i want a 2nd child but hubby doesnt- affecting our sex life

[alyceandeloise]

before i married my husband we agreed we would have at least 2 kids. (i wanted 3). our only child, our daughter is 2 soon and ive been wanting to start trying for a while to have our second, but he has decided he doesnt want anymore kids. i have explained over and over how important it is to me, and tried so hard to change his mind but wont budge. he doesnt even have a reason he says "because i just dont". i feel so upset and resentful towards him. when he wants to get close i usually get a little excited thinking maybe it will just happen accidently and he would warm up to the idea. then he gets out a condom and i feel instantly deflated. it completely ruins the moment and i cant enjoy any of it from that point. i dont want to punish him by withholding sex but i dont feel like it anymore because im so upset.
how can i either convince him to have another baby or get over this obsessive want for another child?

[SalTheGal]

Hi, I was coming into this section to basically start a thread about the same thing! (not the sex issue so much, but the stalemate about having another child)

We have 2 children, and before DS2 was born, I knew I wanted a 3rd. My DH however does not... he is adamant that he only wants his 2boys.

Its so hard, because like you I do not know how to get past this stalemate.... what do you do when two people who are meant to be united want two very different things.... and its a child being brought into this world- a life long commitment, which makes it all the more serious.

We are at the stage now where I am not sure I can continue to spend the rest of my life with a man who doesn't want anymore children, as I cannot fathom the thought of never having another baby.

We have talked about counselling, to try and work through it- and so that I can maybe try to work out where my heart lies, and where we go to from here.

:hugs: I wish I had the magic answer! If you find it- let me know! :hugs:

[PippaG]

We are in the same position although I have come round to the idea of only having one to some degree. My DH wouldn't entertain the idea of having a second, and although I wasn't in any rush I would have liked another baby. I've thought about this a lot and I just don't see how you can compromise on something like this as there really isn't a middle ground.

In the end the way I see it is that I love my DS and my husband, I love our little family. For me to say I want another child so much that I'm happy to leave my DH and find someone else to have children with, it felt too much like me saying DS isn't good enough, or enough for me. I can't split his family up on the off chance I happen to find someone I love as much as DH who also wants children.

I know this isn't an easy stage to get to though, and I still bring the topic up of a second child from time to time. :hugs: to you both

[alyceandeloise]

I dont want to leave my husband, even though he doesnt agree with me on this, and alot of other things, he does let me get my own way with alot of things, and after reading about all the couples ttc and then searching desperatley for a surrogate i feel a little selfish for whining to him about it now because we already have one beautiful child, which is more than others. i feel humbled to be more content with what i have and make the most of it. having a child has been the most beautiful experience in my life, and i feel so upset that so many others want it so much yet find it so hard. i think this will resonate with me for a long time. reading people's stories on how hard it has been makes me cry for a while, but thats how they feel, all day, everyday with a hole in their heart only a child can fill. its real to them. i feel very lucky today.