we are cruel parents

[jessgray]

last night was my youngest sisters 16th bday party. and it was alright. i think i ended up annoying her stepmum asking if i could help with anything ( she is due with #2 today).
anyway, after a nice BBQ dinner, there was the usual cake and desserts. and one of my sisters aunties informed me and DP we were cruel for not letting ds1 have cake :rolleyes:
dp explained ds's allergies and what happens when ds has dairy or soy. but we were still cruel according to this auntie coz all kids love cake.
mad me so PO:banghead: we could have sat there till we were blue in the face and she still would have said we were cruel.
yes we are so cruel to make sure ds doesnt eat something he will react to :mad:
if that ladies kids hadnt of eaten the special mousse (it had lactose free milk in it) made up for ds1 he would have been able to eat dessert with the other kids.

i just couldnt belive i was told i was cruel less then 30 mins after ds1 had spewed on me after eating some rice that had some sort of nut in it (not sure if it was peanut)

[babylover111]

Oh you poor thing. Its horrible when you have to put up with things like that, especially when someone thinks they know better than you and dont know your childs history at all :banghead:

[Karizma]

:banghead: dont they just annoy ya... they act like they know so much better. How rude, you are not a bad parent, she should just mind her own buisness and butt out.

[SamanthaJane]

Are you serious?!

They are the cruel people!! As if you'd purposely give a child something they were allergic to ?!?!

[jessgray]

DP had been talking to the auntie's hubby before then about ds's allergies and stuff coz someone had asked who's lactose free formula was on the table lol
its so annoying when people presume we know nothing about raising a child just coz we are young.
i felt sorry for my bro's gf she is due in january with #1 bub and the same auntie made jokes that were me and cass (my bros gf ) were sitting was the pregnant corner. she didnt really talk to us much after i said "unlike stupidity pregnancy isnt contagious (sp?) ) :D

[*My Lil Blondie*]

Are you serious?!

They are the cruel people!! As if you'd purposely give a child something they were allergic to ?!?!

Exactly!!!

[Irish Dad]

oh dear your Auntie is a silly cow :banghead:

[Funkychicken]

It is unfortunate that quite a number (not all) of people from the previous generation to ours seem to think that children need cake and other sweet things to be happy. My mum cannot 'get it' when I try to express my concern about her offering them 'junk' whenever they visit. She justifies herself by saying, "But they don't eat it very often". This is the whole point-because they rarely eat this sort of food, the reaction in their behaviour shows up pretty quicl=kly and we, the parents, are the ones who then have to spend the next few days with them while they are coming down off it! Cranky and emotional children, due to too much sugar and additives, are not nice to be around!
Jess, you are bound to come across this type of situation many more times as your DS grows-apart from explaining, as you did, there isn't a lot more you can do except be vigilant in the presence of these people. Try smiling a lot when you explain as this baffles people. Or give them a really long scientific explanantion and just completely confuse them! :rolleyes:

[indigoin0z]

OHHH, i so know how you feel...

for a different reason i am very restrictive for my childrens diets..

[we have serious obesity on both sides of the family, as well as some neurological compulsion to eat for no good reason & i Will Not put my kids through what i have been through all my life -even though mine was mainly instigated thru traumatic childhood etc-]

i choose to do the best by my kids, by going as natural as we can for their food...
we dont eat [or keep to an absolute minimum] unneccesary/irrelevant foods such as sweets/chips/cordials & artificial packet mixes etc
not just because the more they have these things the more they want & expect it to be the norm,
but also because of my history,
i really am learning how chemicals & sugars/flavours etc can play with SOME peoples mind/body/spirits...
& my youngest son shows signs of ADHD like symptoms [which i also experience] & i really dont want to set him up with habits that are absolutely contradictory to his best interest & wellbeing [he has to fight even harder to cope with every day life, because some foods are like drugs to him]


i just really hate it too..
ive had sheer hell from my MIL & her family ever since my first sons birth...
theyre motto they live by is 'more is more'... & if you deprive your children of short term gratification you are a bad parent...
so when i say no i dont want my son to have a biscuit/ice-cream/2 adult portions of hot-chips, i get the guilt trips...
at least they ask now, for at least a year they would just feed & feed my sons even when their bellies were about to burst... [even after i told them my youngest had a hernia!! WTF:eek: ]

why cant people see/respect & be proud of the parents who really are trying to do the right thing by their kids...

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

[jessgray]

Irish Dad- she isnt actually my aunty (confusing i know lol) she is my 2 brothers and youngest sister's aunty (we have different father's and its fathers sister)

Funkychicken-DP did give a graphic explanation of the after effects of ds eating dairy and soy lol i dont know how anyone in the room could eat after that :laughing:

[jessgray]

at least they ask now, for at least a year they would just feed & feed my sons even when their bellies were about to burst... [even after i told them my youngest had a hernia!! WTF:eek: ]

why cant people see/respect & be proud of the parents who really are trying to do the right thing by their kids...

:banghead: :banghead:
omg they still wouldnt listen when you said your son had a hernia :shame:

[indigoin0z]

It is unfortunate that quite a number (not all) of people from the previous generation to ours seem to think that children need cake and other sweet things to be happy. My mum cannot 'get it' when I try to express my concern about her offering them 'junk' whenever they visit. She justifies herself by saying, "But they don't eat it very often".

ARGGGGGHHHHHH!!
this infuriates me!!

why dont they learn to offer them time & distraction & love outside of materialism & short-term gratification!!

i suggested when the Inlaws came over once, instead of 'taking them out for food & buying them things', we are going to stay home & i got the boys to take some books to the grandparents...
the look on their face was like i'd asked them to strip naked!
"what!!! reeeeead to my grandchildren, how is that showing i love them"
of course they didnt say that, but i swear the energy in the room was like i'd just walked over their grave!"
it was the sweetest thing knowing they didnt get their way, also knowing that my kids had -at least once- got something really worthwhile from their grandparents, their geniune time & interest... something they have NEVER done & they have 8 grandchildren
[even if it was at gunpoint]:p

so sorry for hijacking!!!! please forgive me:o

HOPE YOU HAVE BETTER LUCK THAN ME jessgray:fingerscrossed:

[indigoin0z]

omg they still wouldnt listen when you said your son had a hernia :shame:

yep, & they could even see it, i could push it in for them to see it pop out after he had eaten!:banghead:

&, i had told them my distress & worry [as i have had hernia issues my whole life] because of my own experience, yet again, i wanted to prevent my son from having my misery...

[jessgray]

its ok i dont mind hijacking of threads lol

i find that the people who have little knowledge or expierence with allergies are the ones who seem to want ds to eat cake and sweets and other things he will react to by giving reasons like "a little bit wont hurt him" etc

as for the older generation views onsweets etc at parties i swear half the younger children hadnt eaten very much before they came, once they saw chips and lollies they stuffed themselves silly and none of their parents said "i think you have had too many now" or anything and they wondered why their kids were hypo later on lol

[Irish Dad]

With 4 kids Under 7 I've got used to peoples silly irrelevant comments and opinions :yes: Don't let it annoy you cause sometimes people talk just cause they can without thinking about what they are actually saying :D Shes a silly cow the matter whos Auntie she is :sleeping: Bedtime for me its after 2am in Ireland and I'm up in 4 hours ! Don't let it worry you.... take care ID Oh dear my post number scares me :laughing:

[jessgray]

:laughing: o0o0o someone has a post count of 666 lol

i dont take it all to heart, i just wish there was more education out there about allergies and stuff. like a pamphlet you could hand to people :D

[SamanthaJane]

:laughing: You should keep a heap of pamphlets in your bag so then if people start to question you, you can just whip one out and shove it in there face ;)

[KarniF00l]

Yep you're right!! Deffinatly cruel parents, NOT!!!
How dare you prevent your son from getting really sick :laughing:

This woman is insane!! I would have bitten back twice as hard if that was me. Tell her she needs an edu-ma-cation ;)

[jessgray]

KarniF00l- i know i must be so horrible to want to prevent spending the night changing a spewy bub and trying to figure out which end of bub will squirt of next (TMI sorry lol )

SamanthaJane- as soon as i find some pamhplets i am so giving some to MIL lmao

[mumma_jessy]

Oh i know exactly what you mean!

My ds has allergies to nuts & berries, and i basically don't like him having junk. My MIL knows this but ignores me completely! He has countless amounts of biscuits and junk when he is at her house, and like your DS has horrible reactions when he is given something he shouldn't have.

The other day she gave him Nutella! :shame:
"Oh he has to be spoilt some times, plus it's low GI" she says
She is a bigger woman and has been on a low GI diet and lost a bit of weight, which is great, but she obviously hasn't looked at the fact that there is spoonfulls of sugar involved, and NUTS! Hello!

So poor DS after having his 'treat' went home with me only to later have a big painful rash around his mouth and later on terrible dioreah and terrible bot rash for days after, wow what a treat!

:banghead: Older generation, PLEASE, you have done your parenting, let us do ours, that means PLEASE following the rules WE set for OUR children!

[InSaneOne]

i can so sympathise. but its not my mil that does it - its my own mother. she thinks it is her job to feed and feed my daughter. i let her babysit when bubs was abput 6 months old while i did some work for a few days. i told her to give her 1/2 a jar of food for lunch and the rest for dinner. now after dinner when i went to pick her up my mum said she would need more food for tomorrow. i asked why, what has she eaten today? (i had given her 2 jars so i didn't have to bring everything over the next day.) well the list she rattled off was huge. she had stuffed my little girl full to the brim and over again. i decided against going to work the following day and had a friend stand in for me as my little girl was so sick that night and the following day. she spent most of it sleeping or throwing up. i only gave her milk that day and a little bit of farex so her poor tummy could recover.

it is really hard to drum it into their heads that the baby is mine. i carried it inside ME for 9 months, I gave birth to it, I have to get up to her at 2am - not you. i keep saying to her that yes i survived but beth isn't me. she is herself and she is my daughter. you are her grandmother - follow the mothers wishes.

life would be so much simpler if people realised that mothers know what is best for their children.

[melbryan]

My mum is always being told no dairy for DS1 and she never listens.
Until one day he came home and was whinging and whining in pain and had the runs. I rang my mum and said did you give him something she said a soft serve ice cream. I told her off and said he had the runs and now she is more careful.
They just need to be told straight sometimes.

[Briannabear]

Dont worry, we get this all the time with our DD. :mad:
She is allergic to wheat and yet people (grandparents in particular) are always offering her food that contains wheat! We have informed all friends and family of this, and our friends are fantastic about it. Our families however are not so great. They always say "Oh... a little bit wont hurt her!" "You're being mean!" "Other kids are eating lollies!". They just dont get it. They arent the ones that are trying to soothe a very aggro baby who has an extreemly red raw bottom (one of the ways she reacts)... poor little thing.
I feel your frustration! :yes:

[MumOfTwoBoys]

First of all :hugs: I'd be mad if someone tried to say something like this about me. I now realise that it is actually a good thing to have a very small number of relatives and very attentive and understanding grandparents.

Anyway, I personally found out that whenever you come across such a nut like that auntie try different tactics. Since you know that she will not accept your explanantion ANYWAY - pretend you agree with her! I mean, just say that she is right. People like her apparently love to hurt other people or just like to be always right. They expect fight and argument. Don't give them that pleasure.
"You are cruel parents!". "Oh, of course we are!"... That's it! What can she say now? You can quetly laugh while watching her face in her desperate attempt to find another argument. And, by the way, your child will still not get that cake, exactly as you wanted. You had it your way!

I know it's unpleasant to hear, I know it's hurt to listen to such accusations, especially about your parenting skills. I always tell myself that clever and tactfull people will never say anything like that, and the opinion of the fools is irrelevant for me.

[jessgray]

thanks for the replies :)
ds has made a full recovery from whatever it was he had a mild reaction to we arent sure if it was the nut in the fried rice or the bit of cake my sister slipped him.
but by sunday night he was fine :)

i agree people need to just stop and say " ok that child cant eat that food, maybe the parents have a reason"

[indigoin0z]

I always tell myself that clever and tactfull people will never say anything like that, and the opinion of the fools is irrelevant for me.

thats something my hubby & i have been questioning lately...
why is it we get so caught up with the 'fools' opinions?:devil6:

we know theyre totally nuts, so why cant we just shrug it off?...
"no, i know i cant give my son cake because he is allergic, thanx anyway"..

jessgray - glad to hear your DS is better now... thank goodness :rolleyes:

[spiritedfamily]

don't you just love family get together's? :no: