which would be if you were going to be a traditional surrogate. However I was a gestational surrogate, and therefore used IVF so we got around the law that way. HOWEVER....we were the first case to go through the Vic courts, so this may have been amended.
In regards to Millicents comments. She is 100% spot on. I don't think for one moment she was doubting your motives or anything like that, but take it from me, it is a massive thing to do. You have to constantly override your bodies natural responses to things. For example, after having a baby, your natural instincts are nature and nurse, but when you don't have a baby to do that too, you have to constantly remind yourself that you did the right thing, add the post pregnancy hormones to that mix and it's difficult.
When you go through the psych side of things, it's very very full on. And I have to tell you I most certainly was not prepared for some of the questions that were thrown my way. For example, what if you were in an accident and on life support, would you be kept alive to keep the baby alive??
I know of a case very recently that has gone extremely pair shaped in the worst possible way, it appears the surro terminated the pregnancy at 22 weeks gestation.
The thing is, she probably wasn't in the right frame of mind, or had prepared herself emotionally or mentally for what was happening to her.
With my case, I ended up in and out of hospital for the last 5 weeks with bleeding, then ended up having to have an emergency c - section. I hadn't prepared for that. I had 2 weeks after I came home (after spending 5 days in hospital) where I could barley do anything. I also had 22 weeks of really bad morning sickness as well, which I'd never had before, but was told it could be a result of the drugs you have to take during the first trimester or so.
I wasn't prepared for the time it would take away from my children, or the things it would prevent me from doing with my children, even though I vowed I wouldn't let it interrupt their lives, inevitable it did.
Don't get me wrong. It was THE most amazing experince of my life, and I would do it all over again in a heart beat, with out a hesitation or doubt in my mind.
But just like Millicent, I would strongly recommend do alot of research into it, joining the site she recommended, and taking the time to get to know people in the same boat.
The thing I struggled with the most during the pregnancy, was that I felt so alone. I mean I had the support of everyone around me, but they all had these preconcieved ideas about how I should be feeling, and it wasn't the case, and it was so hard to explain to people that weren't in that situation. So the more support you have around you, the better and more prepared you'll be.
It's an amazing thing for you to consider doing, just take a bit of time and really really make sure it's something you can handle right now.
Best of Luck!

[myleysmummy]

I hope you are ok Hun :-) and may I ask where you are from ?