Urgent Adivce Please!! Please Dont Judge me!!

[mummyconfused]

I am now 26yo, when I was 16yo I gave birth to my first son and then had another son to a different fellow when I was 18yo..

When I broke up with my 2nd sons father I got extremly depressed and turned to alcohol.. I never drank around my children.

My eldest was removed from my care when my mother made alse claims.
And when my ex heard filed for custody in the family court..

After this I lost it and went in and out of rehabs for alcohol abuse..

I have now been sober 2yrs and and am 36wks pregnant.. Ive worked the whole wayt through my pregnancy and see a pych every 2nd week..
She says I have no mental illnesses and am mentally stable..

Ive had no problems this whole time, till now when I had a argument with my mother and out of spite told family services im pregnant..

When I went to a meeting for my eldest son today she gave me a prenatal agreement and consent to exchange personal information and person health information form to fill out.. I havent filled it out as it sayd the hospital will notify DHCS when my baby is born...

Im so worried they will take this baby off me.. Has anyone heard of these forms?? OMG what should I do?

I can offer this baby a normal, stable home now that i am completely sober.. I have worked my butt to the bone to get better and now this..

Please any advice is welcome

[Just Add Water]

i haven't had any experience with that but imagine that your mental health record for the past few years would be examined as well as reports from your psych. ask your psych what they think as they wil have expereince i would think. i hope everything turns out ok, it sounds like you have come a long way and you should be very proud of yourself.

[mummyconfused]

Thank you, I really have worked very hard

[3boysnpregnant]

I agree! YOu should definatly be proud of how far you have come!

I dont think they will take the baby off you as soon as it is born unless your children where under grave danger when they lived with you previously


However your psych file and things like that would be reviewed prior to you giving birth.. Maybe fill the forms in asap.. Just so they can review these things before you give birth instead of potentially risking loosing the bub temporarily..

However everything I have written is an assumption... I dont know anything about DOcs or those forms..

[Emi]

there are heaps of places that you can go for advice...

dhs should be able to answer questions for you... or child first... (every child every chance) you can call up annonymous if you like...

do you have custody of your other child???

i know it is worrying but if you have been sober for 2 years and have been seeking help throughout your pregnancy and your docs have said that you are of a stable mind etc... i dont see how/why they would take your baby off you when it was born..

it may just be a precaution...

but unless someone has reported you or put in a report... i dont understand how they could be invesitigating you...

[Emi]

not sure what state you are in... but this might help you a bit...
http://www.cyf.vic.gov.au/family-services/home

[mummyconfused]

My solicitior said that they shouldnt even be getting involved..

There is no case and I shouldnt fill in the form as its just giving them the right to nose in my life... He said ignore that they even gave it to me

[mummyconfused]

im in canberra hun

[3boysnpregnant]

From the small parts of knowledge I do have about DOCS... if you have a record with them...Ie children being taken off you...that they will have you under a microscope anyway when you have more children.. Whether you fill in the forms or not..

Im sure you will make the decision that is right for you/

[Emi]

My solicitior said that they shouldnt even be getting involved..

There is no case and I shouldnt fill in the form as its just giving them the right to nose in my life... He said ignore that they even gave it to me

that is what i dont understand...

how did they get involved???

have a look at that sight that i linked and see if it is any help...

you can call up and talk anomously to alot of places...

it might be better to find out more information about what/where they stand...

if there have been previously reported cases/ history in the family and someone else lodges a concern with the department about another matter... they are usually put towards the top of the list...

this might be what is happening in your case...

[renaeshep]

I don't think you'll have anything to worry about. They 'DOCS' may just assign a child health nurse to keep an eye on the baby's weight.Eg regular weigh ins. But from what i've heard once baby's about 3 months old they back off. all the best you deserve to be happy with yourself

[shadowangel0205]

HI!

Not sure if im going to be much help. Ive worked as a childcare worker in Vic and SA, and our laws might be slightly different, but as part of that ive had training in both states with regards to reporting abuse and being mandated to do so.

From the best of my knowledge, they wont investigate a new baby even if u have a record with them, unless in the meantime (pregnancy) someone calls them and highlights a concern. I dont know the legality of the forms as ive never heard of them. From my understanding, DOCS would just notify all local hospitals, and ask to be notified upon the birth of the baby.

All doctors, nurses, teachers etc are required by law to report any suspected abuse. But not always is a report investigated - unless its a major concern to the childs physical safety immediately. Not always with DOCs being involved does it mean that a child will be taken away either.

The most i can see happening in your case initially, assuming your baby is happy healthy and well cared for which im sure u will do, is that u will be assigned a case worker who will check in with u and possibly ur medical practitioners (GP, Nurses, Health nurse, hospital) from time to time. If everything is going well, they will close the case saying no action was required.

Hope this helps!

[mummyconfused]

HI!

Not sure if im going to be much help. Ive worked as a childcare worker in Vic and SA, and our laws might be slightly different, but as part of that ive had training in both states with regards to reporting abuse and being mandated to do so.

From the best of my knowledge, they wont investigate a new baby even if u have a record with them, unless in the meantime (pregnancy) someone calls them and highlights a concern. I dont know the legality of the forms as ive never heard of them. From my understanding, DOCS would just notify all local hospitals, and ask to be notified upon the birth of the baby.

All doctors, nurses, teachers etc are required by law to report any suspected abuse. But not always is a report investigated - unless its a major concern to the childs physical safety immediately. Not always with DOCs being involved does it mean that a child will be taken away either.

The most i can see happening in your case initially, assuming your baby is happy healthy and well cared for which im sure u will do, is that u will be assigned a case worker who will check in with u and possibly ur medical practitioners (GP, Nurses, Health nurse, hospital) from time to time. If everything is going well, they will close the case saying no action was required.

Hope this helps!

Thanks hun, made me feel alot better

[shadowangel0205]

no probs, as i said not sure of ur laws, and ive never heard of those forms?? But unless they have a fear initially for ur childs safety, it wont be taken away from u. And if u do everything right, and have professionals to back ur abilities up, ull be fine.

Their highest priority of things is physical and sexual abuse. These are the easiest to prove as they leave physical evidence. Emotional Abuse and neglect are harder to prove, thus take more investigating.

Overall they do a range of things when it comes down to their job, its not all bad, deep down they believe children are best off with their family, although we sometimes forget that.

- Sometimes they dont even investigate reports as they dont feel its required.
- Sometimes they will send a case worker to talk to the parents, they may see that everythings ok and close the case, they may talk to health professionals as well.
- They may develop a plan of care with the parents, which can just be a visit every now and then where u talk about how things are going. Or may have things such as respite care (kids to childcare a few days a week, often with financial support) or the parents to do a parenting education course.
- They may suggest foster care part time, ie weekends, 3 days a week
- And the one everyone knows, they require the removal of the child.

In the meantime, if they see nothing wrong, or if there is and they then see improvements, they change their approach accordingly, and eventually close the case.

Ill be keeping an eye out for those forms... My DP's children from prior r/ship were in his mums custody (He NEVER had custody of the youngest and his mum took over custody of the older before she was 1, split from the mother before youngest was born) and taken from her a while back, so im actually expecting something to crop up on my end too, but like ive said to u....If we do everything right, they will eventually leave us alone to raise our children in peace. :)

[Pinkzy]

:hugs: Congratulations on 2 years sober. That is amazing :) You should be so, so, SO proud of yourself!! Just wish I could give you a great big hug as that is inspirational :hugs:

As for DOCS hun, I would ignore the form and pretend they never even gave it to you. If they do butt in somehow, then all they will see is a mum who's worked her butt off for 2 years getting sober and a mum who loves her kids and babies and who is living a stable life and giving her kids a stable home. Once they see that they'll back off and if you think your mum is going to make trouble, you can make DOCS aware of this so that if she does call them, they'll have a note warning them about her and possibly see it as a nuisance and ignore her.

Everything will be fine :)

[our little treasures]

I think the advice about each baby= new chance is wrong. Just look into it as I know someone who had DHS involved with the birth of 1 child and when the next was born recently they immediately got in contact with the mother.
They have since stayed involved and they didn't remove
any children in this case.

I doubt they would remove your child. I know this family have constant checks to make sure baby is thriving

[mummyconfused]

:kiss::kiss:
Thanks ladies I feel soooooo much better now!