Insensitive people...

[CluckySC]

Have you had anyone be insensitive or thoughless about your loss? I've been lucky with such support generally but had a message from a friend today saying

"Hey, I've started this great new party plan selling candles and I was wondering if you could do a party for me at your house for it? I know you lost your baby last week but it would really help me out" :eek:

I haven't seen this girl for a year and a half but still know her on facebook so she knows everything that's happened and how shattered I was. I only had the d&c last Tuesday for Gods sakes... I'm still trying to find relevance in grocery shopping, clothes, cooking dinner, meeting friends, cleaning the house... party plan relevance - no way!

[JabberJaw]

:hugs:

Some people just don't it and unknowingly lack empathy.

:hugs:

[danni3]

huge hugs to you hunny :hugs: how very not on of your 'friend'. I know where she can stick her candles :rolleyes: I am sorry you have had someone be so insensitive but pleased you have other support around you:hugs:

[NonnyMouse]

I would reply back with "Is this some sort of sick joke????"

Insenstive would be asking you do to a party plan at this point in time, but adding that last bit "I know you lost your baby last week but it would really help me out" goes into the realm of extremely insulting.

[~Candy~]

Heck yesss...I took super early unpaid maternity leave as soon as I could because I struggle with pregnancy sickness/fluid retention and severe carpel tunnel syndrome while trying to attend my family & home let alone trying to work (heavy lifting and very physical). My unpaid maternity leave has been accepted and just because I have had a M/C does NOT mean I am alright to go back to work and pretend all is fine :no:
I keep getting messages..."when are you comming back to work?"
FFS Ping offffffffffff

I have an approved 12 months off and I will use it to TTC again.

[sunnyflower]

:eek:

I am gobsmacked.

I would certainly be texting back and telling her where she can shove her stupid candles...

[BabelFish]

Oh my God. What a tool.

I wouldn't grace her with a response.

I'm terribly sorry for your loss :hugs:

[faroutbrusselsprout]

Oh. My. God. Insensitive doesn't even cut it. Is she kidding??? I'm so sorry for your loss and having to deal with such a complete lack of.......brains! Hugs.

[River Song]

yup, sadly some people don't get it.

my 2nd ivf ended in miscarriage...when i told a friend she said "oh, sorry you got your period":no::no::confused:

hug, i am so sorry for your loss

[Feebs04]

:eek:

I would certainly be texting back and telling her where she can shove her stupid candles...

:iagree:

I split with my ex husband a few weeks after I had my 2nd miscarriage. On hearing this news, one of the girls at my work suggested I go out and get pregnant to some random guy "before it's too late"!!!!!! :banghead:

[angelbubswithwings]

Hey Clucky,

It does seem pretty insensitive from your friend but I truly believe some people just don't get it. They don't understand the impact that it has on your entire life and the grief you are feeling towards your loss, the loss of your dream and your baby.

I encourage you to try not to take it to heart. I have heard so often that after you experience miscarriage or still birth you really discover who your true friends are and i believe that. But then there are also some who just don't get it!

If you do feel like you need to respond don't assume that the person sending the text is being malicious, maybe just explain that you are still recovering mentally and physically.

My sister in law didn't understand why I could no longer sell Mary Kay after my loss - the thought of standing in front of all those women and being positive when i just wanted to scream at everyone and shut myself away was too much to bear. It took her months to stop asking me and then in the end she now hardly speaks to me.
I am sending lots of love your way and hoping you can rise above and not let it get to you.

xx

[sweetseven]

I subscribe to the theory, you don't know if you don't ask.

She might've thought that the candles partyplan may've been a welcome distraction.

So whilst it is definately not appropriate for you at this time, I don't see the simple question as offensive in itself. And she acknowledged your loss also, which is better than ignoring it all together.

A simple refusal (also mentioning that you are not interested in attending a candle party hosted by someone else either) is the best response in my mind.

If you don't she may continue to bring the subject up - which you definately dont want.

However, if she does push after you refuse, then that would be extremely rude and insensitive.

[CluckySC]

Heck yesss...I took super early unpaid maternity leave as soon as I could because I struggle with pregnancy sickness/fluid retention and severe carpel tunnel syndrome while trying to attend my family & home let alone trying to work (heavy lifting and very physical). My unpaid maternity leave has been accepted and just because I have had a M/C does NOT mean I am alright to go back to work and pretend all is fine :no:
I keep getting messages..."when are you comming back to work?"
FFS Ping offffffffffff

I have an approved 12 months off and I will use it to TTC again.

Good for you! Not to mention the fact that having some time to take care of yourself will be a Godsend as you get over your mc and carry your next child. :yes:


yup, sadly some people don't get it.

my 2nd ivf ended in miscarriage...when i told a friend she said "oh, sorry you got your period":no::no::confused:


Ohhhhh that's bad. But like you said, people don't get it. I don't think I even really got it until it happened. I was never insensitive, but I didn't understand the same way either. Some people just seem to be graced with a more severe case of foot in mouth :rolleyes:


:iagree:

I split with my ex husband a few weeks after I had my 2nd miscarriage. On hearing this news, one of the girls at my work suggested I go out and get pregnant to some random guy "before it's too late"!!!!!! :banghead:

Charming. Just what you needed to hear I bet! :no:

I sent my friend a message back saying that since I was grieving over the loss of our much loved baby and I hadn't seen her for so long I found it pretty insensitive that she'd ask at the moment, but that I wish her the best with her business. She ended up ringing up later to apologise. Now that I've calmed down I know that she didn't mean it to sound the way it did. Had she been a close friend who I saw weekly saying "hey i'm starting a business can you host this for me when you feel better" I wouldn't have minded at all. It was from someone I saw so rarely asking for a party related favour when she knew what had happened that was quite off.

But it sounds like some people just generally lack a bit of tact and don't get it, which is ok, I just don't have my thick skin on yet